Sean Connery Joke
Discussion
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.
He gets out looking and sees oil dripping out of the motor.
He drives slowly and carefully to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.
Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
He gets out looking and sees oil dripping out of the motor.
He drives slowly and carefully to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, and being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.
Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.
The mechanic looks up from the engine and says, "It looks like you've blown a seal."
"No, no," the penguin replies, wiping his mouth, "it's just ice cream."
A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"
" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky" "No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.."
The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.
"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."
She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."
She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.
The sex is fantastic!
She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.
Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"
"Ah", says the German,
"Four-sprung duck technique"
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"
" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky" "No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.."
The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.
"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."
She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."
She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.
The sex is fantastic!
She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.
Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"
"Ah", says the German,
"Four-sprung duck technique"
A man escapes from prison, breaks into a house, and finds a couple sleeping. He orders the husband out of bed at knifepoint and ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, he kisses her neck for a minute. Then the criminal gets up and goes to the bathroom.
The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."
"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."
The husband hurriedly leans over and whispers to his wife, "This guy is an escaped convict. He's probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist - just do whatever he tells you, and with any luck we'll make it out alive. Stay strong, honey. I love you."
"Oh, he wasn't kissing my neck," his wife whispers back. "He was talking in my ear. He told me he thought you were really cute and then asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was under the sink in the bathroom. Stay strong, honey. I love you, too."
Driver stopped by policeman,
"Excuse me sir, do you know your rear nearside light isnt working"
Man gets out of car, walks around the back, and kicks light, it comes on
"There you are officer"
"Thank you sir, now can you kick your windscreen?"
"What on earth for" asks the man,
"Because your road tax is out of date sir"
--------------------------------------------
Driver stopped by policeman,
"Excuse me sir, do you know your rear nearside light isnt working"
Man gets out of car, walks around the back, falls to his knees and starts sobbing uncontrollably
"Now now sir, its only a light"
"Only a light! where's my bloody caravan gone?"
"Excuse me sir, do you know your rear nearside light isnt working"
Man gets out of car, walks around the back, and kicks light, it comes on
"There you are officer"
"Thank you sir, now can you kick your windscreen?"
"What on earth for" asks the man,
"Because your road tax is out of date sir"
--------------------------------------------
Driver stopped by policeman,
"Excuse me sir, do you know your rear nearside light isnt working"
Man gets out of car, walks around the back, falls to his knees and starts sobbing uncontrollably
"Now now sir, its only a light"
"Only a light! where's my bloody caravan gone?"
"Anti Nuclear Dept"
Dwarf with a speech impediment goes to a stud farm to buy a horse, "I'd
like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of
horse ?" asks the owner. "A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the
owner takes him to his finest mare .
" Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?".
The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes.
"Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?".
Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth.
"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again,picks up the dwarf
and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?"
With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head inside the
horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him
out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can
I see her wun awound?"
like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of
horse ?" asks the owner. "A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the
owner takes him to his finest mare .
" Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?".
The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes.
"Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?".
Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth.
"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again,picks up the dwarf
and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?"
With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head inside the
horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him
out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can
I see her wun awound?"
A guy had a bunch of US dollars he needed to exchange so he went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
There was a short queue... just one guy in front of him.
He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.
He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller says, "fluctuations".
The Asian guy says, "fluc you white guys too!"
There was a short queue... just one guy in front of him.
He was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated.
He asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller says, "fluctuations".
The Asian guy says, "fluc you white guys too!"
Jaglover said:
jrt said:
ralphie71 said:
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?
or the dyslexic smackhead who tried to inject a heron?
Or the dyslexic agnostic who lay awake wondering if there really was a Dog
The joke is the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac
What about the dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?
Jaglover said:
jrt said:
ralphie71 said:
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?
or the dyslexic smackhead who tried to inject a heron?
Or the dyslexic agnostic who lay awake wondering if there really was a Dog
The joke is the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac
I stabnd collected
Three jokes, first ones a bit long, but the 2nd one made me laugh out loud when I came to the punch line. happy reading chaps.
----------------------------
ANGER MANAGEMENT
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take
it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man
answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Mike. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right Fekking
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
This p*ssed me off substantially.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, " You're an
asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Barnes from
Telus, I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been
waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his back window, which included his phone number, so I wrote down
the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the
BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 2145 Trans Canada, Duncan. It's a white building,
and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to
my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came
up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 2145 Trans Canada Duncan, a white building, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 2145 Trans Canada, Duncan, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover. Then I called CBC channel 9 News about the Hells Angel gang war going down at the 2145 area of the Trans Canada, Duncan.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to downtown Duncan. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each
other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news
crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she needed to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"
9 THINGS I HATE
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I
know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my
crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the
entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and
change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of
course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really
give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's
new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the
longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus
come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
----------------------------
ANGER MANAGEMENT
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take
it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man
answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Mike. Could I please speak with Robyn
Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right Fekking
number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
This p*ssed me off substantially.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I
had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number
again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, " You're an
asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Barnes from
Telus, I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been
waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his back window, which included his phone number, so I wrote down
the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the
BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 2145 Trans Canada, Duncan. It's a white building,
and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to
my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came
up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 2145 Trans Canada Duncan, a white building, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over
right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
lived at 2145 Trans Canada, Duncan, and that I was on my way over
there to kill my gay lover. Then I called CBC channel 9 News about the Hells Angel gang war going down at the 2145 area of the Trans Canada, Duncan.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to downtown Duncan. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each
other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news
crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she needed to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"
9 THINGS I HATE
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I
know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my
crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the
entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and
change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of
course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do
people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really
give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's
new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the
longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus
come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.
Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
> rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He froze to the spot, he couldn' t believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.
Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........
BUMP........BUMP......
BUMP........BUMP..
BUMP........BUMP......
The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......
BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.....
The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......
He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came .......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....still itcame......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
The coffin stopped.
Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
> rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He froze to the spot, he couldn' t believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin.
Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.
BUMP........
BUMP........
BUMP........
He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........
BUMP........BUMP......
BUMP........BUMP..
BUMP........BUMP......
The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......
BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...
He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....
BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.
Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...
The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges.....
The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......
He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came .......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....still itcame......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP.SCREECH...
He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came......
BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...
He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........
The coffin stopped.
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