Discussion
SeeFive said:
"Daddy's got a Porsche"
I think you're getting these two confused:Emma Thompson: "I've got a Porsche" (Emma Thompson)
Bambie: "Who is the richest person in the world?"
Stephen Fry: "Its...it's me isn't it?"
Bambie "No I'm sorry, your father's multinational collapsed only this morning"
The pheremone spray one was always my favourite:
Especially the bit when they approach the two girls in the pub with Richie wafting his jacket and thrusting towards them.
Girl #1: "Er is there something wrong?"
Richie: "No - there's everything right - my love"
Eddie (Pointing): "IS THAT ONE MINE?"
Richie: "Yes thats your bird Eddie"
That or Gasman or the Burglar one where they make him drink 4 mugs of poisoned tea.
It's a classic. Every year two of my mates send me a birthday card - one from Sue Carpenter and the other from "All the lads on the Ark Royal"
Especially the bit when they approach the two girls in the pub with Richie wafting his jacket and thrusting towards them.
Girl #1: "Er is there something wrong?"
Richie: "No - there's everything right - my love"
Eddie (Pointing): "IS THAT ONE MINE?"
Richie: "Yes thats your bird Eddie"
That or Gasman or the Burglar one where they make him drink 4 mugs of poisoned tea.
It's a classic. Every year two of my mates send me a birthday card - one from Sue Carpenter and the other from "All the lads on the Ark Royal"
Long but great scene.
At Lily Linneker's Love Bureau
Lily: Hello, gentlemen, sorry to have kept you waiting. Which one of you is Mr. Hitler?
Eddie: Oh, that'll be me.
Lily: Any relation?
Eddie: [puzzled] Well, I've got a mother.
Lily: No, no no no, I meant Adolf Hitler.
Eddie: Yes, that's her!
Lily: How interesting. Hehehehehehe!
Eddie: Hehehehehehe!
Eddie & Richie: Hahahahahahaha!
Lily: Right, well, if you'd like to come through to the office. Come on.
Eddie: Hahahahaha!
Richie:Oh shut up Eddie!
[They go in and sit at the desk.]
Richie:Ooh.
Lily: Right. Gentlemen, I think we'll start with a little look at your videos, all right? [moves to the television] Now, eh, can you see all right?
Eddie: Erm... no, that's why I wear glasses.
Richie:I've got excellent eyesight. Which is remarkable when you think about it.
Lily: Right, eh, well, eh, here comes the first video.
Eddie: [on video] Is it on? Alright, here we go. Smooth, suave and sophisticated -- you got it! Hello girls! Eddie Hitler here. Come and get it! [turns round, wiggles his bottom at the camera, walks forward out of shot] Yep, that ought to do it. [video ends]
Lily: Now, what sort of woman are you looking for?
Eddie: Erm, Kim Basinger.
Lily: A woman like Kim Basinger.
Eddie: No, Kim Basinger. The real one.
Lily: I'm afraid she's not on our books.
Eddie: Well it's not much of a love booreau, is it?
Lily: Right, shall we have a look at yours then, Mr. Richard?
Richie:[shocked] What, he-here in the office? That's a bit thorough, isn't it? [rummages in his trousers]
Lily: No! No no, I meant your video.
Richie:Oh, I see, I see! Sorry. I'm new to this game, you see I've normally got loads of birds but there was a coach crash last week and I lost forty of them.
Lily: Right. Well let's just have a look at the tape then, shall we?
Richie:Oh no, no, do we have to? Oh no, it's just awful, I hate it, its, eh, eh, let's just skip the whole thing shall we? Eh -- what about you? Are you on the list? I mean you'd do. You're a bit ragged 'round the edges but beggars can't be choosers. Did I tell you that's a smashing blouse you've got on?
Lily: No.
Richie:Oh, here goes then: That's a smashing blouse you've got on!
Lily: Ooh, yes?
Richie:Er... er... er, erghh, come on Eddie, help me out, I've exhausted all me chat-up lines.
Eddie: Look, why don't we just watch the video?
Richie:Why don't we -- oh yes, yes, of course. Yes, right, what are we waiting for?
Lily: Right. Hehehehe. Here it is then.
Richie:[on video] He-l-o-o-o-oh. Hel-l-lo. Ah... eh, lovely weather...er... I, I can't see you, obviously, but I bet you've all got smashing blouses on. Er... um... my name's Richard, and, ah --ah-heeh -- I'm looking for a, a friend. Eh -- well, a lover really. But failing that a quick wriggle would do! Oh, and by the way, I am the Duke of Kiddiminster and extremely rich! [blank out]
Lily: Oooh! I didn't realise you were nobility.
Eddie: [accusingly] Nor did I!
Richie:Er, oh, oh yes, I'm an eccentric millionaire, you know. Er, hooooo-hoo-hoo! Huh, I, I'm so inbred that I'm a bit stupid. Ha, heeroooo-hooo! Oh, we've been inbreeding since the Vikings you know, there's no-one loopier than the Richards! Er, bottom-fish-bananas, er, etcetera.
Lily: Right, well, ah, let's have a look at your forms then, shall we? All right. Oh, I see -- you want someone homely...
Both: Hm-hm.
Lily: ...with cooking skills...
Both: Hm-hm.
Lily: ...fun to be with... and a wazzo pair of jugs?
Eddie: That's right.
Richie:But obviously we're flexible.
Eddie: Ah, but not about the jugs.
Richie:No, we have to be firm on the jugs.
Eddie: And the jugs have to be very firm. [gesture]
Richie:We--ah, come off it Eddie! I mean, there must be more to life
than jugs.
[Eddie shakes his head and looks questioningly at Richie. Richie thinks.]
Richie:Well... You're right, a wazzo pair of jugs it is.
Lily: Right. Well, I've inputted your data.
Both: Oooh!
Lily: And I think we've come up with the perfect date. [nods] Hm. Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley...
Richie: She sounds n--
Lily: Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, third viscountess of Moldavia.
Eddie: [slaps table] Sounds great, we'll have half a dozen!
Richie:Shut up Eddie! She sounds marvellous. In fact... [hand on heart]
Oh, I'm in love. I'll take her!
Lily: Right, well, there's her phone number Duke Richard, and the very best of luck.
Richie:Thank you very much indeed.
Eddie: And what have you got for me?
Lily: Ooh... Sarah Ferguson.
Eddie: [hits table] Do you mind, I'm a respectable man! Come Richie, let us leave while we still have our dignity. Sarah Ferguson
indeed!
At Lily Linneker's Love Bureau
Lily: Hello, gentlemen, sorry to have kept you waiting. Which one of you is Mr. Hitler?
Eddie: Oh, that'll be me.
Lily: Any relation?
Eddie: [puzzled] Well, I've got a mother.
Lily: No, no no no, I meant Adolf Hitler.
Eddie: Yes, that's her!
Lily: How interesting. Hehehehehehe!
Eddie: Hehehehehehe!
Eddie & Richie: Hahahahahahaha!
Lily: Right, well, if you'd like to come through to the office. Come on.
Eddie: Hahahahaha!
Richie:Oh shut up Eddie!
[They go in and sit at the desk.]
Richie:Ooh.
Lily: Right. Gentlemen, I think we'll start with a little look at your videos, all right? [moves to the television] Now, eh, can you see all right?
Eddie: Erm... no, that's why I wear glasses.
Richie:I've got excellent eyesight. Which is remarkable when you think about it.
Lily: Right, eh, well, eh, here comes the first video.
Eddie: [on video] Is it on? Alright, here we go. Smooth, suave and sophisticated -- you got it! Hello girls! Eddie Hitler here. Come and get it! [turns round, wiggles his bottom at the camera, walks forward out of shot] Yep, that ought to do it. [video ends]
Lily: Now, what sort of woman are you looking for?
Eddie: Erm, Kim Basinger.
Lily: A woman like Kim Basinger.
Eddie: No, Kim Basinger. The real one.
Lily: I'm afraid she's not on our books.
Eddie: Well it's not much of a love booreau, is it?
Lily: Right, shall we have a look at yours then, Mr. Richard?
Richie:[shocked] What, he-here in the office? That's a bit thorough, isn't it? [rummages in his trousers]
Lily: No! No no, I meant your video.
Richie:Oh, I see, I see! Sorry. I'm new to this game, you see I've normally got loads of birds but there was a coach crash last week and I lost forty of them.
Lily: Right. Well let's just have a look at the tape then, shall we?
Richie:Oh no, no, do we have to? Oh no, it's just awful, I hate it, its, eh, eh, let's just skip the whole thing shall we? Eh -- what about you? Are you on the list? I mean you'd do. You're a bit ragged 'round the edges but beggars can't be choosers. Did I tell you that's a smashing blouse you've got on?
Lily: No.
Richie:Oh, here goes then: That's a smashing blouse you've got on!
Lily: Ooh, yes?
Richie:Er... er... er, erghh, come on Eddie, help me out, I've exhausted all me chat-up lines.
Eddie: Look, why don't we just watch the video?
Richie:Why don't we -- oh yes, yes, of course. Yes, right, what are we waiting for?
Lily: Right. Hehehehe. Here it is then.
Richie:[on video] He-l-o-o-o-oh. Hel-l-lo. Ah... eh, lovely weather...er... I, I can't see you, obviously, but I bet you've all got smashing blouses on. Er... um... my name's Richard, and, ah --ah-heeh -- I'm looking for a, a friend. Eh -- well, a lover really. But failing that a quick wriggle would do! Oh, and by the way, I am the Duke of Kiddiminster and extremely rich! [blank out]
Lily: Oooh! I didn't realise you were nobility.
Eddie: [accusingly] Nor did I!
Richie:Er, oh, oh yes, I'm an eccentric millionaire, you know. Er, hooooo-hoo-hoo! Huh, I, I'm so inbred that I'm a bit stupid. Ha, heeroooo-hooo! Oh, we've been inbreeding since the Vikings you know, there's no-one loopier than the Richards! Er, bottom-fish-bananas, er, etcetera.
Lily: Right, well, ah, let's have a look at your forms then, shall we? All right. Oh, I see -- you want someone homely...
Both: Hm-hm.
Lily: ...with cooking skills...
Both: Hm-hm.
Lily: ...fun to be with... and a wazzo pair of jugs?
Eddie: That's right.
Richie:But obviously we're flexible.
Eddie: Ah, but not about the jugs.
Richie:No, we have to be firm on the jugs.
Eddie: And the jugs have to be very firm. [gesture]
Richie:We--ah, come off it Eddie! I mean, there must be more to life
than jugs.
[Eddie shakes his head and looks questioningly at Richie. Richie thinks.]
Richie:Well... You're right, a wazzo pair of jugs it is.
Lily: Right. Well, I've inputted your data.
Both: Oooh!
Lily: And I think we've come up with the perfect date. [nods] Hm. Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley...
Richie: She sounds n--
Lily: Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, third viscountess of Moldavia.
Eddie: [slaps table] Sounds great, we'll have half a dozen!
Richie:Shut up Eddie! She sounds marvellous. In fact... [hand on heart]
Oh, I'm in love. I'll take her!
Lily: Right, well, there's her phone number Duke Richard, and the very best of luck.
Richie:Thank you very much indeed.
Eddie: And what have you got for me?
Lily: Ooh... Sarah Ferguson.
Eddie: [hits table] Do you mind, I'm a respectable man! Come Richie, let us leave while we still have our dignity. Sarah Ferguson
indeed!
Policeman : "You are aware that newspaper is upside down Sir?"
Eddie "...so are my eyes".
"Too late for crap double entendres Richie, Curry's window has just blown...they've just thrown Aswad through it".
It'll take us off topic, but watching Bottom clips on YouTube has thrown up Rik Mayall as Flashheart in Blackadder, which has more of my all time favourite lines. "Hey hey hey, any bird who wants to chain herself to MY railings and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!".
Eddie "...so are my eyes".
"Too late for crap double entendres Richie, Curry's window has just blown...they've just thrown Aswad through it".
It'll take us off topic, but watching Bottom clips on YouTube has thrown up Rik Mayall as Flashheart in Blackadder, which has more of my all time favourite lines. "Hey hey hey, any bird who wants to chain herself to MY railings and suffer a jet movement gets my vote!".
Zippee said:
The fight scenes were always the best. I remember seeing Bottom live 3 at the Oxford Apollo, Eddie kicked Richie in the nuts but actually made contact, Mayall was on the floor for almost 5 minutes with a mixture of sheer pain and hysterical laughter etched on his face.
I hate to say it, but I saw the same show, only in Ipswich, and the same "accident" happened. I think it was scripted - still very funny and well acted, but it was planned. Classic show!
The best episode is probably the Gas Man one
"Nice trousers. They, they remind me of a story I know. A long story. Lasts about fifteen minutes. Erm, once upon a time, there, there was a big forest. And in the middle of the forest there lived... some trousers. Called... Dave..."
ETA, they did too many live shows, which by the end were very poor indeed!
The best episode is probably the Gas Man one
"Nice trousers. They, they remind me of a story I know. A long story. Lasts about fifteen minutes. Erm, once upon a time, there, there was a big forest. And in the middle of the forest there lived... some trousers. Called... Dave..."
ETA, they did too many live shows, which by the end were very poor indeed!
Edited by Hub on Thursday 27th January 18:01
Opulent said:
I hate to say it, but I saw the same show, only in Ipswich, and the same "accident" happened. I think it was scripted - still very funny and well acted, but it was planned.
Yup. The "do you ever yeeeaaaaarn for change" hamming up and subsequent "adlibs" including "f
k me, a line from the script", was also consistent. Very well done though.Hub said:
Classic show!
The best episode is probably the Gas Man one
"Nice trousers. They, they remind me of a story I know. A long story. Lasts about fifteen minutes. Erm, once upon a time, there, there was a big forest. And in the middle of the forest there lived... some trousers. Called... Dave..."
ETA, they did too many live shows, which by the end were very poor indeed!
Agreed . . best episode ever!The best episode is probably the Gas Man one
"Nice trousers. They, they remind me of a story I know. A long story. Lasts about fifteen minutes. Erm, once upon a time, there, there was a big forest. And in the middle of the forest there lived... some trousers. Called... Dave..."
ETA, they did too many live shows, which by the end were very poor indeed!
Edited by Hub on Thursday 27th January 18:01
The whole charade with the poor gasman has me in tears and then there's Mr Rottweiler lol
I have all 3 series of Bottom, watched them all back to back recently as I had naff all else to do 
I love the final episode when they find the BBC Camera, and while filming Eddie empties out a frying pan onto himself before throwing himself out of the conservatory window
Also loved this from series 1...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyf2B5n_B2s
Golden.
I love the final episode when they find the BBC Camera, and while filming Eddie empties out a frying pan onto himself before throwing himself out of the conservatory window
Also loved this from series 1...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyf2B5n_B2s
Golden.
Gassing Station | TV, Film, Video Streaming & Radio | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff