I want to do a Battlefield Tour but no Ferry?

[Andy Zarse]

MK4 Slowride said:

Lefty Guns said:

How you getting on with your plans Phil?

I booked the eurotunnel tickets for me and 2 mates today for the first weekend in June (65th anniversary!).

We're driving from Aberdeen to Folkestone then from Folkestone to a campsite near Caen.

And back again.

Can't wait!

The weekend I was going to go the French were on strike so that was that. However, now I've done the research I can plan it better as that was an off the cuff decision initially that never worked out. I'll go september time.

This crossing might be worth looking at...

[b]LD Lines has announced the launch of the largest ever fast ferry to operate on the cross channel routes between England and France, with the introduction of a brand new, high speed Incat 112 metre Wave-Piercing Catamaran to its Dover – Boulogne service from 29 May 2009.

The fast ferry will be the first-ever freight carrying high speed vessel to operate across the Dover Straits and LD Lines becomes the first-ever French ferry company to operate high speed ferries on the short sea routes from Dover. The vessel is also the world's largest diesel-powered catamaran and it will be the first Incat 112 metre to operate in Europe[/b]


And one must hope Mk4, that if you choose this new route you have the good sense to pack a sick bag as well. I'd take clothing protection too, a black bin bag should do the trick, you'd wear it to keep every other fker's spew off you.

As I mentioned previously, we went on a seacat to Cherborg - P&O Motto "Retch for the stars". I explained some of the unpleasantness involved and that I slipped over in vomit in the gents toilet. Seeing as my brief post seems to have caused some amusement, I suppose I better fill in the gaps and explain about the scrambled eggs...

On entering said facilities, in an initially bouyant frame of mind, I was most surprised to see what appeared to be a perfectly good portion of scrambled egg on toast sat in the middle of the floor. I thought perhaps it was some sort of french "artistic statement". However, on closer inspection, I realised to my dismay it had not half an hour previously belonged to someone, who had washed it down with (my best guess) a large latte with two sugars. Anyway, the pitching of the boat had seemingly induced a slight feeling of nausea upon the owner and no doubt to be on the safe side, he had set off to the bogs, just in case.

Now walking about on a boat when suffering from motion sickness is not a clever idea. I reckon a massive wave of "illness" struck him en route, the hapless fool no doubt picking up his step in a vain attempt to reach the relative safety of the Gents. Clearly, the inevitable had happen a short four paces from the toilet bowl. A personal disaster for the poor chap, I expect it was splashed all over his trousers and shoes too.

Anyway, there it was parked on the floor. So I'd examined it more closely wondering what it could possibly be, recoiling in horror when it became acutely apparent that it was, in it's purest sense, unadulterated sick. It had a bubble in the top, shaped like a big eye which I'm fairly sure winked at me.

My head spinning from this unpleasantness, I tried to give it a very wide berth. Regretably, the boat pitched violently and it was at that moment I trod in the previously unseen line of what I can only descibe as digestive mucus, no doubt placed there by somebody who had nothing else left inside him to hew. It had the friction properties of silicone grease and I swiftly lost my footing. In a movement of which Laurel and Hardy would have been proud - you know, the slow motion slapstick "slip up" where you start off running backwards on the spot, fly five foot up horizontal to the floor, hovver in mid air for a moment before finally crashing to the ground - and I was on my arse in a trice.

Not realising what had happened, I glanced down at my left wrist. I was a disappointed to note that it was lying in the pool of cold yellow sputum, which possibly yesterday had been a portion of fish, chips and piccalilli. The unctious goo was all stuck in my watch strap and coating arm hair. Talk about heave, I was gargling on my fried brekky. I wearily picked myself up and headed over to the sinks to wash it off. I happened to glance across at the pile of egg-sick and I swear it was laughing at me.

Closer examination of the sinks, indeed the entire toilet facility, revealed the full horror which the room held. It was plastered from floor to ceiling with sick, almost as if the Cirque du Soleil had been locked in there with food poisoning. All I can remember thinking was "I'm ACKKK! never GERKKK! going on this GGWWWEEERRRPP! fkin' st tub HONK! again HWWWAAARRRKKK!" Or words to that effect. I bloody meant it and by Huey and Ralph I never have.

Edited by Andy Zarse on Thursday 23 April 09:19

Edited by Andy Zarse on Thursday 23 April 09:20

[MK4 Slowride]

&

That's hilarious Andy. I think PH should fund more trips on unstable vehicles so you can write more as you've got a good knack there.

[Andy Zarse]

MK4 Slowride said:

&

That's hilarious Andy. I think PH should fund more trips on unstable vehicles so you can write more as you've got a good knack there.

It's a nice idea and ordinarily I'd be delighted to but seeing as this thread is stuck out in the wastelands of Holidays and Travel and no fker ever looks at it, it hardly seems worthwhile...

Oh for the good old days of P&P, there'd have been a host of replies regailing us in tales of vomit-coated hilarity...

[magpies]

Try Norfolk Line Dover - Dunkirk good and VERY cheap