Discussion
Today saw me lose my closest mate - my Dad.
He has been my hero all my life. Protective of me, my siblings and my Mum. Provider of not just a good lifestyle, but the provider with my mum of the best childhood and start to life anyone could have. He had a good life by doing the things he enjoyed and for those he loved - his family. Married to my mum from 18 to nearly 81, a loyal and good man with all the time in the world for his kids and grandkids (and everyone in his extended family to be fair). Totally selfless. The guy (and mum) who we loved having around our house as we got older as often as we could.
A self-made man in his business (motor repair trade hence my addiction to cars), my teacher, my mentor and advisor.
The man who bought my first Kart when I was 4. The builder of my first proper race cars - the winningest and safest I ever had the privilege to have major accidents in. 2 full engine rebuilds a fortnight after a 12 hour day building engines all day at work. Not just putting the bits together, but fitting them - manually gapping rings for optimum compression etc - calipers, micrometers, knowledge and skill - lucky he was an engineer before starting his business. Building "scrutineer proof" long throw engines from different components from 3 existing blocks and bottom ends. Tuning a top half and fuelling it right to overcome the long stroke rise and fall. You could have put a monkey behind the wheel and it would have won its class, and the scruitineers never found the extra CC as hard as they looked.
The bloke that could ear tune a flat 12 Boxer carb engine. The guy that would hear a car go out of the workshop sounding rough (to his ears - nobody else's), set it back by pure skill, and put it back on the computer to see how far out the Crypton was.
They guy that got me out of all my bad racing habits when I turned 17 and got me through my driving test in 4 weeks (the earliest I could get an appointment).
The man who has provided advice all my life (and every time I didn't take it I screwed up) and has stood by me through thick and thin. The rock who was always there when I needed help.
I sat with him today as he passed peacefully on to different things following a difficult few weeks. It was his time, had he survived, he would not have been a shadow of the man I knew, he was that poorly. I see the positive in his passing as not having a poor quality of life extended, but I am gonna miss him. I will celebrate his life and try to not focus on his final weeks of torture.
I could go on for hours, but I would be bound to make a spelling mistake...
If your folks are still around, make sure that you tell them what they mean to you before it is too late. Fortunately I got the chance. Do it yourself today.
He has been my hero all my life. Protective of me, my siblings and my Mum. Provider of not just a good lifestyle, but the provider with my mum of the best childhood and start to life anyone could have. He had a good life by doing the things he enjoyed and for those he loved - his family. Married to my mum from 18 to nearly 81, a loyal and good man with all the time in the world for his kids and grandkids (and everyone in his extended family to be fair). Totally selfless. The guy (and mum) who we loved having around our house as we got older as often as we could.
A self-made man in his business (motor repair trade hence my addiction to cars), my teacher, my mentor and advisor.
The man who bought my first Kart when I was 4. The builder of my first proper race cars - the winningest and safest I ever had the privilege to have major accidents in. 2 full engine rebuilds a fortnight after a 12 hour day building engines all day at work. Not just putting the bits together, but fitting them - manually gapping rings for optimum compression etc - calipers, micrometers, knowledge and skill - lucky he was an engineer before starting his business. Building "scrutineer proof" long throw engines from different components from 3 existing blocks and bottom ends. Tuning a top half and fuelling it right to overcome the long stroke rise and fall. You could have put a monkey behind the wheel and it would have won its class, and the scruitineers never found the extra CC as hard as they looked.
The bloke that could ear tune a flat 12 Boxer carb engine. The guy that would hear a car go out of the workshop sounding rough (to his ears - nobody else's), set it back by pure skill, and put it back on the computer to see how far out the Crypton was.
They guy that got me out of all my bad racing habits when I turned 17 and got me through my driving test in 4 weeks (the earliest I could get an appointment).
The man who has provided advice all my life (and every time I didn't take it I screwed up) and has stood by me through thick and thin. The rock who was always there when I needed help.
I sat with him today as he passed peacefully on to different things following a difficult few weeks. It was his time, had he survived, he would not have been a shadow of the man I knew, he was that poorly. I see the positive in his passing as not having a poor quality of life extended, but I am gonna miss him. I will celebrate his life and try to not focus on his final weeks of torture.
I could go on for hours, but I would be bound to make a spelling mistake...
If your folks are still around, make sure that you tell them what they mean to you before it is too late. Fortunately I got the chance. Do it yourself today.
SeeFive said:
Today saw me lose my closest mate - my Dad....
If your folks are still around, make sure that you tell them what they mean to you before it is too late. Fortunately I got the chance. Do it yourself today.
You have my thoughts, just over a year since I was in the same position. Last sentence is the important one, I just about managed it am so glad I did.If your folks are still around, make sure that you tell them what they mean to you before it is too late. Fortunately I got the chance. Do it yourself today.
Btw, you Dad sounds like an awesome guy
SeeFive said:
If your folks are still around, make sure that you tell them what they mean to you before it is too late. Fortunately I got the chance. Do it yourself today.
And this. If anyone is reading and perhaps hasnt told a parent jut how important they are do it sooner rather than later. I'm sorry for your loss. In true big girl fashion, your post has actually made me somewhat tearful. You will bawl your eyes out at the funeral but you'll be stronger for it. Deliver a eulogy at the funeral and say what you've told us as that too will give you strength. Good luck pal.
To your dad See Five.. Sounds like he was an amazing manThanks folks.
Yes he was the best. I focused on the motor related things as this is PH. In reality, this was a fraction of the whole guy. He really was amazing.
The loss I feel is huge even after having a couple of weeks to prepare for the inevitable. Trying to focus on the positive aspects of sharing his life, and in reality, the positives of his passing - peaceful, no struggle or fight, the timely ending a bout of poor health from which he would not have made anything like a successful recovery, means that I have been avoiding the feelings I had when he drew his last breath.
It has been a busy day today, with lots of people to prop up with those positives. The reality set in immediately, and it hurt like I could not have imagined. My mum had just gone for a cup of tea - I just know that the sneaky sod waited for her to leave the room as he would not have wanted her to see his passing. He opened his eyes, I told him that she had just gone for a cuppa and 30 seconds later he was gone.
The wierd thing is that even people who have come into contact with him infrequently are devastated. I have had calls from people in floods of tears all day - my mates, neighbours, previous employees - all sorts. Maybe having to be so positive to help others who were in bits has helped me get through today. I just know that I am gonna have a huge hit sometime soon when it gets quiet.
I am off to bed I think. A couple of very important days at work coming to focus the mind.
Make that call tomorrow. Visit your Dad who is having tests. Have them round for Christmas and any excuse you can find to spend time with them.
Yes he was the best. I focused on the motor related things as this is PH. In reality, this was a fraction of the whole guy. He really was amazing.
The loss I feel is huge even after having a couple of weeks to prepare for the inevitable. Trying to focus on the positive aspects of sharing his life, and in reality, the positives of his passing - peaceful, no struggle or fight, the timely ending a bout of poor health from which he would not have made anything like a successful recovery, means that I have been avoiding the feelings I had when he drew his last breath.
It has been a busy day today, with lots of people to prop up with those positives. The reality set in immediately, and it hurt like I could not have imagined. My mum had just gone for a cup of tea - I just know that the sneaky sod waited for her to leave the room as he would not have wanted her to see his passing. He opened his eyes, I told him that she had just gone for a cuppa and 30 seconds later he was gone.
The wierd thing is that even people who have come into contact with him infrequently are devastated. I have had calls from people in floods of tears all day - my mates, neighbours, previous employees - all sorts. Maybe having to be so positive to help others who were in bits has helped me get through today. I just know that I am gonna have a huge hit sometime soon when it gets quiet.
I am off to bed I think. A couple of very important days at work coming to focus the mind.
Make that call tomorrow. Visit your Dad who is having tests. Have them round for Christmas and any excuse you can find to spend time with them.
bennyboydurham said:
I'm sorry for your loss. In true big girl fashion, your post has actually made me somewhat tearful. You will bawl your eyes out at the funeral but you'll be stronger for it. Deliver a eulogy at the funeral and say what you've told us as that too will give you strength. Good luck pal.
Thanks for that. Yup, as the youngest member of the family who knows where the pen is (or actually, being more used to public speaking than the others) it will fall to me to deliver that eulogy. It probably will not have too much of the above text, but will have elements and reminders for many at the event.
I am actually looking forward to it in a wierd way. Not just cathartic for me, but it may help others. To me it came as no surprise he has gone being with him at the hospital every day and watching him deteriorate. For those that have not seen that, his passing will have been much more shocking - as has been proven in the contacts today, and they will need some support.
They need to know it was right, timely and that he was at peace to add to the memories that will be raised in the short time that I will have whilst holding it all together on the day.
I have gone through this loss before my dad has gone
I wish you all the best, be strong and remember the good times.
Looks like he was a great man,
do you best to top that your self, best thing you can do to
show your love is continue hes great work in life
Sorry for you and your family,
Will make things harder losing such a great man
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