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When I was a kid doing a paper round, I used to cycle "no hands" a lot of the way round. (A countryside village.)
One day I got cocky and went to change gear with the wrong side hand. I'm not sure what happened next, but it was very fast, and involved an impact with the cross bar, and scraped knees.
Each nut was the size, shape, and firmness of a large lemon for about a week. It remains the only time I've ever fainted.
One day I got cocky and went to change gear with the wrong side hand. I'm not sure what happened next, but it was very fast, and involved an impact with the cross bar, and scraped knees.
Each nut was the size, shape, and firmness of a large lemon for about a week. It remains the only time I've ever fainted.
Oooh were do i start!
1st one, in playground at school playing British bulldog, I tripped up and slid half the length of the playground on my left kneecap. Cue bone sticking out and my kneecap neatly piled up next to me. Few hours later in hospital I wake to find that the kneecap never found it's way back into my body and that I would forever be worried about going through airport security.
2nd, still at primary school and today is our day to go swiming. Knee has not fully healed but able to use it. Running through the changing rooms slipped and slid straight into the urinal!!!! Pulled all of the skin off the top cue another trip to the hospital and LOTS of stingy cleansing liquid plus yet more stitchers and I'm home again.
3rd and least painful but most funny.
Includes a evening break in at butlins skeggy. So I'm about 17 away for the weekend had a few drinks and we decide to break into butlins by climbing over their spiked fence. Cue me one leg either side of the fencewhen my leg loses traction. Seriously fished off as put a hole in my new Levi 501's but a few more drinks sorted that out and a good night had been had. Apart from the next day when I wake up find quite a lot of blood on my jeans, can't find the cause nip to the toilet to be met with a large amount of pain and a pan full of blood. The spike had apparently gone straight up my special place without so much as a please or thankyou
1st one, in playground at school playing British bulldog, I tripped up and slid half the length of the playground on my left kneecap. Cue bone sticking out and my kneecap neatly piled up next to me. Few hours later in hospital I wake to find that the kneecap never found it's way back into my body and that I would forever be worried about going through airport security.
2nd, still at primary school and today is our day to go swiming. Knee has not fully healed but able to use it. Running through the changing rooms slipped and slid straight into the urinal!!!! Pulled all of the skin off the top cue another trip to the hospital and LOTS of stingy cleansing liquid plus yet more stitchers and I'm home again.
3rd and least painful but most funny.
Includes a evening break in at butlins skeggy. So I'm about 17 away for the weekend had a few drinks and we decide to break into butlins by climbing over their spiked fence. Cue me one leg either side of the fencewhen my leg loses traction. Seriously fished off as put a hole in my new Levi 501's but a few more drinks sorted that out and a good night had been had. Apart from the next day when I wake up find quite a lot of blood on my jeans, can't find the cause nip to the toilet to be met with a large amount of pain and a pan full of blood. The spike had apparently gone straight up my special place without so much as a please or thankyou
When I was 22 I had some surgery. An operation particularly popular in the jewish community. Yeah, that one.
The operation was performed under a general anaesthetic but during the op they also give your todger a local, which outlasts the general to give you a few more hours of pain-free genitalia.
When I woke up from the general, I was told to have a pee to make sure there was no discomfort and then told to go home. I was also told to stay at home, not go out and that it was probably best to just go to bed.
Balls to that. I wanted to go and see Gone In 60 Seconds at the cinema. So, with a friend, I went to see Mong Cage steal some cars.
I believe it was the first scene that shows Eleanor that the local anaesthetic wore off.
Sat in a crowded cinema with your penis on fire isn't a particularly pleasant affair but discovered that so long as I didn't move more than 1mm in any direction, it wasn't too bad, so I stayed for the end of the film.
I'm not sure how you quantify dignity but I lost a lot of it as I waddled back to the car like a constipated John Wayne. Oh yes, the car! I drove an Elise at the time. Ingress and egress aren't pleasant at the best of times but after 10 minutes of biting my hand and moaning, I did manage to get into the Elise and managed to drive home in 2nd gear, because I discovered that depressing the clutch caused rather a lot of pain.
I got home and went to bed. Waking up the next morning and finding that the once snow white sheets now resembled the backdrop to a Japanese slasher movie was the final unpleasant highlight in this tale.
The operation was performed under a general anaesthetic but during the op they also give your todger a local, which outlasts the general to give you a few more hours of pain-free genitalia.
When I woke up from the general, I was told to have a pee to make sure there was no discomfort and then told to go home. I was also told to stay at home, not go out and that it was probably best to just go to bed.
Balls to that. I wanted to go and see Gone In 60 Seconds at the cinema. So, with a friend, I went to see Mong Cage steal some cars.
I believe it was the first scene that shows Eleanor that the local anaesthetic wore off.
Sat in a crowded cinema with your penis on fire isn't a particularly pleasant affair but discovered that so long as I didn't move more than 1mm in any direction, it wasn't too bad, so I stayed for the end of the film.
I'm not sure how you quantify dignity but I lost a lot of it as I waddled back to the car like a constipated John Wayne. Oh yes, the car! I drove an Elise at the time. Ingress and egress aren't pleasant at the best of times but after 10 minutes of biting my hand and moaning, I did manage to get into the Elise and managed to drive home in 2nd gear, because I discovered that depressing the clutch caused rather a lot of pain.
I got home and went to bed. Waking up the next morning and finding that the once snow white sheets now resembled the backdrop to a Japanese slasher movie was the final unpleasant highlight in this tale.
This
Unconscious for the procedure itself, but I passed out from the pain whilst pissing blood afterwards, smacking my head on the hospital bathroom floor. Came to, got back into bed, then had some sort of seizure. Came to again a few seconds later in a lake of piss, with a fair few medical bods around the bed looking concerned.
They didn't find anything in the end, happily.
Unconscious for the procedure itself, but I passed out from the pain whilst pissing blood afterwards, smacking my head on the hospital bathroom floor. Came to, got back into bed, then had some sort of seizure. Came to again a few seconds later in a lake of piss, with a fair few medical bods around the bed looking concerned.
They didn't find anything in the end, happily.
Riding a motorbike at around 30 mph down a quiet hill, pass a mini roundabout then remember nothing...
What I do remember is coming round while wrapped around a lamp post. I had managed to crush the front of the helmet and thus broke my nose, bit the side of my tongue off and the brake lever had snapped off and cut a very pretty 2" hole in my leg.
Walking home (yes I was less than 50 yards from my house) my mum set about re-aligning my nose by saying she was just cleaning the blood away with a tea towel.
The thing was, none of that hurt because of the adrenaline. Waking up in the morning however feeling like I had been hit by an Arctic hurt.
What I do remember is coming round while wrapped around a lamp post. I had managed to crush the front of the helmet and thus broke my nose, bit the side of my tongue off and the brake lever had snapped off and cut a very pretty 2" hole in my leg.
Walking home (yes I was less than 50 yards from my house) my mum set about re-aligning my nose by saying she was just cleaning the blood away with a tea towel.
The thing was, none of that hurt because of the adrenaline. Waking up in the morning however feeling like I had been hit by an Arctic hurt.
Apart from the usual things, a particular ball pain is stuck in my memory.
At 15 I was busy "heavy petting" for the first time EVER with a local girl in a field of grass in the summer. You can imagine the "excitiment". This went on for an hour or so, but she would not "relieve" me. The bike ride home was agony with my balls feeling like they were about to explode and the same as aching like I had been kicked hard in the googles......
At 15 I was busy "heavy petting" for the first time EVER with a local girl in a field of grass in the summer. You can imagine the "excitiment". This went on for an hour or so, but she would not "relieve" me. The bike ride home was agony with my balls feeling like they were about to explode and the same as aching like I had been kicked hard in the googles......
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a... I show you pain, sucka fooooool
I think this is what you're after.
I think this is what you're after.
Last week of school, i think it was the thursday. In the playground at lunch time, being a s
tty school there was always litter and crap everywhere, anyway unfortunatly for me there was a soggy sanger...which i slipped on...much to the amusement of my mates..i went down on the deck and thought i'd twisted my ankle...
I was a tough lad so went to get up..then the worst pain i'd ever felt hit me! I'd actually dislocated my kneecap....i went back down on the floor and looked at my leg to find it pointing in a very odd direction (there may have been screaming too)
Still wince to this day thinking about it! Bloody sandwich.
tty school there was always litter and crap everywhere, anyway unfortunatly for me there was a soggy sanger...which i slipped on...much to the amusement of my mates..i went down on the deck and thought i'd twisted my ankle...I was a tough lad so went to get up..then the worst pain i'd ever felt hit me! I'd actually dislocated my kneecap....i went back down on the floor and looked at my leg to find it pointing in a very odd direction (there may have been screaming too)
Still wince to this day thinking about it! Bloody sandwich.
I dislocated my shoulder last summer and it was out for quite a few hours. That was quite painful.
But the biggest pain I remember was having a verruca (?) cut out when I was a kid. I grew up in the 70's and the NHS wasn't brilliant then, so when it was identified by the doctor I had to wait months to have it removed. It grew into a monster and I had to walk on tip toe as it became more and more painful - my school shoes split across the sole due to my tip toe walk.
The day arrived for the operation and I had to be held down while they cut it out. I'm told that an anesthetic was used, but it didn't feel like it. I still have a huge chunk missing from the sole of my left foot.
NDA said:
But the biggest pain I remember was having a verruca (?) cut out when I was a kid. I grew up in the 70's and the NHS wasn't brilliant then, so when it was identified by the doctor I had to wait months to have it removed. It grew into a monster and I had to walk on tip toe as it became more and more painful - my school shoes split across the sole due to my tip toe walk.
The day arrived for the operation and I had to be held down while they cut it out. I'm told that an anesthetic was used, but it didn't feel like it. I still have a huge chunk missing from the sole of my left foot.
Similar for me but my verruca was burnt off.The day arrived for the operation and I had to be held down while they cut it out. I'm told that an anesthetic was used, but it didn't feel like it. I still have a huge chunk missing from the sole of my left foot.
The next time you are using a can of deodorant squirt it and put the tip of your finger in the gas right where it comes out of the nozzle and try and hold it there. It f**king kills and they did that for ages to burn my verruca off.
Amusingly painful: when I was about 19, I developed the (in retrospect rather tttish) habit of hurling myself into the driving seat of my tatty old Golf in what I fondly imagined was a carefree, manly fashion. One day, karma, gravity and skin adhesion conspired to trap a testicle between my pelvis and the rise seam of my jeans, as I dropped into the seat. I had to go and have a lie down. It hurt for about a week.
Just plain hurty: Summer uni vacation, 1996. I was riding my bike back home from my summer job when someone in a C-reg (?) Sierra (in that nice NHS-corridor blue they used to do) hit me. He didn't stop, of course... I went over the handlebars, dislocated my left shoulder and shredded most of the skin on the left-hand side of my body. The shoulder hurt like hell when re-located but was otherwise just a bit crunchy, achey and tingly; not too bad but I still only have about 90% mobility. The gravel rash was utter torment for weeks as the skin slowly healed, repeatedly re-splitting over my knee, hip and elbow. Not recommended. I haven't really ridden a bike on the road since. But I have wished a painful, lonely death on everyone I've seen in a blue Sierra since then. Just in case.
ttish) habit of hurling myself into the driving seat of my tatty old Golf in what I fondly imagined was a carefree, manly fashion. One day, karma, gravity and skin adhesion conspired to trap a testicle between my pelvis and the rise seam of my jeans, as I dropped into the seat. I had to go and have a lie down. It hurt for about a week.Just plain hurty: Summer uni vacation, 1996. I was riding my bike back home from my summer job when someone in a C-reg (?) Sierra (in that nice NHS-corridor blue they used to do) hit me. He didn't stop, of course... I went over the handlebars, dislocated my left shoulder and shredded most of the skin on the left-hand side of my body. The shoulder hurt like hell when re-located but was otherwise just a bit crunchy, achey and tingly; not too bad but I still only have about 90% mobility. The gravel rash was utter torment for weeks as the skin slowly healed, repeatedly re-splitting over my knee, hip and elbow. Not recommended. I haven't really ridden a bike on the road since. But I have wished a painful, lonely death on everyone I've seen in a blue Sierra since then. Just in case.
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