Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
mjb1 said:
Women go through hormonal changes throughout their lives, it seems a complete gamble as to how they react to that.
But seriously, they nearly all have the mental, just some are better at masking it than others. Gradually the mask starts to slip, as they get their feet under the table. If you find one that genuinely isn't mental (so hard to tell), make sure you don't loose her (chain her up in your basement or something)!
Hmmmm quite interesting all this 'the mental' talk... My gf of over 2 years has always had a few 'issues' (dont we all) but of late these are becoming more and more intolerable sadly. But seriously, they nearly all have the mental, just some are better at masking it than others. Gradually the mask starts to slip, as they get their feet under the table. If you find one that genuinely isn't mental (so hard to tell), make sure you don't loose her (chain her up in your basement or something)!
olly22n said:
SplatSpeed said:
nearly two years in therapy co-dependent and complex ptsd
doing really well understand why i stayed so long
Chin up!doing really well understand why i stayed so long
Keep at the therapy - mine helped a lot and now just on ssri's
tell me more about ssri, i was really worried
olly22n said:
Oh I know exactly what you mean. My ex gave me estatic highs, and soul crushing lows. The highs were just enough to keep me on the hook for night on 3 years. I can reflect on it now, and she was a very troubled soul and was fighting many of her own demons.
But f
k i loved that girl and she very nearly took me down with her.
That resonates with me; exactly what i went through, lol. But f
k i loved that girl and she very nearly took me down with her.NB - Why doesn't PH censor tits!?
olly22n said:
Oh I know exactly what you mean. My ex gave me estatic highs, and soul crushing lows. The highs were just enough to keep me on the hook for night on 3 years. I can reflect on it now, and she was a very troubled soul and was fighting many of her own demons.
But fk i loved that girl and she very nearly took me down with her.
This is exactly what I'm going through at the moment. My ex was action packed with issues, but I love her for who she is. But f
k i loved that girl and she very nearly took me down with her.We broke up last month and despite knowing it's for the best, I'm still madly in love with her.
There were some terrible lows but many fantastic highs. My head is a complete mess, and I miss her.
olly22n said:
martin mrt said:
olly22n said:
Oh I know exactly what you mean. My ex gave me estatic highs, and soul crushing lows. The highs were just enough to keep me on the hook for night on 3 years. I can reflect on it now, and she was a very troubled soul and was fighting many of her own demons.
But fk i loved that girl and she very nearly took me down with her.
This is exactly what I'm going through at the moment. My ex was action packed with issues, but I love her for who she is. But f
k i loved that girl and she very nearly took me down with her.We broke up last month and despite knowing it's for the best, I'm still madly in love with her.
There were some terrible lows but many fantastic highs. My head is a complete mess, and I miss her.
I have worked tirelessly to get over her. I meditate, exercise, play sport. I read a lot of books on the mind (Chimp paradox is good). Having a group of trusted people that you can release on is good.
You'll have other girls, and find them easy to attract because you simply don't care about them. Enjoy them for what they are and don't get them pregnant.
You will come out the other side, in a few months, year, couple of years.
I need to drive by her house in order to get to one of my best friends place, I am a wreck every time.
2017 is going to be a write off thus far for any woman entering my life, currently can't stop thinking about her so I'm in no way close to being in any frame of mind to interact with anyone else.
Pommygranite said:
YankeePorker said:
The Crack Fox said:
It's not a waste. You have 3 kids and you must have been happy for much of those 24 years. Chin up, move on, life gets better (ask me how I know).
It is true that my kids are lovely and are not to be regretted, and of course you're right it can only get better. For a start, to stop living like a frigging monk and actually get some pussy will be a welcome change!But I'm surprised by the number of posters on this thread who seem to be very quickly into another relationship after marital breakdown. Aren't you supposed to give a year or so before moving on? Certainly don't feel like I want affairs of the heart for the moment, and as for ever marrying again forget it!
Many relationships are long over before they are technically over.
Just my theory.
I was concerned but was willing to try and give her the time she was asking for as that's what you do, you don't always expect that a life long relationship will never have it's downs. Anyway after a few months of things not getting any better i started to think about who i would deal with life moving on if she didn't solve 'her' issues (might have helped if she had let me into them so i could see what i could do to help by changing my behaviours, actions, etc, but hey).
In that time I happened to meet a number of ladies who I never known before through various social events and so on. I was 100% faithful but it was quite clear (and ego boosting) to me to see that there were plenty of ladies out there who seemed to like me a whole lot more than the one I was with.
By the May things we certainly not getting any better so far as i was concerned and in fact I was now having serious doubts. I therefore instigated a conversation where i was very frank and to the point. "I'm away for the weekend working, I want you to think about things properly and let me know on Monday evening when i get back from work if you want to try again or not." She chose to down a bottle of vodka and I had to coordinate getting an adult to our house to look after her when her eldest called me to say what had happened and that she had locked herself in the bathroom - I was 250 miles away and walking off the job would have caused massive problems for my boss and me - like no weekend work ever again which was what meant i could pay the mortgage...
On the Monday she didn't have an answer for me so that told me all I needed to know.
It took a week or so for me to get my head around the finality of what I had said and to dot the i's and cross the t's on my exit plan.
By the time all this had taken place we'd not slept together for 4 months and frankly I'm not someone who can live without intimacy in my life for long.
I had intended to have a few years of making up for the experiences i had lost in my 20's and the offers i had turned down in that time. As it happened i ended up meeting someone very quickly who shared almost all of my views on life, love of cars and motorsport, money, the lot. Even better they ignited my latent interest in art and culture as well as travel. Frankly find me a woman who matches all of those things and who also considers standing trackside in the freezing cold and snow in March out the back side of Silverstone for 2 days from 8am to 6:30pm to be a great way to spend your weekend. There was no way in hell i was going to go "ooo, this is all too soon"!
Fwiw that was 2005 and i am throughly looking forward to going home tonight to her, a bottle of fizz and an open fire as we decide if we want to go to the NEC or to a TVR meet by the sea this weekend!!!
olly22n said:
martin mrt said:
I already have planned to, like you I was all in emotionally, and I knew when it was over I'd be a broken man. I knew this because we were very on off, and I always reinitiated contact as I felt I couldn't go on without her.
I need to drive by her house in order to get to one of my best friends place, I am a wreck every time.
2017 is going to be a write off thus far for any woman entering my life, currently can't stop thinking about her so I'm in no way close to being in any frame of mind to interact with anyone else.
Mine drives a golf gtd - heart used to skip a beat everytime i saw one. There are fI need to drive by her house in order to get to one of my best friends place, I am a wreck every time.
2017 is going to be a write off thus far for any woman entering my life, currently can't stop thinking about her so I'm in no way close to being in any frame of mind to interact with anyone else.
king loads of them!king things. Her workplace is on a main thoroughfare and I pass it 3-4 times a day, my heart does somersaults if i happen to see her as I pass.
Bloody hell, got to get out of this mindset
Rude-boy said:
In that time I happened to meet a number of ladies who I never known before through various social events and so on. I was 100% faithful but it was quite clear (and ego boosting) to me to see that there were plenty of ladies out there who seemed to like me a whole lot more than the one I was with.
There is always someone else out there. No truer is it that when one door closes several more can open. Ultimately I would rather be happy and alone than in a relationship that makes you miserable.
Nice post Rude-boy and good to see things are going well. I would pick B'ham this weekend to be fair though with the weather
Tomorrow is the day.
She picks up all her stuff.
I fly to the states for a week on Sunday.
It's been looming, and it's finally here. I feel sad, as I have done since all of this started (or ended?). I feel anger at the situation, and how it's unfolded. But the constant reminders around the house, are doing me no favours either.
Two close mates, and my Dad will be there to help oversee the whole thing, and I'll probably be going out if I'm honest.
I'm still struggling through the phases denial and anger if I'm honest. I'm still no wiser as to why it ended suddenly, and I doubt I'll ever really understand.
To all those suffering, my thoughts are with you.
She picks up all her stuff.
I fly to the states for a week on Sunday.
It's been looming, and it's finally here. I feel sad, as I have done since all of this started (or ended?). I feel anger at the situation, and how it's unfolded. But the constant reminders around the house, are doing me no favours either.
Two close mates, and my Dad will be there to help oversee the whole thing, and I'll probably be going out if I'm honest.
I'm still struggling through the phases denial and anger if I'm honest. I'm still no wiser as to why it ended suddenly, and I doubt I'll ever really understand.
To all those suffering, my thoughts are with you.
Lets face it, women who bottle things up and don't tell you how they're feeling or what they want you to do differently, are very few and far between - most are very quick to tell you what they want/need/expect from you.
So all those lines like "It's not you, it's, me", "I need some space/time to myself", "I don't know what I want", "you've changed" etc, they all mean the same thing in reality - person saying it has already (or is in the process of) emotionally vacated the relationship. Usually they know it is already irrecoverable (otherwise they'd be telling you how it could be recovered). What they are really doing is trying to let you down gently, but only for their own sake, so they don't feel so guilty when it finally hits the buffers. Quite often (but not always), they have met someone else, maybe even just having thoughts about someone else.
The other person thinks or asks "how can I help, what can I change/do differently"? Reality is there's almost certainly nothing you can do to change the course of events. Maybe the best thing you can do is come back with a hard line "I'll give you 48 hours to make up your mind". Could go either way (but probably the same as it was always going), just speeds up the process.
So all those lines like "It's not you, it's, me", "I need some space/time to myself", "I don't know what I want", "you've changed" etc, they all mean the same thing in reality - person saying it has already (or is in the process of) emotionally vacated the relationship. Usually they know it is already irrecoverable (otherwise they'd be telling you how it could be recovered). What they are really doing is trying to let you down gently, but only for their own sake, so they don't feel so guilty when it finally hits the buffers. Quite often (but not always), they have met someone else, maybe even just having thoughts about someone else.
The other person thinks or asks "how can I help, what can I change/do differently"? Reality is there's almost certainly nothing you can do to change the course of events. Maybe the best thing you can do is come back with a hard line "I'll give you 48 hours to make up your mind". Could go either way (but probably the same as it was always going), just speeds up the process.
Women aren't mental
You have testes, and testosterone
You just wanna f ck
You get upset and angry you wanna fight
Women have ovaries and oestrogen
And get upset and cry.
They are driven to want to have babies
Etcetcetc
However they're slaves to those hormones on a day to day basis.
There nothing they can do about that
During the change, they get a lot lot worse.
They all, ALL, turn into their mother.
You have testes, and testosterone
You just wanna f ck
You get upset and angry you wanna fight
Women have ovaries and oestrogen
And get upset and cry.
They are driven to want to have babies
Etcetcetc
However they're slaves to those hormones on a day to day basis.
There nothing they can do about that
During the change, they get a lot lot worse.
They all, ALL, turn into their mother.
mjb1 said:
Lets face it, women who bottle things up and don't tell you how they're feeling or what they want you to do differently, are very few and far between - most are very quick to tell you what they want/need/expect from you.
So all those lines like "It's not you, it's, me", "I need some space/time to myself", "I don't know what I want", "you've changed" etc, they all mean the same thing in reality - person saying it has already (or is in the process of) emotionally vacated the relationship. Usually they know it is already irrecoverable (otherwise they'd be telling you how it could be recovered). What they are really doing is trying to let you down gently, but only for their own sake, so they don't feel so guilty when it finally hits the buffers. Quite often (but not always), they have met someone else, maybe even just having thoughts about someone else.
The other person thinks or asks "how can I help, what can I change/do differently"? Reality is there's almost certainly nothing you can do to change the course of events. Maybe the best thing you can do is come back with a hard line "I'll give you 48 hours to make up your mind". Could go either way (but probably the same as it was always going), just speeds up the process.
To be honest I think that you are right. I know straight away if i am pissing off my Mrs these days (and what she wants me to do about it!) So all those lines like "It's not you, it's, me", "I need some space/time to myself", "I don't know what I want", "you've changed" etc, they all mean the same thing in reality - person saying it has already (or is in the process of) emotionally vacated the relationship. Usually they know it is already irrecoverable (otherwise they'd be telling you how it could be recovered). What they are really doing is trying to let you down gently, but only for their own sake, so they don't feel so guilty when it finally hits the buffers. Quite often (but not always), they have met someone else, maybe even just having thoughts about someone else.
The other person thinks or asks "how can I help, what can I change/do differently"? Reality is there's almost certainly nothing you can do to change the course of events. Maybe the best thing you can do is come back with a hard line "I'll give you 48 hours to make up your mind". Could go either way (but probably the same as it was always going), just speeds up the process.
It took me nearly 5 months of pain to grow the pair to give her the weekend ultimatum. Frankly i was struggling to see what had changed in our relationship and so on to cause her to have a change of heart.
Looking back now it is odd that the person she married at the end of 2015 was the chap i had to call from 250 miles away to pull her head out the loo...
Knowing her I suspect that her feelings for him were what was causing the damage - I was working 10+hours 340 days a week and away most weekends, he was a very nice bloke (still is) and a fair bit richer than I, he also only worked weekends if he felt like it.
Oddly i have absolutely no bad feelings about them at all. I have no idea if they were humping before we split but I'm not sure that they were. What pissed me off though was that they still tried to hide that they were seeing each other from me over a year after she knew i was seeing a new lady. FFS I knew that they were dating before we had even sold the house and stopped living together - it's a small world and i have lots of ears.
olly22n said:
I'm not a Dr so can't advise.
I am on Citalopran and propanaol. I get bad anxiety, and panic attacks. My ex was the route cause of this, and it has also been compounded by work/finances.
It isn't without its side effects (google anorgasmia), but overall I am a better, well rounded, less antagonistic human being.
I don't drink anymore, which is somehting me and the ex would do all the time and become a source of arguements.
Speak to you GP about it, and don't be worried about the stigma of them. I was, and I shouldn't have been.
I was also prescribed propranolol during the relationship which merely just covered up the symptoms of my anxiety, and after I left was prescribed citalopram. It's horrible stuff. And like you (although I am female) it took away any sexual feeling at all. The effect was immediate after the first pill. It's actually bromide which is the same stuff they have to soldiers in ww2 to take away their urges and is a form of medical castration. I am on Citalopran and propanaol. I get bad anxiety, and panic attacks. My ex was the route cause of this, and it has also been compounded by work/finances.
It isn't without its side effects (google anorgasmia), but overall I am a better, well rounded, less antagonistic human being.
I don't drink anymore, which is somehting me and the ex would do all the time and become a source of arguements.
Speak to you GP about it, and don't be worried about the stigma of them. I was, and I shouldn't have been.
It doesn't always affect everyone as badly but I got mine swapped over to something else as it's quite likely that with citalopram the feelings don't come back when you stop using it if you have been on it a while.
I have friends on it who have been fine with it, but it made me numb.
garylythgoe said:
Tomorrow is the day.
She picks up all her stuff.
I fly to the states for a week on Sunday.
It's been looming, and it's finally here. I feel sad, as I have done since all of this started (or ended?). I feel anger at the situation, and how it's unfolded. But the constant reminders around the house, are doing me no favours either.
Two close mates, and my Dad will be there to help oversee the whole thing, and I'll probably be going out if I'm honest.
I'm still struggling through the phases denial and anger if I'm honest. I'm still no wiser as to why it ended suddenly, and I doubt I'll ever really understand.
To all those suffering, my thoughts are with you.
If there are others there to 'supervise' then I tend to agree that the best place for you is to be somewhere/anywhere else. At least you're then also out of the country for a while.She picks up all her stuff.
I fly to the states for a week on Sunday.
It's been looming, and it's finally here. I feel sad, as I have done since all of this started (or ended?). I feel anger at the situation, and how it's unfolded. But the constant reminders around the house, are doing me no favours either.
Two close mates, and my Dad will be there to help oversee the whole thing, and I'll probably be going out if I'm honest.
I'm still struggling through the phases denial and anger if I'm honest. I'm still no wiser as to why it ended suddenly, and I doubt I'll ever really understand.
To all those suffering, my thoughts are with you.
Hey all,
had a nice evening yesterday, this morning felt awful as usual. My counsellor agrees with you lot that it's normal, and to be expected, and it will get better. At least I can recognise it and just wait for it to pass. Met up with an old friend by chance who's going through much much worse, I had to avoid the temptation to jump in and try to help!
Just trying to finish up gathering financial info today. Like swimming in custard, without actually having the pleasant taste of custard!
had a nice evening yesterday, this morning felt awful as usual. My counsellor agrees with you lot that it's normal, and to be expected, and it will get better. At least I can recognise it and just wait for it to pass. Met up with an old friend by chance who's going through much much worse, I had to avoid the temptation to jump in and try to help!
Just trying to finish up gathering financial info today. Like swimming in custard, without actually having the pleasant taste of custard!
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