Match.com (Volume 6)

[Calza]

OpulentBob said:

Or their stupidity.

Send a message telling her that it's impossible to work out which one you're meant to be contacting, so you've just assumed that she's the fit one in the photo, and "if you're actually the ugly one then don't bother messaging me back thanks".

Genuine LOL.

If there's a clear hottie / munter I'll always assume munter but sometimes they're a mix of reasonable girls ... just sometimes not to my taste.

[DottyMR2]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Oi! I very nearly resemble that remark! Nowt wrong with working in IT, I work in infrastructure support doing problem management and continuous improvement (ooo err), I have a track slag I did actually 'pull the trigger on' which lies there broken most of the time.
The last bit, no, not in the slightest ever. However, IT is good money. I don't really lead on the first date with 'ooohhh, I work in IT my dear' (say it in the really creepy adenoidal voice I imagine Matt to have. Sorry matt, it's the hair, it makes me think you'll communicate like that).

They don't need to know I work in a department with a reputation for odd uns (although I don't actually work directly with any odd balls). IT is great money, just don't spend that money on cowboy hats/tweed/odd things.

Matt, I'm probably one of the closer ones to your age on this thread. Genuine help here, would you like me to post up some clothing links? Nothing fancy or overly expensive but you'd be amazed the difference some nice shoes, a well fitting pair of jeans (read NOT SKINNY JEANS. Seriously) and maybe a nice fitting jumper or some nice t shirts can make, especially of a first impression. Those count!
I'm not saying to change who you are completely, you can still like steam engines if you like them and some of the more niche stuff, but like a job, they should not define you. Slide all that odd stuff in there (steady on!) Slowly once they start to get to know you. Again, trying too hard to define yourself.
You have to remember, girls are just like guys to the most part. We bolt when the girl dumps all her crazy at once in us on the first date. They do too! So bear that in mind and anything that's a bit less mainstream, don't regail them tales of it for hours on end. This is where you sound like you are too intense with your 'picking a victim'. To either what seems to be prowling for months forming a list of compatibility or you're statement about 'noticing their beauty' is too much. WHat 23 year old talks like that?

Seriously, that's the guy equivalent of getting 'I Love You' tattood up your arm in japanese after we have been dating for 2 months. My ex ex did this (one from above I was with at 22, low confidence etc etc) and I should have bolted the opposite way as fast as I could possibly move. I didn't and learned a good lesson.

Most people in the world by this age have had some sort of mental case as a partner (those who haven't probably haven't got their willy wet yet) which for guys the common theme appears to be clingy. So don't be clingy, don't be too helpful or overly nice. It can set those alarm bells off instantly and from the sounds of it you are setting them off when you are springing asking them out on them while drunk walking home months after becoming a friend. To a girl, this means they think you were only friends with them because you wanted to fk them. (I'm right there though yes?) THIS IS CREEPY! You're setting all those alarms off and frankly I have never been turned down over email, ever. It is not normal but it seems to happen regularly to you, they run from you and turn you down from the safety of being behind a locked door. There is either something you are not telling us or you are so delusional that you don't even notice it. Tone down the 'madly in love you are my perfect woman' too, it's verging on rape territory and I'm not trying to make a sick joke. It scares them and they think you'll start driving really slowly in front of their house all night. To quote a very apt film, you're putting the pussy up on a pedestal. Stop it.

You seem to have this delusional view you are awesome, yet from your track record no one seems to agree. You make out you are this wild party animal, then say you don't like going out, you're "the life of the party when you choose to be" to make it seem as if you could you just don't want to. That to me is a delusional attempt to rub your own ego which frankly it seems could do with being shrunk down a bit, or you are a raging hipster (the tweed at 23 backs this up) and people hate hipsters with their "it's so uncool to be cool" attitude. It's why you don't take rejection well or can't seem to take a joke or 'guy banter' at all. It's why we continue to do it to you because you get so wound up by it.
As a piece of advice, anyone who says they are the life of the party and their birthday party was 'like a warehouse rave' sound like a complete fool! Honestly, it wasn't anything like a warehouse rave in the slightest and I can already tell, because you had to say it. It's like M5 badges on a 520d. Anyone how knows will see straight through you, anyone who doesn't isn't into or impressed by it. You just look like a tt, trust me I have first hand experience, I met a lot of people like you between 21 and 23.

Those friends of yours in long term relationships at Uni started out as just fking and it became something else. Why are you trying to skip past the fun part right to the end? Most of my mates are in long term relationships, 1 married and 2 more will pop the question this year probably. Does it make me want that? Hell no, because I am comfortable with who I am and I'm quite enjoying being single again. I think that is part of your problem is that you don't seem to know what you want and it comes across both to us and to these girls you try and trap. It comes across as a form of desperation and they can smell it from you over the top of the old spice.

I may be taking the piss a bit but I am trying to help. If you can't joke over the internet with a bunch of random people, how are you ever going to be able to take a joke in person when you are on a date? See them taking the piss is a sign they like you, are you aware of this? If you then take offence to it it's a right turn off. I think your problem may be 2 fold, I think I'm also in a decent place to advise you on how to fix it as I used to be like that, just at a much younger age than 23 but it's still similar.

I used to not pick up signals very well which meant I thought no one was interested. Due to this, it caused me to miss even more signals and it becomes a vicious cycle. This was at school but you seem to have this odd mix of believing you are 65 in the head but behaving like you're in 3rd year at high school. I bet you give creepy glances at girls that make your winky tingle constantly and you become that creepy sex pest always staring at them because you think it's 'flirting'?. Stop that, yes that works but only if you talk to them pretty soon after. Again, 3 days mate, you have 3 days to get them talking/get their number or it's over already.

Here's one thing to try. Go out this weekend, lick to be the life and soul of the party this weekend :roll: (but please don't say it to anyone). Go out on your own, or your mates if it scares you to walk into a club on your own. Have a few drinks with them, then go dance on your own. Do not try and talk to anyone yet. Give it an hour, have a few drinks, if people engage you of course chat but for the next hour you're on your own. This should help you get over the clingyness in that if you go in alone, people will talk to you.
After an hour or so of this, look for a group of girls dancing together. Now you're not 'big game' hunting. Don't go to a 20 quid on the door tenner a beer place, go somewhere that you're not going to feel drastically out of place. No old mans pubs either though, a student night! Pick a group of girls that are actually obtainable for you, I think you aim far too high. To get out the desert you've got to ride a few camels.
Go over to them and say to this effect "hi girls. Can I dance near you for a while, my friends have left early and I don't want to look like I'm in here alone". A few will give you funny looks, that's ok. One or two will probably say ok (as long as we've sorted the hair and clothes out a bit. Remember, you're 23 and not an old country land owner!).
Now this is the key, do not talk to them again. Just dance, I don't think we have any sort of sex appeal to work with on you, so we're going for wounded animal/injured bird with a broken wing here with you. Give it a while, they'll talk about you a bit, don't notice it. Most of the time, one of them will speak to you and invite you 'into the circle'. Do not engage them until this happens. Then you're in there. Now remember, you're not here to learn everything about this girl, calm down. The one who invited you in is the one to go for. If you get funny looks from a few of them that a good sign. It means the nice one to invite you in probably for some strange reason wants a piece and those friends can't understand why.
From here on in, you're on your own I'm afraid, but it's an easy way in and if they approach you, all you have to do is not fk it up or get fanny fright.
If you get knocked back, who cares? It has no effect on you and try again. I sense you have a bit of a rejection phobia.

I can't actually believe I feel I have to write this on a forum. Uni is so easy it's unreal, it's scary a student on this thread get the least amount of attention. At least it's gave me a boost, it is true someone always has it worse off! I'm also off work ill today so have all day to mess with, sorry, help Matt.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 17th March 12:27

[anonymous-user]

Dotty. You da man.

[DottyMR2]

OpulentBob said:

Dotty. You da man.

Thanks

See matt, I didn't engage Bob now he totally wants to play hide the sausage! 60% of the time, it works every time...

[anonymous-user]

DottyMR2 said:

OpulentBob said:

Dotty. You da man.

Thanks

See matt, I didn't engage Bob now he totally wants to play hide the sausage! 60% of the time, it works every time...

Er, that's Dotty as in Dorothy, right...?

[DottyMR2]

OpulentBob said:

DottyMR2 said:

OpulentBob said:

Dotty. You da man.

Thanks

See matt, I didn't engage Bob now he totally wants to play hide the sausage! 60% of the time, it works every time...

Er, that's Dotty as in Dorothy, right...?

Oh, I thought I was going to be the giver...

Perhaps this won't work.

[Ikemi]

Here's a messed up situation for you ... I've been in a relationship of some sort for the last 11 years or so, but have been single for the last 4 months. I jump from relationship to relationship very quickly and this is probably the longest time I've been single. I'm really enjoying it! That said, I'm on Tinder and PoF out of curiosity.

Now I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm surprised just how many matches I have received, as well as how many women have instigated conversation - Not meaning to boast or anything However I start chatting, usually end up with their number, get bored and start chatting to someone else. Repeat again and again. I haven't even been on a date!

I think it's a mixture of first date nerves, potential 'oh, I need to meet your friends. Bam! I'm in a relationship again' nerves, and it acts as bit of a distraction. I understand it's not a particularly nice thing to do. I don't quite understand. Perhaps I should remove myself from those sites and try again when I really want a relationship ... ?

Meh. fked up! :/

[NRS]

Any short summary of Dotty's post by anyone?

Ikemi said:

I think it's a mixture of first date nerves, potential 'oh, I need to meet your friends. Bam! I'm in a relationship again' nerves, and it acts as bit of a distraction. I understand it's not a particularly nice thing to do. I don't quite understand. Perhaps I should remove myself from those sites and try again when I really want a relationship ... ?

Meh. fked up! :/

The thing to be "careful" of is that if you're in a small place with not so many people around you will run out of people pretty quickly doing that. Since you can't remove and rematch if you decide you do want to start meeting people properly you may have run out of many (or the best) options, and so have shot yourself in the foot.

Calza said:

Does anyone else have the problem on tinder where a girl only posts photos with a friend / friends and it's just too much hard work to figure out which one she is?

I'm sure I've missed a few hot girls through laziness!

Swipe right anyway!

There's lots of craziness out there in regards to pictures - never understood the thinking behind some of them. Wedding pictures, pictures with an ex, pictures of kissing a fish (normally cod), picture of gutting a moose are some of the ones I have seen on tinder. It also seems to be popular to have a picture with the text "I prefer cuddles then sex. If you're good at grammar you will understand".

Sadly one thing I haven't seen is all these girls who seem to run around in the mountains without tops on! There are a lot of girls who have a picture of them and female friends facing away from the camera topless on a mountain top!

[Mr Happy]

I've given up on Tinder now, I've decided that I'm happier being single!

There are a few things on it that either I don't understand, or other people don't:

• People who's profile only consists of pictures of their children. Who exactly are they trying to attract - Gary Glitter???
• People who say "Don't be shy, send me a message" when - in order to message anyone, you have to have a mutual attraction.
• People who post photos of everything except themselves
• People who use that godawful Marilyn Monroe quote, the one about being crazy etc.

It's as if they've directly lifted their profile from OKC, Pof and whatever other sites they use and simply expect people to come running!

ETA - If they really must use a quote, then they could use Diane's (Kelly Macdonald's) from Trainspotting:

"Do you find that this approach usually works? Or, let me guess, you've never tried it before.In fact, you don't normally approach girls. Am I right? The truth is that you're a quiet, sensitive type...but, if I'm prepared, to take a chance...I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal -Taxi! -A little bit crazy, a little bit bad. But, hey, don't us girls just love that?"

Edited by Mr Happy on Tuesday 17th March 19:47

[Blown2CV]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

do you mention your 8 televisions?

[Vaud]

OpulentBob said:

Dotty. You da man.

I wish I had read that in my "CC" phase. Seriously, some good advice there.

[Vincefox]

DottyMR2 said:

Oi! I very nearly resemble that remark! Nowt wrong with working in IT, I work in infrastructure support doing problem management and continuous improvement (ooo err), I have a track slag I did actually 'pull the trigger on' which lies there broken most of the time.
The last bit, no, not in the slightest ever. However, IT is good money. I don't really lead on the first date with 'ooohhh, I work in IT my dear' (say it in the really creepy adenoidal voice I imagine Matt to have. Sorry matt, it's the hair, it makes me think you'll communicate like that).

They don't need to know I work in a department with a reputation for odd uns (although I don't actually work directly with any odd balls). IT is great money, just don't spend that money on cowboy hats/tweed/odd things.

Matt, I'm probably one of the closer ones to your age on this thread. Genuine help here, would you like me to post up some clothing links? Nothing fancy or overly expensive but you'd be amazed the difference some nice shoes, a well fitting pair of jeans (read NOT SKINNY JEANS. Seriously) and maybe a nice fitting jumper or some nice t shirts can make, especially of a first impression. Those count!
I'm not saying to change who you are completely, you can still like steam engines if you like them and some of the more niche stuff, but like a job, they should not define you. Slide all that odd stuff in there (steady on!) Slowly once they start to get to know you. Again, trying too hard to define yourself.
You have to remember, girls are just like guys to the most part. We bolt when the girl dumps all her crazy at once in us on the first date. They do too! So bear that in mind and anything that's a bit less mainstream, don't regail them tales of it for hours on end. This is where you sound like you are too intense with your 'picking a victim'. To either what seems to be prowling for months forming a list of compatibility or you're statement about 'noticing their beauty' is too much. WHat 23 year old talks like that?

Seriously, that's the guy equivalent of getting 'I Love You' tattood up your arm in japanese after we have been dating for 2 months. My ex ex did this (one from above I was with at 22, low confidence etc etc) and I should have bolted the opposite way as fast as I could possibly move. I didn't and learned a good lesson.

Most people in the world by this age have had some sort of mental case as a partner (those who haven't probably haven't got their willy wet yet) which for guys the common theme appears to be clingy. So don't be clingy, don't be too helpful or overly nice. It can set those alarm bells off instantly and from the sounds of it you are setting them off when you are springing asking them out on them while drunk walking home months after becoming a friend. To a girl, this means they think you were only friends with them because you wanted to fk them. (I'm right there though yes?) THIS IS CREEPY! You're setting all those alarms off and frankly I have never been turned down over email, ever. It is not normal but it seems to happen regularly to you, they run from you and turn you down from the safety of being behind a locked door. There is either something you are not telling us or you are so delusional that you don't even notice it. Tone down the 'madly in love you are my perfect woman' too, it's verging on rape territory and I'm not trying to make a sick joke. It scares them and they think you'll start driving really slowly in front of their house all night. To quote a very apt film, you're putting the pussy up on a pedestal. Stop it.

You seem to have this delusional view you are awesome, yet from your track record no one seems to agree. You make out you are this wild party animal, then say you don't like going out, you're "the life of the party when you choose to be" to make it seem as if you could you just don't want to. That to me is a delusional attempt to rub your own ego which frankly it seems could do with being shrunk down a bit, or you are a raging hipster (the tweed at 23 backs this up) and people hate hipsters with their "it's so uncool to be cool" attitude. It's why you don't take rejection well or can't seem to take a joke or 'guy banter' at all. It's why we continue to do it to you because you get so wound up by it.
As a piece of advice, anyone who says they are the life of the party and their birthday party was 'like a warehouse rave' sound like a complete fool! Honestly, it wasn't anything like a warehouse rave in the slightest and I can already tell, because you had to say it. It's like M5 badges on a 520d. Anyone how knows will see straight through you, anyone who doesn't isn't into or impressed by it. You just look like a tt, trust me I have first hand experience, I met a lot of people like you between 21 and 23.

Those friends of yours in long term relationships at Uni started out as just fking and it became something else. Why are you trying to skip past the fun part right to the end? Most of my mates are in long term relationships, 1 married and 2 more will pop the question this year probably. Does it make me want that? Hell no, because I am comfortable with who I am and I'm quite enjoying being single again. I think that is part of your problem is that you don't seem to know what you want and it comes across both to us and to these girls you try and trap. It comes across as a form of desperation and they can smell it from you over the top of the old spice.

I may be taking the piss a bit but I am trying to help. If you can't joke over the internet with a bunch of random people, how are you ever going to be able to take a joke in person when you are on a date? See them taking the piss is a sign they like you, are you aware of this? If you then take offence to it it's a right turn off. I think your problem may be 2 fold, I think I'm also in a decent place to advise you on how to fix it as I used to be like that, just at a much younger age than 23 but it's still similar.

I used to not pick up signals very well which meant I thought no one was interested. Due to this, it caused me to miss even more signals and it becomes a vicious cycle. This was at school but you seem to have this odd mix of believing you are 65 in the head but behaving like you're in 3rd year at high school. I bet you give creepy glances at girls that make your winky tingle constantly and you become that creepy sex pest always staring at them because you think it's 'flirting'?. Stop that, yes that works but only if you talk to them pretty soon after. Again, 3 days mate, you have 3 days to get them talking/get their number or it's over already.

Here's one thing to try. Go out this weekend, lick to be the life and soul of the party this weekend :roll: (but please don't say it to anyone). Go out on your own, or your mates if it scares you to walk into a club on your own. Have a few drinks with them, then go dance on your own. Do not try and talk to anyone yet. Give it an hour, have a few drinks, if people engage you of course chat but for the next hour you're on your own. This should help you get over the clingyness in that if you go in alone, people will talk to you.
After an hour or so of this, look for a group of girls dancing together. Now you're not 'big game' hunting. Don't go to a 20 quid on the door tenner a beer place, go somewhere that you're not going to feel drastically out of place. No old mans pubs either though, a student night! Pick a group of girls that are actually obtainable for you, I think you aim far too high. To get out the desert you've got to ride a few camels.
Go over to them and say to this effect "hi girls. Can I dance near you for a while, my friends have left early and I don't want to look like I'm in here alone". A few will give you funny looks, that's ok. One or two will probably say ok (as long as we've sorted the hair and clothes out a bit. Remember, you're 23 and not an old country land owner!).
Now this is the key, do not talk to them again. Just dance, I don't think we have any sort of sex appeal to work with on you, so we're going for wounded animal/injured bird with a broken wing here with you. Give it a while, they'll talk about you a bit, don't notice it. Most of the time, one of them will speak to you and invite you 'into the circle'. Do not engage them until this happens. Then you're in there. Now remember, you're not here to learn everything about this girl, calm down. The one who invited you in is the one to go for. If you get funny looks from a few of them that a good sign. It means the nice one to invite you in probably for some strange reason wants a piece and those friends can't understand why.
From here on in, you're on your own I'm afraid, but it's an easy way in and if they approach you, all you have to do is not fk it up or get fanny fright.
If you get knocked back, who cares? It has no effect on you and try again. I sense you have a bit of a rejection phobia.

I can't actually believe I feel I have to write this on a forum. Uni is so easy it's unreal, it's scary a student on this thread get the least amount of attention. At least it's gave me a boost, it is true someone always has it worse off! I'm also off work ill today so have all day to mess with, sorry, help Matt.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 17th March 12:27

there's no way i'm reading that fking lot.

[gwm]

So is CC just furiously touching himself because he's never been so popular, or hoping this will all blow over before he makes a reappearance?

[Super Slo Mo]

Mr Happy said:

There are a few things on it that either I don't understand, or other people don't:

• People who's profile only consists of pictures of their children. Who exactly are they trying to attract - Gary Glitter???

I reckon that's because it takes pics from their Facebook profile, and if they are being lazy and not bothering to edit/sort their photos, then all you get on the Tinder profile is the last few photos posted to FB, or the last ones in which they are tagged.

[DottyMR2]

Vaud said:

I wish I had read that in my "CC" phase. Seriously, some good advice there.

Me too! Would love to be able to give that advice to 18 year old me.

Joey Deacon posted a good point too, CC needs to look up red pill blue pill manosphere theory. It's bang on!

Any of the profiles where it's just them and their kids, swipe left... it's not worth it. They may be hot, they may seem quite nice, but I can guarantee they'll also be a 9 or higher crazy and slap bang in the danger zone.
For reference, I'm sure it's been posted before in one of the other volumes but there is no way I'm checking. https://youtu.be/hKWmFWRVLlU, hilarious.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Tuesday 17th March 22:43

[leglessAlex]

DottyMR2 said:

Joey Deacon posted a good point too, CC needs to look up red pill blue pill manosphere theory. It's bang on!

He really doesn't. CC may be misguided in many ways but at least he isn't a bellend who treats women as if they are generally worthless while referring to himself as an 'alpha' and other guys who he thinks are beneath him as 'betas'.

'The Manosphere' is a seriously depressing concept.

[DottyMR2]

leglessAlex said:

He really doesn't. CC may be misguided in many ways but at least he isn't a bellend who treats women as if they are generally worthless while referring to himself as an 'alpha' and other guys who he thinks are beneath him as 'betas'.

'The Manosphere' is a seriously depressing concept.

Taken completely literally it's terrible, it's definetely not a gospel. It is however the basic principle of self confidence.

Hence my comment of "fake tan midget gem hairstyle cock", don't be that guy. Those guys follow the linked theory to the letter and have plays they run. They are dicks, but the one positive trait they seem to have is self confidence in abound! (Usually linked to being rather thick, ignorance is bliss and all that). However, no matter how nice a person you are, you still have to compete with them.

Like any sensible person, take the positive from something and discard the negatives from anything.

The polar opposite of the manosphere is the overly chivalrous verging on feminist guy that feels the need to jump to the defence of the honour of women everywhere. Equally as disrespectful to women in that they treat them as if they are defenceless meek creatures, unable to speak up for themselves.

Hit the middle ground, a mix of manosphere confidence in yourself mixed in with a touch of chivalry. Simple fact is we are just monkeys ruled by chemical reactions in our brains which give us 'feelings' and the whole basis of first attraction is solely based on physical attraction normally. That's our monkey brain picking what we see as a good 'mate'. Everything else is social engineering layered on top. Women have monkey brains too and there are plenty of womensphere women out there.
I still treat women with respect, I'm quite a caring person actually but I also appreciate that women find confidence attractive too. Balance, too much either way is wrong but use the best bits of both.

[anonymous-user]

DottyMR2 said:

Taken completely literally it's terrible, it's definetely not a gospel. It is however the basic principle of self confidence.

I totally agree, but the one piece of advice I would take from this, and I think this particularly applies to CC is do not put women on a pedestal.

It all boils down to self confidence and options. If you are a confident guy with options then you can pretty much get away with anything. Women do not want some needy guy who puts them on a pedestal, they want someone confident with options who they feel is a catch.

Now it is pretty obvious to me that CC is 100% Beta and is invisible to women. He is certainly not someone they would ever be interested in sleeping with, he is the sort of guy who fixes their computers and is someone who listens to them when they moan about their boyfriends.

[northwest monkey]

Joey Deacon said:

DottyMR2 said:

Taken completely literally it's terrible, it's definetely not a gospel. It is however the basic principle of self confidence.

I totally agree, but the one piece of advice I would take from this, and I think this particularly applies to CC is do not put women on a pedestal.

It all boils down to self confidence and options. If you are a confident guy with options then you can pretty much get away with anything. Women do not want some needy guy who puts them on a pedestal, they want someone confident with options who they feel is a catch.

Now it is pretty obvious to me that CC is 100% Beta and is invisible to women. He is certainly not someone they would ever be interested in sleeping with, he is the sort of guy who fixes their computers and is someone who listens to them when they moan about their boyfriends.

Or the ultimate "friendzone" - gay.

[RobinBanks]

hora said:

Edit - a few of them/you? send a text daily saying morning/heres how my day was as though they were talking to their wife/felt the need to send a regular text at set times.

One recorded voicemessages and sent them for whatsapp. No video- just voice and sends them to her.

This is blokes in their 30's.

Edited by hora on Wednesday 18th March 10:10

Interesting. A female friend advised me that girls like that (although I don't do it)
And my girlfriend used to do that when we were still getting to know each other.

That said, both of them are foreign so maybe it's a cultural thing