How Solid Really is Your Marriage

[jesta1865]

I think mine is fairly solid, married for 7 years this Xmas eve, together for 18 years.

she tells me I only have 2 faults, 1) I don't listen to her properly and 2) something else she was wittering on about.

we are just about to emigrate to New Zealand, she has a job to go to, I don't but it's all good.

She has stood by me when I was made redundant, and again 11 months later when trying to run my own business I was taken for several thousand and had to go back to a PAYE job to clear it all.

We have no accommodation to go to in NZ, having Xmas and new year in OZ then going to wing it we often do.

Over the years, there have been tears, and lots of laughing and piss taking of each other, but she isn't just my wife, she is my best friend, lover and above all my soul mate.

We support each other come what may, and the loon still lets me sleep with her

[Ari]

42% of marriages end in divorce.

I think what this thread proves is that if you could include continuing marriages in which one or both wish they were divorced but are sticking it out for financial reasons/the kids/scared of being alone/whatever, that figure would be far far higher.

[Harry Flashman]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Heh. Good precis, frankly, except for the stallion bit. But my threads on here over the years portrayed the sort of life I used to lead, and thought I would forever! Definitely did not think I would marry, and certainly not to someone anything like my wife. Maybe it's that changing of expectations that some people need - if you go into something that you never thought would happen, it's tough to have preconceived ideas about how it should all be.

Said wife is currently searching our half-finished home for a misplaced induction hob whilst dealing with the builders as they try to fix the kitchen, and sending me sweary messages on WhatsApp as she meets with little success.

Me? Just back from a Christmassy lunchtime pint in the City.

Marriage is bliss.

Edited by Harry Flashman on Friday 8th December 13:57

[Douglas Quaid]

To those that say their wife is their best friend, do you not have male friends?

[fridaypassion]

RicksAlfas said:

I think part of this is that for modern day living both partners often work full time and whilst it's old fashioned, I do think it was easier when one half had no job or a lesser job, especially if children were involved. After all, running a home and looking after children is a full time job in itself!

Edited by RicksAlfas on Friday 8th December 13:51

This is a very interesting point. I would wager if you draw a graph of divorce rate vs the rate of having 2 x full time workers in a marriage you'd get directly proportional results.

Im all for equality but it's a bit of a shame that bringing women fully into the workplace didn't leave a legacy of house husbands. Instead it's largely to blame for pushing up house prices as people can get double the mortgage they could in the late 70s with 2 full timers.

Also that's another great point about having clear roles. This is another area in which I think I have been fortunate as Mrs FP is full time mum to 3 mini FPs and I just go out to work. I'm under no pressure to do any domestic tasks and the Mrs doesn't get drafted in to change any brake pads. We did used to both be full time when division of tasks was much more even. I don't envy any couple that both have careers in fact I can't think of any truly lasting marriage that's had two career minded individuals in it. This is not at all to say it's her choice to stay at home either I'd be all for being a kept man although as previously observed in this thread being a full time mum is a bloody hard job indeed.

[Wacky Racer]

A rowing boat always rows faster when you both row in the same direction.

Don't waste time on petty little squabbles about things that don't really matter, they can kill a relationship/marriage.

[PDP76]

hyphen said:

Flirt a little in your workplace and you will soon find women who are bored at home.

This is very true. I’m 41, knocking on the door of 42. Always had a laugh with the very quite attractive polish mid 40’s divorced woman in our office. I’m separated/single a month and she wants to date. Man am I flattered, she’s damn good for our years . I just hope it’s not some ruse that I get robbed and gangbanged by a lot of horny polish men

Anyway, joking aside. One door closes, another one will open.

[fridaypassion]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

This is a harsh fact that is fully acknowledged. Lucky stars are regularly counted.

[PDP76]

fridaypassion said:

This is a harsh fact that is fully acknowledged. Lucky stars are regularly counted.

Yup. Luckily for us, our son, almost 18 and in full time education* has elected to stay with me.
So for now, it’s remaining as friends, but firmly accepting with each other, it’s over, and has been for a while to be honest.
Still under the same roof, until we sell the house in the new year. Separate bedrooms, except for last night ffs. She came home drunk as fk after a works night out, cold and upset.. Too much drink. Got into bed with me to cuddle.
She wakes up the next morning confused to hell why she’s in with me.. No we didn’t, don’t worry she says, I’ve only got my bra and knickers on, where are my clothes. Probably in a heap on the landing.

Besides that, remaining friends, stupid not to after 21 yrs with each other. We don’t hate each other, we still love each other, but not as lovers anymore. So the new year, house sold, split the difference and follow our own paths.

• she hasn’t realised yet, I could be entitled to maintenance payments . But that’s not me, I’m not a complete asshole.

Edited by PDP76 on Friday 8th December 22:23

[Wings]

My marriage is like living in the house on the side of a steep hill, you think the house is going to slip down the hill, but it never does. Been together 50 years, married 46, of those 46 years working in business together 7 days a week, never having a night or day apart. We have had some right ding dong rows, but still together and hopefully will always remain together.

[xjay1337]

Wacky Racer said:

A rowing boat always rows faster when you both row in the same direction.

Don't waste time on petty little squabbles about things that don't really matter, they can kill a relationship/marriage.

Quite so.

Arguing over petty things is also annoying from an emotional point of view.
If you have a huge difference in an opinion then fine but small things is just stupid and you think "WTF are we doing".

[Ari]

Wings said:

My marriage is like living in the house on the side of a steep hill, you think the house is going to slip down the hill, but it never does. Been together 50 years, married 46, of those 46 years working in business together 7 days a week, never having a night or day apart. We have had some right ding dong rows, but still together and hopefully will always remain together.

Sounds great.

[227bhp]

Wacky Racer said:

A rowing boat always rows faster when you both row in the same direction.

I remember someone telling me he thought a fanny looked like a man in a rowing boat so maybe you're right.

[Nuclear Skip]

Some stomach churning replies on this thread.

[lord trumpton]

My wife and I have been married for around 14 years. We've got 3 children.

One of my boys had a really troublesome premature birth and on day 3 of his life suffered an IVH. He's 8 now and has cerebral palsy, can't walk or talk and uses a wheelchair. He suffers from Epilepsy - each seizure can be a life ending event as he stops breathing and we have to have a rescue medication on hand.

A statistic for divorce in parents with a disabled/special needs child is >80%.

Although we cope a lot better now, the first few years were terribly stressful and I was on the edge of a mental breakdown.

One thing that has only got stronger is the bond with me and the wife - instead of being ripped apart the whole thing pushed us even tighter together - I can honestly say that despite all the stress we have yet to have an argument! Sure we have disagreements and the odd snap at eachother but not one real fall out or shouting match.

Obviously there are a lot of factors in a strong relationship but one thing I firmly believe in is total and open honesty. Right from the off we have shared everything. She knows my every worry, thought pattern and every emotion. We talk about everything and anything in total honesty. We have laughed, cried and loved through everything.

I know a lot of people have worse problems but I feel that the start of thing unravelling could be traced back to lack or communication and/or fear of being open and honest.

Edited by lord trumpton on Saturday 9th December 07:30

[alorotom]

Douglas Quaid said:

To those that say their wife is their best friend, do you not have male friends?

Absolutely, but it’s a totally different type of friend

[Robertj21a]

lord trumpton said:

My wife and I have been married for around 14 years. We've got 3 children.

One of my boys had a really troublesome premature birth and on day 3 of his life suffered an IVH. He's 8 now and has cerebral palsy, can't walk or talk and uses a wheelchair. He suffers from Epilepsy - each seizure can be a life ending event as he stops breathing and we have to have a rescue medication on hand.

A statistic for divorce in parents with a disabled/special needs child is >80%.

Although we cope a lot better now, the first few years were terribly stressful and I was on the edge of a mental breakdown.

One thing that has only got stronger is the bond with me and the wife - instead of being ripped apart the whole thing pushed us even tighter together - I can honestly say that despite all the stress we have yet to have an argument! Sure we have disagreements and the odd snap at eachother but not one real fall out or shouting match.

Obviously there are a lot of factors in a strong relationship but one thing I firmly believe in is total and open honesty. Right from the off we have shared everything. She knows my every worry, thought pattern and every emotion. We talk about everything and anything in total honesty. We have laughed, cried and loved through everything.

I know a lot of people have worse problems but I feel that the start of thing unravelling could be traced back to lack or communication and/or fear of being open and honest.

Edited by lord trumpton on Saturday 9th December 07:30

Quite agree, very understandable - and well done.

[FocusRS3]

Glad I started this thread , some great stories on here and I think it’ll also make people stop and think about working harder at their marriages if needs be .

Sadly I can see a friends marriage hitting the wall next year but there is no point in telling him as it’s clear it’s alteady too far ruined and I’ll
Onlly end up getting dragged into it .

Shame

[Bobberoo99]

FocusRS3 said:

Glad I started this thread , some great stories on here and I think it’ll also make people stop and think about working harder at their marriages if needs be .

Sadly I can see a friends marriage hitting the wall next year but there is no point in telling him as it’s clear it’s alteady too far ruined and I’ll
Onlly end up getting dragged into it .

Shame

Word of advice- NEVER involve yourself you'll end up being used! It's very sad to watch someone's marriage fail but it is up to them to deal with it.
Reading through this thread it's clear to see that there are many strong relationships and many unhappy one's too. The simple facts are unless BOTH parties are willing to put equal effort, be honest and truthful and more importantly open in the relationship then it is destined to fail. I come from a divorced, family my wife doesn't, I come from an open and loving family, my wife doesn't, the end result is two very different views of the world, the point is you both have to be willing to work at it.

[Rick101]

Wings said:

46 years working in business together 7 days a week, never having a night or day apart.

I'm always mystified when people claim stuff like this, even over a period of 2 or 3 years. 46 years is just flabbergasting.

46 years? Since 1971 you have never been apart? Ever? Since 1971? You have never had a night out with the lads? She has never gone on a spa break or whatever women do?

I rarely call people out but that sounds like total bks.