Discussion
I have a few experiences of this that I have handled in different ways.
First off, I was with a South African girl for 8 years from the age of 18. I moved back to the UK half way through the relationship and used to fly her out on holidays and paid for most of her university degree. We did absolutely everything together. We quietly set a wedding date and then three months before we had agreed to get engaged she ran off with another woman. That was a shock I can tell you. Really broke my heart and I've never allowed myself to get so intensely emotionally involved with anybody again.
Second experience, glamorous Australian singer I went out with. She was a few years older than me and stunning to look at, although not the greatest intellect in the world. It started to go downhill when a couple of the blokes in the rugby team I was playing for at the time reported that she was stripping part time at a well known Shoreditch establishment. She admitted it when I asked her about it - half the time I had thought she was off singing gigs (and babysitting her daughter) she was actually stripping. That I could handle OK, but it then escalated to the knowledge she was doing private parties. At first she told me that this involved no contact, then she admitted that she used toys and I finally discovered that it sometimes involved other men to some degree or another. The final straw was when she went off to a music event one night and didn't come home. I sat up all night worrying about her. She turned up after lunch the next day and proudly told me she had spent the night with Michael Bolton and that he had promised to set her up with a lucrative record deal. Yeah right. And she couldn't understand why I didn't quite share her excitement. I was gone the next day.
Experience three was a Lancashire air hostess I met in the Middle East. Stunningly beautiful, but again not a great wit. Got engaged very quickly and she moved in. Sadly I was tipped off that while I was at work earning the money that she was blowing like tap water, she was banging a Bahraini airline pilot who was showering her with expensive gifts that she kept hidden and sent back to her family in Rochdale. I bought her a surprise flight home "on holiday", then cancelled the return flight, sent all her stuff back in boxes and moved house.
First off, I was with a South African girl for 8 years from the age of 18. I moved back to the UK half way through the relationship and used to fly her out on holidays and paid for most of her university degree. We did absolutely everything together. We quietly set a wedding date and then three months before we had agreed to get engaged she ran off with another woman. That was a shock I can tell you. Really broke my heart and I've never allowed myself to get so intensely emotionally involved with anybody again.
Second experience, glamorous Australian singer I went out with. She was a few years older than me and stunning to look at, although not the greatest intellect in the world. It started to go downhill when a couple of the blokes in the rugby team I was playing for at the time reported that she was stripping part time at a well known Shoreditch establishment. She admitted it when I asked her about it - half the time I had thought she was off singing gigs (and babysitting her daughter) she was actually stripping. That I could handle OK, but it then escalated to the knowledge she was doing private parties. At first she told me that this involved no contact, then she admitted that she used toys and I finally discovered that it sometimes involved other men to some degree or another. The final straw was when she went off to a music event one night and didn't come home. I sat up all night worrying about her. She turned up after lunch the next day and proudly told me she had spent the night with Michael Bolton and that he had promised to set her up with a lucrative record deal. Yeah right. And she couldn't understand why I didn't quite share her excitement. I was gone the next day.
Experience three was a Lancashire air hostess I met in the Middle East. Stunningly beautiful, but again not a great wit. Got engaged very quickly and she moved in. Sadly I was tipped off that while I was at work earning the money that she was blowing like tap water, she was banging a Bahraini airline pilot who was showering her with expensive gifts that she kept hidden and sent back to her family in Rochdale. I bought her a surprise flight home "on holiday", then cancelled the return flight, sent all her stuff back in boxes and moved house.
Mon Ami Mate said:
I have a few experiences of this that I have handled in different ways.
First off, I was with a South African girl for 8 years from the age of 18. I moved back to the UK half way through the relationship and used to fly her out on holidays and paid for most of her university degree. We did absolutely everything together. We quietly set a wedding date and then three months before we had agreed to get engaged she ran off with another woman. That was a shock I can tell you. Really broke my heart and I've never allowed myself to get so intensely emotionally involved with anybody again.
Second experience, glamorous Australian singer I went out with. She was a few years older than me and stunning to look at, although not the greatest intellect in the world. It started to go downhill when a couple of the blokes in the rugby team I was playing for at the time reported that she was stripping part time at a well known Shoreditch establishment. She admitted it when I asked her about it - half the time I had thought she was off singing gigs (and babysitting her daughter) she was actually stripping. That I could handle OK, but it then escalated to the knowledge she was doing private parties. At first she told me that this involved no contact, then she admitted that she used toys and I finally discovered that it sometimes involved other men to some degree or another. The final straw was when she went off to a music event one night and didn't come home. I sat up all night worrying about her. She turned up after lunch the next day and proudly told me she had spent the night with Michael Bolton and that he had promised to set her up with a lucrative record deal. Yeah right. And she couldn't understand why I didn't quite share her excitement. I was gone the next day.
Experience three was a Lancashire air hostess I met in the Middle East. Stunningly beautiful, but again not a great wit. Got engaged very quickly and she moved in. Sadly I was tipped off that while I was at work earning the money that she was blowing like tap water, she was banging a Bahraini airline pilot who was showering her with expensive gifts that she kept hidden and sent back to her family in Rochdale. I bought her a surprise flight home "on holiday", then cancelled the return flight, sent all her stuff back in boxes and moved house.
fFirst off, I was with a South African girl for 8 years from the age of 18. I moved back to the UK half way through the relationship and used to fly her out on holidays and paid for most of her university degree. We did absolutely everything together. We quietly set a wedding date and then three months before we had agreed to get engaged she ran off with another woman. That was a shock I can tell you. Really broke my heart and I've never allowed myself to get so intensely emotionally involved with anybody again.
Second experience, glamorous Australian singer I went out with. She was a few years older than me and stunning to look at, although not the greatest intellect in the world. It started to go downhill when a couple of the blokes in the rugby team I was playing for at the time reported that she was stripping part time at a well known Shoreditch establishment. She admitted it when I asked her about it - half the time I had thought she was off singing gigs (and babysitting her daughter) she was actually stripping. That I could handle OK, but it then escalated to the knowledge she was doing private parties. At first she told me that this involved no contact, then she admitted that she used toys and I finally discovered that it sometimes involved other men to some degree or another. The final straw was when she went off to a music event one night and didn't come home. I sat up all night worrying about her. She turned up after lunch the next day and proudly told me she had spent the night with Michael Bolton and that he had promised to set her up with a lucrative record deal. Yeah right. And she couldn't understand why I didn't quite share her excitement. I was gone the next day.
Experience three was a Lancashire air hostess I met in the Middle East. Stunningly beautiful, but again not a great wit. Got engaged very quickly and she moved in. Sadly I was tipped off that while I was at work earning the money that she was blowing like tap water, she was banging a Bahraini airline pilot who was showering her with expensive gifts that she kept hidden and sent back to her family in Rochdale. I bought her a surprise flight home "on holiday", then cancelled the return flight, sent all her stuff back in boxes and moved house.
king hell, what a depressing read. 
vixen1700 said:
Mon Ami Mate said:
I have a few experiences of this that I have handled in different ways.
First off, I was with a South African girl for 8 years from the age of 18. I moved back to the UK half way through the relationship and used to fly her out on holidays and paid for most of her university degree. We did absolutely everything together. We quietly set a wedding date and then three months before we had agreed to get engaged she ran off with another woman. That was a shock I can tell you. Really broke my heart and I've never allowed myself to get so intensely emotionally involved with anybody again.
Second experience, glamorous Australian singer I went out with. She was a few years older than me and stunning to look at, although not the greatest intellect in the world. It started to go downhill when a couple of the blokes in the rugby team I was playing for at the time reported that she was stripping part time at a well known Shoreditch establishment. She admitted it when I asked her about it - half the time I had thought she was off singing gigs (and babysitting her daughter) she was actually stripping. That I could handle OK, but it then escalated to the knowledge she was doing private parties. At first she told me that this involved no contact, then she admitted that she used toys and I finally discovered that it sometimes involved other men to some degree or another. The final straw was when she went off to a music event one night and didn't come home. I sat up all night worrying about her. She turned up after lunch the next day and proudly told me she had spent the night with Michael Bolton and that he had promised to set her up with a lucrative record deal. Yeah right. And she couldn't understand why I didn't quite share her excitement. I was gone the next day.
Experience three was a Lancashire air hostess I met in the Middle East. Stunningly beautiful, but again not a great wit. Got engaged very quickly and she moved in. Sadly I was tipped off that while I was at work earning the money that she was blowing like tap water, she was banging a Bahraini airline pilot who was showering her with expensive gifts that she kept hidden and sent back to her family in Rochdale. I bought her a surprise flight home "on holiday", then cancelled the return flight, sent all her stuff back in boxes and moved house.
fFirst off, I was with a South African girl for 8 years from the age of 18. I moved back to the UK half way through the relationship and used to fly her out on holidays and paid for most of her university degree. We did absolutely everything together. We quietly set a wedding date and then three months before we had agreed to get engaged she ran off with another woman. That was a shock I can tell you. Really broke my heart and I've never allowed myself to get so intensely emotionally involved with anybody again.
Second experience, glamorous Australian singer I went out with. She was a few years older than me and stunning to look at, although not the greatest intellect in the world. It started to go downhill when a couple of the blokes in the rugby team I was playing for at the time reported that she was stripping part time at a well known Shoreditch establishment. She admitted it when I asked her about it - half the time I had thought she was off singing gigs (and babysitting her daughter) she was actually stripping. That I could handle OK, but it then escalated to the knowledge she was doing private parties. At first she told me that this involved no contact, then she admitted that she used toys and I finally discovered that it sometimes involved other men to some degree or another. The final straw was when she went off to a music event one night and didn't come home. I sat up all night worrying about her. She turned up after lunch the next day and proudly told me she had spent the night with Michael Bolton and that he had promised to set her up with a lucrative record deal. Yeah right. And she couldn't understand why I didn't quite share her excitement. I was gone the next day.
Experience three was a Lancashire air hostess I met in the Middle East. Stunningly beautiful, but again not a great wit. Got engaged very quickly and she moved in. Sadly I was tipped off that while I was at work earning the money that she was blowing like tap water, she was banging a Bahraini airline pilot who was showering her with expensive gifts that she kept hidden and sent back to her family in Rochdale. I bought her a surprise flight home "on holiday", then cancelled the return flight, sent all her stuff back in boxes and moved house.
king hell, what a depressing read. STIfree said:
Be interested to hear if you've been the cheater or been the one he/she was cheating with.
My wife was married when I met her. A few months later we were living together, a couple of years after that she got divorced, three years after that we got married, four years later and here we are today. chunkymonkey71 said:
When I was about 21 (and a poor student) I had a girlfriend who went on a 4 month Work America programme. I had planned to go over and spent most of the summer working and saving to go but as it got nearer to the end of her trip I decided it would be best to blow all the money I'd saved on her Birthday instead (over £1000 was a lot for me at the time- still is I guess).
Spoke to her twice a week on the phone and everything seemed great. She was looking forward to coming home and I made a big effort to meet her at the airport with flowers etc...
She came home, I gave her all her birthday gifts and about an hour later she broke up with me.
I found out a month later from my boss, who had never met her; that it was common knowledge that she had been cheating whilst away. She had actually got engaged to an Ecuadorian guy when she was over there but had taken off the ring before leaving the plane.
Was deeply gutting at the time but I look back on it now with a bit of a giggle. Learned an important life lesson there and was glad that I learned it at the tender age of 21.
Anecdotally, some time later the Ecuadorian chap left her and married her best friend.
Did she give the gifts back? If not she is (even more of) an absolute scumbag!Spoke to her twice a week on the phone and everything seemed great. She was looking forward to coming home and I made a big effort to meet her at the airport with flowers etc...
She came home, I gave her all her birthday gifts and about an hour later she broke up with me.
I found out a month later from my boss, who had never met her; that it was common knowledge that she had been cheating whilst away. She had actually got engaged to an Ecuadorian guy when she was over there but had taken off the ring before leaving the plane.
Was deeply gutting at the time but I look back on it now with a bit of a giggle. Learned an important life lesson there and was glad that I learned it at the tender age of 21.
Anecdotally, some time later the Ecuadorian chap left her and married her best friend.
Just to accept stuff from someone you know full well you're about to dump.
STIfree said:
Anyone on the other end of the stick? Be interested to hear if you've been the cheater or been the one he/she was cheating with.
I was a one she was cheating with.Yes, I did say A. Was told she was seperated from husband, and on the first few occasions i visited (a 100mile drive) he wasn't about, and i never asked. Turned out she had cheated with another guy but 'that's behind me now' I subsequently found out that not only was she not seperated, they still shared the same bed, and she was still seeing the other bloke. I threatened to end it if she didn't move out and end it with the other bloke.
It was only when I found out the hatchet job being done to my friends by her, and that she was still shagging the other that I happily walked away.
Now, I'm having to watch a dear girlfriend of mine get involved with a married man and I'm seeing all the same lies and patterns from him. It's taken a while, but only now is she starting to realise who he actually is - quite a nasty piece of work when not getting his way on things (nasty drunk too)
My fiancé at the time (most definitely not my wife now!) in 2002 decided the grass was greener elsewhere. I was lucky enough to find out on a car forum of all places! I remember being far too much of a mess at the time to wish bad things on her or him. I can totally understand those that say such things, but doubt many of them really mean it.
Was with a girl for about 5years and definately 'the one'- Had first house together, cars, closely knitted families and everything, supported her through training as an auditor for a couple of years etc. Noticed something wasn't quite right, chat about are we good etc, with "yes of course", "stop being paranoid"...
Anyway she was a way a lot 'on audits' but said she needed time at her brothers place down south one weekend, 'which had bad reception' anyway I sent texts asking how she was, but with a delivery report - and called the phone as soon as I got a response - and the call went to international dialing... So that was the end of that - was quite a soul crushing experience. Also annoying that her family knew about and were complicit in her cheating, as I thought they were better than that.
Second one was with an air hostess for 4 years, again noticed something a miss, had a peak at her phone she left around arranging to meet up with a guy... That was that end of that one - not as difficult as the first due to being significantly wiser to financial situations, and realising that its most certainly NOT the end of you world.
So current personal rules are:
1. If you think they are cheating - they probably are.
2. If they don't admit it, bug phones and install tracking software to confirm.
3. Cut contact, move on and get under someone else as soon as possible and have lots of fun.
Anyway she was a way a lot 'on audits' but said she needed time at her brothers place down south one weekend, 'which had bad reception' anyway I sent texts asking how she was, but with a delivery report - and called the phone as soon as I got a response - and the call went to international dialing... So that was the end of that - was quite a soul crushing experience. Also annoying that her family knew about and were complicit in her cheating, as I thought they were better than that.
Second one was with an air hostess for 4 years, again noticed something a miss, had a peak at her phone she left around arranging to meet up with a guy... That was that end of that one - not as difficult as the first due to being significantly wiser to financial situations, and realising that its most certainly NOT the end of you world.
So current personal rules are:
1. If you think they are cheating - they probably are.
2. If they don't admit it, bug phones and install tracking software to confirm.
3. Cut contact, move on and get under someone else as soon as possible and have lots of fun.
Not me personally, i don't think i've been cheated on (touch wood) & i've certainly not done it before as i think it's a really terrible thing to do to someone.
However, one of my friends at the time was going out with a girl who was quite, 'friendly' we always suspected she may be inclined to cheat on him, she'd dance with other guys when out, to make him 'jealous', she'd put photo's of herself on Fbook & loads of guys would comment even though she had a boyfriend at the time.
I'd suspected for ages she was the 'sort' to cheat on him, i think they'd been together maybe 3 years or so.
It was halloween, i'd finished work & was walking to get a taxi, i witness her, being carried across the road by a chap who certainly wasn't my friend, i watched them for about 15-20 minutes, hugging, hands all over each other etc, then get in a taxi together, i phone my friend & relay said information, he thanks me & that is that.
They don't split up.
Fast forward to Xmas eve a couple of years back, they're all on a night out at a local club, the group of my friends leave & they're looking for my friends gf.
One thing leads to another & for some reason my friend walks into the local park, i presume to relieve himself of the beer full of belly, out of the bushes rolls his gf & some bloke with his trousers round his ankles & her pulling her knickers up.
Needless to say, he finished with her then!
However, one of my friends at the time was going out with a girl who was quite, 'friendly' we always suspected she may be inclined to cheat on him, she'd dance with other guys when out, to make him 'jealous', she'd put photo's of herself on Fbook & loads of guys would comment even though she had a boyfriend at the time.
I'd suspected for ages she was the 'sort' to cheat on him, i think they'd been together maybe 3 years or so.
It was halloween, i'd finished work & was walking to get a taxi, i witness her, being carried across the road by a chap who certainly wasn't my friend, i watched them for about 15-20 minutes, hugging, hands all over each other etc, then get in a taxi together, i phone my friend & relay said information, he thanks me & that is that.
They don't split up.
Fast forward to Xmas eve a couple of years back, they're all on a night out at a local club, the group of my friends leave & they're looking for my friends gf.
One thing leads to another & for some reason my friend walks into the local park, i presume to relieve himself of the beer full of belly, out of the bushes rolls his gf & some bloke with his trousers round his ankles & her pulling her knickers up.
Needless to say, he finished with her then!
Carthage said:
I wasn't trying to start an argument, apologies if it read that way.
I just tend to think in black and white, right and wrong, so couldn't understand why you were so opposed to one form of revenge and so in favour of another.
All forms of hurting people are, to me, wrong even if there's a reason/motivation there like infidelity.
Was trying to understand your viewpoint, that's all, and you've gone some way to explaining it to me.
Not sure if it's a male view point or just an individual one, but the difference to my mind is vast. One is a cruel, yet topical hoax that will leave no permanent damage yet will temporarily scare the living sI just tend to think in black and white, right and wrong, so couldn't understand why you were so opposed to one form of revenge and so in favour of another.
All forms of hurting people are, to me, wrong even if there's a reason/motivation there like infidelity.
Was trying to understand your viewpoint, that's all, and you've gone some way to explaining it to me.
t out of the two wrong doers.The other is a savage permanent disfigurement, with a fair chance of causing a mortal injury at the time, and if not it will leave the victim physically scarred and most likely mentally disturbed for life, and quite possibly suicidal.
It's not just matters of degree it's qualitatively different in similar orders of magnitude to standing on someone's toe and shooting someone through the chest.
I actually have experience from both sides of the fence. I've been cheated on but I've also cheated on my ex in the past.
Being cheated on came before I cheated on my ex fiance.
My ex (before my ex fiance) managed to do it 8 times to me. I found out via a key logger on the PC and his phone would go off at odd times and, as we had the same phone at the time, I'd grab it without relaising it was his and reading texts I clearly was not meant to see. I forgave him a lot, was devoted to him (first major love blah) but the 8th time was it. I walked away.
My ex fiance. Well it was messy. My ex (yes the one above) got back into contact (for the 5th time during the 2 years I was apart from him) I had rebutted every contact before then but this time I didn't, not sure why.
Anyway we talked for a while and he got stranded one day and needed a lift into work. I offered to run him in. Big mistake.
It only happened once. I stopped contact with my ex that day, admitted it to my fiance. We tried to make it work but it made me realise that I had never really loved my fiance.
We broke up. We are still friends now though.
Anyway I've got a new partner. Would never dream of seeing anyone else. Blissfully happy and we both trust each other and I've been honest about my past.
Funnily enough ex 1 tried to contact me again recently (regular occurance over the 5 years since the split. It always starts with, my biggest regret was losing you.
In instance one. Each occurance hurt like hell. I felt like my heart was literally breaking.
When it was me doing it the guilt was overwhelming and really ate at me. I deserved worse then what I got but it taught me that I'm not the type who can do that and live with myself.
Being cheated on came before I cheated on my ex fiance.
My ex (before my ex fiance) managed to do it 8 times to me. I found out via a key logger on the PC and his phone would go off at odd times and, as we had the same phone at the time, I'd grab it without relaising it was his and reading texts I clearly was not meant to see. I forgave him a lot, was devoted to him (first major love blah) but the 8th time was it. I walked away.
My ex fiance. Well it was messy. My ex (yes the one above) got back into contact (for the 5th time during the 2 years I was apart from him) I had rebutted every contact before then but this time I didn't, not sure why.
Anyway we talked for a while and he got stranded one day and needed a lift into work. I offered to run him in. Big mistake.
It only happened once. I stopped contact with my ex that day, admitted it to my fiance. We tried to make it work but it made me realise that I had never really loved my fiance.
We broke up. We are still friends now though.
Anyway I've got a new partner. Would never dream of seeing anyone else. Blissfully happy and we both trust each other and I've been honest about my past.
Funnily enough ex 1 tried to contact me again recently (regular occurance over the 5 years since the split. It always starts with, my biggest regret was losing you.
In instance one. Each occurance hurt like hell. I felt like my heart was literally breaking.
When it was me doing it the guilt was overwhelming and really ate at me. I deserved worse then what I got but it taught me that I'm not the type who can do that and live with myself.
Robb F said:
chunkymonkey71 said:
When I was about 21 (and a poor student) I had a girlfriend who went on a 4 month Work America programme. I had planned to go over and spent most of the summer working and saving to go but as it got nearer to the end of her trip I decided it would be best to blow all the money I'd saved on her Birthday instead (over £1000 was a lot for me at the time- still is I guess).
Spoke to her twice a week on the phone and everything seemed great. She was looking forward to coming home and I made a big effort to meet her at the airport with flowers etc...
She came home, I gave her all her birthday gifts and about an hour later she broke up with me.
I found out a month later from my boss, who had never met her; that it was common knowledge that she had been cheating whilst away. She had actually got engaged to an Ecuadorian guy when she was over there but had taken off the ring before leaving the plane.
Was deeply gutting at the time but I look back on it now with a bit of a giggle. Learned an important life lesson there and was glad that I learned it at the tender age of 21.
Anecdotally, some time later the Ecuadorian chap left her and married her best friend.
Did she give the gifts back? If not she is (even more of) an absolute scumbag!Spoke to her twice a week on the phone and everything seemed great. She was looking forward to coming home and I made a big effort to meet her at the airport with flowers etc...
She came home, I gave her all her birthday gifts and about an hour later she broke up with me.
I found out a month later from my boss, who had never met her; that it was common knowledge that she had been cheating whilst away. She had actually got engaged to an Ecuadorian guy when she was over there but had taken off the ring before leaving the plane.
Was deeply gutting at the time but I look back on it now with a bit of a giggle. Learned an important life lesson there and was glad that I learned it at the tender age of 21.
Anecdotally, some time later the Ecuadorian chap left her and married her best friend.
Just to accept stuff from someone you know full well you're about to dump.
AndyNetwork said:
However, she had other ideas, and decided to screw my best mate, who I had been using as a sounding board, so it wasn't as though he didn't know the situation, and was also seeing two other girls at the same time.
As for revenge, well, even now, 5 years later, if I got the chance I would get revenge (best served cold, and with a side order of ice!) He doesn't even know that I know about it. .
So he doesn't know you know - so have you continued to be his best mate? As for revenge, well, even now, 5 years later, if I got the chance I would get revenge (best served cold, and with a side order of ice!) He doesn't even know that I know about it. .
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