Marriage is Over....
Discussion
ShyTallKnight said:
All the right stuff
STK, you sound like you have dealt with this really well. It all sounds horribly familiar and staggeringly similar to my situation, except I'm kicking myself because I didn't think about the dental nurse. If she has a sister, would you be kind enough to drop me a PM?
Also, it is possible to do these things relatively amicably. My wife moved out and we share the kids (although I'm still footing all the bills at the moment, we'll see how things go when she doesn't have free money to spend....).
Good luck with this and don't forget to keep using the support network (including us) - lots of ups and downs ahead.
Thanks chaps.
To be honest she really is in bits and said to me this morning that the fact I am remaining so calm is freaking her out and why haven't I thrown her out and screamed and shouted as that is what she deserves. My response was that we need to be grown up about this and what is done is done and we need to move forward. Oh and would she like a cup of tea.
Re: the other guy he is single thankfully but god the urge to pop round and open a sixpack of whoopass on him is difficult to resist. I'm not sure if he knows I know probably not. I know she texted him last night asking him not to make anymore contact but her phone has been somewhat quiet today.
I need to get some sleep and a decent meal as think I'm running on adrenaline at the moment.
To be honest she really is in bits and said to me this morning that the fact I am remaining so calm is freaking her out and why haven't I thrown her out and screamed and shouted as that is what she deserves. My response was that we need to be grown up about this and what is done is done and we need to move forward. Oh and would she like a cup of tea.
Re: the other guy he is single thankfully but god the urge to pop round and open a sixpack of whoopass on him is difficult to resist. I'm not sure if he knows I know probably not. I know she texted him last night asking him not to make anymore contact but her phone has been somewhat quiet today.
I need to get some sleep and a decent meal as think I'm running on adrenaline at the moment.
I have been through a broadly similar situation myself so speak from first hand experience.
I don't want to divulge personal details here however I advise you against allowing yourself to get complacent about any settlement either financial or otherwise agreed between yourselves. Even if you don't use solicitors and to be honest I would be extremely surprised if your wife does not seek legal advice (no doubt having been encouraged to so so by her family and friends) it is up to the Judge to decide if the arrangements are fair. The fact that children are involved will mean that if your wife is so inclined she can make life extremely difficult for you.
As the man, generally speaking you hold no cards I'm afraid if you value your access to the children. I would also try and resist any temptation to aggravate the situation by contacting the guy in question.
I don't want to divulge personal details here however I advise you against allowing yourself to get complacent about any settlement either financial or otherwise agreed between yourselves. Even if you don't use solicitors and to be honest I would be extremely surprised if your wife does not seek legal advice (no doubt having been encouraged to so so by her family and friends) it is up to the Judge to decide if the arrangements are fair. The fact that children are involved will mean that if your wife is so inclined she can make life extremely difficult for you.
As the man, generally speaking you hold no cards I'm afraid if you value your access to the children. I would also try and resist any temptation to aggravate the situation by contacting the guy in question.
nosubstitute said:
I have been through a broadly similar situation myself so speak from first hand experience.
I don't want to divulge personal details here however I advise you against allowing yourself to get complacent about any settlement either financial or otherwise agreed between yourselves. Even if you don't use solicitors and to be honest I would be extremely surprised if your wife does not seek legal advice (no doubt having been encouraged to so so by her family and friends) it is up to the Judge to decide if the arrangements are fair. The fact that children are involved will mean that if your wife is so inclined she can make life extremely difficult for you.
As the man, generally speaking you hold no cards I'm afraid if you value your access to the children. I would also try and resist any temptation to aggravate the situation by contacting the guy in question.
This.I don't want to divulge personal details here however I advise you against allowing yourself to get complacent about any settlement either financial or otherwise agreed between yourselves. Even if you don't use solicitors and to be honest I would be extremely surprised if your wife does not seek legal advice (no doubt having been encouraged to so so by her family and friends) it is up to the Judge to decide if the arrangements are fair. The fact that children are involved will mean that if your wife is so inclined she can make life extremely difficult for you.
As the man, generally speaking you hold no cards I'm afraid if you value your access to the children. I would also try and resist any temptation to aggravate the situation by contacting the guy in question.
Our situation is pretty amicable but she knows and I know that the Damaclese sword of British justice hangs over me and me only. If I put a foot wrong she could ruin me just like that.
Be careful as the law is an ass.
ShyTallKnight said:
She swears on the kids lives and says "I would never do that to you.." when quizzed whether she is seeing someone elase and she does this to you. To be honest it makes me sick.
Her response to that will be that you were not entitled to ask her such questions. 'Ask no questions and you'll be told no lies' as the old saying goes.Did he work with her?
I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
And from your posts I sense neither will you.
Offer to do marriage conselling.
For your kids at least.
What do you gain by bashing the other guy?
Prison.
If she wanted it, she wanted it.
No strings afternoon pussy is pretty hard to resist.
Id go for conselling, for the kids sake.
That and a refresh of your marriage.
At the end of it all everyone deserves a chance.
I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
And from your posts I sense neither will you.
Offer to do marriage conselling.
For your kids at least.
What do you gain by bashing the other guy?
Prison.
If she wanted it, she wanted it.
No strings afternoon pussy is pretty hard to resist.
Id go for conselling, for the kids sake.
That and a refresh of your marriage.
At the end of it all everyone deserves a chance.
stuttgartmetal said:
Did he work with her?
I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
And from your posts I sense neither will you.
Offer to do marriage conselling.
For your kids at least.
What do you gain by bashing the other guy?
Prison.
If she wanted it, she wanted it.
No strings afternoon pussy is pretty hard to resist.
Id go for conselling, for the kids sake.
That and a refresh of your marriage.
At the end of it all everyone deserves a chance.
I can appreciate what you're saying here, but imho the OP can do better. We're really not here long enough for this.I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.
And from your posts I sense neither will you.
Offer to do marriage conselling.
For your kids at least.
What do you gain by bashing the other guy?
Prison.
If she wanted it, she wanted it.
No strings afternoon pussy is pretty hard to resist.
Id go for conselling, for the kids sake.
That and a refresh of your marriage.
At the end of it all everyone deserves a chance.
I hate reading these threads, a case of morbid curiosity i guess? They all seem to pan out the same though 
I split with my partner of twelve years and i think the main reason was i never asked her to marry me, she was lovely and we lived under the same roof until the house was sold which was hard. Even though we had technically split it killed me when i found out she was seeing someone else whithin a month i have no proof this was happening while we were together, but if it did i think it was as the relationship was drawing to a close anyway.
It was the lifestyle and circle of friends we had that I lost that hurt more than anything, no kids thankfully, cost a bomb, even though it was done without solicitors and fairly amicably.
Good luck OP
I split with my partner of twelve years and i think the main reason was i never asked her to marry me, she was lovely and we lived under the same roof until the house was sold which was hard. Even though we had technically split it killed me when i found out she was seeing someone else whithin a month i have no proof this was happening while we were together, but if it did i think it was as the relationship was drawing to a close anyway.It was the lifestyle and circle of friends we had that I lost that hurt more than anything, no kids thankfully, cost a bomb, even though it was done without solicitors and fairly amicably.
Good luck OP
I just don't see how marriage counselling works. If you are grown up enough to be in a relationship you should be able to work it out yourself. The OP sounds like a very level headed guy and he is doing what he sees is the right thing.
I couldn't imagine throwing my misses out for a few shags here and there but these are our decisions and we have to make them.
If a marriage breaks down because of a few extra shags then there are deaperr problems to resolve. There is no shame in starting again and the kids don't need to suffer.
I couldn't imagine throwing my misses out for a few shags here and there but these are our decisions and we have to make them.
If a marriage breaks down because of a few extra shags then there are deaperr problems to resolve. There is no shame in starting again and the kids don't need to suffer.
ShyTallKnight said:
Right, I'm off out to pull some 21 year old dental nurse and knock her diff out...
I have researched this myself and found that young dental nurses are really rather distracting. Particularly if they have access to the surgery out of hours.VinceFox said:
I can appreciate what you're saying here, but imho the OP can do better. We're really not here long enough for this.
I'm with you on this (although this isn't a democracy). I'd say the OP should get things sorted, himself protected and scarper quick-sharp. Karma will take care of the guilty parties once he's taken care of himself. Pistom said:
I have a lot of respect for the OP. His next long term partner is going to be a lucky woman.
With a few diff replacements.
I feel the urge to caution. Mrs STKs attraction and need for safety/security will have risen now - she is likely to bring out the stockings and heels at some point. Great 'therapy' but beware, here lies danger Will Robinson. Enter at your own risk and with eyes wide open.
I have been trying not to post on this, but I feel I must. You are not the only one going through a s
te time right now. 15 months ago my wife had a fling with a colleague of ours ( both work together for same organisation). It ended after I found out, we worked it out, carried on where were. 15 months later we have a new baby, things hvae been up and down. We both sought solace in others - me a female friend, her a male friend. This has ended up with us falling apart again, after taking time out due to new baby and short tempers / lack of patience on both sides. We are now at make/break point in our marriage. Sometimes the past, and its screw ups, can be buried, sometimes it cant. We have to decide whether we can put the negativity of the last year behind us, and work on our relationship and our family. Playing happy families to the relatives over Christmas was not fun, and trying to explain to a 5yr old why daddy doesnt stay at home at all right now is horrible.
OP - your problems will be resolved, one way or the other. Whether decide that it is over or not, then my advice (from experience now) is to stick ot what you decide on. Do NOT go with what anyone else says, as only you can decide if you can overcome it or not. Me, I want my marriage to work, and am willing to try. Some friends have called me an idiot, others have shook my hand. Its your call, no-one elses.
te time right now. 15 months ago my wife had a fling with a colleague of ours ( both work together for same organisation). It ended after I found out, we worked it out, carried on where were. 15 months later we have a new baby, things hvae been up and down. We both sought solace in others - me a female friend, her a male friend. This has ended up with us falling apart again, after taking time out due to new baby and short tempers / lack of patience on both sides. We are now at make/break point in our marriage. Sometimes the past, and its screw ups, can be buried, sometimes it cant. We have to decide whether we can put the negativity of the last year behind us, and work on our relationship and our family. Playing happy families to the relatives over Christmas was not fun, and trying to explain to a 5yr old why daddy doesnt stay at home at all right now is horrible.OP - your problems will be resolved, one way or the other. Whether decide that it is over or not, then my advice (from experience now) is to stick ot what you decide on. Do NOT go with what anyone else says, as only you can decide if you can overcome it or not. Me, I want my marriage to work, and am willing to try. Some friends have called me an idiot, others have shook my hand. Its your call, no-one elses.
Many thanks for the continued feedback
To answer the counselling question I'm not sure if you read all my posts but this is something I have been trying to get my wife to agree to for some time now. She has always flatly refused.
If I'm honest the marriage has been doomed for some time but I maintain that if she had allowed us to work at things as of last May then there is a chance we could have saved the marriage. Maybe I was in denial but I genuinely thought it was worth a shot.
However, none of the above has been allowed to happen by my wife and so we found ourselves in the position we found ourselves in December. Unfortuately the bombshell that she has been unfaithful signals the end of the relationship as far as I am concerned and she has agreed the best course of action is to move out and we separate.
@broken biscuit I am so sorry to hear of your troubles and appreciate I am not the only one out there going through such heartache but find some comfort in writing it down
To answer the counselling question I'm not sure if you read all my posts but this is something I have been trying to get my wife to agree to for some time now. She has always flatly refused.
If I'm honest the marriage has been doomed for some time but I maintain that if she had allowed us to work at things as of last May then there is a chance we could have saved the marriage. Maybe I was in denial but I genuinely thought it was worth a shot.
However, none of the above has been allowed to happen by my wife and so we found ourselves in the position we found ourselves in December. Unfortuately the bombshell that she has been unfaithful signals the end of the relationship as far as I am concerned and she has agreed the best course of action is to move out and we separate.
@broken biscuit I am so sorry to hear of your troubles and appreciate I am not the only one out there going through such heartache but find some comfort in writing it down
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