How do you deal with messy drawn out situations?
Discussion
A due date of 11th September gives:
Most probable conception date: Dec 13, 2014 - Dec 17, 2014
Most probable sexual intercourse date that lead to the pregnancy: Dec 10, 2014 - Dec 17, 2014
Possible conception date: Dec 12, 2014 - Dec 22, 2014
Possible sexual intercourse date that led to the pregnancy: Dec 7, 2014 - Dec 22, 2014
It aint you mate ....
Most probable conception date: Dec 13, 2014 - Dec 17, 2014
Most probable sexual intercourse date that lead to the pregnancy: Dec 10, 2014 - Dec 17, 2014
Possible conception date: Dec 12, 2014 - Dec 22, 2014
Possible sexual intercourse date that led to the pregnancy: Dec 7, 2014 - Dec 22, 2014
It aint you mate ....
Edited by PurpleMoonlight on Tuesday 17th November 12:52
OP; as above, it doesn't add up.
Ask for a DNA, but it's seriously unlikely to be yours. IF she refuses, then try contacting the kid when she's old enough to know what's going on.
I seriously doubt it's your, you're probably the most sorted, with a place to live and a job, she wants it to be you, so she can rinse you for money.
All IMO.
Ask for a DNA, but it's seriously unlikely to be yours. IF she refuses, then try contacting the kid when she's old enough to know what's going on.
I seriously doubt it's your, you're probably the most sorted, with a place to live and a job, she wants it to be you, so she can rinse you for money.
All IMO.
LeeThr said:
She isn't a money orientated person, her whole family lives on benefits and smoke like absolutely chimneys so she's been brought up being used to going without, which is the only reason I can think of why she hasn't pursued CSA as I do have 2 jobs as well as being a full time uni student i'd get hit like anything.
Raise the bar chap, raise the bar.
I've asked and she's refused, so a court application has been made and sent off, which will issue a court order that she has to perform a test, if not then she's in contempt of court. I will get an answer it's just a question of when.
As unlikely as it is, I just can't drop it until I have a black and white answer. At least then I can go knock a few people off there high perches and put them in their place. But until then im just another "waste of a space sperm doner" even though it's her that's engineered this situation not me.
As unlikely as it is, I just can't drop it until I have a black and white answer. At least then I can go knock a few people off there high perches and put them in their place. But until then im just another "waste of a space sperm doner" even though it's her that's engineered this situation not me.
LeeThr said:
The child's called Scarlett, she also gave her my mums middle name as well which was my idea in the first place. She isn't a money orientated person, her whole family lives on benefits and smoke like absolutely chimneys so she's been brought up being used to going without,
I'm sorry mate, I don't mean to have a dig at you personally and I genuinely sympathise with your situation, but that's about the most naive thing I've ever read on here (and let's be honest, that's against some pretty stiff competition). 
She might not be 'money orientated' in terms of career or aspirations, but from that background (and likely friend group) she will almost certainly be money orientated from the point of view of getting knocked up and getting someone else to fund her life.
I'm going to make some guesses here. You're young - teenage to low twenties, hard working, have a decent career or a reasonable chance of getting one, and your family (ie parents) are fairly comfortably off. Am I warm?
I'm sorry mate, you've been set up. And the ONLY reason she hasn't gone to the CSA (or whatever they are called) is because she knows it isn't yours and she now knows she'll be called upon to prove that it is (which she can't).
You were supposed to roll over like a good boy and start coughing up cash - and never stop.
You've dodged a bullet here, learn from it and move on.
LeeThr said:
I've asked and she's refused, so a court application has been made and sent off, which will issue a court order that she has to perform a test, if not then she's in contempt of court. I will get an answer it's just a question of when.
I'm no lawyer, and maybe someone who is (preferably a real lawyer, not just someone who watches Judge Judy on daytime TV) can advise. But I'd be very surprised if you can force her to perform a DNA test, even if she has spouted off that it's yours. I couldn't go and find a pregnant woman and insist on a DNA test, even if she had spouted b
ks about it being mine - why should she?You're not going to 'win' this one - leave it, learn a hard lesson about the company you keep, find a nice girl and move on.
And thank your lucky stars that you didn't actually knock her up.
And remember (everyone remember), when a girl you are sleeping with tells you she can't/won't get pregnant, the only time you will ever know either way for sure whether that is true is when it is too late.
continue to deny your the father, once you have you DNA sample taken
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/ch...
"DNA testing
If you continue to deny that you’re the father of the children, you’ll be offered a DNA test. If you refuse to take it, the CMS will treat you as the father.
If you can’t pay for the DNA test, the CMS will pay the fee for you. But if the test shows that you’re the father of the child, you’ll have to repay this money.
If the DNA test proves you are not the father
The CMS may ask the parent who was getting maintenance to pay back any money that you’ve paid since the date you denied you were the father. This will be decided on a case-by-case basis. The CMS will also refund the costs of any DNA tests you've paid for.
You won’t get a refund on maintenance you paid before you denied you were the father.
If the DNA test proves you are the father
You’ll have to pay:
any maintenance arrears
court costs
the cost of the DNA test.
You may also put at risk any application for contact with the children."
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/ch...
"DNA testing
If you continue to deny that you’re the father of the children, you’ll be offered a DNA test. If you refuse to take it, the CMS will treat you as the father.
If you can’t pay for the DNA test, the CMS will pay the fee for you. But if the test shows that you’re the father of the child, you’ll have to repay this money.
If the DNA test proves you are not the father
The CMS may ask the parent who was getting maintenance to pay back any money that you’ve paid since the date you denied you were the father. This will be decided on a case-by-case basis. The CMS will also refund the costs of any DNA tests you've paid for.
You won’t get a refund on maintenance you paid before you denied you were the father.
If the DNA test proves you are the father
You’ll have to pay:
any maintenance arrears
court costs
the cost of the DNA test.
You may also put at risk any application for contact with the children."
PurpleMoonlight said:
I will be interested to know if the Court will force the test if she verbally testifies that you are not the father.
My solicitor said given the messages i've passed on from conversations between me & her discussing everything, and that she has left the father blank on the birth certificate and given the causes for concerns we have highlighted then they will issue an order, even more so if she doesn't turn up to the court date, but he said even if she does all it's going to do is make that session last a little longer whilst they listen to whatever made up rubbish she comes up with that day. I've got plenty of messages etc that show her one minute admitting I am the father, then the next showing doubts. Like I said it's not a question of if a test will happen, it's just when.I'm a little confused.
She said it was yours until the little girl was born.
Once she was born she said that Scarlett wasn't yours
Whose name is on Scarlett's Birth Certifate as Father? If it isn't you, why do you care about a DNA test? You know from conception dates she isn't yours & CSA can't come after you (IIRC) without proof of paternity (unless you were married to the mother or are named on the BC)
She said it was yours until the little girl was born.
Once she was born she said that Scarlett wasn't yours
Whose name is on Scarlett's Birth Certifate as Father? If it isn't you, why do you care about a DNA test? You know from conception dates she isn't yours & CSA can't come after you (IIRC) without proof of paternity (unless you were married to the mother or are named on the BC)
Gov.uk said:
Unmarried parents
The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if one of the following happens:
It might be possible to add the father’s details at a later date by completing an application for the re-registration of a child’s birth.
The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if one of the following happens:
- they sign the birth register together
- one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth
- one parent goes to register the birth with a document from the court (eg a court order) giving the father parental responsibility
It might be possible to add the father’s details at a later date by completing an application for the re-registration of a child’s birth.
ali_kat said:
I'm a little confused.
She said it was yours until the little girl was born.
Once she was born she said that Scarlett wasn't yours
Whose name is on Scarlett's Birth Certifate as Father? If it isn't you, why do you care about a DNA test? You know from conception dates she isn't yours & CSA can't come after you (IIRC) without proof of paternity (unless you were married to the mother or are named on the BC)
There's nobody named on the birth certificate as the father. She's only said to me and my solicitor after receiving letters asking her to volunteer to a dna test. But from what i've been hearing she's still telling other people that I am in fact the father but I want nothing to do. She said it was yours until the little girl was born.
Once she was born she said that Scarlett wasn't yours
Whose name is on Scarlett's Birth Certifate as Father? If it isn't you, why do you care about a DNA test? You know from conception dates she isn't yours & CSA can't come after you (IIRC) without proof of paternity (unless you were married to the mother or are named on the BC)
Gov.uk said:
Unmarried parents
The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if one of the following happens:
It might be possible to add the father’s details at a later date by completing an application for the re-registration of a child’s birth.
The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if one of the following happens:
- they sign the birth register together
- one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth
- one parent goes to register the birth with a document from the court (eg a court order) giving the father parental responsibility
It might be possible to add the father’s details at a later date by completing an application for the re-registration of a child’s birth.
LeeThr said:
There's nobody named on the birth certificate as the father. She's only said to me and my solicitor after receiving letters asking her to volunteer to a dna test. But from what i've been hearing she's still telling other people that I am in fact the father but I want nothing to do.
If she believes you are the father why didn't she ask you to go with her to register the birth and be noted on the birth certificate?PurpleMoonlight said:
LeeThr said:
There's nobody named on the birth certificate as the father. She's only said to me and my solicitor after receiving letters asking her to volunteer to a dna test. But from what i've been hearing she's still telling other people that I am in fact the father but I want nothing to do.
If she believes you are the father why didn't she ask you to go with her to register the birth and be noted on the birth certificate?LeeThr said:
There's nobody named on the birth certificate as the father. She's only said to me and my solicitor after receiving letters asking her to volunteer to a dna test. But from what i've been hearing she's still telling other people that I am in fact the father but I want nothing to do.
You're what, 20ish? Why do you care what she is saying? You're not on the BC. It is not going to affect you legally. In 6 months time this will be forgotten by most people, especially if she's found another mug to play Daddy
Anyone that cares will ask you and you can advise them of the conception dates (and your lack of involvement at that time), that she refused a DNA test to prove it (which to any sane person is admission of lying), and that she has confirmed you are not the Father to your Solicitor.
LeeThr said:
She isn't a money orientated person
Much to learn, young Skywalker.You seem to be very bothered about the fact she's been saying various things to various people, when all the evidence points to you not being the Father of the child.
Disassociate yourself from the problem. It's virtually guaranteed that you're not the father, so start focusing on your own life without this woman and her offspring and just wait for the court to do it's thing in the background.
There's no point stressing about something which you already know the answer to.
(seems like a win for you if you're not the Dad btw)
Muzzer79 said:
Much to learn, young Skywalker.
You seem to be very bothered about the fact she's been saying various things to various people, when all the evidence points to you not being the Father of the child.
Disassociate yourself from the problem. It's virtually guaranteed that you're not the father, so start focusing on your own life without this woman and her offspring and just wait for the court to do it's thing in the background.
There's no point stressing about something which you already know the answer to.
(seems like a win for you if you're not the Dad btw)
This, with knobs, bells, whistles and whatever else you like on it.You seem to be very bothered about the fact she's been saying various things to various people, when all the evidence points to you not being the Father of the child.
Disassociate yourself from the problem. It's virtually guaranteed that you're not the father, so start focusing on your own life without this woman and her offspring and just wait for the court to do it's thing in the background.
There's no point stressing about something which you already know the answer to.
(seems like a win for you if you're not the Dad btw)
She is a nasty piece of work. Walk away .......
No, run.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff