You know you're an idiot when...

[LunarOne]

TeaNoSugar said:

One of my colleagues took a call at work today. After a minute he said “I’ll pass you over to Steve on that one, it’s his project”, handed me his phone and I took over the conversation, spoke for 4 or 5 minutes about various things and then the chap on the call asked me for some info.
“No problem” I said, “I’ve got the guys details and a couple of photos of the site on my phone. I’ll send them over via whatsapp.”

Spent the next 5 mins totally flummoxed as to why my phone passcode has suddenly changed from 6 digit to a 4 digit code, why the text don’t was suddenly so big, and why my face recognition doesn’t work?

Eventually said to the guy I’d taken the phone from “this is really odd, my passcode is only showing as 4 digits. I’ve got no idea how to get into my phone?”.

“That’s not your phone Steve, it’s mine, I just gave it you so you could speak to Tom, your phone’s on your desk, where you left it.”

fking idiot!!

In my defence we do both have identical iPhones with the same protective case!

This is me to a T!

[bazza white]

Milk at my house (renovation project so don't live there) was out of date so dropped car off walked to shop and back to get pint of milk. Put kettle on and chucked old milk down the loo as no sink. Made tea let bru and then got a half bottle out the fridge. Must have been in auto pilot mode as I poured the new milk down the loo. Don't ask about the peel tab as I can't remember back to shop for me.

[WindyCommon]

My speciality is cracking an egg and emptying the contents into the bin before putting the empty shell into the jug in which I’m meant to be making scrambled eggs.

55 is old enough for a degree of cognitive decline to be apparent, but it’s the number of times it happens that bothers me. I am now at the stage where I am hiding occurrences from my wife.

[sunbeam alpine]

My personal best was a couple of years back. I arrived at a client's site to be told that they'd been trying to phone me for the last hour.

"That's strange", says I, "my phone hasn't made a sound". I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the TV remote control. My phone was at home.

The TV remote is in no way similar in shape or size to my phone...

[Hyde]

I removed the U-bend from under the sink ..... was swapping out a section for the washing machine outlet
Before I started to pull it apart I was careful as I didn't want to soak myself or the kitchen so checked the U-bend for water, it was full !
MMmm what can I do with that ...I know pour it down the sink
Yep totally soaked under the sink

[Se7enheaven]

Hyde said:

I removed the U-bend from under the sink ..... was swapping out a section for the washing machine outlet
Before I started to pull it apart I was careful as I didn't want to soak myself or the kitchen so checked the U-bend for water, it was full !
MMmm what can I do with that ...I know pour it down the sink
Yep totally soaked under the sink

I’ve done exactly that

[Johnspex]

Me too.

Another Good one was when I walked out of work to go home and thought " where's my phone?". I patted down the pockets in my jacket and trousers only to find I had my phone in my and was swapping it from hand to hand as I did so.
I also reached over my right shoulder for the seatbelt which was very safety conscious and complying with the law, however, my motor bike isn't fitted with seatbelts.

[SpeckledJim]

Se7enheaven said:

Hyde said:

I removed the U-bend from under the sink ..... was swapping out a section for the washing machine outlet
Before I started to pull it apart I was careful as I didn't want to soak myself or the kitchen so checked the U-bend for water, it was full !
MMmm what can I do with that ...I know pour it down the sink
Yep totally soaked under the sink

I’ve done exactly that

And me. That was the day I realised I was never going to be Boss of the World.

There have been many of those days in truth. But that was definitely one of them.

[DavieW]

I was buying a roll of wrapping paper and the sales assistant asked if I wanted it rolled or folded. My reply........"rolded". How my wife laughed.

[Second Best]

I've been so used to working from home that my "get ready for the office" routine has become a bit rusty. On two occasions in the last few months I've got ready, driven to work, and then presented the security guard with the remote control for my fan, instead of my pass. On the second occasion he asked me what type of fan I had so that he could buy the same model in the summer, so he knew where to get a spare remote for when his kids inevitably lose theirs.

I think anybody who drives more than one car regularly can sympathise, but sometimes I find myself reaching for buttons that don't exist or pressing bits of trim because of muscle memory from whatever I last drove. Guilty of that even today, when a neighbour and I left our houses at the same time and he flashed his headlights to let me out first. Having been driving something else earlier, I started poking the screen as that's where the hazard switch was a few hours earlier, before eventually I gave up and just gave him a thumbs-up out of the window. I've also gone to reach for non-existent controls when switching from something with a column shifter to the traditional gear lever.

On the same subject, the one that regularly confuses me is when I drive one of my cars which has the belt buckle coming from the left, not the right. Cue the inevitable scrabble to try and reach for a belt that isn't there.

Edit:

DavieW said:

I was buying a roll of wrapping paper and the sales assistant asked if I wanted it rolled or folded. My reply........"rolded". How my wife laughed.

When I was younger, one of my friends had just started working in a restaurant to earn some extra cash. I didn't realise and when I called the restaurant to order something, I recognised the voice when he was repeating my order and asked "James, is that you? it's SB!" He got a bit flustered (not that he was embarrassed or anything, more that someone he knew was on the phone) and asked me, "yeah it's me SB, is your order for pick away or deliver up?"

Obviously we had a laugh about it when I confirmed I'd be there to pick away my order in about 40 minutes.

Edited by Second Best on Tuesday 3rd January 23:20

[eldar]

Overhauled a VW beetle aircooled engine. bd wouldn't start. Then I noticed the camshaft sitting on the smirking at me.

How I laughed.

[TUS373]

1. My wife - filed her tax return amongst plates stacked up in the dishwasher. Fortunately spotted this before switching on.

2. Me. Put recycling in the wheelie bin before setting of to work. Could not then find my car keys, though I had them seconds earlier. Yes, put them in the bin too.

3. Me. About to drive car into my garage after doing an afternoon's graft chopping up trees. Nearly drove into my hydraulic log splitter, left just in front of the car.

[Tyre Tread]

Jump in the lift on the ground floor at the last minute as the doors closed an press the G button. Then wonder why the 2 people in the lift are laughing at me.

In fairness it was 7.30 on a Monday morning.

[cheesejunkie]

TUS373 said:

1. My wife - filed her tax return amongst plates stacked up in the dishwasher. Fortunately spotted this before switching on.

2. Me. Put recycling in the wheelie bin before setting of to work. Could not then find my car keys, though I had them seconds earlier. Yes, put them in the bin too.

3. Me. About to drive car into my garage after doing an afternoon's graft chopping up trees. Nearly drove into my hydraulic log splitter, left just in front of the car.

You may be joking but general advice would be get yourselves tested.

No shame or no foul in doing so. I've had to deal with a bit of forgetfulness in the family that was more serious than a bit of forgetfulness.

It has left me extra paranoid and even though it doesn't run in my side of the family I get a bit big brother look after yourself when I spot the slightest hint of signs. Tube that I am.

[Abdul Abulbul Amir]

Whilst giving directions over the phone to friends who were lost on their way to the harbour, the best I could come up with was "it's by the sea"

[cheesejunkie]

Abdul Abulbul Amir said:

Whilst giving directions over the phone to friends who were lost on their way to the harbour, the best I could come up with was "it's by the sea"

Lost for directions can be fun. Especially when you can't remember your wife's friend's names and you're getting the full hairy eyeball talking to them on the phone. So much so that I will occasionally do it deliberately even when I know their names just to wind the love of my life up.

But yip, we all have fumblemouth moments where the mouth is struggling to keep up with the brain.

[underwhelmist]

Second Best said:

I think anybody who drives more than one car regularly can sympathise, but sometimes I find myself reaching for buttons that don't exist or pressing bits of trim because of muscle memory from whatever I last drove.

Oh yes, this. We have a CR-V where the handbrake is a vertical lever on the dash that you pull backwards towards you. When I get in my Alfa I often flail at the dashboard looking for the handbrake.

[cheesejunkie]

underwhelmist said:

Second Best said:

I think anybody who drives more than one car regularly can sympathise, but sometimes I find myself reaching for buttons that don't exist or pressing bits of trim because of muscle memory from whatever I last drove.

Oh yes, this. We have a CR-V where the handbrake is a vertical lever on the dash that you pull backwards towards you. When I get in my Alfa I often flail at the dashboard looking for the handbrake.

Once I'm in the car muscle memory takes over and I've no problem switching between our cars. It's the walk up that messes me up. My car's keyless, wife's isn't, so I get annoyed and feel a bit of a berk fumbling in my pocket for the keys when I'm driving her car. Remembering which pocket your key is in seems like a chore.

I'm struggling to think of anything that annoys me once the car's on the go. I'd mention it for the fun of it if I could think of something but nope. Controls in different positions don't annoy me, lack of certain options don't annoy me enough, overall I'm usually just happy to wring the nuts off a car that isn't mine even when it's my wife's car.

[r3g]

I made a total idiot of myself in a Skype meeting recently (I've not used Skype for a long time). Connected up all OK and no problem sending and receiving written messages to each other, but while they could hear me talking fine, I couldn't hear them. We couldn't get started until we could all hear each other, so I'm making apologies and in both Skype's and my PCs Control Panel sound setting menus, playing around with the speaker levels, enable, disable, etc but still can't hear anybody. This went on for a good 10 to 15 minutes with a couple of people waiting in the meeting typing out suggestions to try, then one of them wrote : "I know this is going to sound like a really dumb thing to ask, but you do have your speakers turned on, yes?"



Also on a PC-related theme. I have a 2nd wired optical mouse plugged into my desktop tower which is used by a mate when we're doing some gaming. When not in use it sits completely flat on the desk out of the way and out of sight, so never moves to 'wake it up'. It's a different make to my normal mouse and too big for my liking so I never use it.

A few months back I started getting a really annoying intermittent issue with my mouse where the pointer would very slowly creep across the screen when not in use. The mouse pointer would respond and move as normal if I moved the mouse, but as soon as I stopped moving it, it would intermittently start to creep across the screen again.

I thought maybe the optical laser thing was mucky, so gave it a good clean but no change. I put up with this for a few days, trying it in other USB ports but the problem persisted so I concluded that it was fecked, got on Amazon, spent an hour reading reviews for wired optical mice, and bought a new one.

New mouse arrives, swapped it out with the 'broken' one and all seemed good initially, but after a while the pointer creep issue returned . Can't be a fault with the USB port on the tower because I've tried all the other free sockets and it starts doing the same again after a while so what else could it be? It's got to be some dust or muck on the mouse mat then right? I couldn't see anything on the mat, but went and gave it a good soapy scrub anyway. No change. The only other thing it could be possibly is a driver issue. I went and tried that but the driver was up-to-date and so nothing to do. I was at the end of my tether with it and really angry.

Then, later that same night, I'd been out of the room but left the PC and monitor running and the room was now in darkness. The monitor had gone into its hibernation mode and turned the screen off, so all I could see in the room was the dim white light on the power switch on the front and the lights dancing on the PC tower at the end of the desk, but there was also a curious red glow on the desk just behind the monitor. Turned out to be coming from the 2nd mouse, which was partially sat on its own wire and so slightly elevated on one side! This was evidently just enough of a gap for the sensor to not be able to 'see' enough of a hard surface to calculate its position, which was the cause of the mouse pointer creep. I nudged it off the wire so it was flat and not had any issue since. It had been trolling me for a full week and I was ready to chuck the whole lot of the window in anger! FFS!

[slopes]

sunbeam alpine said:

My personal best was a couple of years back. I arrived at a client's site to be told that they'd been trying to phone me for the last hour.

"That's strange", says I, "my phone hasn't made a sound". I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the TV remote control. My phone was at home.

The TV remote is in no way similar in shape or size to my phone...