Marriage is Over....
Discussion
OP if she doesn't want you now, she is even less likely to want you in a year or five.
The first affair is hard to start, the next is easier, as are all the rest, This one will not be her last, weather she is with you, or someone else.
If you like being a patsy, go for it, stay around to be kicked.
If not, stop faffing around, & start the rest of your life today.
The first affair is hard to start, the next is easier, as are all the rest, This one will not be her last, weather she is with you, or someone else.
If you like being a patsy, go for it, stay around to be kicked.
If not, stop faffing around, & start the rest of your life today.
whoami said:
singlecoil said:
Mr Wolf said:
A relationship is based on trust and once that trust has gone then any further attempts to make it work are set to fail.
Is it? I daresay some relationships are, but not necessarily all of them.I trust my wife 100%, we talk about everything openly and honestly and in 8 years of marriage we have not had one single row. Without that unconditional trust we give eachother then I'm not sure it could work. If one of use ruined that trust by shagging about then our whole relationship would be ruined no matter how upset or remorseful we were.
OP - you need to make your own mind up mate. There are lots of opinions here but you need to look deep into your mind and do what you feel is right, not what we tell you is/was right for us.
Good luck.
Zoobeef said:
And trust is never fully regained. However much people pretend. Ever.
That being the case, how come so many people manage to rebuild relationships and stay happily together for ever more?The most depressing thing about this thread is the warped mentality of many of the posters, who assume to know what definitely applies to the whole of humanity based upon what happened to them.
Hence we end up with the ludicrous assertion that every woman is an SWT. 3.5 billion individual people tried and convicted based on the fact that their partner cheated on them!
Different thing work for different people. Relationships can be rebuilt, but it's not for everyone. Everybody is different.
Whatever you do, do not text the little rat. A text is something that can be kept and if you decide to go round and leather this chap a text is something that really won't help you out. Surprise him.
And sorry to hear about this situation, build a wall, block your emotions for her and kick the dirty b
h out - do not cuddle the women that has hurt you this much. In the long run she will definitely regret her decision to have a little 'fun'.
And sorry to hear about this situation, build a wall, block your emotions for her and kick the dirty b
h out - do not cuddle the women that has hurt you this much. In the long run she will definitely regret her decision to have a little 'fun'.TwigtheWonderkid said:
That being the case, how come so many people manage to rebuild relationships and stay happily together for ever more?
The most depressing thing about this thread is the warped mentality of many of the posters, who assume to know what definitely applies to the whole of humanity based upon what happened to them.
Hence we end up with the ludicrous assertion that every woman is an SWT. 3.5 billion individual people tried and convicted based on the fact that their partner cheated on them!
Different thing work for different people. Relationships can be rebuilt, but it's not for everyone. Everybody is different.
I would agree with this. In my experience and belief, life is a process that we learn from and adapt too. As you have pointed out, we are all entitled to live our lives in the way we see fit and to make decision that feel right. Having said that a decision made now can be changed later on as the process moves on. The most depressing thing about this thread is the warped mentality of many of the posters, who assume to know what definitely applies to the whole of humanity based upon what happened to them.
Hence we end up with the ludicrous assertion that every woman is an SWT. 3.5 billion individual people tried and convicted based on the fact that their partner cheated on them!
Different thing work for different people. Relationships can be rebuilt, but it's not for everyone. Everybody is different.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Different thing work for different people. Relationships can be rebuilt, but it's not for everyone. Everybody is different.
Perhaps what this thread needs is a few posters who can state that their OH lied to and cheated on them but that they forgave them and moved on with the relationship in a happy way. That would probably give some balance to the proceedings.TwigtheWonderkid said:
3.5 billion individual people tried and convicted based on the fact that their partner cheated on them!
I think that the main point is why would you bother with someone who is a proven cheater when there are that many other people on the planet? I can be good friends with them and completely trust them with other parts of my life but I wouldn't knowingly date one.It's like going into business with someone who you knew had stolen off of their last employment or lending your car to a scammer, but it's OK because I've known them for years and they wont do it to me. Yeah it might turn out alright, but imho opinion you're an idiot if you try it.
lambosagogo said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Different thing work for different people. Relationships can be rebuilt, but it's not for everyone. Everybody is different.
Perhaps what this thread needs is a few posters who can state that their OH lied to and cheated on them but that they forgave them and moved on with the relationship in a happy way. That would probably give some balance to the proceedings.A note of caution OP. Be very careful re thinking you have reached an amicable agreement re splitting assets. When your wife finally realises the marriage is definitely over don't be surprised if she goes all legal on you. I can say this from experience, it will pay you to take some legal advice irrespective of an amicable final agreement.
Assets like pension funds and property have a habit of attracting interest from soon to be ex wives at the most inconvienient moments, even after divorce.
Assets like pension funds and property have a habit of attracting interest from soon to be ex wives at the most inconvienient moments, even after divorce.
Edited by Monkeylegend on Sunday 6th January 16:24
PD9 said:
On a side note OP. Your A6 is looking absolutely stunning, ideal setup and fantastic job on the paint. Bringing up grey like that is difficult! 
Quite. And particularly sad as he'll soon be selling it to raise funds when his soon-to-be-ex-wife tries to take him to the cleaners.Monkeylegend said:
A note of caution OP. Be very careful re thinking you have reached an amicable agreement re splitting assets. When your wife finally realises the marriage is definitely over don't be surprised if she goes all legal on you. I can say this from experience, it will pay you to take some legal advice irrespective of an amicable final agreement.
Assets like pension funds and property have a habit of attracting interest from soon to be ex wives at the most inconvienient moments, even after divorce.
^^^^ This, with boots on.Assets like pension funds and property have a habit of attracting interest from soon to be ex wives at the most inconvienient moments, even after divorce.
Edited by Monkeylegend on Sunday 6th January 16:24
I’m not sure how the English laws are, but here in Scotland we have a level of sensible protection available in this situation.
I went through something similar about 15/16 months ago. When I told my o/h that she’d driven the final nail into the marriage’s coffin and had a divorce to look forward to, we tried to keep it all amicable.
In Scots law you can do a ‘Simple Divorce’, which amounts to living apart for a year and then filling in a form. The court charge just over a hundred quid for this. In the interim year, you can be legally ‘Separated’ - it’s a legal status, just like ‘Single’ or ‘Married’. We found a friendly solicitor and wrote up a brief agreement stating that all financial matters etc had been agreed amicably and listing what they were. It stated that we each relinquished any claim to anything further from the other party and that was that. Job jobbed, as they say.
I’d recommend this to any splitting couple who are at the start of the process and still talking to each other. Put your informal agreement in writing, with the help of a solicitor. Get it on record. Make it binding. It protects both of you against future arguments, mental instabilities, etc … and when kids are involved it’s probably even more helpful. Even if a nasty divorce lawyer can campaign to overturn it, it shows a judge exactly how sensible you were on day one.
Moving on with your life can be difficult if you perpetually have to worry on some level about not upsetting an ex from years ago.
I went through something similar about 15/16 months ago. When I told my o/h that she’d driven the final nail into the marriage’s coffin and had a divorce to look forward to, we tried to keep it all amicable.
In Scots law you can do a ‘Simple Divorce’, which amounts to living apart for a year and then filling in a form. The court charge just over a hundred quid for this. In the interim year, you can be legally ‘Separated’ - it’s a legal status, just like ‘Single’ or ‘Married’. We found a friendly solicitor and wrote up a brief agreement stating that all financial matters etc had been agreed amicably and listing what they were. It stated that we each relinquished any claim to anything further from the other party and that was that. Job jobbed, as they say.
I’d recommend this to any splitting couple who are at the start of the process and still talking to each other. Put your informal agreement in writing, with the help of a solicitor. Get it on record. Make it binding. It protects both of you against future arguments, mental instabilities, etc … and when kids are involved it’s probably even more helpful. Even if a nasty divorce lawyer can campaign to overturn it, it shows a judge exactly how sensible you were on day one.
Moving on with your life can be difficult if you perpetually have to worry on some level about not upsetting an ex from years ago.
Having been down the 'fked up marriage' route myself (i was playing away, for various reasons, so I was the guilty party I'm ashamed to say) try to stay on friendly terms for the sake of the children.
And whatever you do try to avoid the fools at the Child Support Agency, or whatever they call themselves these days, getting involved as they will only make things ten times worse.
I was paying my ex a monthly sum agreed by our Solicitors. Until the CSA got involved that is.
They decided that the sum I had been paying wasn't enough by their reckoning so I had to make up 'back payments' going back 4 years.
I had to find another £15k on top on what I had already paid which almost bankrupted me. When I was 2 days late with a cheque, I was in hospital having my leg & knee rebuilt after a serious road accident, they slapped an attachment of earnings order against my salary.
Without actually bothering to tell me beforehand.......
A marriage break up is never easy whatever the circumstances so whatever decisions you make be certain they are being made for the correct reasons.
IMO the children should come first. I didn't see mine for quite a while, understandably, & my youngest daughter still hasn't forgiven me after almost 12 years.
Cannot add anything else as I'm 'on the other side' so too speak.
Just do the right thing for you & the children.
ked up marriage' route myself (i was playing away, for various reasons, so I was the guilty party I'm ashamed to say) try to stay on friendly terms for the sake of the children.And whatever you do try to avoid the fools at the Child Support Agency, or whatever they call themselves these days, getting involved as they will only make things ten times worse.
I was paying my ex a monthly sum agreed by our Solicitors. Until the CSA got involved that is.
They decided that the sum I had been paying wasn't enough by their reckoning so I had to make up 'back payments' going back 4 years.
I had to find another £15k on top on what I had already paid which almost bankrupted me. When I was 2 days late with a cheque, I was in hospital having my leg & knee rebuilt after a serious road accident, they slapped an attachment of earnings order against my salary.
Without actually bothering to tell me beforehand.......
A marriage break up is never easy whatever the circumstances so whatever decisions you make be certain they are being made for the correct reasons.
IMO the children should come first. I didn't see mine for quite a while, understandably, & my youngest daughter still hasn't forgiven me after almost 12 years.
Cannot add anything else as I'm 'on the other side' so too speak.
Just do the right thing for you & the children.
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