Match.com (Volume 6)

[CountZero23]

leglessAlex said:

Rh14n said:

Gawd! And you men say that we women are 'mental'! Let me get this right. You like a girl and you let her know that you like her. She then gets in touch with the you which although you say she sounds cool, she obviously wouldn't get in touch if she wasn't interested, however you have now set up dates with two other girls (who if you like them you won't let them know). If I was that first girl I'd be very confused thinking "one week he's keen and the next he's not bothered". If I also knew about the other dates I certainly would not come chasing after you. Why do people insist on playing these mind games instead of being straight and honest with each other? I'm so glad to be happily married and out of this nonsense.

It's part of the 'game' I guess. There seems to be a lot of girls and guys out there that don't know how to handle someone being straight with them, probably because they have spent so long playing said 'game'. I am always straight up about how I feel with a girl I know but I do have to accept that this is the 'wrong' way to go about it according to modern dating and that it will put many girls off.

Don't blame the player, blame the game.

[Morningside]

RobinBanks said:

I've matched on Tinder with my next door neighbour's daughter. Excellent

Anyone else thinking this?

[BrabusMog]

leglessAlex said:

Rh14n said:

Gawd! And you men say that we women are 'mental'! Let me get this right. You like a girl and you let her know that you like her. She then gets in touch with the you which although you say she sounds cool, she obviously wouldn't get in touch if she wasn't interested, however you have now set up dates with two other girls (who if you like them you won't let them know). If I was that first girl I'd be very confused thinking "one week he's keen and the next he's not bothered". If I also knew about the other dates I certainly would not come chasing after you. Why do people insist on playing these mind games instead of being straight and honest with each other? I'm so glad to be happily married and out of this nonsense.

It's part of the 'game' I guess. There seems to be a lot of girls and guys out there that don't know how to handle someone being straight with them, probably because they have spent so long playing said 'game'. I am always straight up about how I feel with a girl I know but I do have to accept that this is the 'wrong' way to go about it according to modern dating and that it will put many girls off.

In my opinion there is no "right" or "wrong" way to dating, just the way that works for you.

[Studio117]

Sealed the deal with my new one at the weekend.

Over the moon.

[DottyMR2]

CountZero23 said:

Gretchen said:

Smugness

Well thanks for showing all us blokes up

Good work!

DottyMR2 said:

CountZero23 said:

Crap first date, fair enough. Would of thought having spent two weekends together she would of got back to me. More odd than anything as got a passionate snog when I dropped her off at the station.

As I've found it really doesn't matter how long, once they get bored or some other idea in their head, see you later. It happens.

snip

Lots of dates with stunning 21 year olds

Think you've got a point there mate. Think I'll take a leaf out of your book and spread my net a bit wider


She finally got back to me with a bit of a cold text, nice enough and asking how I was doing but definitely cold.

Already assumed it was a no go so have arranged a cheeky Sunday drink with a fun sounding lass and got another booked in for Tues.

I knew I was acting a bit keen with her but was hesitant see a load of other girls at the same time when I'd got one I already liked.

Obviously a big mistake, will make sure the next time I meet a girl I like I have the requisite listlessness and full diary which prevents me from coming across like I might actually like them.

Spread it as wide and as far as you can


Had the same with Oz girl, I showed I was keen and didn't date anyone else. I'd try and make time to see her when really that was just giving her all the power. After this weekend, she's turned into a total , a really horrible person. Not going to start on what was said at the weekend but I'm actually staggered at some of the things she said, a nasty, selfish and self centred little girl.

However, going very well with Greek girl. Saw each other Saturday and Sunday night, really good conversations with her that there is never a lull in. She really seems to be on the same wavelength as me when it comes to relationships too and how to behave in them. Spent some good time together and it never feels awkward, forced or controlled. Dare I say it, this one could be around for a while!

The girl from Friday. Well it wasn't a bad date at all. She was nice, a good laugh, no gaps in conversation and we ended up out for far longer than we meant to. It's just not going to go further than a drinking buddy. Nice person, good laugh to hang out with but "no spark".

Still browsing on tinder every so often when bored. Bit slower with matches at the moment than it was but no bad thing, I'm being picky on who I swipe right to. Got a lot going on at the moment anyway so maybe 1 at a time is ok. A surf trip next week is taking up a fair bit of this months free money, so it's cheap dates or not at all

Edited by DottyMR2 on Monday 24th August 13:47

[SpunkyGlory]

DottyMR2 said:

Now is the dilemma, continue with Tinder or focus on Greek girl for now?

That's not a dilemma, if you've found someone you get on really well with then focus on that. It's fine staying on Tinder and playing around but what would you be looking for? A shag or more? Worst thing that's going to happen is things go tits up with Greek girl and you'll have missed out on a couple of months of Tinder.

This is the advice I'll offer but the complete opposite to what I'd actually do, however I'm a dick and don't always realise when I've got something good and even if I do, I prefer to play it cool and not admit how I actually feel until it's too late. And then waste time dating people who I have absolutely no interest in which leads to me inadvertently messing them around which they don't deserve whilst still wanting the one I can't have.

[Adenauer]

DottyMR2 said:

However, going very well with Greek girl. Saw each other Saturday and Sunday night, really good chat with her that there is never a lull in. She really seems to be on the same wavelength as me when it comes to relationships too and how to behave in them.
Dare I saw it, this one could be around for a while!

<snip>

Now is the dilemma, continue with Tinder or focus on Greek girl for now?

You're weird.

[andy-xr]

Headsup for your PoF'ers, there's been a bit of malware in the ads over there recently

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/08/21/plentyoffi...

Stay safe, double bag your browser and be careful with online banking

[Rh14n]

SpunkyGlory said:

DottyMR2 said:

Now is the dilemma, continue with Tinder or focus on Greek girl for now?

That's not a dilemma, if you've found someone you get on really well with then focus on that. It's fine staying on Tinder and playing around but what would you be looking for? A shag or more? Worst thing that's going to happen is things go tits up with Greek girl and you'll have missed out on a couple of months of Tinder.

This is the advice I'll offer but the complete opposite to what I'd actually do, however I'm a dick and don't always realise when I've got something good and even if I do, I prefer to play it cool and not admit how I actually feel until it's too late. And then waste time dating people who I have absolutely no interest in which leads to me inadvertently messing them around which they don't deserve whilst still wanting the one I can't have.

I reckon that's good advice from the Spunkster. If you really like the Greek Goddess imagine how you'd feel if she was still playing around with other guys. Oh yes, and Spunkster, sounds like you've learnt a lesson - keep true to your advice and I'm sure you will be rewarded.

[CountZero23]

Well drinks down the pub with the Tinder lass last night turned into a couple of bottles of Prosecco back at mine. Fun girl into her snowboarding and a teacher (like 50% of women on there). Kicked her out this morning before work

Had a good laugh though not as much chemistry as I'd want for a relaitonship. Be nice if she wanted to keep things casual, will see.

Dotty, if you like this Greek one then don't for fks sake show it or stop seeing other girls. I'm not making that mistake again - will make sure I'm seeing a girl for a month or two before I even entertain the idea of getting exclusive.

[leglessAlex]

CountZero23 said:

Dotty, if you like this Greek one then don't for fks sake show it or stop seeing other girls. I'm not making that mistake again - will make sure I'm seeing a girl for a month or two before I even entertain the idea of getting exclusive.

Jesus, am I the only one that finds that depressing as hell? Not at having a go at you Count, just having a go at the world of modern dating.

[SpunkyGlory]

CountZero23 said:

Well drinks down the pub with the Tinder lass last night turned into a couple of bottles of Prosecco back at mine. Fun girl into her snowboarding and a teacher (like 50% of women on there). Kicked her out this morning before work

Had a good laugh though not as much chemistry as I'd want for a relaitonship. Be nice if she wanted to keep things casual, will see.

Dotty, if you like this Greek one then don't for fks sake show it or stop seeing other girls. I'm not making that mistake again - will make sure I'm seeing a girl for a month or two before I even entertain the idea of getting exclusive.

Wonder if it's the same snowboarding teacher I went out with a couple of weeks ago...

Don't agree with your other advice one bit anymore. I'd have agreed with you a year ago but what does he benefit from still seeing other people? He might as well concentrate on one he has already admitted is potential relationship material. Fair enough, don't come on too strong and you don't have to tell her it's exclusive but the last thing you want it a Tinder notification or something to pop up when you're with her, it's just going to make things awkward.

From what I've read on here Count, I get the impression we're quite similar in the sense we enjoy dating a lot of people and don't invest much emotion or feeling unless it's something we feel strongly about. But a lot of people aren't the same, and also aren't practiced in having more than one woman on the go and being discreet about it which lands them in a lot of trouble! I might be completely wrong about you, but I don't think that advice is valid for everyone and if he likes the girl he should tell her, life's too short to fanny around playing games and girls that want to play games aren't worth the hassle anymore.

[Adenauer]

leglessAlex said:

CountZero23 said:

Dotty, if you like this Greek one then don't for fks sake show it or stop seeing other girls. I'm not making that mistake again - will make sure I'm seeing a girl for a month or two before I even entertain the idea of getting exclusive.

Jesus, am I the only one that finds that depressing as hell? Not at having a go at you Count, just having a go at the world of modern dating.

Nope, you're not the only one, Alex. I find it very odd.

[Feirny]

Adenauer said:

leglessAlex said:

CountZero23 said:

Dotty, if you like this Greek one then don't for fks sake show it or stop seeing other girls. I'm not making that mistake again - will make sure I'm seeing a girl for a month or two before I even entertain the idea of getting exclusive.

Jesus, am I the only one that finds that depressing as hell? Not at having a go at you Count, just having a go at the world of modern dating.

Nope, you're not the only one, Alex. I find it very odd.

I'm inclined to agree there.

[SpunkyGlory]

To expand on my ongoing battle with myself slightly more...

I met a girl a year ago today (I only know the date because it was at a music festival), and we started seeing each other for a few weeks. Ended up going out in October but broke up just after Christmas although most of December was pretty st to be fair. So all in all about 8 weeks of good fun, we didn't see each other for a couple of months and then saw each other in March and April casually, I ended up telling her I liked her but she didn't want a boyfriend and that was that, we haven't spoken since.

She is absolutely stunning and so much fun, we had such a laugh together. But at the same time she used to drive me up the wall when we were together: she was selfish, could be a nightmare when drunk, loads of little things that used to irritate me to the point of I actually text a mate one weekend saying I was going to break up with her.

So 8 weeks of fun with a great person but who at the time I knew wasn't going to be the one for me. So why, almost 4 months since I last spoke to her am I still not over her? Or am I over her but it's highlighted I want a relationship? Or is it an ego thing because she broke up with me? I don't do feelings or emotions and normally get over most things with a cold shower so this is driving me up the wall. I was never in love with her so I don't think I'm pining for her, I can't help but feel it's me finally reaching a point where I want more than just dating lots of people.

I let my guard down with this one and got burnt so part of me completely agrees with Count about not admitting how you feel. But at the same time, life's too short to worry about stupid things like that so be honest to yourself and others with how you feel.

[anonymous-user]

Agreed. This thread is awful at times.

[Shnozz]

SpunkyGlory said:

To expand on my ongoing battle with myself slightly more...

I met a girl a year ago today (I only know the date because it was at a music festival), and we started seeing each other for a few weeks. Ended up going out in October but broke up just after Christmas although most of December was pretty st to be fair. So all in all about 8 weeks of good fun, we didn't see each other for a couple of months and then saw each other in March and April casually, I ended up telling her I liked her but she didn't want a boyfriend and that was that, we haven't spoken since.

She is absolutely stunning and so much fun, we had such a laugh together. But at the same time she used to drive me up the wall when we were together: she was selfish, could be a nightmare when drunk, loads of little things that used to irritate me to the point of I actually text a mate one weekend saying I was going to break up with her.

So 8 weeks of fun with a great person but who at the time I knew wasn't going to be the one for me. So why, almost 4 months since I last spoke to her am I still not over her? Or am I over her but it's highlighted I want a relationship? Or is it an ego thing because she broke up with me? I don't do feelings or emotions and normally get over most things with a cold shower so this is driving me up the wall. I was never in love with her so I don't think I'm pining for her, I can't help but feel it's me finally reaching a point where I want more than just dating lots of people.

I let my guard down with this one and got burnt so part of me completely agrees with Count about not admitting how you feel. But at the same time, life's too short to worry about stupid things like that so be honest to yourself and others with how you feel.

Similar tale here. Similar burn mark here.

I've been truly smitten only a handful of times in my life and my keenness and desire to please has been chewed up and spat out.

Conversely, many women over the years to whom I have been reticent have become infatuated notwithstanding the ambivalence I have shown towards them.


Wanting what you can't have? Not wanting what comes easily?

It may be cynical and make for unpopular reading. I'd rather not play games, but simple observation and experience leads me to think they are almost necessary.

[Shnozz]

I didn't have much planned for the weekend just gone so thought I'd use it for some dates.

Arranged dates Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday lunch. Typically then during post-work drinks on Friday I walk in the bar to see a stunning brunette who is looking right back at me. A few beers later and a conversation interruption engineered, my number supplied and we are out for a few drinks tomorrow night.

Date 1 on Friday after then went well, date 2 Saturday less so - good fun but a bit too in an ivory tower for me. Date 3 Sunday was a classic case of selective pictures (she was a happn date).

Little bit worn out from the constant merry go round of it all at the minute. Will see how tomorrow night goes but a few back to back festival weekends approaching and then a stint abroad means I think I am taking a few months off. I'm knackered.

[DottyMR2]

Rh14n said:

SpunkyGlory said:

DottyMR2 said:

Now is the dilemma, continue with Tinder or focus on Greek girl for now?

That's not a dilemma, if you've found someone you get on really well with then focus on that. It's fine staying on Tinder and playing around but what would you be looking for? A shag or more? Worst thing that's going to happen is things go tits up with Greek girl and you'll have missed out on a couple of months of Tinder.

This is the advice I'll offer but the complete opposite to what I'd actually do, however I'm a dick and don't always realise when I've got something good and even if I do, I prefer to play it cool and not admit how I actually feel until it's too late. And then waste time dating people who I have absolutely no interest in which leads to me inadvertently messing them around which they don't deserve whilst still wanting the one I can't have.

I reckon that's good advice from the Spunkster. If you really like the Greek Goddess imagine how you'd feel if she was still playing around with other guys. Oh yes, and Spunkster, sounds like you've learnt a lesson - keep true to your advice and I'm sure you will be rewarded.

To be fair, it is quite good advice. Only known each other 3 weeks so it's not a relationship yet and I wouldn't be fussed if she was dating other guys just now. It's to be expected with being single these days. It's not really a problem until a bit further down the line and it's past the just dating stage. I suppose where people draw that line may be different though.

I guess my attitude is more like Counts in that I have to be dating for a few months to be exclusive.

I am also very weird but the doctor has signed to say that I'm not harmful to myself or others. I've got the ankle bracelet to prove it.

Edited by DottyMR2 on Monday 24th August 14:06

[AyBee]

SpunkyGlory said:

To expand on my ongoing battle with myself slightly more...

I met a girl a year ago today (I only know the date because it was at a music festival), and we started seeing each other for a few weeks. Ended up going out in October but broke up just after Christmas although most of December was pretty st to be fair. So all in all about 8 weeks of good fun, we didn't see each other for a couple of months and then saw each other in March and April casually, I ended up telling her I liked her but she didn't want a boyfriend and that was that, we haven't spoken since.

She is absolutely stunning and so much fun, we had such a laugh together. But at the same time she used to drive me up the wall when we were together: she was selfish, could be a nightmare when drunk, loads of little things that used to irritate me to the point of I actually text a mate one weekend saying I was going to break up with her.

So 8 weeks of fun with a great person but who at the time I knew wasn't going to be the one for me. So why, almost 4 months since I last spoke to her am I still not over her? Or am I over her but it's highlighted I want a relationship? Or is it an ego thing because she broke up with me? I don't do feelings or emotions and normally get over most things with a cold shower so this is driving me up the wall. I was never in love with her so I don't think I'm pining for her, I can't help but feel it's me finally reaching a point where I want more than just dating lots of people.

I let my guard down with this one and got burnt so part of me completely agrees with Count about not admitting how you feel. But at the same time, life's too short to worry about stupid things like that so be honest to yourself and others with how you feel.

Has anyone else ever broken up with you? Sounds a bit like you want what you can't have, even though you know deep down that you don't really want it.