The joy of eccentric elderly parents and their routines.
Discussion
As we are sadly in the sweet spot now for losing loved family members and the procession has started and will inevitably only continue (almost worst is losing peers but hey).
The only thing I can say is just like loved pets, we don't get long enough with them, it's a lot easier to facilitate what we perceive as odd behaviour and ease the last years than push back against it and cause angst.
The only thing I can say is just like loved pets, we don't get long enough with them, it's a lot easier to facilitate what we perceive as odd behaviour and ease the last years than push back against it and cause angst.
My parents keep all the letters and junk mail in the envelopes they receive in a box, which ends up being a lot of stuff as most of their documents are still paper rather than digital accounts. I can understand the odd envelope for holding the odd letter that has lots of sheets.
So every few months I discard the envelopes and junk, file the bills, bank statements in A4 folders and bin the rest. It reduces the bulk by 95%.
So every few months I discard the envelopes and junk, file the bills, bank statements in A4 folders and bin the rest. It reduces the bulk by 95%.
I've been reading this thread with some trepidation...
You may have noticed over the past 6 months or so a bright star visible for most of the night... This is the planet Jupiter and we're currently enjoying it's closest pass for some 59 years, hence the brightness. If you've got binoculars, have a look, let me know what you can see...
My father (82) has noticed said bright star.
Here's is the precis of a recent telephone conversation:
"It's a space station".
No, it really isn't.
"That's why it's virtually stationary".
No - that's because it's a long way away. If it were the ISS, then it would be moving really quickly.
"It IS".
It isn't. Do you have binoculars? Have a look.
"I can't find them".
OK - but it's not a space station.
"It IS".
A week or so later:
"I found my binoculars and had a look. I can see structure but it's really fuzzy. It's a space station."
Were you wearing your glasses?
"No"
Dad - it isn't the space station. You're seeing the Galilean moons and a whole heap of age related astigmatism. Go and have another look with your glasses on.
"Shall not"
Sigh....
A week or so later they came down for a visit. It was a clear night, lucklily so I took ONE of my telescopes out. Here it is, next to a BSW (British Standard Wife) for scale:
(It was just after it had turned up and she was not particularly impressed, to be honest. It's almost like she had some impression it was going to be smaller - not sure why...)
So I'm outside, and I turn that behemoth around and point it in the general direction of the bright star, and then have to just about drag Dad over by an ear and FORCE him to look though the thing...
"Oh yeah - there's a disk"
That's because it's Jupiter
"Oh it's got STRIPES"
That's because it's f
king JUPITER
"No red spot though - are you sure it's Jupiter"
Aaarrrrgh! Yes I'm SURE it's fkING JUPITER. The sky maps show it's Jupiter, my eyeballs show me it's Jupiter and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!
"Why are you so touchy about this?"
You may have noticed over the past 6 months or so a bright star visible for most of the night... This is the planet Jupiter and we're currently enjoying it's closest pass for some 59 years, hence the brightness. If you've got binoculars, have a look, let me know what you can see...
My father (82) has noticed said bright star.
Here's is the precis of a recent telephone conversation:
"It's a space station".
No, it really isn't.
"That's why it's virtually stationary".
No - that's because it's a long way away. If it were the ISS, then it would be moving really quickly.
"It IS".
It isn't. Do you have binoculars? Have a look.
"I can't find them".
OK - but it's not a space station.
"It IS".
A week or so later:
"I found my binoculars and had a look. I can see structure but it's really fuzzy. It's a space station."
Were you wearing your glasses?
"No"
Dad - it isn't the space station. You're seeing the Galilean moons and a whole heap of age related astigmatism. Go and have another look with your glasses on.
"Shall not"
Sigh....
A week or so later they came down for a visit. It was a clear night, lucklily so I took ONE of my telescopes out. Here it is, next to a BSW (British Standard Wife) for scale:
(It was just after it had turned up and she was not particularly impressed, to be honest. It's almost like she had some impression it was going to be smaller - not sure why...)
So I'm outside, and I turn that behemoth around and point it in the general direction of the bright star, and then have to just about drag Dad over by an ear and FORCE him to look though the thing...
"Oh yeah - there's a disk"
That's because it's Jupiter
"Oh it's got STRIPES"
That's because it's f
king JUPITER"No red spot though - are you sure it's Jupiter"
Aaarrrrgh! Yes I'm SURE it's f
kING JUPITER. The sky maps show it's Jupiter, my eyeballs show me it's Jupiter and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!"Why are you so touchy about this?"
cwis said:
I've been reading this thread with some trepidation...
You may have noticed over the past 6 months or so a bright star visible for most of the night... This is the planet Jupiter and we're currently enjoying it's closest pass for some 59 years, hence the brightness. If you've got binoculars, have a look, let me know what you can see...
My father (82) has noticed said bright star.
Here's is the precis of a recent telephone conversation:
"It's a space station".
No, it really isn't.
"That's why it's virtually stationary".
No - that's because it's a long way away. If it were the ISS, then it would be moving really quickly.
"It IS".
It isn't. Do you have binoculars? Have a look.
"I can't find them".
OK - but it's not a space station.
"It IS".
A week or so later:
"I found my binoculars and had a look. I can see structure but it's really fuzzy. It's a space station."
Were you wearing your glasses?
"No"
Dad - it isn't the space station. You're seeing the Galilean moons and a whole heap of age related astigmatism. Go and have another look with your glasses on.
"Shall not"
Sigh....
A week or so later they came down for a visit. It was a clear night, lucklily so I took ONE of my telescopes out. Here it is, next to a BSW (British Standard Wife) for scale:
(It was just after it had turned up and she was not particularly impressed, to be honest. It's almost like she had some impression it was going to be smaller - not sure why...)
So I'm outside, and I turn that behemoth around and point it in the general direction of the bright star, and then have to just about drag Dad over by an ear and FORCE him to look though the thing...
"Oh yeah - there's a disk"
That's because it's Jupiter
"Oh it's got STRIPES"
That's because it's fking JUPITER
"No red spot though - are you sure it's Jupiter"
Aaarrrrgh! Yes I'm SURE it's fkING JUPITER. The sky maps show it's Jupiter, my eyeballs show me it's Jupiter and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!
"Why are you so touchy about this?"
That is absolutley hilarious. The Astrophysics degree properly made me laugh!!!You may have noticed over the past 6 months or so a bright star visible for most of the night... This is the planet Jupiter and we're currently enjoying it's closest pass for some 59 years, hence the brightness. If you've got binoculars, have a look, let me know what you can see...
My father (82) has noticed said bright star.
Here's is the precis of a recent telephone conversation:
"It's a space station".
No, it really isn't.
"That's why it's virtually stationary".
No - that's because it's a long way away. If it were the ISS, then it would be moving really quickly.
"It IS".
It isn't. Do you have binoculars? Have a look.
"I can't find them".
OK - but it's not a space station.
"It IS".
A week or so later:
"I found my binoculars and had a look. I can see structure but it's really fuzzy. It's a space station."
Were you wearing your glasses?
"No"
Dad - it isn't the space station. You're seeing the Galilean moons and a whole heap of age related astigmatism. Go and have another look with your glasses on.
"Shall not"
Sigh....
A week or so later they came down for a visit. It was a clear night, lucklily so I took ONE of my telescopes out. Here it is, next to a BSW (British Standard Wife) for scale:
(It was just after it had turned up and she was not particularly impressed, to be honest. It's almost like she had some impression it was going to be smaller - not sure why...)
So I'm outside, and I turn that behemoth around and point it in the general direction of the bright star, and then have to just about drag Dad over by an ear and FORCE him to look though the thing...
"Oh yeah - there's a disk"
That's because it's Jupiter
"Oh it's got STRIPES"
That's because it's f
king JUPITER"No red spot though - are you sure it's Jupiter"
Aaarrrrgh! Yes I'm SURE it's f
kING JUPITER. The sky maps show it's Jupiter, my eyeballs show me it's Jupiter and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!"Why are you so touchy about this?"
cwis said:
and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!
Reminds me of my cousin telling me about a conversation with his wife. king degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!Cousin's Wife :Remember I told you about Jane for the gym who has been diagnosed with epilepsy. They've put on (name of drug).
Cousin: Well that's a sensible drug to start with. She how she gets on. But she's likely to get (whatever) as it's a very common side effect.
CW: How would you know?
C: Probably because I've worked in the field for 40 years, I was UNICEF epilepsy ambassador for 5 years, I spend 6 months of the year away from home lecturing at conferences around the world on epilepsy and it's management, I've written numerous books and articles on the subject, and most people accept that I'm one of the world's leading experts on epilepsy drugs and their side effects.
CW: well you don't know everything.
I should add that it's actually Lady Cousins wife, as cousin has been knighted and is Sir Cousin.
Hard-Drive said:
cwis said:
I've been reading this thread with some trepidation...
You may have noticed over the past 6 months or so a bright star visible for most of the night... This is the planet Jupiter and we're currently enjoying it's closest pass for some 59 years, hence the brightness. If you've got binoculars, have a look, let me know what you can see...
My father (82) has noticed said bright star.
Here's is the precis of a recent telephone conversation:
"It's a space station".
No, it really isn't.
"That's why it's virtually stationary".
No - that's because it's a long way away. If it were the ISS, then it would be moving really quickly.
"It IS".
It isn't. Do you have binoculars? Have a look.
"I can't find them".
OK - but it's not a space station.
"It IS".
A week or so later:
"I found my binoculars and had a look. I can see structure but it's really fuzzy. It's a space station."
Were you wearing your glasses?
"No"
Dad - it isn't the space station. You're seeing the Galilean moons and a whole heap of age related astigmatism. Go and have another look with your glasses on.
"Shall not"
Sigh....
A week or so later they came down for a visit. It was a clear night, lucklily so I took ONE of my telescopes out. Here it is, next to a BSW (British Standard Wife) for scale:
(It was just after it had turned up and she was not particularly impressed, to be honest. It's almost like she had some impression it was going to be smaller - not sure why...)
So I'm outside, and I turn that behemoth around and point it in the general direction of the bright star, and then have to just about drag Dad over by an ear and FORCE him to look though the thing...
"Oh yeah - there's a disk"
That's because it's Jupiter
"Oh it's got STRIPES"
That's because it's fking JUPITER
"No red spot though - are you sure it's Jupiter"
Aaarrrrgh! Yes I'm SURE it's fkING JUPITER. The sky maps show it's Jupiter, my eyeballs show me it's Jupiter and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!
"Why are you so touchy about this?"
That is absolutley hilarious. The Astrophysics degree properly made me laugh!!!You may have noticed over the past 6 months or so a bright star visible for most of the night... This is the planet Jupiter and we're currently enjoying it's closest pass for some 59 years, hence the brightness. If you've got binoculars, have a look, let me know what you can see...
My father (82) has noticed said bright star.
Here's is the precis of a recent telephone conversation:
"It's a space station".
No, it really isn't.
"That's why it's virtually stationary".
No - that's because it's a long way away. If it were the ISS, then it would be moving really quickly.
"It IS".
It isn't. Do you have binoculars? Have a look.
"I can't find them".
OK - but it's not a space station.
"It IS".
A week or so later:
"I found my binoculars and had a look. I can see structure but it's really fuzzy. It's a space station."
Were you wearing your glasses?
"No"
Dad - it isn't the space station. You're seeing the Galilean moons and a whole heap of age related astigmatism. Go and have another look with your glasses on.
"Shall not"
Sigh....
A week or so later they came down for a visit. It was a clear night, lucklily so I took ONE of my telescopes out. Here it is, next to a BSW (British Standard Wife) for scale:
(It was just after it had turned up and she was not particularly impressed, to be honest. It's almost like she had some impression it was going to be smaller - not sure why...)
So I'm outside, and I turn that behemoth around and point it in the general direction of the bright star, and then have to just about drag Dad over by an ear and FORCE him to look though the thing...
"Oh yeah - there's a disk"
That's because it's Jupiter
"Oh it's got STRIPES"
That's because it's f
king JUPITER"No red spot though - are you sure it's Jupiter"
Aaarrrrgh! Yes I'm SURE it's f
kING JUPITER. The sky maps show it's Jupiter, my eyeballs show me it's Jupiter and my fking degree in Astro fking Physics tells me it's JUPITER!"Why are you so touchy about this?"
My father has developed the interesting habit of starting unnecessary tasks at questionable times.
He’s been here for a few days, it was my Mum’s 83rd birthday on Sunday. All family full-court press for lunch, including my sister and all her grown-up millenials retrieved from around the country on pain of death etc. My wife had slaved away to produce a family roast lunch. Dad was missing from the table as the birthday cake my wife had made was ceremoniously brought out. Not entirely unusual in itself, but after 10 minutes a search party was despatched. He was found under the basin in the downstairs WC holding a bucket in one hand, and the u-bend in the other.
Quite why he thought that was the right moment to take on a spot of home plumbing I will never, ever know or understand….
He’s been here for a few days, it was my Mum’s 83rd birthday on Sunday. All family full-court press for lunch, including my sister and all her grown-up millenials retrieved from around the country on pain of death etc. My wife had slaved away to produce a family roast lunch. Dad was missing from the table as the birthday cake my wife had made was ceremoniously brought out. Not entirely unusual in itself, but after 10 minutes a search party was despatched. He was found under the basin in the downstairs WC holding a bucket in one hand, and the u-bend in the other.
Quite why he thought that was the right moment to take on a spot of home plumbing I will never, ever know or understand….
Cheeky Jim said:
My parents live on a remote Scottish island.... the paper's don't arrive until about midday.... one of them will always go out (in most weather) and drive the 4 miles to the local shop to purchase a copy of The Times.
They have full t'interweb, ipad's and my Dad worked in IT for 30 years... I still cant work out why the go through this palava every day.
To line the cat litter box ? They have full t'interweb, ipad's and my Dad worked in IT for 30 years... I still cant work out why the go through this palava every day.
To help light the coal fire ?
So they don't get cabin fever ?
My parents (88 and 85) don't really do anything weird...
Apart from religion. Born again dance in the Aisles, happy clappy bring your guitar to church levels of Christianity.
When they moved to Ynys Mon, 13 years ago when Dad retired, he took classes in Welsh, solely so he could be a lay preacher on the Welsh Methodist circuit. Preaches maybe once a month in some tiny church with 5 congregation and takes his guitar along and get them singing along.
Oh and an addiction to gardening. They rarely buy veg from shops. Much of it goes into.the freezer so.you get home produce all year around.
Dad worked in IT, so every 5 years he upgrades his pc. Last time I was there I wanted to.look something up.in the Internet, and it was the fastest computer I've ever used.
Can't get mum to WhatsApp me, and often her phone is off.
Downward said:
It’s a sad stage in life when your doing stuff for your Dad rather than the other way round
Yes. 100% agreed.Thankfully my parents are grand so far other than being a bit more frail than they once were. I do jobs my da would once have done.
But my wife’s father is now living with us and deteriorating mentally and physically with no way of us stopping it. It’s scary to watch. It”s mentally draining having to treat someone who was a friend like a child. Making sure they eat a meal, making sure they take their tablets, making sure they brush their teeth, helping them to shower. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
There are fun moments. The joy of elderly eccentricities does happen. For all his mental wobbles he has not forgot what he cares about. Horse racing, local football team and daughter in that approximate order. It amuses me that he can’t put a bet on because he won’t wear his glasses to read the racing form and my wife sticks the racing channel on for him not understanding he couldn’t give a s
t unless he”s 20 quid on.psi310398 said:
PositronicRay said:
Our elderly relative is now demanding a pre lunch sandwich.
Eggcellent! Was there a second breakfast?
They get up so early, and have lunch so late, that a mid morning snack is a good idea.
My father in law used to come down stairs at 6:30, and do breakfast prep, getting the bacon neatly laid out in the frying pan and bread in the toaster, eggs out. Then lay the table, and make his wife a cup of tea. Having delivered it to her with a biscuit, he would retire to the bathroom. Eventually he would be dressed, and at 7:45 would head out for the paper. The mail FFS. On his return, he would sit and read it before being called to eat his breakfast at about 8:30. At 9:00 he would wash up and at 9:30 would start the crossword.
At 11 there would be a pre lunch glass of bell's
Lunch would be tinned pilchard on toast or soup. And a mug of tea.
If the weather was not raining he'd either mow the lawn or push the car out of the garage to polish it (whether he'd used it or not) or weed the flower beds.
If it was raining he might play chess on his stand alone chess computer. An old 386, that came from his sons office clear out of obsolete IT. I think it had windows 97 on it. After use it would be unplugged from the wall. And a cover put over the CRT monitor.
Almost every day for 30 years.
cheesejunkie said:
But my wife’s father is now living with us and deteriorating mentally and physically with no way of us stopping it. It’s scary to watch. It”s mentally draining having to treat someone who was a friend like a child. Making sure they eat a meal, making sure they take their tablets, making sure they brush their teeth, helping them to shower. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Something a friend said when my mother reached the point she was struggling to care for my father (dementia) and felt she was failing him, really stuck with me. Get help early, let the helpers deal with the bad stuff so the time you spend together is the good stuff!ClaphamGT3 said:
My great aunt Yvonne, as she grew older and frailer managed her decreasing ability to drive confidently and competently not by driving shorter distances, only using familiar routes or driving more slowly but through the crude but devastatingly effective stratagem of only ever turning left.
It is indeed devastatingly effective. UPS, starting in the US but probably everywhere now (and all other delivery firms), route their trucks so unless absolutely unavoidable they only take turns into junctions on their side of the road. So in the US, that means only turning right. When first introduced, long before GPS and sat-nav, they saved 35 million gallons of fuel per year, and were able to deliver 350,000 more packages in the same number of driver hours. All by not having to sit idling whilst waiting to turn across traffic, and having to plant their foot down to accelerate across the oncoming lane.mikey_b said:
It is indeed devastatingly effective. UPS, starting in the US but probably everywhere now (and all other delivery firms), route their trucks so unless absolutely unavoidable they only take turns into junctions on their side of the road. So in the US, that means only turning right. When first introduced, long before GPS and sat-nav, they saved 35 million gallons of fuel per year, and were able to deliver 350,000 more packages in the same number of driver hours. All by not having to sit idling whilst waiting to turn across traffic, and having to plant their foot down to accelerate across the oncoming lane.
Weird coincidence. I never knew this, but was in Seattle at the weekend (where UPS started) and went on a walking tour on Sunday morning. The tour guide gave us this fact. 61 years and I hadn't heard it, now heard it twice from unrelated sources in a few days!mikey_b said:
It is indeed devastatingly effective. UPS, starting in the US but probably everywhere now (and all other delivery firms), route their trucks so unless absolutely unavoidable they only take turns into junctions on their side of the road. So in the US, that means only turning right. When first introduced, long before GPS and sat-nav, they saved 35 million gallons of fuel per year, and were able to deliver 350,000 more packages in the same number of driver hours. All by not having to sit idling whilst waiting to turn across traffic, and having to plant their foot down to accelerate across the oncoming lane.
I believe they also designed their own van with the driver sat on the right so he got out on to the pavement which was both safer and quicker.TwigtheWonderkid said:
Reminds me of my cousin telling me about a conversation with his wife.
Cousin's Wife :Remember I told you about Jane for the gym who has been diagnosed with epilepsy. They've put on (name of drug).
Cousin: Well that's a sensible drug to start with. She how she gets on. But she's likely to get (whatever) as it's a very common side effect.
CW: How would you know?
C: Probably because I've worked in the field for 40 years, I was UNICEF epilepsy ambassador for 5 years, I spend 6 months of the year away from home lecturing at conferences around the world on epilepsy and it's management, I've written numerous books and articles on the subject, and most people accept that I'm one of the world's leading experts on epilepsy drugs and their side effects.
CW: well you don't know everything.
I should add that it's actually Lady Cousins wife, as cousin has been knighted and is Sir Cousin.
Thats just bonkers. It seems she is purposly being obtuse, as she obviously knows what he does.Cousin's Wife :Remember I told you about Jane for the gym who has been diagnosed with epilepsy. They've put on (name of drug).
Cousin: Well that's a sensible drug to start with. She how she gets on. But she's likely to get (whatever) as it's a very common side effect.
CW: How would you know?
C: Probably because I've worked in the field for 40 years, I was UNICEF epilepsy ambassador for 5 years, I spend 6 months of the year away from home lecturing at conferences around the world on epilepsy and it's management, I've written numerous books and articles on the subject, and most people accept that I'm one of the world's leading experts on epilepsy drugs and their side effects.
CW: well you don't know everything.
I should add that it's actually Lady Cousins wife, as cousin has been knighted and is Sir Cousin.
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