You know you're an idiot when...

[ooo000ooo]

airsafari87 said:

When you spend 15 minutes trying to bump start a motorbike that won’t start because the battery is completely flat.

You then get someone from the office to help you push and bump it later on in the day, turn the key and try firing it one more time ‘Just in case’ even though you know for sure it won’t start.

And it fires up instantly.

There was a couple of key words in that 2nd part that didn’t feature in the 1st 15 minute bump start stint … ‘Turn the Key’

I used to drive a seat toledo which had an immobiliser like a nintendo game cartridge that had to be plugged in permanently to allow the car to run.
The car battery was a bit duff so if it didn't start within a couple of turns you had to jump/bump it, not a big problem as i lived halfway up a steep hill.
One morning, it wouldn't start off the key so i rolled off down the hill, usually about 10 feet of rollng was enough but on this particular morning it was having none of it, when i got to the bottom of the hill, there was a left and right then another short steep hill with a dead end. I had enough momentum to make it on to the second part for a final chance to bump it.
Half way down it suddenly clicked that the immobiliser had fallen out, unfortunately by the time i realised i was at the bottom of the hill, car not running, blocking the junction and no chance of pushing it anywhere on my own to clear the road for anyone else.
Had to walk back up the hill, call my brother in law to come round with jump leads to get it going.

[Pinkie15]

underwhelmist said:

Second Best said:

I think anybody who drives more than one car regularly can sympathise, but sometimes I find myself reaching for buttons that don't exist or pressing bits of trim because of muscle memory from whatever I last drove.

Oh yes, this. We have a CR-V where the handbrake is a vertical lever on the dash that you pull backwards towards you. When I get in my Alfa I often flail at the dashboard looking for the handbrake.

Owned a Saab for while, after changing cars I spent weeks reflexively trying to put the ignition key into a non-existent ignition switch next to the gear knob.

[Ayahuasca]

you forget to put a cup under the nespresso machine spout

[john2443]

I've had my current car for over a year and still sometimes reach towards my right knee to switch it off, even though the key is in my pocket - nearly 50 years of driving cars with a proper key in a lock on the steering column is far too entrenched in my memory!

[hairy v]

Watching a film, decided I fancied a beer.

Paused film and got a tinny and some crisps from the kitchen and returned to the lounge to watch the film. The remote had dissappeared!

10 minutes hunting around the lounge and kitchen and no sign of it, so restarted the film manually at the DVD player.

A little later, time for another beer ... went to fridge ... ahhh, the remote!

[Se7enheaven]

slopes said:

sunbeam alpine said:

My personal best was a couple of years back. I arrived at a client's site to be told that they'd been trying to phone me for the last hour.

"That's strange", says I, "my phone hasn't made a sound". I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the TV remote control. My phone was at home.

The TV remote is in no way similar in shape or size to my phone...

Brilliant

[Sycamore]

SturdyHSV said:

Typically when I start typing a reply on PH. 9 times out of 10 I realise it's the internet and I'm wasting my time so close the tab, but every now and then a reply slips out

Every now and then?

[Alex@POD]

r3g said:

mouse story

We've had a few similar IT issues in the office.

"The space bar is stuck on my laptop keyboard, I can't type anything!"

"OK, just remove whatever ornament you have that dropped onto the keyboard you pushed aside to make space for your laptop"

[bobbo89]

Ayahuasca said:

you forget to put a cup under the nespresso machine spout

More than once I've got up, gone to the kitchen, got a mug and a cereal bowl out and then proceeded to pour coffee into the bowl.

I also regularly find myself frantically looking for my phone whilst holding it as well as thanking cash machines...

[r3g]

Alex@POD said:

r3g said:

mouse story

We've had a few similar IT issues in the office.

"The space bar is stuck on my laptop keyboard, I can't type anything!"

"OK, just remove whatever ornament you have that dropped onto the keyboard you pushed aside to make space for your laptop"

Haha, yeah done that too.

A couple of other computer related ones which I bet have caught other people over the years :

- Catching F11 and not having a clue to how to get all your menus, tool bars and icon tray back.

- Holding down SHIFT whilst pondering how to word your next sentence and ending up in Sticky Key mode, rending half of your keyboard inoperative.

[Blib]

....after telling Mrs B that I'd never buy a German car, she then points out with a sigh that we already have one parked in the garage.....

[boyse7en]

Pinkie15 said:

Owned a Saab for while, after changing cars I spent weeks reflexively trying to put the ignition key into a non-existent ignition switch next to the gear knob.

Did exactly this when i got to work this morning in my partner's Honda rather than my Saab

[ooo000ooo]

Anyone else get out of an automatic into a manual and forget about using the clutch when coming to a stop?
I've never gone for the clutch when going from a manual to an automatic.

[cheesejunkie]

ooo000ooo said:

Anyone else get out of an automatic into a manual and forget about using the clutch when coming to a stop?
I've never gone for the clutch when going from a manual to an automatic.

Yes. Switching between my wife's car and mine.

It's rare, but has happened more than once where I've forgot to dip the clutch when coming to a stop. Wife and I just tend to find it funny but it does diminish my driving god status if I ever had any.

[cologne2792]

Wake up at 7am.
Switch on TV news.
Go into kitchen with tv remote.
Put kettle on.
Open fridge door.
Place TV remote in fridge.
Remove milk.
Make tea.
Return milk to fridge.
Return to bed with tea.
Can't locate remote...

This happened many times in rapid succession but I'm doing a little better now.

[Nova Gyna]

When changing the steering wheel on a Ford Escort, you quickly realise you're an idiot because you removed the nut instead of simply loosening it and then giving it an almighty tug.

[Jasandjules]

I go to the shops for some cat milk. Whilst I am there I may as well pick up a few extra bits. Oh there is some cheese, may as well, oh Dr Pepper is on offer, take a bottle of that etc etc... Head home, wife asks where is the cat milk.. I managed to pick up loads of stuff I did not go for and forget the one thing I went for.........

[honest_delboy]

chuckling and nodding at some of these.

went to feed that cat with a laundry pod the other day
went to pour milk into the sugar bowl instead of coffee cup
phantom footbrake on second car

and the biggie ..

left my car at the BP pump to walk back to work with my sandwich , got halfway down the road before realizing i'd also filled the car up, cue run back and plenty of nasty looks (it was a busy lunchtime)

[spookly]

In my early 20's I worked for a consultancy and had to go out to Dublin on business. Night before I was due to fly out to Ireland and I went out on the piss and got properly steaming.
Got home after midnight and decided to pack everything for the coming trip.
Fly out to Dublin, collect hire car and drive down to the swanky golf resort I was staying at.
Next morning get up and go to get myself ready and find I'd packed two left shoes.
Spent the next hour haring around small villages outside Dublin looking for a shoe shop. Ended up buying a st looking pair of shoes for far too much money.

[Gary29]

Driving two hours to a mountain bike trail centre with all of your gear in the back of the car, unload bike and then realise you've left the thru-axles at home and you've no means of actually attaching the wheels to said bike.