Growing the family - with a large(ish) age gap
Discussion
On the flip side.
My 15 y/o Daughter has a very good Friend (of the same age) who was an only child up until the age of 12 as her natural Father did a bunk not long after she was born; with little contact ever since. It was her & her Mother for many years.The Mother then met & married a new guy; they've gone on to have 2 more children (boys) in the past 3 years. The Friend has a really good relationship with her Step-Father and has previously said she will change her surname by deed-poll when she's old enough as she wants nothing to do with her natural Father.
However, the Friend now finds herself as a bit of an only child again as her Mum & Step-Father, understandably, concentrates on the 2 youngest.
My 15 y/o Daughter has a very good Friend (of the same age) who was an only child up until the age of 12 as her natural Father did a bunk not long after she was born; with little contact ever since. It was her & her Mother for many years.The Mother then met & married a new guy; they've gone on to have 2 more children (boys) in the past 3 years. The Friend has a really good relationship with her Step-Father and has previously said she will change her surname by deed-poll when she's old enough as she wants nothing to do with her natural Father.
However, the Friend now finds herself as a bit of an only child again as her Mum & Step-Father, understandably, concentrates on the 2 youngest.
nickfrog said:
Unpopular opinion warning.
Does it make sense to have more than say 2 kids?
Isn't there already quite a few too many humans on the planet?
Only if migration becomes more of a thing. The U.K. fertility rates (as well as many other largely western countries) are well below 2 and have been for some time. Does it make sense to have more than say 2 kids?
Isn't there already quite a few too many humans on the planet?
My sister is 40 (her partner mid-40s) and has a 12yr old, 2yr old and 6 month old baby.
They seem happy although knackered! I get the sense that the attention is diluted as each kid has arrived, as you would expect. Hard to tell if this is for good or for bad. We only have one who’s still under 3, unlikely to have another…
They seem happy although knackered! I get the sense that the attention is diluted as each kid has arrived, as you would expect. Hard to tell if this is for good or for bad. We only have one who’s still under 3, unlikely to have another…
I would not underestimate how hard it will be to get and keep a pregnancy at 41. My wife has mates who have lost years of their lives trying around age 40 and multiple miscarriages. You may find that it actually involves assistance due to (what we’ve seen in friends) egg count etc.
Edited by okgo on Sunday 26th May 12:03
One thing to add, remember that grandkids could come along right when child 3 is in a phase of their life when they need the parents. (i.e late teens)
Kind of happened to me as my sibling is much older. Grand kids came along right when I was in my late teens and making the choices that would ultimately map out the rest of my life. My parents defo took their eye off the ball. In fact I would say from about the time the grand kids came along my relationship with my parents cooled quite a bit.
Kind of happened to me as my sibling is much older. Grand kids came along right when I was in my late teens and making the choices that would ultimately map out the rest of my life. My parents defo took their eye off the ball. In fact I would say from about the time the grand kids came along my relationship with my parents cooled quite a bit.
Douglas Quaid said:
All the people I know that were only children have developed into slightly odd adults. Have another one. Give your child a sibling so they have someone when you’re dead.
My observations suggest that is complete nonsense. I was at school with several 'only children', who I still know to this day, and they are perfectly normal people, the same as anyone else, who have gone on to have families of their own as one might expect.
My own experience of having a brother was not a good one. With 2 years age gap between us, we pretty much hated each other and fought like cat and dog until I was at least 16, and it took until 19 before we actually started to be civil with each other. We simply had nothing in common from day one, liked completely different things, and just rubbed each other up the wrong way all the time. I hated having to do stuff my brother wanted to do, and he hated having to do stuff I wanted to do. As a child/teenager it was distracting and distressing, and seemingly endless.
My cousin has one child, who is now 19, and he was recently telling me how grateful he was not to have a sibling. I asked him why, and he said "my friends are always telling me how much hassle it is, and how much they argue with them".
Last one... A friend of mine who is an only child (He's 40 now with kids of his own) had his parents die recently, within 6 months of each other, after short and tragic illnesses, and I was asking him how it all was and he said "Fine really, probably a lot easier because I don't brothers or sisters to argue with about the funeral arrangements, the inheritance money and the estate"
For me, the alleged negatives of being an only child are greatly outweighed by the positives. Our son won't have have siblings to fight and argue, we can devote more time to him, we can provide for him better financially as he moves into adulthood, and when me and my wife do kick the bucket, he will just cop the inheritance all to himself without any hassle of splitting it or what to do with it.
Mont Blanc said:
Douglas Quaid said:
All the people I know that were only children have developed into slightly odd adults. Have another one. Give your child a sibling so they have someone when you’re dead.
My observations suggest that is complete nonsense. I was at school with several 'only children', who I still know to this day, and they are perfectly normal people, the same as anyone else, who have gone on to have families of their own as one might expect.
My own experience of having a brother was not a good one. With 2 years age gap between us, we pretty much hated each other and fought like cat and dog until I was at least 16, and it took until 19 before we actually started to be civil with each other. We simply had nothing in common from day one, liked completely different things, and just rubbed each other up the wrong way all the time. I hated having to do stuff my brother wanted to do, and he hated having to do stuff I wanted to do. As a child/teenager it was distracting and distressing, and seemingly endless.
My cousin has one child, who is now 19, and he was recently telling me how grateful he was not to have a sibling. I asked him why, and he said "my friends are always telling me how much hassle it is, and how much they argue with them".
Last one... A friend of mine who is an only child (He's 40 now with kids of his own) had his parents die recently, within 6 months of each other, after short and tragic illnesses, and I was asking him how it all was and he said "Fine really, probably a lot easier because I don't brothers or sisters to argue with about the funeral arrangements, the inheritance money and the estate"
For me, the alleged negatives of being an only child are greatly outweighed by the positives. Our son won't have have siblings to fight and argue, we can devote more time to him, we can provide for him better financially as he moves into adulthood, and when me and my wife do kick the bucket, he will just cop the inheritance all to himself without any hassle of splitting it or what to do with it.
I'm sure 1 child families are becoming more common, in our street of 8 families, 3 of them have only 1 child.
RayDonovan said:
Siblings are overrated. I've got a Brother and 2 Sisters and have nothing in common with any of them.
I'm sure 1 child families are becoming more common, in our street of 8 families, 3 of them have only 1 child.
You are correct.I'm sure 1 child families are becoming more common, in our street of 8 families, 3 of them have only 1 child.
'Only child' families are the fastest growing demographic and now make up 44% of all families in the UK and 49% of families in the EU.
Country to outdated and incorrect stereotypes, only children have extremely positives outcomes, and in modern times often do better than children with siblings, whilst displaying none of the alleged claims of social difficulties.
https://www.sciencefocus.com/science/only-children
https://blogs.ucl.ac.uk/ioe/2022/07/12/only-childr...
Douglas Quaid said:
Mont Blanc said:
The important thing is that you love bringing up kids, and that is the important part IMO.
If both you and your wife want it, I would say yes, got for it. I know a couple of people who have got kids ranging from 3-20 and they seem to all get on fine as a family. I think you'll be fine.
Personally speaking, you couldn't pay me enough to have another child! We have one, who we love, cherish, and enjoy like nothing else on earth, but the thought of going back to bottles, nappies, potty training, prams, and sleepless nights is absolutely incomprehensible to me. Both me and my wife would never do it again!
Another thing that we factored in was the question of 'can we provide'? I don't mean the regular baby/child/teen things, I mean stuff like: Can we pay all the costs of them to go to university? Can we buy them a car? Can we help them get on the property ladder by either buying a house for them, or at least giving a big deposit? All the 'big stuff' really.
With one child we felt we could do all that and not suffer financially. But with 2 or more, it would be too tight.
All the people I know that were only children have developed into slightly odd adults. Have another one. Give your child a sibling so they have someone when you’re dead. If both you and your wife want it, I would say yes, got for it. I know a couple of people who have got kids ranging from 3-20 and they seem to all get on fine as a family. I think you'll be fine.
Personally speaking, you couldn't pay me enough to have another child! We have one, who we love, cherish, and enjoy like nothing else on earth, but the thought of going back to bottles, nappies, potty training, prams, and sleepless nights is absolutely incomprehensible to me. Both me and my wife would never do it again!
Another thing that we factored in was the question of 'can we provide'? I don't mean the regular baby/child/teen things, I mean stuff like: Can we pay all the costs of them to go to university? Can we buy them a car? Can we help them get on the property ladder by either buying a house for them, or at least giving a big deposit? All the 'big stuff' really.
With one child we felt we could do all that and not suffer financially. But with 2 or more, it would be too tight.
Edited by Mont Blanc on Friday 24th May 13:31
nickfrog said:
Unpopular opinion warning.
Does it make sense to have more than say 2 kids?
Isn't there already quite a few too many humans on the planet?
No. Not from a car buying point of view. three seats and isofix dont go. three seats dont go in the vast majority of cars. I fractured a finger trying to shoehorn three child seats across the back of a rav 4 recently. i did it in the end. but i dont recommend it. Does it make sense to have more than say 2 kids?
Isn't there already quite a few too many humans on the planet?
RabidGranny said:
nickfrog said:
Unpopular opinion warning.
Does it make sense to have more than say 2 kids?
Isn't there already quite a few too many humans on the planet?
No. Not from a car buying point of view. three seats and isofix dont go. three seats dont go in the vast majority of cars. I fractured a finger trying to shoehorn three child seats across the back of a rav 4 recently. i did it in the end. but i dont recommend it. Does it make sense to have more than say 2 kids?
Isn't there already quite a few too many humans on the planet?
https://www.multimac.com/home
Rob 131 Sport said:
+1. Siblings of a similar age (gap no more than 5 years) are so important when growing up and often in later life.
As I posted above, I just don't see any evidence for statements like those.It seems that people are still trotting out old and incorrect myths about only children.
Mont Blanc said:
Rob 131 Sport said:
+1. Siblings of a similar age (gap no more than 5 years) are so important when growing up and often in later life.
As I posted above, I just don't see any evidence for statements like those.It seems that people are still trotting out old and incorrect myths about only children.
My old man had 4 kids in the end and I'm pretty sure he hated Children. Never once wanted to look after my Son and even said 'don't bother asking' which was nice
RayDonovan said:
As ever, it comes down to personal outlook and situation. I've got some mates with 3 or 4 kids and their life looks like hell on earth. I bet they look at me with 1 child and think the same.
My old man had 4 kids in the end and I'm pretty sure he hated Children. Never once wanted to look after my Son and even said 'don't bother asking' which was nice
You are correct, it does indeed come down to outlook.My old man had 4 kids in the end and I'm pretty sure he hated Children. Never once wanted to look after my Son and even said 'don't bother asking' which was nice
I was just bemused by this ‘you need brothers or sisters’ viewpoint, as it doesn’t correlate with what I have seen or experienced.
My observations are that most adult siblings don’t seem to bother with each other that much, don’t have much in common, or don’t live anywhere near each other, or fall out over inheritance/money, or argue about who looks after an aging mum and dad, and all that kind of stuff.
It just seems to me, to be one more problem to have in your life, and I say that as someone who has a sibling… or you might get on great with them. Its just a lottery.
Anyway, as I said in my first post on this topic, the OP should crack on and have another as he loves kids. I was merely saying you couldn’t pay me enough to have more than one!
Edited by Mont Blanc on Monday 27th May 11:48
Mont Blanc said:
RayDonovan said:
As ever, it comes down to personal outlook and situation. I've got some mates with 3 or 4 kids and their life looks like hell on earth. I bet they look at me with 1 child and think the same.
My old man had 4 kids in the end and I'm pretty sure he hated Children. Never once wanted to look after my Son and even said 'don't bother asking' which was nice
You are correct, it does indeed come down to outlook.My old man had 4 kids in the end and I'm pretty sure he hated Children. Never once wanted to look after my Son and even said 'don't bother asking' which was nice
I was just bemused by this ‘you need brothers or sisters’ viewpoint, as it doesn’t correlate with what I have seen or experienced.
My observations are that most adult siblings don’t seem to bother with each other that much, don’t have much in common, or don’t live anywhere near each other, or fall out over inheritance/money, or argue about who looks after an aging mum and dad, and all that kind of stuff.
It just seems to me, to be one more problem to have in your life, and I say that as someone who has a sibling… or you might get on great with them. Its just a lottery.
Anyway, as I said in my first post on this topic, the OP should crack on and have another as he loves kids. I was merely saying you couldn’t pay me enough to have more than one!
Edited by Mont Blanc on Monday 27th May 11:48
This seems like a thread made for me…
I’ve got two girls 16 and 14. Life changes and I found myself divorced from their mother.
Met someone new, have an 18 month old boy and another boy due in July.
It’s been absolutely brilliant, my daughters (who live with me) totally dote on their brother, I was already close to the girls but this has bought the whole family even closer together.
Me and my partner also now have live in babysitters which helps with our relationship.
The downsides if there are any relate to practical things such as transport, we’ve had to buy a 7 seater! Holidays and accommodation take a bit more organising etc. but we’re fortunate financially and so the reality is it’s easily surmountable.
Best thing I’ve ever done is ‘going again’ and if you ask my daughters I’m pretty sure they’d tell you the same.
Just my 2p worth and good luck in whatever you decide.
I’ve got two girls 16 and 14. Life changes and I found myself divorced from their mother.
Met someone new, have an 18 month old boy and another boy due in July.
It’s been absolutely brilliant, my daughters (who live with me) totally dote on their brother, I was already close to the girls but this has bought the whole family even closer together.
Me and my partner also now have live in babysitters which helps with our relationship.
The downsides if there are any relate to practical things such as transport, we’ve had to buy a 7 seater! Holidays and accommodation take a bit more organising etc. but we’re fortunate financially and so the reality is it’s easily surmountable.
Best thing I’ve ever done is ‘going again’ and if you ask my daughters I’m pretty sure they’d tell you the same.
Just my 2p worth and good luck in whatever you decide.
OP - consider how much a new child (and potential miscarriages) will impact on the quality of life of your two children. At their age they’ll be looking forward to some fun with mum and dad, holidays, days out etc. designed for teenagers.
Then you decide to introduce a baby for [selfish?] reasons. Consider the restrictions that will impose on your teenagers lives.
You’ll still be making the school run in your sixties!
I say focus on what you have and enjoy life rather than complicate it massively and expensively.
Then you decide to introduce a baby for [selfish?] reasons. Consider the restrictions that will impose on your teenagers lives.
You’ll still be making the school run in your sixties!
I say focus on what you have and enjoy life rather than complicate it massively and expensively.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff