Things that annoy you beyond reason...(Vol 5)

[yellowjack]

captain_cynic said:

MartG said:

Hoverers - the people who stand close behind you waiting for you to finish at the ATM

Slow people at ATMs.

These are not new inventions, we've had them for 50 years. They aren't complex, you have at the very most 8 options, usually no more than 3 or 4. Its not like you accidentally go to an ATM either, you should know exactly what you're there for and how to get it by the time you arrive. There is absolutely no reason to dither at an ATM.

Annoying things about ATMs?

The fact that some mouth-breathing knuckle dragger is stood behind me fuming about how long it's taking me to use the machine, and blaming me for being slow when I'm one step ahead of the damned machine at every stage, and know exactly where the next menu item I'm going to need to press a button for will appear. But the machines seem to have slowed down compared to a few years ago. Presumably fraud checks or something? But whatever it is that causes them to "go slow" it isn't me!

So if you're standing there muttering to yourself that "I'd have finished and gone by now" you're a bigger nugget than I first thought, because it's still showing me the "One moment, while we check your card" screen, the one it seems to linger over for longer than strictly necessary. The one that coincidentally has advertisements for the bank's other financial products on it. Hmmmm? Advertisements being held longer on screen while my card is being "checked"?



Perhaps the machines are set to run deliberately slow to get more ads in front of me? But it doesn't work because my eyes are fixed on the message at the top, waiting for the menu screen to appear, and so I barely register exactly what product is being advertised to me anyway...



Aside from that, if some impatient twerp is shifting from foot to foot and audibly "huffing" behind me at the ATM, I've got a trick I can play.

ATM: Which service would you like?
I press for a mini-statement.
ATM prints and dispenses mini-statement.
I read the mini-statement.
ATM asks: Would you like another service?
I press for "yes" and am immediately back to the "which service?" screen.
I press for 'cash with receipt'.
ATM asks: What amount of cash would you like?
I don't like any of the options, so press for "other" and type in an amount of my choosing. If I'm feeling especially mischievous I'll ask for an amount ending in £5 just to get the "amount not available" message from the ATM and have to re-type the amount.
ATM dispenses cash, then takes it's sweet-ass time to print and dispense the receipt. Then it returns my card.

But it doesn't end there, though. Oh no! I need to top up my PAYG phone too, you see. So I put the card back in, and go through the "checking card"and "enter PIN" phases again.
ATM asks: Which Network do you want to top up with.
I press for my network provider.
ATM asks me to type in my telephone number.
I draw my phone from my pocket, unlock it, look up "names" in the contacts list and press 'T' for "this phone". Then I carefully read the number, type it in, and check it carefully.
ATM requires me to confirm the number.
I type it in again, and check it carefully once again, as any mistake may see my credit being put onto someone else's phone to be lost forever.
ATM slowly prints and dispenses the receipt for the transaction, and once again returns my card.

At this point, if Mr Impatient hasn't either amended his attitude, or fked off to another ATM, I may also decide to print a mini-statement for another account too.

It's a lot of fun if the impatient person is really impatient or fuming about it. And no fun at all if the next person in the ATM queue is completely chilled and giving me the space, and the ATM the time it needs to complete the transaction. The lesson in all of this? Don't bloody annoy me. Chill out, relax, and we'll all get things done just as quickly as the technology will allow...






And don't get me started on the stupid "No coins accepted - pay by card only" Car Park ticket machines at Farnborough Station. First put your card in. Then choose your tariff and confirm your selection. Then wait while the machine fails to establish a connection with the bank whereupon the transaction will fail. Try again, same result. Move to another machine, try again. So now, due to the advance of technology installed "for my convenience" it can take 5 minutes to get a simple pay-&-display parking ticket, where in the "bad old low-tech days" it took a few seconds to feed coins into the meter until the tariff was reached. Sometimes it's impossible to get the car park ticket machines to connect with the bank, so you end up at the self-service railway ticket machine, but the menu is so damned complex that you can seldom find the right button for car parking, or my fingers fail to operate the touch screen, so it's off again to the manned ticket office (if it's open) where I can wait in a queue behind some dopey Doris arguing with the ticket man about the validity of a Super-Off Peak Saver ticket on a peak hours commuter service before I finally get my tickets for travel AND a car park ticket which i now have to walk back to the car at the far end of the car park so I probably miss the next fast service to London Waterloo. What's wrong with contactless, you bunch of morons??? Or notes/coins??? It's not for my convenience, you lying bar stewards, it's penny-pinching to put the man who emptied the machines out of a job, to further YOUR profits and convenience. Ya bunch of C'nuts. You festering son's of Sweyn Forkbeard, you!

[SpeckledJim]

yellowjack said:

Annoying things about ATMs?

The fact that some mouth-breathing knuckle dragger is stood behind me fuming about how long it's taking me to use the machine, and blaming me for being slow when I'm one step ahead of the damned machine at every stage, and know exactly where the next menu item I'm going to need to press a button for will appear. But the machines seem to have slowed down compared to a few years ago. Presumably fraud checks or something? But whatever it is that causes them to "go slow" it isn't me!

So if you're standing there muttering to yourself that "I'd have finished and gone by now" you're a bigger nugget than I first thought, because it's still showing me the "One moment, while we check your card" screen, the one it seems to linger over for longer than strictly necessary. The one that coincidentally has advertisements for the bank's other financial products on it. Hmmmm? Advertisements being held longer on screen while my card is being "checked"?



Perhaps the machines are set to run deliberately slow to get more ads in front of me? But it doesn't work because my eyes are fixed on the message at the top, waiting for the menu screen to appear, and so I barely register exactly what product is being advertised to me anyway...



Aside from that, if some impatient twerp is shifting from foot to foot and audibly "huffing" behind me at the ATM, I've got a trick I can play.

ATM: Which service would you like?
I press for a mini-statement.
ATM prints and dispenses mini-statement.
I read the mini-statement.
ATM asks: Would you like another service?
I press for "yes" and am immediately back to the "which service?" screen.
I press for 'cash with receipt'.
ATM asks: What amount of cash would you like?
I don't like any of the options, so press for "other" and type in an amount of my choosing. If I'm feeling especially mischievous I'll ask for an amount ending in £5 just to get the "amount not available" message from the ATM and have to re-type the amount.
ATM dispenses cash, then takes it's sweet-ass time to print and dispense the receipt. Then it returns my card.

But it doesn't end there, though. Oh no! I need to top up my PAYG phone too, you see. So I put the card back in, and go through the "checking card"and "enter PIN" phases again.
ATM asks: Which Network do you want to top up with.
I press for my network provider.
ATM asks me to type in my telephone number.
I draw my phone from my pocket, unlock it, look up "names" in the contacts list and press 'T' for "this phone". Then I carefully read the number, type it in, and check it carefully.
ATM requires me to confirm the number.
I type it in again, and check it carefully once again, as any mistake may see my credit being put onto someone else's phone to be lost forever.
ATM slowly prints and dispenses the receipt for the transaction, and once again returns my card.

At this point, if Mr Impatient hasn't either amended his attitude, or fked off to another ATM, I may also decide to print a mini-statement for another account too.

It's a lot of fun if the impatient person is really impatient or fuming about it. And no fun at all if the next person in the ATM queue is completely chilled and giving me the space, and the ATM the time it needs to complete the transaction. The lesson in all of this? Don't bloody annoy me. Chill out, relax, and we'll all get things done just as quickly as the technology will allow...

This should be a criminal offence.

Or, at the very least, a function of ATMs that only works between midnight and 5am.

[yellowjack]

[RicksAlfas]

What service would you like? - CASH ONLY or CASH with RECEIPT.
CASH ONLY.
......
Would you like a receipt with it?

[captain_cynic]

yellowjack said:

At this point, if Mr Impatient hasn't either amended his attitude, or fked off to another ATM, I may also decide to print a mini-statement for another account too.

So basically you are the annoying tt who cant use an ATM. If someone behind you is being impatient it's usually due to your dawdling and dithering.

Deliberately being an even more annoying tt does not help your case.

[Shakermaker]

captain_cynic said:

So basically you are the annoying tt who cant use an ATM. If someone behind you is being impatient it's usually due to your dawdling and dithering.

Deliberately being an even more annoying tt does not help your case.

Many years ago on a night out, and when my inhibitions were somewhat loose, we were heading between pubs when my mate stopped to use the cash point. It was cold, and so in the faff of him taking his gloves off to be able to use the screen I decided to "help" him out instead. Thinking it would be funny (which it was) I typed "cash - other amount" and then as he kept saying "Don't do that Alex, stop being a dick" etc, I typed in £1,000, expecting it to just say "computer says no"

He wasn't happy, as he was using his credit card, with the high rate being applied to cash withdrawls meaning it cost him around £40 extra to withdraw that...

[Lemming Train]

Shakermaker said:

Many years ago on a night out, and when my inhibitions were somewhat loose, we were heading between pubs when my mate stopped to use the cash point. It was cold, and so in the faff of him taking his gloves off to be able to use the screen I decided to "help" him out instead. Thinking it would be funny (which it was) I typed "cash - other amount" and then as he kept saying "Don't do that Alex, stop being a dick" etc, I typed in £1,000, expecting it to just say "computer says no"

He wasn't happy, as he was using his credit card, with the high rate being applied to cash withdrawls meaning it cost him around £40 extra to withdraw that...

£1000 from an ATM? Unless you specifically ask for higher amounts with the card issuer I believe the max withdrawal is capped at £250.

[captain_cynic]

Lemming Train said:

£1000 from an ATM? Unless you specifically ask for higher amounts with the card issuer I believe the max withdrawal is capped at £250.

I think that limit is on the card issuers side.

£500 for my UK cards. However I have an Australian card with a A$3,000 limit (debit, not credit) that has happily pulled £1000 out of an ATM.

I'm sure there is a limit set by the ATM operator which will differ per operator, but I'll bet most will let you pull £1000 at a time.

Worst limit I've seen was Colombia, 600,000 peso limit (£150)... and charged you £4 per withdrawal.

[Shakermaker]

Lemming Train said:

£1000 from an ATM? Unless you specifically ask for higher amounts with the card issuer I believe the max withdrawal is capped at £250.

Yes, £1,000. His credit card was not capped at £250 (and in fairness, neither is mine)

Said mate was quite a bellend about making sure everyone knew he had more money than anyone else in the vicinity, the kind of person who said "I'm just taking the [Audi] S4 to get some petrol" rather than "I'm off to get some petrol" or similar - making a show of having a £50 poking out of his shirt pocket. Asking to get mugged really but he hasn't been yet, as far as I'm aware.

[nonsequitur]

Balmoral said:

Temporary traffic lights at roadworks that are no bigger than a legally parked car, that we all seem to be able to negotiate day in day out without the need for temporary traffic lights to be set up around it.

'Elf & Safety I suspect.

[yellowjack]

captain_cynic said:

yellowjack said:

At this point, if Mr Impatient hasn't either amended his attitude, or fked off to another ATM, I may also decide to print a mini-statement for another account too.

So basically you are the annoying tt who cant use an ATM. If someone behind you is being impatient it's usually due to your dawdling and dithering.

Deliberately being an even more annoying tt does not help your case.

Headmaster! Haedmaster! Ithink we have a winner in the "worst entry in a comprehension test" competition.

Far the avoidance of any ambiguity...

yellowjack already said:

Annoying things about ATMs?

The fact that some mouth-breathing knuckle dragger is stood behind me fuming about how long it's taking me to use the machine, and blaming me for being slow when I'm one step ahead of the damned machine at every stage, and know exactly where the next menu item I'm going to need to press a button for will appear. But the machines seem to have slowed down compared to a few years ago. Presumably fraud checks or something? But whatever it is that causes them to "go slow" it isn't me!

So if you're standing there muttering to yourself that "I'd have finished and gone by now" you're a bigger nugget than I first thought, because it's still showing me the "One moment, while we check your card" screen, the one it seems to linger over for longer than strictly necessary. The one that coincidentally has advertisements for the bank's other financial products on it. Hmmmm? Advertisements being held longer on screen while my card is being "checked"?



Perhaps the machines are set to run deliberately slow to get more ads in front of me? But it doesn't work because my eyes are fixed on the message at the top, waiting for the menu screen to appear, and so I barely register exactly what product is being advertised to me anyway...

...wherein he explained to the willfully stupid that he is quite capable of proceeding with an ATM transaction at as fast a pace as the technology within the ATM will allow.



Quite frankly, sometimes I wish I'd been born stupid. Or at least worked harder to become stupid. At least then I'd be able to resist the temptation to read things properly and think for myself, and I could better fit in with the PH herd...

[yellowjack]

Shakermaker said:

Lemming Train said:

£1000 from an ATM? Unless you specifically ask for higher amounts with the card issuer I believe the max withdrawal is capped at £250.

Yes, £1,000. His credit card was not capped at £250 (and in fairness, neither is mine)

Said mate was quite a bellend about making sure everyone knew he had more money than anyone else in the vicinity, the kind of person who said "I'm just taking the [Audi] S4 to get some petrol" rather than "I'm off to get some petrol" or similar - making a show of having a £50 poking out of his shirt pocket. Asking to get mugged really but he hasn't been yet, as far as I'm aware.

Your mate didn't live in Saffron Walden by any chance? There was a bloke who used to put his card into ATMs there, and only ask for a printed balance. Then he'd leave his balance slip in the slot for the next person to have to remove it. Only to find that this bloke's current account balance was tens, occasionally into hundreds of thousands of pounds. I found one once when I went to draw £50 from the Lloyds in the square. Something around £32,500 in his account. Whoopdee-fking-doo fella. Good for you. But you're a ct, because that's littering right there, but no matter because you've got...



...to pay your fine with, eh?

[Langweilig]

Some banks and building societies, particularly the ones I use have a rule "respect other customers privacy" when queueing up to use ATM's indoors. Some will actually go to the lengths of fitting convex mirrors onto the machines to ensure that anyone behind you in the queue isn't being too "inquisitive".

[TameRacingDriver]

yellowjack said:

Your mate didn't live in Saffron Walden by any chance? There was a bloke who used to put his card into ATMs there, and only ask for a printed balance. Then he'd leave his balance slip in the slot for the next person to have to remove it. Only to find that this bloke's current account balance was tens, occasionally into hundreds of thousands of pounds. I found one once when I went to draw £50 from the Lloyds in the square. Something around £32,500 in his account. Whoopdee-fking-doo fella. Good for you. But you're a ct, because that's littering right there, but no matter because you've got...



...to pay your fine with, eh?

They’d be wasting their time with me as I have no interest whatsoever what was in their account, I wouldn’t even bother picking up the slip, but I know EXACTLY the sort of prick you’re talking about. Probably the same kind of muppet who leaves extra plates on the machines at the gym when they get off to make them look like a plastic strongman

[I Love Cake]

captain_cynic said:

MartG said:

Hoverers - the people who stand close behind you waiting for you to finish at the ATM

Slow people at ATMs.

These are not new inventions, we've had them for 50 years. They aren't complex, you have at the very most 8 options, usually no more than 3 or 4. Its not like you accidentally go to an ATM either, you should know exactly what you're there for and how to get it by the time you arrive. There is absolutely no reason to dither at an ATM.

Card machines in shops are still a mystery to the masses.

[yellowjack]

TameRacingDriver said:

They’d be wasting their time with me as I have no interest whatsoever what was in their account, I wouldn’t even bother picking up the slip, but I know EXACTLY the sort of prick you’re talking about. Probably the same kind of muppet who leaves extra plates on the machines at the gym when they get off to make them look like a plastic strongman

That's something that winds me up at ATMs though. In the "olden days" (I remember a time before the ATM was commonplace, and banking was done by "cashing a cheque" over the counter in the heavily wood-paneled branch) the machine always gave you a receipt, whether you asked for one or not.

This generation of ATMs asks you if you want a receipt. It even gives you the option at the first menu screen to choose "Cash Only" or "Cash with a receipt". So if you are going to walk away without waiting for the receipt to print, and therefore leave it in the slot, why ask for one in the first place? Is it because you is thick? Or do you do it deliberately to annoy others? Many's the time I've gone to a Cashpoint™ to get a mini-statement to check a payment has cleared, only for the machine to be out of paper, and capable only of displaying my balance on screen. But I know the balance already, and it's not what I was expecting (£53.28 down) so I need a bloody mini-statement to decipher what exactly isn't as predicted. This time it turned out to be one of those once-a-year Direct Debits that I'd forgotten about, but missing money could be an early warning of fraud on my account. So if the Muppets who routinely ask for a receipt but don't take it away could kindly refrain from being such irritating halfwits, and leave the paper for those of us who actually use it properly, that'd be very nice indeed...


...and I feel compelled to take the abandoned slip left by the previous customer, and bin it somewhere, because I hate littering and I need their slip out of the way to get at mine.

Edited by yellowjack on Wednesday 16th January 09:17

[yellowjack]

Today's "beyond reason annoyance" is this...

□


...what even is it? I have no effing idea.

I think it's meant to be an 'Emoji', but can't be sure. I belong to a site called Strava. A running/cycling type fitness "app" that also runs on a PC. So I'm getting comments from people who I assume are using it on their mobile phone, inserting these little squares ('Emojis"?) into their comment in place of words.

This is all well and good if it's one or two words, or something extra at the end of a sentence or comment, but some folk seem to communicate mostly in these little squares, which my (Windows Vista OS) PC cannot seem to translate into the intended 'Emoji'. It therefore annoys me beyond reason.

random Strava user said:

"Hi yellow jack, what a □ ride. Excellent result on that □ and a great □ □ □ too! How about a ride next Tue am? We could do the □ loop, and stop at the □ for □ and □ if you'd like? Let me know... □□□"

Am I being offered some company for a bike ride and a trip to the cafe for coffee and cake? Or is it an invitation to participate in a swingers' party? I'm presuming it's the former, but even so, are these positive "Emojis" or negative ones?

Words, people! Type effing WORDS! ffs!!!

[loudlashadjuster]

yellowjack said:

Am I being offered some company for a bike ride and a trip to the cafe for coffee and cake? Or is it an invitation to participate in a swingers' party? I'm presuming it's the former, but even so, are these positive "Emojis" or negative ones?

Words, people! Type effing WORDS! ffs!!!

You are using an old, out of date and unsupported operating system though...

[yellowjack]

loudlashadjuster said:

You are using an old, out of date and unsupported operating system though...

Well I drive an old car, ride an old bicycle, and live in an old house. I wear old shoes too. All of which, like my "outdated, unsupported operating system" are still completely serviceable. Should I scrap my car, donate my bike to a museum, demolish my house and replace hand made shoes with something from M&S too?

I'm still using kitchen knives and a Black & Decker power drill that were wedding presents from 30 years ago. Are they suddenly "unfit for purpose" because something new came along?

Grrrrr!

Modern consumer capitalism, insisting that we all must spend, spend, spend in order to shore up some venture capitalist pricks and keep them in the robber-baron luxury they've become accustomed to.

Well fk you, Apple iAddicts, etc. I'm keeping my shonky old crap until it becomes beyond economic repair, thank you very much...

...I'd post this from my mobile phone, but that's a PAYG Nokia C1, and although it's fully functional still, it "doesn't do apps" so...

Edited by yellowjack on Wednesday 16th January 11:27

[Number_Six]

yellowjack said:

Should I scrap my car, donate my bike to a museum, demolish my house and replace hand made shoes with something from M&S?

No need for that, just pack yourself into a box and have someone put you into a cupboard somewhere out of harm's way. Before you do that bin the operating system though - Vista was a dog's dinner the day it was released, you must represent 50% of the user base in the UK all these years later!