Things that annoy you beyond reason...(Vol 5)
Discussion
davhill said:
Aha, the truth will out! The fart squad has been scrambled... "Bandits on PH, Tally Ho chaps!"
I bet all of those telling fart stories can't wait to get back to school on Monday to tell all the other 13 year olds about going on a website for grown-ups and writing pathetic stories about their smelly farts. How funny that will be at break time. g3org3y said:
When it's the weekend and your brain wakes you up at 5am for no particular reason and you can't get back to sleep. 
I leave mine in a jar of salt water on the beside table. Saves all that disturbance.
My bladder still wakes me at stupid o'clock though.
I wouldn't want to be woken up by a really loud velociraptor noise.
I'd probably s
t myself! 
Edited by glenrobbo on Saturday 19th January 07:49
People going slowly everywhere today.
40 in a 60, 22 in a clear 30 with no side roads, then crawling through the car park with loads of spaces. Getting out and ambling through town like they are in a fking garden centre.
Blocking the doorway as you can't wait any longer to spark up.
A woman creeps towards the escalator, with oncoming pedestrians, can't overtake - then puts her shopping trolley next to her on the same step, so nobody can walk up.
People stopping in the street right in front of you and holding a covnversation five wide on the pavement.
tts everywhere.
tts as far as the eye can see.
40 in a 60, 22 in a clear 30 with no side roads, then crawling through the car park with loads of spaces. Getting out and ambling through town like they are in a f
king garden centre. Blocking the doorway as you can't wait any longer to spark up.
A woman creeps towards the escalator, with oncoming pedestrians, can't overtake - then puts her shopping trolley next to her on the same step, so nobody can walk up.
People stopping in the street right in front of you and holding a covnversation five wide on the pavement.
t
ts everywhere.t
ts as far as the eye can see.talksthetorque said:
People going slowly everywhere today.
40 in a 60, 22 in a clear 30 with no side roads, then crawling through the car park with loads of spaces. Getting out and ambling through town like they are in a fking garden centre.
Blocking the doorway as you can't wait any longer to spark up.
A woman creeps towards the escalator, with oncoming pedestrians, can't overtake - then puts her shopping trolley next to her on the same step, so nobody can walk up.
People stopping in the street right in front of you and holding a covnversation five wide on the pavement.
tts everywhere.
tts as far as the eye can see.
I've noticed this speed reduction thing more and more over the last year.40 in a 60, 22 in a clear 30 with no side roads, then crawling through the car park with loads of spaces. Getting out and ambling through town like they are in a f
king garden centre. Blocking the doorway as you can't wait any longer to spark up.
A woman creeps towards the escalator, with oncoming pedestrians, can't overtake - then puts her shopping trolley next to her on the same step, so nobody can walk up.
People stopping in the street right in front of you and holding a covnversation five wide on the pavement.
t
ts everywhere.t
ts as far as the eye can see.Thought the Idea of motorised transport was to get from point A to point B as quickly and legally (I threw that bit in) possible?
talksthetorque said:
People going slowly everywhere today.
40 in a 60, 22 in a clear 30 with no side roads, then crawling through the car park with loads of spaces. Getting out and ambling through town like they are in a fking garden centre.
Blocking the doorway as you can't wait any longer to spark up.
A woman creeps towards the escalator, with oncoming pedestrians, can't overtake - then puts her shopping trolley next to her on the same step, so nobody can walk up.
People stopping in the street right in front of you and holding a covnversation five wide on the pavement.
tts everywhere.
tts as far as the eye can see.
Not quite sure about the sparking up, but the rest can be attributed to ' That's Life '. Some days you are the pigeon, some days you are the statue.40 in a 60, 22 in a clear 30 with no side roads, then crawling through the car park with loads of spaces. Getting out and ambling through town like they are in a f
king garden centre. Blocking the doorway as you can't wait any longer to spark up.
A woman creeps towards the escalator, with oncoming pedestrians, can't overtake - then puts her shopping trolley next to her on the same step, so nobody can walk up.
People stopping in the street right in front of you and holding a covnversation five wide on the pavement.
t
ts everywhere.t
ts as far as the eye can see.Frank7 said:
Hackney said:
Cockerneea annoy me beyond reason because of things like this.
On the one aynd they’ll towk aw geezah and pronounce Harris as ‘arris. But then in the same breff will pronounce glass to rhyme with arse.
It’s why anyone from “daarn saaarf” shouldn’t be allowed to sing at football matches.
“Who’s the bar-stard in the black?” indeed.
Colour me mildly confused here, I’m a Londoner, born within the sound of Bow Bells, lived here all my life, at present in Rotherhithe.On the one aynd they’ll towk aw geezah and pronounce Harris as ‘arris. But then in the same breff will pronounce glass to rhyme with arse.
It’s why anyone from “daarn saaarf” shouldn’t be allowed to sing at football matches.
“Who’s the bar-stard in the black?” indeed.
I say glass almost to rhyme with arse, maybe not glarse, perhaps glahss, should I say it like an American, glass, rhyming with ass?
Maybe I need to have my hearing checked, but I can’t recall ever hearing “sarf.”
To me I hear, and think that I also say, “souf”, or “sowf.”
As for bar-stard, I say it as bahstuhd, or barstuhd, not claiming to be right, just telling you how I say it.
What I’m saying is that to people from birth of London there’s a dichotomy between the working class sounding geezer cockernee sound of “London” and those same people pronouncing words that have a short sharp A sound (garage, Bath, b
d, glass) with a longer glaaarse, baaarth, garaaarge sound which, to us, sounds posh. It's an interesting one.
I'm from Derbyshire (New Mills) and it was always the short 'a' that was used there.
If Derbyshire rhyming slang existed, one would retire to the bathroom
for a nice wheat and chaff.
Hoiwever, take the word vase. In Yank, it's 'vays', in English, it's 'varrrs'.
But in Derbyshire, it was always 'vorrs'. That's what I was taught and it may still be this.
My ex was born on the South side of Manchester and her mum tried to bring up
her and her sibings to be 'U' and opposed to non-U.
Her exship would always have a go at me when I used the word, 'tongue'. I pronounce it
'tong'. to rhyme with Big Ben's 'bong. But she said, 'tung', to rhyme with 'dung'.
The solution was to aks a simple question: "Did you have a nice lie down on the chaise lung?"
It was the same when I was buying a VW Scirocco. The salesman pronounced it 'Shirocco', which is correct.
I still couldn't resist asking to borrow a pair of 'shissors.'
I'm from Derbyshire (New Mills) and it was always the short 'a' that was used there.
If Derbyshire rhyming slang existed, one would retire to the bathroom
for a nice wheat and chaff.
Hoiwever, take the word vase. In Yank, it's 'vays', in English, it's 'varrrs'.
But in Derbyshire, it was always 'vorrs'. That's what I was taught and it may still be this.
My ex was born on the South side of Manchester and her mum tried to bring up
her and her sibings to be 'U' and opposed to non-U.
Her exship would always have a go at me when I used the word, 'tongue'. I pronounce it
'tong'. to rhyme with Big Ben's 'bong. But she said, 'tung', to rhyme with 'dung'.
The solution was to aks a simple question: "Did you have a nice lie down on the chaise lung?"
It was the same when I was buying a VW Scirocco. The salesman pronounced it 'Shirocco', which is correct.
I still couldn't resist asking to borrow a pair of 'shissors.'
davhill said:
It's an interesting one.
I'm from Derbyshire (New Mills) and it was always the short 'a' that was used there.
If Derbyshire rhyming slang existed, one would retire to the bathroom
for a nice wheat and chaff.
Hoiwever, take the word vase. In Yank, it's 'vays', in English, it's 'varrrs'.
But in Derbyshire, it was always 'vorrs'. That's what I was taught and it may still be this.
My ex was born on the South side of Manchester and her mum tried to bring up
her and her sibings to be 'U' and opposed to non-U.
Her exship would always have a go at me when I used the word, 'tongue'. I pronounce it
'tong'. to rhyme with Big Ben's 'bong. But she said, 'tung', to rhyme with 'dung'.
The solution was to aks a simple question: "Did you have a nice lie down on the chaise lung?"
It was the same when I was buying a VW Scirocco. The salesman pronounced it 'Shirocco', which is correct.
I still couldn't resist asking to borrow a pair of 'shissors.'
I enjoyed your post, AND got an education of sorts, I take your point on the U.S. vase, I would have said that they say vaze, but vays says it their way too.I'm from Derbyshire (New Mills) and it was always the short 'a' that was used there.
If Derbyshire rhyming slang existed, one would retire to the bathroom
for a nice wheat and chaff.
Hoiwever, take the word vase. In Yank, it's 'vays', in English, it's 'varrrs'.
But in Derbyshire, it was always 'vorrs'. That's what I was taught and it may still be this.
My ex was born on the South side of Manchester and her mum tried to bring up
her and her sibings to be 'U' and opposed to non-U.
Her exship would always have a go at me when I used the word, 'tongue'. I pronounce it
'tong'. to rhyme with Big Ben's 'bong. But she said, 'tung', to rhyme with 'dung'.
The solution was to aks a simple question: "Did you have a nice lie down on the chaise lung?"
It was the same when I was buying a VW Scirocco. The salesman pronounced it 'Shirocco', which is correct.
I still couldn't resist asking to borrow a pair of 'shissors.'
I say vaze, but STRICTLY to wind my wife up, I totally accept that over here it’s vahs, or vahze.
I’ll also enter someone’s mobile number in my phone as Dave cell, not Dave mobile, this is calculated to send my wife through the roof if she sees it on the screen!
Got to go with your ex on tongue, that’s tung all day long down here, but I now learn that I’ve been saying Scirocco the wrong way, I think though, that if I started to say Shirocco instead of Skirocco in Bermondsey, I’d hear, “Shirocco? Shirocco? Are you f**king sure?”
ARE YOU SURE? is an expression of incredulity down here.
daqinggegg said:
The number of times I see parents out with children, and the parents are on their mobile devices without engaging with children is just Shocking to me. What example are you setting.
Agree with that one 100%. Parents constantly on their phone whilst they take their children to the park, why not talk to your damn kids instead.daqinggegg said:
The number of times I see parents out with children, and the parents are on their mobile devices without engaging with children is just Shocking to me. What example are you setting.
There's an ad on bus shelters round here (don't know whether it's nationwide), which shows a pic of a mother and baby. Mother is clutching her phone and the caption is something along the lines of "I can multitask". Drives me round the bend every time I see it.Frank7 said:
Snip...
I think though, that if I started to say Shirocco instead of Skirocco in Bermondsey, I’d hear, “Shirocco? Shirocco? Are you f**king sure?”
ARE YOU SURE? is an expression of incredulity down here.
Skirocco? That's a new one on me!I think though, that if I started to say Shirocco instead of Skirocco in Bermondsey, I’d hear, “Shirocco? Shirocco? Are you f**king sure?”
ARE YOU SURE? is an expression of incredulity down here.
I used to say Sirocco, not Sir Rocco like a knight - just with a silent C in the first, short syllable.
You have me wondering now. When you buy some nice perfume for your wife, what do you say? "Here's a bottle of skent."?
Sorry, pronunciation Nazi mode kicked in there.
davhill said:
Sorry, pronunciation Nazi mode kicked in there.
Pronunciation you say?I'll just leave this here but suggest you get someone else to read it out load for best comedic effect:
English is Tough Stuff
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough–
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give it up!!!
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