Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Jcwjosh said:
Do any other dads have days where there patience is wearing thin ? I had a blip last night were i said some things that i deeply regret of course my son doesnt understand but i feel like a bad dad for it.. he is a real handful as i have mentioned and i have been working from home for 9 months.. i feel bad because my 6 month old should be out a lot more exploring the world but current restrictions mean this is limited. Took for a 2 hour walk in the park he was great we get home and he gets incredibly fussy and hard work.. he may be teething too, but my partner and i are struggling some days. We have no support from family they live 25-30 miles away... i love my son deeply but sometimes i lose my cool and i have to take myself away for 5 minutes. Is this normal ? I know being a dad is learning curve and i wouldnt have it any other wa
Yes. I uttered some words about it being joyless that I’m not proud of. But as a long term insomniac I know that no sleep turns a normal human into something very different.
Sounds like we broadly have similar kids. Mine has settled since silent reflux was dealt with via Nutramigen and Omaprozyl (sp). But it’s still at times very challenging. We also have had no support apart from when I fronted up for a night nanny when it got too much.
I’ve come to learn that nobody will believe you if you say your kid is different and equally nobody is equipped for something that requires almost constant attention. And I’ve seen most of the rest of the kids on NCT and know how different mine is.
It’s very very challenging. But I must say since we figured out the reflux thing it did make life easier but I do sympathise as we have both been at our wits end with him. My wife has often walked 20 miles to just get him to calm it.
okgo said:
Yes.
I uttered some words about it being joyless that I’m not proud of. But as a long term insomniac I know that no sleep turns a normal human into something very different.
Sounds like we broadly have similar kids. Mine has settled since silent reflux was dealt with via Nutramigen and Omaprozyl (sp). But it’s still at times very challenging. We also have had no support apart from when I fronted up for a night nanny when it got too much.
I’ve come to learn that nobody will believe you if you say your kid is different and equally nobody is equipped for something that requires almost constant attention. And I’ve seen most of the rest of the kids on NCT and know how different mine is.
It’s very very challenging. But I must say since we figured out the reflux thing it did make life easier but I do sympathise as we have both been at our wits end with him. My wife has often walked 20 miles to just get him to calm it.
This sounds very familiar indeed. When we go out to visit others or just to the shop/park, he is usually very well behaved happy and content.. people are in disbelief when we tell them how hard he can be. Hopefully when he starts nursery and has others to help keep him occupied and stimulated things will calm down a bit.. thanks for your comments makes me feel less of a sI uttered some words about it being joyless that I’m not proud of. But as a long term insomniac I know that no sleep turns a normal human into something very different.
Sounds like we broadly have similar kids. Mine has settled since silent reflux was dealt with via Nutramigen and Omaprozyl (sp). But it’s still at times very challenging. We also have had no support apart from when I fronted up for a night nanny when it got too much.
I’ve come to learn that nobody will believe you if you say your kid is different and equally nobody is equipped for something that requires almost constant attention. And I’ve seen most of the rest of the kids on NCT and know how different mine is.
It’s very very challenging. But I must say since we figured out the reflux thing it did make life easier but I do sympathise as we have both been at our wits end with him. My wife has often walked 20 miles to just get him to calm it.
t i said something similar its probably due to the lack of sleep too. Jcwjosh said:
Do any other dads have days where there patience is wearing thin ? I had a blip last night were i said some things that i deeply regret of course my son doesnt understand but i feel like a bad dad for it.. he is a real handful as i have mentioned and i have been working from home for 9 months.. i feel bad because my 6 month old should be out a lot more exploring the world but current restrictions mean this is limited. Took for a 2 hour walk in the park he was great we get home and he gets incredibly fussy and hard work.. he may be teething too, but my partner and i are struggling some days. We have no support from family they live 25-30 miles away... i love my son deeply but sometimes i lose my cool and i have to take myself away for 5 minutes. Is this normal ? I know being a dad is learning curve and i wouldnt have it any other wa
Yes definitely have those feeling sometimes. If ours is being fussy or he's feeling a bit off then he just won't settle for me no matter what I do he wants his mum and with the OH working and me not that can be incredibly frustrating at times, not to mention it's far to easy to take the rejection personally when you're a bit tired. Jcwjosh said:
Do any other dads have days where there patience is wearing thin ? I had a blip last night were i said some things that i deeply regret of course my son doesnt understand but i feel like a bad dad for it.. he is a real handful as i have mentioned and i have been working from home for 9 months.. i feel bad because my 6 month old should be out a lot more exploring the world but current restrictions mean this is limited. Took for a 2 hour walk in the park he was great we get home and he gets incredibly fussy and hard work.. he may be teething too, but my partner and i are struggling some days. We have no support from family they live 25-30 miles away... i love my son deeply but sometimes i lose my cool and i have to take myself away for 5 minutes. Is this normal ? I know being a dad is learning curve and i wouldnt have it any other wa
If I had a quid for every time I wished I'd handled some parenting thing better...It can be *monumentally* tough, especially when they're too young to be able to communicate clearly what they need, when you're suffering from lack of sleep or downtime etc. Anyone that thinks parenting is easy is either delusional or just not doing it right. There's absolutely nothing wrong with stepping away for a moment to recompose yourself either, I wish I'd remembered to do that more often when our boys were babies. Perfectly reasonable to do that if it helps, 6 month old babies are not reasonable people so you do what you can to stay sane through it
vaud said:
When they are very small, I found that even in the middle of the night in cold rain, putting them in a pram (with covers) and going for a good walk helped. They normally fall asleep... and it is giving my wife some peace... and I’m at least getting some fresh air. It does pass.
When they can walk I have found a walk before bed can help (give them a torch to lead the way).
Neither daughter were/are good sleepers so I’ve tried nearly everything.
I'd happily do this in the summer months but at the moment no frigging way.When they can walk I have found a walk before bed can help (give them a torch to lead the way).
Neither daughter were/are good sleepers so I’ve tried nearly everything.
His clipping went ok, I had to wait outside but as I thought they done it before missus knew they'd started.
Overall he's only (at the moment) a little bugger my boy when he's hungry, he gets all whingy and growly.
just had the nursery on the phone- we can’t start the first week back in january as planned, because scotland is going to tier 4 across the board, they are making childcare for ‘key workers’ only until 18th jan. that first week she’s only in a few hours as ‘settling in days’, so won’t actually start proper until the week after.
neither of us are ‘key workers’, and we both need to go into work. so need to rely on my parents to come through and do some informal child care, but more realistic is my mrs won’t work in january until codie is settled into nursery. great start to the new year (and it’s not even here yet!)
neither of us are ‘key workers’, and we both need to go into work. so need to rely on my parents to come through and do some informal child care, but more realistic is my mrs won’t work in january until codie is settled into nursery. great start to the new year (and it’s not even here yet!)
malks222 said:
just had the nursery on the phone- we can’t start the first week back in january as planned, because scotland is going to tier 4 across the board, they are making childcare for ‘key workers’ only until 18th jan. that first week she’s only in a few hours as ‘settling in days’, so won’t actually start proper until the week after.
neither of us are ‘key workers’, and we both need to go into work. so need to rely on my parents to come through and do some informal child care, but more realistic is my mrs won’t work in january until codie is settled into nursery. great start to the new year (and it’s not even here yet!)
We're in a similar boat, back to home schooling for our eldest (in primary 2) and having to occupy our youngest while somehow also putting in full days' work for at least two weeks...neither of us are ‘key workers’, and we both need to go into work. so need to rely on my parents to come through and do some informal child care, but more realistic is my mrs won’t work in january until codie is settled into nursery. great start to the new year (and it’s not even here yet!)
No_Idea said:
Currently sat with headphones on full blast whilst 16 month old has full on meltdowns stuck on my own with OH working. FML.
Sorry to hear that, yes it must be even harder right now with all the social controls in place. I used to go down Costa/Pub and let the women coo at the little one when it got like that.
Chaps, not really looking to vent or rant, but just want to sound off.
Mini devnull is 13 months old and is doing pretty well, he's an awesome little guy and his personality is shining through, it's great. Especially comparing to our NCT group, he doing amazing. Some of the kids in our group are still up every 90s mins.
The bit I am struggling with at the moment, and it's likely not helping due to lockdown, is the sheer amount of time I feel I 'waste' by effectively just looking after him. Yes, I know every second he's off playing with his toys or exploring the place is beneficial to him, so it isn't by any means waste. But I genuinely feel unstimulated in myself at the moment as I often feel my role is to make sure he doesn't impale himself on something or eat rocks etc. I feel joy seeing him play and develop, but it's fking boring watching him play. I do get involved, you have to, but tipping out the bag of megabloks for the 100th time Gets a bit monotonous. I was previously a man of many hobbies and interests and could sink hours at a time working on the car, diy, electronics, computers, 3d printing etc. But since we've had him all of that went overnight. Wife was previously a nurse teacher so of course loves all this, but it's not me all the time!
We are fortunate that we get our evenings now with no fuss or drama but I'm usually too tired at this point to do anything than read / TV / music. I look forward to when he's a bit older so he can get involved with what I enjoy. I have early thoughts of my dad dragging me out to watch him work on the car, and I do remember it fondly.
Mini devnull is 13 months old and is doing pretty well, he's an awesome little guy and his personality is shining through, it's great. Especially comparing to our NCT group, he doing amazing. Some of the kids in our group are still up every 90s mins.
The bit I am struggling with at the moment, and it's likely not helping due to lockdown, is the sheer amount of time I feel I 'waste' by effectively just looking after him. Yes, I know every second he's off playing with his toys or exploring the place is beneficial to him, so it isn't by any means waste. But I genuinely feel unstimulated in myself at the moment as I often feel my role is to make sure he doesn't impale himself on something or eat rocks etc. I feel joy seeing him play and develop, but it's f
king boring watching him play. I do get involved, you have to, but tipping out the bag of megabloks for the 100th time Gets a bit monotonous. I was previously a man of many hobbies and interests and could sink hours at a time working on the car, diy, electronics, computers, 3d printing etc. But since we've had him all of that went overnight. Wife was previously a nurse teacher so of course loves all this, but it's not me all the time!We are fortunate that we get our evenings now with no fuss or drama but I'm usually too tired at this point to do anything than read / TV / music. I look forward to when he's a bit older so he can get involved with what I enjoy. I have early thoughts of my dad dragging me out to watch him work on the car, and I do remember it fondly.
Edited by devnull on Monday 28th December 20:28
Sounds familiar.
Basically parents are staff for kids. It’s a significant factor to my high post count over the last 7 years. Blocks, building, drawing, etc with an iPad to the side...
My eldest is 7 and it has become easier since she went to school.
But then the focus shifts to homework, after school hockey/swimming, etc... She has got into longer walks/hikes which is a common interest and I’m taking her up her first mountain once the snow clears. Oh and she loves Lego so we have spent 2 hours building a Lego minion, so it isn’t all bad.
Basically parents are staff for kids. It’s a significant factor to my high post count over the last 7 years. Blocks, building, drawing, etc with an iPad to the side...
My eldest is 7 and it has become easier since she went to school.
But then the focus shifts to homework, after school hockey/swimming, etc... She has got into longer walks/hikes which is a common interest and I’m taking her up her first mountain once the snow clears. Oh and she loves Lego so we have spent 2 hours building a Lego minion, so it isn’t all bad.
Carl_Manchester said:
No_Idea said:
Currently sat with headphones on full blast whilst 16 month old has full on meltdowns stuck on my own with OH working. FML.
Sorry to hear that, yes it must be even harder right now with all the social controls in place. I used to go down Costa/Pub and let the women coo at the little one when it got like that.
2 hour soft play session booked for tomorrow morning so she'll at least be happy for 2 hours tomorrow lol
Parenting is bloody hard work and depressing at times.
vaud said:
Sounds familiar.
Basically parents are staff for kids. It’s a significant factor to my high post count over the last 7 years. Blocks, building, drawing, etc with an iPad to the side...
My eldest is 7 and it has become easier since she went to school.
But then the focus shifts to homework, after school hockey/swimming, etc... She has got into longer walks/hikes which is a common interest and I’m taking her up her first mountain once the snow clears. Oh and she loves Lego so we have spent 2 hours building a Lego minion, so it isn’t all bad.
Oh, I should have added that my 3 year old is a force of nature.Basically parents are staff for kids. It’s a significant factor to my high post count over the last 7 years. Blocks, building, drawing, etc with an iPad to the side...
My eldest is 7 and it has become easier since she went to school.
But then the focus shifts to homework, after school hockey/swimming, etc... She has got into longer walks/hikes which is a common interest and I’m taking her up her first mountain once the snow clears. Oh and she loves Lego so we have spent 2 hours building a Lego minion, so it isn’t all bad.
Go round things? Nope. Go over them? Nope. Go through them. While screaming at her sister. And smashing things.
I must not have favourites. I must not have favourites. I must not have favourites. I must not have favourites.
I'm not entirely proud to admit I stealth listen to a lot of podcasts whilst childminding. I can function pretty well, and listen at same time...
I find it helps to prioritise your own interests. Not going to win dad of the year, but it helps me up the hours, which has some value I think/hope.
Not always possible, but I get my young toddler helping with stuff I want to do, fixing stuff, pointing out animals on country drives, playing percussion when I'm practicing piano.
I find it helps to prioritise your own interests. Not going to win dad of the year, but it helps me up the hours, which has some value I think/hope.
Not always possible, but I get my young toddler helping with stuff I want to do, fixing stuff, pointing out animals on country drives, playing percussion when I'm practicing piano.
Edited by LimJim on Monday 28th December 22:58
what i would say is that the times i was struggling as a Dad seemed like a long, never ending loop at the time but looking back on it, those times now, looking back on them 10 years later seem fleeting and overwhelmed by warm feelings of love and joy.
You get to a point, when your kids reach 13+ when, sometimes you could go back, problems and all, to the times when they were small.
So, cherish these times, take photos, write in a diary as one day you’ll wish for these times again.
Don’t feel guilty about podcasts, netflix or even playing Football Manager to pass some of the time, every dad does it, they may not do the same as you but they pass the time in their own way.
You get to a point, when your kids reach 13+ when, sometimes you could go back, problems and all, to the times when they were small.
So, cherish these times, take photos, write in a diary as one day you’ll wish for these times again.
Don’t feel guilty about podcasts, netflix or even playing Football Manager to pass some of the time, every dad does it, they may not do the same as you but they pass the time in their own way.
Yup, it has its tough moments. Our youngest (4) still has at least 3 full-on meltdowns a day, every day. Up to 30 minutes each. It’s better than it used to be, but not by much. Anything can trigger this - his brother has a toy that he wants, he got water in the cup he asked for then decided he didn’t like it, the toast is cut in the ‘wrong’ shape......
Nothing works to stop the meltdown. Once started, there will be 15 to 30 minutes of unstoppable screaming, kicking, hitting, etc. I now just put him somewhere safe, stick my headphones in and stay close by. Mrs Magnum tries to settle him, but with absolutely no effect.
I’m told he’ll grow out of this soon, honest!
Nothing works to stop the meltdown. Once started, there will be 15 to 30 minutes of unstoppable screaming, kicking, hitting, etc. I now just put him somewhere safe, stick my headphones in and stay close by. Mrs Magnum tries to settle him, but with absolutely no effect.
I’m told he’ll grow out of this soon, honest!
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