Just how much did your life change when you had children?
Discussion
Most men are chiefly interested in money, sex and freedom.
Meet someone, lose one, get married lose another, have kids and lose the third.
I found it difficult to realise I was the least important object in our household when we had children, I am merely a pink cashpoint machine.... An incompetent domestic assistant. Before kids I was held in higher regard.
Get your head around all of this and you'll survive!
Meet someone, lose one, get married lose another, have kids and lose the third.
I found it difficult to realise I was the least important object in our household when we had children, I am merely a pink cashpoint machine.... An incompetent domestic assistant. Before kids I was held in higher regard.
Get your head around all of this and you'll survive!
NDA said:
Most men are chiefly interested in money, sex and freedom.
Meet someone, lose one, get married lose another, have kids and lose the third.
I found it difficult to realise I was the least important object in our household when we had children, I am merely a pink cashpoint machine.... An incompetent domestic assistant. Before kids I was held in higher regard.
Get your head around all of this and you'll survive!
Perhaps I'm not most men, but I'm chiefly interested in learning, science, engineering, cars, and now, my son. I was never so concerned about my "importance" in the household before having kids, and my girlfriend and I are now both obviously of lesser importance than the child; that's kind of the point.Meet someone, lose one, get married lose another, have kids and lose the third.
I found it difficult to realise I was the least important object in our household when we had children, I am merely a pink cashpoint machine.... An incompetent domestic assistant. Before kids I was held in higher regard.
Get your head around all of this and you'll survive!
I think those who are naturally more selfish are going to find it harder when a child comes along.
Easily the best and worst job in the world.
If you're an over thinker like me, you worry that every little thing you say or do with your kids, every time you raise your voice to stop them causing damage to themselves or property, will scar them for life and they will end up becoming a bitter social misfit with a penchant for torturing animals (you know, a PHer).
Then, you spend some time with them, and see them learning things and just being kids, and you forget about the bad stuff, for a while. When they come over and give you an unsolicited hug, not one of the forced ones they grit their teeth for, it creases me.
As mentioned before, take more photos/video. I don't like the daddy Scorceses who only ever see life through their camcorder viewfinder, but I wish I could remember to capture more stuff for when they are too old to be cute.
If you're an over thinker like me, you worry that every little thing you say or do with your kids, every time you raise your voice to stop them causing damage to themselves or property, will scar them for life and they will end up becoming a bitter social misfit with a penchant for torturing animals (you know, a PHer).
Then, you spend some time with them, and see them learning things and just being kids, and you forget about the bad stuff, for a while. When they come over and give you an unsolicited hug, not one of the forced ones they grit their teeth for, it creases me.
As mentioned before, take more photos/video. I don't like the daddy Scorceses who only ever see life through their camcorder viewfinder, but I wish I could remember to capture more stuff for when they are too old to be cute.
aww999 said:
oddman said:
aww999 said:
Among other things.... We have gone from having fulfilling and stimulating professional and academic lives to endless hours of mindless drudgery, waiting hand and foot on this little pointless blob.
among other things... the most chilling loveless description of a child I have ever read
She went from a challenging, mentally rewarding job in the City to being a slave, trapped in the house with the exception of baby groups where she just felt worse because all the other mums are "enjoying" it. No rational person in their right mind can possibly enjoy looking after a newborn, it is properly crap. Scream, feed, sleep, s
t, on a three hour loop for week after week after week with no respite no matter how exhausted you are. However, our culture tells mums that they should love it, and if they don't they are a failure.Breast feeding helps = enjoyment for most mums when they get going.
Watching a baby develop day by day is probably the most fascinating and rewarding thing one can experience. Most people 'get' this
Depression poisons all these experiences
TBH if you referred to your child in those terms in a consultation with me I'd be finding an excuse to thoroughly examine it every time I saw it.
Urban Sports said:
Jeez I'm more confused than ever!
Thanks for the replies though.
We're all a bit confused, I expect: its going to change your life; it varies how much from person to person. If you really resist the change, then things may be difficult for you, your partner and more importantly your child. You may find (like me and others) that you don't actually miss the things you thought you would, and you don't mind the changes to your life. Those things may not seem so important. Just try to have a lot of patience and calm.Thanks for the replies though.
Also, you need to be prepared to be vomited, pissed and dribbled on.
Most of all, good luck with it.
NDA said:
I meant Mr Perfect who posted before you.
That really is quite confusing; you posted before me, and, in fact, you. Anyway, if its me you mean, then, yes, I'm pretty much Mr Perfect; don't let the haggard, prematurely greying/balding, currently sick be-splattered appearance deceive you.Jeez, some of the stores on this thread make me sad 
My daughter is now 3 and a half and I enjoy her company more and more each day, she is great wee chatterbox and although she is a girly girl (i.e. not interested in scalextric!) we get on great.
Like someone above said, it's all about outlook. I'd like to think I am fairly level-headed and if something unplanned or not good is happening or has happened (like being peed, poo'd or puked on) or daughter has had a fall/accident then I am quite good at calming the situation and just getting on with whatever needs done.
The Mrs and I still do pretty much what we did before the daughter was born, we just do it as 3 of us now instead of two. We still go for meals out, we go to the cinema, we are having two hols this year - last time we did that was before our daughter was born. I've bought a almost new Skoda VRS this year and although money isn't quite as readily-available as before its manageable.
The only down sides, if I could even call it that, is yes your house will be more messy. We find this even more now that she is up and walking and getting her messy hands all over the walls! But we (or I) have resigned myself to the fact that we won't have a pristine house again for a few years - no biggie.
My daughter is now 3 and a half and I enjoy her company more and more each day, she is great wee chatterbox and although she is a girly girl (i.e. not interested in scalextric!) we get on great.
Like someone above said, it's all about outlook. I'd like to think I am fairly level-headed and if something unplanned or not good is happening or has happened (like being peed, poo'd or puked on) or daughter has had a fall/accident then I am quite good at calming the situation and just getting on with whatever needs done.
The Mrs and I still do pretty much what we did before the daughter was born, we just do it as 3 of us now instead of two. We still go for meals out, we go to the cinema, we are having two hols this year - last time we did that was before our daughter was born. I've bought a almost new Skoda VRS this year and although money isn't quite as readily-available as before its manageable.
The only down sides, if I could even call it that, is yes your house will be more messy. We find this even more now that she is up and walking and getting her messy hands all over the walls! But we (or I) have resigned myself to the fact that we won't have a pristine house again for a few years - no biggie.
oddman said:
aww999 said:
oddman said:
aww999 said:
Among other things.... We have gone from having fulfilling and stimulating professional and academic lives to endless hours of mindless drudgery, waiting hand and foot on this little pointless blob.
among other things... the most chilling loveless description of a child I have ever read
She went from a challenging, mentally rewarding job in the City to being a slave, trapped in the house with the exception of baby groups where she just felt worse because all the other mums are "enjoying" it. No rational person in their right mind can possibly enjoy looking after a newborn, it is properly crap. Scream, feed, sleep, s
t, on a three hour loop for week after week after week with no respite no matter how exhausted you are. However, our culture tells mums that they should love it, and if they don't they are a failure.Breast feeding helps = enjoyment for most mums when they get going.
Watching a baby develop day by day is probably the most fascinating and rewarding thing one can experience. Most people 'get' this
Depression poisons all these experiences
TBH if you referred to your child in those terms in a consultation with me I'd be finding an excuse to thoroughly examine it every time I saw it.
If you're a psychologist / psychiatrist, then I fear for your patients, I really do.
Parenthood doesn't come naturally to everyone. Try to understand more, and condemn less.
aww999 said:
Things are better now - the medical help my wife is getting has taken a lot of the strain off me. Neither of us are violent people, and the kid is absolutely no danger from either of us.
One of the worst things for her to deal with was the constant pressure to be enjoying it, "bonding with him", and all the other trite bullst that NCT and mumsnet continually spout. She went from a challenging, mentally rewarding job in the City to being a slave, trapped in the house with the exception of baby groups where she just felt worse because all the other mums are "enjoying" it. No rational person in their right mind can possibly enjoy looking after a newborn, it is properly crap. Scream, feed, sleep, st, on a three hour loop for week after week after week with no respite no matter how exhausted you are. However, our culture tells mums that they should love it, and if they don't they are a failure.
No one ever steps forward and tells the other side of the story, probably because they are terrified about (a) what people might think - just look at some of the responses to my story on here; and (b) having their kid taken away by social services - hugely unlikely unless you are totally incapable of feeding and changing it etc.
OP: Things will hopefully go great for you, but there is a definite possibility you will hate the whole experience for a good length of time. If this happens to you, remember that you are not alone, and what you are feeling is an entirely understandable reaction to having your comfy, cosy life RUINED (albeit temporarily, but this is hard to see at the time). The odds are that at least one of the happy, clappy idyllic couples you know has gone through hell - but no one ever talks about it.
Maybe when you stop calling your son, THE KID, things might improve for him as well.One of the worst things for her to deal with was the constant pressure to be enjoying it, "bonding with him", and all the other trite bulls
t that NCT and mumsnet continually spout. She went from a challenging, mentally rewarding job in the City to being a slave, trapped in the house with the exception of baby groups where she just felt worse because all the other mums are "enjoying" it. No rational person in their right mind can possibly enjoy looking after a newborn, it is properly crap. Scream, feed, sleep, st, on a three hour loop for week after week after week with no respite no matter how exhausted you are. However, our culture tells mums that they should love it, and if they don't they are a failure.No one ever steps forward and tells the other side of the story, probably because they are terrified about (a) what people might think - just look at some of the responses to my story on here; and (b) having their kid taken away by social services - hugely unlikely unless you are totally incapable of feeding and changing it etc.
OP: Things will hopefully go great for you, but there is a definite possibility you will hate the whole experience for a good length of time. If this happens to you, remember that you are not alone, and what you are feeling is an entirely understandable reaction to having your comfy, cosy life RUINED (albeit temporarily, but this is hard to see at the time). The odds are that at least one of the happy, clappy idyllic couples you know has gone through hell - but no one ever talks about it.
Edited by aww999 on Saturday 13th August 11:25
OP great that you are excited - many get a lot out of parenthood and no doubt it can be rewarding. You think you might be prepared for the change to your life. You aren't. In a year's time your life will be unrecognisable. You'll think one child is tough, then maybe have a second and wonder why you made such a fuss with just one! Ive got two kids and had the snip last week. That's quite enough for me!
bus pass said:
Seemingly he is not alone. Seemingly aww999 is not a single lone voice.
I'm awfully sorry 'justayellowbadge' that all of our lives cannot be as utterly perfect as yours seems to be. You seem quick to pour scorn upon those who don't quite earn six figure salarys, those for whom the end of each week sees them counting the pennys, wondering how they are going to afford to put fuel in the car to get to work, buy basic foodstuffs to feed themselves and their family that day, or pay the water bill.
Even though this is Pistonheads and 99.9% of the forum members are multi billionaires with butlers, valets and gardeners, there is still a very tiny percentage of us on here to whom children get in the way of scraping a living, or those of us who have reluctantly given in to a partners (and parents) constant requests and emotional blackmail to have children, or those of us who work seven days a week in multiple jobs who never get the time to spend on ourselves, let alone our wives or children, therefore never 'bonding' with said child or having the energy to become even mildly enthusiastic about this extra drain on our diminishing personal resources.
Perhaps next time you feel the need to eagerly judge, berate, chastise and criticize others, you may care to take but a moment to ponder that the lives and circumstance of others may not be quite as rosy as your own?
But then again, I won't hold my breath.
Bit of an odd post, the money bit isn't what I think he's saying, it's the fact the guy is utterly cold about his son and being a parent.I'm awfully sorry 'justayellowbadge' that all of our lives cannot be as utterly perfect as yours seems to be. You seem quick to pour scorn upon those who don't quite earn six figure salarys, those for whom the end of each week sees them counting the pennys, wondering how they are going to afford to put fuel in the car to get to work, buy basic foodstuffs to feed themselves and their family that day, or pay the water bill.
Even though this is Pistonheads and 99.9% of the forum members are multi billionaires with butlers, valets and gardeners, there is still a very tiny percentage of us on here to whom children get in the way of scraping a living, or those of us who have reluctantly given in to a partners (and parents) constant requests and emotional blackmail to have children, or those of us who work seven days a week in multiple jobs who never get the time to spend on ourselves, let alone our wives or children, therefore never 'bonding' with said child or having the energy to become even mildly enthusiastic about this extra drain on our diminishing personal resources.
Perhaps next time you feel the need to eagerly judge, berate, chastise and criticize others, you may care to take but a moment to ponder that the lives and circumstance of others may not be quite as rosy as your own?
But then again, I won't hold my breath.
Reading your post it sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.
Actually reading your post you're taking this p*ss aren't you, being blackmailed into having kids then the moan about looking after yourself? Please tell me you're not actually a Dad.
Edited by Boozy on Sunday 14th August 05:34
Mine changed massively, I sold all my toys (SL, 911, R1, 996SPS), moved to NZ, went cold turkey off the coke & changed occupation.
That was 10 years ago, still married to the same girl (despite only knowing her for a few months before she was pregnant) and we have 2 wonderful kids now.
I love my life !
That was 10 years ago, still married to the same girl (despite only knowing her for a few months before she was pregnant) and we have 2 wonderful kids now.
I love my life !
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