Discussion
Adenauer said:
Having been married to my then wife for all of about a year, I had to attend two back to back exhibitions in France and Germany for work. I had been away doing these for nearly two weeks and had set up the stands and then helped man the exhibitions myself, I even drove the 7.5t lorry over there from Uxbridge with all the stuff in it to save money.
Anyway, at the end of the second exhibition I packed everything into the lorry and headed off from Friedrichshafen toward England. I had planned to stop off for the night in Belgium but was making really good progress so decided to "go for it" and surprise the wife by arriving in the middle of the night instead of the next day.
I pulled up outside our house at about 3am, crept in, and found her lying in bed with some other bloke
I switched on the light, asked him to get out of my bed, hit him once or twice, asked him to leave, and then told the wife that I thought we ought to have a chat.
As it turned out she was very sorry and was really pleased that I was willing to give it another try, very VERY pleased, if only she knew what she was dealing with! You see we had booked a two week holiday in Kenya a few months earlier, a rather expensive one and I didn't want to miss it. So, a month or so before we were due to go, I got in touch with an estate agent mate of mine who came to look at "my" house whilst she was out, he valued it and I told him to sell it while we were in Kenya, at 20% below the asking price so that it would definitely sell.
Off we flew to Malindi and had a fabulous two weeks in the Hemmingways Hotel, I was being very extravegant, I even chartered a whole fishing boat that would normally take 6 people ('ol Jogi 2'), just for myself, my ex-wife put it on her credit card as I couldn't find mine I spent a lovely day catching swordfish and drinking beer whilst she was probably being pounded by some big black bloke, still, no worries.
Wo got back to England all tanned and lovey dovey, she returned to work and I visited my mate, the house was sold and I had a few bits of paper to sign. A few weeks later after I'd arranged to share a posh flat in Bath with a mate of mine and shag anything that moved for a year whilst blowing my money made from the sale of the house I got an exchange date, oooh, this was getting exciting I took a days holiday for the day before the big day and the previous evening had a lovely meal with the wife, treated her like a queen, had plenty of hot luvin', she was sooo happy and kept telling me how grateful she was. The next morning we both went to work, well, I say both, I drove around the block and then straight back home. I put the stereo in the car, packed up a few essentials (fishing rod, snooker cue, and a pair of jeans), and left her a note which read: "Remember a few months ago when you did the dirty on me? Well, I'm off, you have until tomorrow to get out, take what you want, the house is sold, have a nice life, tata".
Poor girl had nowhere else to go.
Still, I enjoyed the fishing...
My tatty old house that I sold (I miss the maroon GT6 though
not the white one, bloody rustbucket) 
Posh top floor flat in Bath with the new pulling toy
Now THAT's how to deal with a cheater
icetea said:
I don't believe for a minute any of that is true... but if it is then I think it shows you in a far worse light than her. Its certainly nothing to be proud of from your point of view!
Good for you. Let's hope that you are never cheated on by your wife. ETA: And as a 50 year old fart now residing in Germany, why the hell would I make that up?
wiliferus said:
To add a twist to the thread.... On the other side of the coin I was the cheater. I had an affair, my wife of 5 years went nuts (understandably so!). I would have taken anything she could throw at me both literally and metaphorically.
The guilt I felt for doing what I did meant short of stabbing me, I would have let her do anything that made her feel better. As it happens I got away with a broken finger which she slammed in a door.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I think I would fire a few choice words about, but no violence or payback. It achieves very little
I too cheated and I hated myself for it. I also have often thought how I would react if the shoe was on the the other foot. Talked about it over the years with friends and still I feel the same. If my girlfriend today met some other bloke then that was because I failed to keep her loving me.The guilt I felt for doing what I did meant short of stabbing me, I would have let her do anything that made her feel better. As it happens I got away with a broken finger which she slammed in a door.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I think I would fire a few choice words about, but no violence or payback. It achieves very little
Edited by wiliferus on Tuesday 18th December 09:05
It is never as simple as that admittedly but as myself and my ex-wife found out for us there would never be any trust again so we had to call it a day, there are many reasons why folk cheat though none good some are damn right lousy
I think if it was a mate I would probably get annoyed but I believe at such a point it would not be worth reasoning.
I have to say I don't 'get' the point in cheating.
Relationships fail. If you are miserable with someone, tell them, and leave. Then f
k whoever you want, as often as you want, guilt free.
It seems like the ultimate act of loserdom/cowardice/selfishness to keep your partner stuck in a relationship with you when you've no intention of honouring your word.
Grow some (this applies to both cheating women and men).
Relationships fail. If you are miserable with someone, tell them, and leave. Then f
k whoever you want, as often as you want, guilt free. It seems like the ultimate act of loserdom/cowardice/selfishness to keep your partner stuck in a relationship with you when you've no intention of honouring your word.
Grow some (this applies to both cheating women and men
).Guvernator said:
Adenauer, how did you manage to sell the house without your OH's consent? As your partner or even as someone who lives in the house, she has legal rights of abode and you would have needed her signed permission to sell the house.
I don't know if the date is relevant or not but it was back in 1988, IIRC. It was my house and we had been married for about a year. Whether it was all above board or not I really don't know, but she made no fuss about getting out and it all went through without a hitch. Maybe the fact that she got all of the contents softened the blow?Sorry if I don't go into more detail (I was asked to fish this story out again by the OP), it's quite a while ago now and a lot of beer has passed under the bridge since it happened, so please don't start trying to pick me up on details.
I found out my fiancée was cheating with some old manky car mechanic while I was working away from home. After much thought about what i'd like to do I did..........absolutely nothing. Figured I had more to lose so was the bigger man & left the scumbags to each other. Looking back it was the biggest save I could have had, imagine if i'd actually intervened & married the total fruit cake!!.
200bhp said:
Heres a question for you all....
Does going with a hooker whilst away on business count as cheating?
Unless you're fortunate enough to be in a relationship where you can discuss and agree on employing the services of one, yes of course it does - or more to the point, your other half will almost certainly feel that it does - what the partner getting the extramarital shag thinks isn't really the point here.Does going with a hooker whilst away on business count as cheating?
Carthage said:
I have to say I don't 'get' the point in cheating.
Relationships fail. If you are miserable with someone, tell them, and leave. Then fk whoever you want, as often as you want, guilt free.
It seems like the ultimate act of loserdom/cowardice/selfishness to keep your partner stuck in a relationship with you when you've no intention of honouring your word.
Grow some (this applies to both cheating women and men).
I agree and with some experience.Relationships fail. If you are miserable with someone, tell them, and leave. Then f
k whoever you want, as often as you want, guilt free. It seems like the ultimate act of loserdom/cowardice/selfishness to keep your partner stuck in a relationship with you when you've no intention of honouring your word.
Grow some (this applies to both cheating women and men
).Adenauer said:
I don't know if the date is relevant or not but it was back in 1988, IIRC. It was my house and we had been married for about a year. Whether it was all above board or not I really don't know, but she made no fuss about getting out and it all went through without a hitch. Maybe the fact that she got all of the contents softened the blow?
Sorry if I don't go into more detail (I was asked to fish this story out again by the OP), it's quite a while ago now and a lot of beer has passed under the bridge since it happened, so please don't start trying to pick me up on details.
Not trying to pick it apart, just surprised you were able to do it so easily but the date certainly makes sense as they were far simpler times. Doubt someone would be able to get away with something similar now though, the courts would nail you to the wall unfortunately despite technically being in the right as you can't even kick squatters out in a hurry these days. Glad it's all water under the bridge for you though. Sorry if I don't go into more detail (I was asked to fish this story out again by the OP), it's quite a while ago now and a lot of beer has passed under the bridge since it happened, so please don't start trying to pick me up on details.
Guvernator said:
Not trying to pick it apart, just surprised you were able to do it so easily but the date certainly makes sense as they were far simpler times. Doubt someone would be able to get away with something similar now though, the courts would nail you to the wall unfortunately despite technically being in the right as you can't even kick squatters out in a hurry these days. Glad it's all water under the bridge for you though.
Certainly water under the bridge and am now a happily married (loyal) old Nazi with two lovely children, thanks 
I seems to me that if your partner cheats on you it's because they weren't happy in the relationship. And surely you have to accept some responsibility for that. I know loads of people who have split up/divorced and I can't think of any where it was 100% one persons fault.
I've been married 25 yrs. My wife has been a fantastic wife and a great mother to our kids. If I caught her cheating now, yes I'd be gutted, but I'm pretty confident that with so much shared history, I'd let her go amicably and wish her all the best for the future.
I can imagine a scenario where my wife would find someone better and bugger off, but I can't imagine not remaining her friend. That's just unthinkable.
I've been married 25 yrs. My wife has been a fantastic wife and a great mother to our kids. If I caught her cheating now, yes I'd be gutted, but I'm pretty confident that with so much shared history, I'd let her go amicably and wish her all the best for the future.
I can imagine a scenario where my wife would find someone better and bugger off, but I can't imagine not remaining her friend. That's just unthinkable.
drivin_me_nuts said:
Walk away. I'm worth more than a shed load of malice and bile that comes with revenge and hatred. Life is too short to harbour grudges and thoughts of 'justice' - far more pleasure to be had in being happy and enjoying life with someone else.
This - she'd be his problem now, not mine.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff