Match.com (Volume 6)

[PAUL500]

I have read a few like that, there is one local to me with a list as long as your arm of what the bloke has to be like, it starts with "why are the men on here wasting my time" and such rants.

The problem is every pic that is on her profile have been plucked from the net from various random places of girls that sort of look similar to each other Google images is a godsend in this day and age, if the pic looks remotely staged then more often than not its some other poor soul.

More than likely a fat, bald, old ex truck driver sat in front of his pc getting his jollies from the replies from the suckers. Its a weird old world at times.

[Toyoda]

What do you fellas tend to do for first dates? Back in my younger years I used to keep it cheap and simple. Day dates, coffee shops, walk along the beachfront, that sort of thing. Now nearer 40 I'm thinking any half decent skirt would expect a bit more. Dinner and a drink is a bit formulaic though isn't it?

So far I've had a couple of dates and done the evening out for a meal routine, both in trendy places, nothing too formal but could always do with fresh ideas. The problem with casting the net wide and living in a rural county is I generally have to drive to meet so that puts the kibosh on sharing a drink together. Are day dates a bit "juvenile"?

[Toyoda]

He who dares ey Rodders!

It's definitely outside the box thinking for a first date. Essentially a glorified hotel room for the sort of liaison you'd have with an escort but add in the Sunday papers and a hot tub and it suddenly sounds less sleazy.

[slipstream 1985]

I hate you. and worship you at the same time

[PDP76]

g3org3y said:

mcdjl said:

If the apps are making you feel worse, get off them. Have you joined any clubs, running etc that women do? Take yourself along to a dance class thing ceroc, love to dance (or something) or even go horse riding. Say is a dare from a mate and they want evidence want photos of you there....

I think that's good advice.

Tinder/POF 'dating' isn't real life dating. If it's going well, it's a confidence boost. If it's going badly, it's only going to make you feel rejected and worse.

Get yourself out there, speaking to women (not work colleagues) in social situations. Dress well, smell good and you'll get compliments to boost your confidence without the romantic pressure of a date. Plus, you might meet women you actually like. When you're comfortable speaking to women, you'll come across as more confident.

Toyoda said:

g3org3y said:

A few successful dates will do more for your self confidence and establish a virtuous circle better than CBT.

Agreed. CBT may have its uses but you can't beat getting back out there. Likewise spending a fortune of an hourly rate for "talking therapy" with a psychologist could be better spent on self improvement and on dates.

No doubt.

Yup if the apps are making you feel depressed for whatever reasons, dump them.
I’m currently bored with them at the moment and my online dating is zero.

Go out there, look confident and smart. Appear to be positive. If you do that, then look around you, you will see interested women looking at you. Without fail I will attract the interests of a few women every weekend I go out . In the supermarket shopping, coffee with a friend, breakfast in an early doors restaurant. They are out there, you just won’t see them with your eyes looking down at your feet.

[Blown2CV]

Toyoda said:

What do you fellas tend to do for first dates? Back in my younger years I used to keep it cheap and simple. Day dates, coffee shops, walk along the beachfront, that sort of thing. Now nearer 40 I'm thinking any half decent skirt would expect a bit more. Dinner and a drink is a bit formulaic though isn't it?

So far I've had a couple of dates and done the evening out for a meal routine, both in trendy places, nothing too formal but could always do with fresh ideas. The problem with casting the net wide and living in a rural county is I generally have to drive to meet so that puts the kibosh on sharing a drink together. Are day dates a bit "juvenile"?

i tend to neg them mercilessly and generally just act like a total Alpha until the nosh me off.

[Blown2CV]

Paddy_N_Murphy said:

Country rural here too -

Managed more than not to actually have a first date at mine..... dinner and a drink in the field etc.

'Success rate' circa 90%.


Takes some talking to build the trust to that though


I refuse to do coffee dates.
So much so........ (off to type a good one up)

you had a drink in a field? not helping the countryside stereotypes there.

[Condi]

Blown2CV said:

i tend to neg them mercilessly and generally just act like a total Alpha until the nosh me off.

Then never reply to their texts after, obviously.

[hyphen]

PDP76 said:

Yup if the apps are making you feel depressed for whatever reasons, dump them.
I’m currently bored with them at the moment and my online dating is zero.

Go out there, look confident and smart. Appear to be positive. If you do that, then look around you, you will see interested women looking at you. Without fail I will attract the interests of a few women every weekend I go out . In the supermarket shopping, coffee with a friend, breakfast in an early doors restaurant. They are out there, you just won’t see them with your eyes looking down at your feet.

Why risk a photo filtered loser online when you can see before you buy.

Either ask out what you see or join clubs and classes.

[hyphen]

Toyoda said:

What do you fellas tend to do for first dates? Back in my younger years I used to keep it cheap and simple. Day dates, coffee shops, walk along the beachfront, that sort of thing. Now nearer 40 I'm thinking any half decent skirt would expect a bit more. Dinner and a drink is a bit formulaic though isn't it?

So far I've had a couple of dates and done the evening out for a meal routine, both in trendy places, nothing too formal but could always do with fresh ideas. The problem with casting the net wide and living in a rural county is I generally have to drive to meet so that puts the kibosh on sharing a drink together. Are day dates a bit "juvenile"?

Depends on how many dates you are having. Can get very expensive and a waste if not on a promise.

Also if you start of with trendy dinner, you set the bar high.

Treat mean, keep keen...

[MontyC]

Another pof date that comes to mind were call her "Ginge" she was a single mum with a great body, but a face only a mother could love.
We got chatting on a Friday night just a few messages back and fourth, I told her I must go as I need too go get something for dinner. She asked for my number and called me, she explained she had a free evening and asked if i wanted dinner. She then proceeded to read off a list of what she had in her freezer. I was hoping for a nice steak, but ended up with chicken dinosaurs and chips, she drove down and cooked me dinner, stayed the night was complete filth. Even ran the hoover round the next day and we said our good byes.

[mjb1]

Paddy_N_Murphy said:

How far are you from Peterlee?

Me? About as far as it's possible to be whilst in the same country!

g3org3y said:

The CBT may help but IME face to face is vastly superior to any online course.

A few successful dates will do more for your self confidence and establish a virtuous circle better than any CBT.

mjb1 said:

It's true, I really haven't. That was my thinking too, aim and start low, anything would give me a confidence boost right now. Deactivated my profile, clearly tinder wasn't working for me. Pretty sure the app itself was behaving, everything seemed to be doing what it was supposed to, just no matches.

Tinder etc can be brutal if you don't match up (or at least don't present yourself) to the 'standards' these women desire. Being bombarded with messages daily means they can be picky despite themselves being nothing special.

Most of the women that were coming up on tinder had photo's that made them look like 6 and above (to me at least). There were almost none that looked below average (even the fatties managed to get a face shot that made them look slimmer, presumably a filter). And whilst tinder is blatantly all about looks, in reality even on the other dating sites, everyone decides on the pictures - there has to be something pretty amazing in the written profile to change someone's mind (either way) from their initial opinion based on the photos.

I am still on POF, but I haven't got as far as messaging anyone yet (lack of confidence I guess). I know that as a bloke on POF I'm going to have to be a lot more proactive to get any attention at all (women just sit back and then sift their way through 100's of messages a day).

g3org3y said:

mcdjl said:

If the apps are making you feel worse, get off them. Have you joined any clubs, running etc that women do? Take yourself along to a dance class thing ceroc, love to dance (or something) or even go horse riding. Say is a dare from a mate and they want evidence want photos of you there....

I think that's good advice.

Tinder/POF 'dating' isn't real life dating. If it's going well, it's a confidence boost. If it's going badly, it's only going to make you feel rejected and worse.

Get yourself out there, speaking to women (not work colleagues) in social situations. Dress well, smell good and you'll get compliments to boost your confidence without the romantic pressure of a date. Plus, you might meet women you actually like. When you're comfortable speaking to women, you'll come across as more confident.

Toyoda said:

g3org3y said:

A few successful dates will do more for your self confidence and establish a virtuous circle better than CBT.

Agreed. CBT may have its uses but you can't beat getting back out there. Likewise spending a fortune of an hourly rate for "talking therapy" with a psychologist could be better spent on self improvement and on dates.

No doubt.

I don't think it helps that I live in a pretty rural place - small town, only a couple of pubs, and literally everyone knows everyone else. There are almost zero single women anywhere near my age (late 30's). I go out every weekend actually feeling semi optimistic, then come home with the realisation that it was false hope. Last night I went to two pubs - one was hosting a 70th birthday party, so you can imagine the clientele in there! The other had about 20 blokes and two women - one is the barman's girlfriend, the other is about 19. Even the town bike doesn't look twice at me (and we get on ok, just to chat to)!

So I really need to cast my net a bit further afield, but it's so rural that there's no public transport to practically get anywhere. So I've either got to drive somewhere, and not be able to drink, or stay overnight. Probably doesn't help that I don't have anyone who'd make a suitable wing man, so when I go out I'm usually by myself. I know that probably sounds a bit weird to most, but like I say, walk into any pub here and there's always the usual crowd of acquaintances to chat and mingle with. This is why I was hoping that the online stuff would help me look a bit further afield more easily.

Other issue that knocks my confidence is that I've never actually been on a date, all my previous relationships have started with women that I was already acquainted with in some way. The thought of meeting someone completely new for a date is a slightly terrifying concept!

[jdw100]

mjb1 said:

I don't think it helps that I live in a pretty rural place - small town, only a couple of pubs, and literally everyone knows everyone else. There are almost zero single women anywhere near my age (late 30's).

Other towns and cities in a range of countries across the world are available.

[Djtemeka]

My sister in law started online dating and quickly realised that she can get a meal and a drink pretty much every night for free . Did a lot of dating for a few weeks before getting bored. Never managed a second date as she may have to go halves on the next meal. Tight bint

[Toyoda]

Right mjb1, some useful information coming out of your last post. Plenty of half justifiable reasons why things haven't been working for you but the old adage is if you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always had.

It's time to stop making excuses and take charge! I totally understand you live in a rural county, so you've generally got to drive to meet. Not ideal but no harm in that. There's always taxis if you can afford them and if you think she may be worth it. By date number 2 or 3 you should get the offer of a stayover, or have her over your place.

Forget about pulling in your local country pubs but take credit for getting out there most weekends. No harm in being cheeky with the town bike, I'm sure she'll have friends. However, online is your friend. I know you've had no luck so far but as discussed previously it's all about making the effort. Dress right, get maybe 3 or 4 good photos, write a couple of witty (but not obscure) lines to hook women in. You're well aware of your competition but you have to do whatever you can to stand out. I dare say most of the posters on this thread aren't 6 foot adonises, but can still attract, charm and arrange to meet women. Know your target market. I'm not chasing the heavily filtered fatties (though I've been catfished by a couple!), and I've had women say that tinder men's profiles are awash with moody looking mirror selfies and half naked gym shots. Any girl I'd be chasing isn't interested in that so I've got photos demonstrating a smart casual playful vibe.

Now if you've never been on a date with a complete stranger I can imagine why you're a bit scared. When I was dating years ago I'd have likely met them originally in a dimly lit bar pissed up on a Saturday night, got their number, waited a few days (to play it cool), then arranged a date, but at least I'd have sampled the goods beforehand so to speak. Nowadays you've got a handful of flattering pics and a couple of pages of phone banter to go off and next thing you know you're meeting them in real life. Yes it can be daunting, but exciting at the same time and the approach to take is not to give a flying fk. She'll almost certainly also have a touch of the nerves as well. It's to be expected. As I say above, I've been thoroughly disappointed with the look of my last 2 dates, but stuck them out and the chat was good. Spending any time in the company of women on the premise of a date will help build your confidence and is all good practice. If you do get so far as a date then don't sit there like it's a job interview answering questions thinking if I do alright here I might get to shag her. As with your messaging, keep it lighthearted, tease her, challenge her, have fun.

Edited by Toyoda on Monday 29th October 08:22

[Fermit and Sarah]

FN2TypeR said:

#7 is a winner in my book. You're hamstringing yourself if you can't cook a decent meal, they'll just assume that you're used to your mother doing it and assume that you're a sad sack/loser

Agreed. It's also better to learn how to make one dish very well, rather than a number badly. She's not to know that it's the one you dish up as a default.

[TroubledSoul]

Paddy_N_Murphy said:

What a catch

Where do I sign ?

I particularly liked this bit:

I've been described as fun loving & effervescent

Who by, Harold Shipman?

Anyway, it's the dog I feel sorry for.

[TroubledSoul]

Paddy_N_Murphy said:

How far are you from Peterlee?

Actually spat my coffee out at this you tosser

[mcdjl]

Fermit and Sarah said:

Agreed. It's also better to learn how to make one dish very well, rather than a number badly. She's not to know that it's the one you dish up as a default.

Until you serve it for every meal.....

[TroubledSoul]

Had a mad weekend. Saw the girl I currently see occasionally on Saturday night but didn't do much with her, just spent a bit of time with her and her mate.

Saturday was mental. My two mates who go to football with me both left about 11pm but I got home at 5:30am... Ended up in a rock bar where I met a petite little German rock chick, we then somehow ended up with a bloke in a dress joining us, a really pretty alt model and my evening finished up with me dancing on a table somewhere with Spiderman... Good times.

I then bumped into this girl I follow on Insta in McDonald's. I looked fked by this point but I said hi, got a selfie with her but my sodding Uber was outside and I had to bail. I should have asked for her number or something but sometimes I still have my own little confidence issues now and then. Doh.

The one thing I've found, and mjb I'm talking to you here! The more outlandish the stuff you say to them sometimes, the more fun it is. You'll often get a response you might not have been expecting

So I did get talking to a single mum on Tinder a couple of days ago. It looks like I've got in early as she's only just joined. Small world, she grew up a few hundred yards up the road from where I lived during my teens! She's a single mum and blonde so actually not my usual type, but she's petite and she's very pretty in a natural sort of way.

So I'm chatting to her and thinking she seems really nice. With some girls the conversation is painful. It just doesn't seem to go anywhere and it's hard. But with this girl it just seems to flow between us which is really nice. I started out thinking she was pretty wholesome, by the end of the night I'd established that she's not into vanilla and she's telling me she's going to give me the full experience with her tongue stud...

Looking forward to meeting this one.

MJB, did you see any of the advice I gave you a couple of days ago? I didn't see you respond so wasn't sure. Believe in yourself mate. Even Fred West found a soulmate

But seriously, if you're struggling then get the paid subscription for Tinder for a month. That lets you see who has liked you and you can then like them and get yourself a match. Cast that net buddy