Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
Luckily a new cure for dementia is under test.
The cure is to be found in the latest technology. And testing is in advanced stages with everything you've done and said recorded for future posterity.
if you want to support the research please pledge some roubles to Mr V Putin, Moscow 103073.
References are available from a Mr D Trump of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington......
The cure is to be found in the latest technology. And testing is in advanced stages with everything you've done and said recorded for future posterity.
if you want to support the research please pledge some roubles to Mr V Putin, Moscow 103073.
References are available from a Mr D Trump of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington......
A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the cab driver – who is quite a handsome fellow – can’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you”.
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, it’s like this, I’ve always had a fantasy to kiss a nun.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that, on two conditions:
1. you have to be single, and 2. you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun says. “Pull off to the side of the road, we will see what we can do.”
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! And when he begins to pull back after half a minute, she dives back in and gives him another kiss that would make a sailor blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied. I must confess, I’m married and I’m not even Catholic.”
The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you”.
She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, it’s like this, I’ve always had a fantasy to kiss a nun.”
She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that, on two conditions:
1. you have to be single, and 2. you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun says. “Pull off to the side of the road, we will see what we can do.”
The nun plants a whopper of a kiss on the cabbie! And when he begins to pull back after half a minute, she dives back in and gives him another kiss that would make a sailor blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied. I must confess, I’m married and I’m not even Catholic.”
The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”
Two nuns are walking through a park to go to the shops and a man jumps out of the bushes and rapes both of them. He then runs off and both the nuns get dressed. The first nun then says to the other "How are we going to tell the mother superior that we have been raped twice". The second nun says "but we only got raped once". The first nun replies "well we have got to go back this way".
Usget said:
Chris Cornell died and you guys didn't tell me?! Standards are slipping in this thread.
(I realise this isn't a joke, I'm just shocked!)
Knock knock(I realise this isn't a joke, I'm just shocked!)
Who's there?
Chris
Chris who?
Chris Cornell
Sorry, who?
Chris Cornell. I was in Audioslave
You were in what?
I think I've got the wrong house...
Since we are on old nun jokes:
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshields wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f
k off the Car!"
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshields wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f
k off the Car!"Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff