Classic from the Mrs! Vol 2
Discussion
Tailender Investor said:
I remember walking into the living room and she was watching one of said TV renovation shows where they had a built a whole new kitchen and forklifted it in one piece through a hole they'd put in the side of the house. We've got no hope when that is their expectation.
Just did some work in the living room- built a wall and fixed the floor to level out some “inconsistencies”, advised the wife that she could go ahead and book the flooring guys to come and lay the flooring. She suggested that we should book to have new carpet on the stairs, landing and all the bedrooms so it’s all done in one day. Apparently it would be no problem moving 3 beds, multiple wardrobes, chest of drawers etc etc and storing them in my shed where there’s about 3 square feet of space.ooo000ooo said:
Tailender Investor said:
I remember walking into the living room and she was watching one of said TV renovation shows where they had a built a whole new kitchen and forklifted it in one piece through a hole they'd put in the side of the house. We've got no hope when that is their expectation.
Just did some work in the living room- built a wall and fixed the floor to level out some “inconsistencies”, advised the wife that she could go ahead and book the flooring guys to come and lay the flooring. She suggested that we should book to have new carpet on the stairs, landing and all the bedrooms so it’s all done in one day. Apparently it would be no problem moving 3 beds, multiple wardrobes, chest of drawers etc etc and storing them in my shed where there’s about 3 square feet of space.Driving up the west coast of Ireland to Westport a few years ago, I quietly said " we're just about to enter County Mayo, the sandwich capital of Ireland".
"Oh, I didn't know that".
15 minutes of silence followed, then "how do you know it's the sandwich capital of Ireland?"
"Stands to reason - go into a sandwich shop and what do you see?"
"Well - sandwiches I suppose".
"Yes - Prawn Mayo, Tuna Mayo, Egg Mayo...."
I had to stop talking because I can only do two things at once, not being a woman, and keeping the car on the road while avoiding being hit around the head with an AA road atlas was both of them.
"Oh, I didn't know that".
15 minutes of silence followed, then "how do you know it's the sandwich capital of Ireland?"
"Stands to reason - go into a sandwich shop and what do you see?"
"Well - sandwiches I suppose".
"Yes - Prawn Mayo, Tuna Mayo, Egg Mayo...."
I had to stop talking because I can only do two things at once, not being a woman, and keeping the car on the road while avoiding being hit around the head with an AA road atlas was both of them.
jimmyjimjim said:
tribbles said:
My wife shows me her latest online purchase - a set of three toothpaste roller thingies.
We already have some.
"I bought these for my neices for when we go over'
"Oh, okay"
"They were, like, £3"
"Really?"
"£3.99"
"So really like £4, then"
"Oh yeah..."
"Each".We already have some.
"I bought these for my neices for when we go over'
"Oh, okay"
"They were, like, £3"
"Really?"
"£3.99"
"So really like £4, then"
"Oh yeah..."
Her. Do you want cheese on your pasta?
Me. Yes
Her. Which one do you want?
Me. What are the options? (Expecting to hear there is only one option)
Her. Cheddar or... err cheddar.
Me. Looks like I'm having cheddar then. Have you opened the new cheddar or used the old one?
Her. Opened the new one.
Me. Why? Why not use up the old one?
Her. Well the new one is smoked cheddar and nice and new.
Me. I don't want smoked I want regular cheddar.
.... a bit later...
Her. The new one is manky but it might be OK in a sandwich.
Me. Yes
Her. Which one do you want?
Me. What are the options? (Expecting to hear there is only one option)
Her. Cheddar or... err cheddar.
Me. Looks like I'm having cheddar then. Have you opened the new cheddar or used the old one?
Her. Opened the new one.
Me. Why? Why not use up the old one?
Her. Well the new one is smoked cheddar and nice and new.
Me. I don't want smoked I want regular cheddar.
.... a bit later...
Her. The new one is manky but it might be OK in a sandwich.
Edited by White-Noise on Sunday 5th November 19:50
My wife could have her own sub-section on this thread. One from a couple of days ago:
I heard a fictitious town name on the radio, and happened to mention that a lot of people didn't think Timbuktu was real.
Wife: is that where the Glory Hole was?
Me (knowing how her brain works): no, did you mean the Black Hole of Calcutta?
Wife: yes, that's the one.
Me: the Black Hole's in Calcutta, India. Timbuktu's in Mali. Africa.
Wife: (began laughing) oh yes - isn't a glory hole something to do with sex?
Me: I'm going for a lie down in a darkened room...
I heard a fictitious town name on the radio, and happened to mention that a lot of people didn't think Timbuktu was real.
Wife: is that where the Glory Hole was?
Me (knowing how her brain works): no, did you mean the Black Hole of Calcutta?
Wife: yes, that's the one.
Me: the Black Hole's in Calcutta, India. Timbuktu's in Mali. Africa.
Wife: (began laughing) oh yes - isn't a glory hole something to do with sex?
Me: I'm going for a lie down in a darkened room...
I have give up on how her mind works, easy one this morning (I thought) out shopping, I always keep a blue plastic Sainsburys shopping box in the boot, and a rolled up bag in my coat pocket.
She is nipping into Tescos, conversations goes like this -
I said, "Do you want the box out of the boot?"
Her, "Do you have a bag in your pocket?"
Me, "Yes"
Her, "Ill have the box out of the boot"
But she is a good cook though.
She is nipping into Tescos, conversations goes like this -
I said, "Do you want the box out of the boot?"
Her, "Do you have a bag in your pocket?"
Me, "Yes"
Her, "Ill have the box out of the boot"
But she is a good cook though.
I usually try to match my days in the office with the Mrs so she can drop me off.
This morning -
Her: 'Are you ready, I want to leave soon, I just have to put my shoes on'
Me: 'Just out the shower (literally) but give me a few minutes'
Her: 'Hmmmph'
A few minutes later I was standing in the hall with a warm coat on ready to go and she was nowhere to be seen but audible somewhere in the house.
Me: 'Come on, I'm overheating here'
Her: 'Hold on, I'll be 5 minutes'
Aye, and the rest.
How do they do it?
This morning -
Her: 'Are you ready, I want to leave soon, I just have to put my shoes on'
Me: 'Just out the shower (literally) but give me a few minutes'
Her: 'Hmmmph'
A few minutes later I was standing in the hall with a warm coat on ready to go and she was nowhere to be seen but audible somewhere in the house.
Me: 'Come on, I'm overheating here'
Her: 'Hold on, I'll be 5 minutes'
Aye, and the rest.
How do they do it?
5 In a Row said:
I usually try to match my days in the office with the Mrs so she can drop me off.
This morning -
Her: 'Are you ready, I want to leave soon, I just have to put my shoes on'
Me: 'Just out the shower (literally) but give me a few minutes'
Her: 'Hmmmph'
A few minutes later I was standing in the hall with a warm coat on ready to go and she was nowhere to be seen but audible somewhere in the house.
Me: 'Come on, I'm overheating here'
Her: 'Hold on, I'll be 5 minutes'
Aye, and the rest.
How do they do it?
"Multi-tasking"This morning -
Her: 'Are you ready, I want to leave soon, I just have to put my shoes on'
Me: 'Just out the shower (literally) but give me a few minutes'
Her: 'Hmmmph'
A few minutes later I was standing in the hall with a warm coat on ready to go and she was nowhere to be seen but audible somewhere in the house.
Me: 'Come on, I'm overheating here'
Her: 'Hold on, I'll be 5 minutes'
Aye, and the rest.
How do they do it?
Some women can truly multi-task, flipping pancakes while feeding the baby and washing the car, whilst on the phone to her mother, but most can think about doing 4 things at once, but actually have to do them one at a time, like a bloke.
Also, give a woman thinking time and she will think of all sorts of other things to do now that you have given her 5 minutes she didn't previously know she had to spare.
I got told off yesterday for being rude !
A screw in one of the brand new Michelin Pilot Soort 5’s on her car. Right on the edge as well so not repairable and of course the stupid car doesn’t have a spare.
Sunday afternoon so online to order a replacement and book fitting which won’t be until Thursday, so no car for a few days.
Me “I will have to take the wheel in on Thursday for you”
Her “isn’t it getting delivered straight to the garage”
Me “Well yes the tyre is, but I will have to take the wheel in”
Her “But it’s go a puncture, can’t you just collect the new one?”
Me “They need to fit the new one to the wheel, so I have to take the wheel to them. I will just put it in my boot”
Her “ But it’s got a puncture, and the new one will already be there. Can’t you just collect it and bin the old one?”
Apparently by then going on to explain the difference between a wheel and a tyre I was “Rudeand patronising”
I then pointed out that patronising is quite a big word for someone who doesn’t know what a wheel is, and went to the pub 😂
A screw in one of the brand new Michelin Pilot Soort 5’s on her car. Right on the edge as well so not repairable and of course the stupid car doesn’t have a spare.
Sunday afternoon so online to order a replacement and book fitting which won’t be until Thursday, so no car for a few days.
Me “I will have to take the wheel in on Thursday for you”
Her “isn’t it getting delivered straight to the garage”
Me “Well yes the tyre is, but I will have to take the wheel in”
Her “But it’s go a puncture, can’t you just collect the new one?”
Me “They need to fit the new one to the wheel, so I have to take the wheel to them. I will just put it in my boot”
Her “ But it’s got a puncture, and the new one will already be there. Can’t you just collect it and bin the old one?”
Apparently by then going on to explain the difference between a wheel and a tyre I was “Rudeand patronising”
I then pointed out that patronising is quite a big word for someone who doesn’t know what a wheel is, and went to the pub 😂
Davetheraver said:
I got told off yesterday for being rude !
A screw in one of the brand new Michelin Pilot Soort 5’s on her car. Right on the edge as well so not repairable and of course the stupid car doesn’t have a spare.
Sunday afternoon so online to order a replacement and book fitting which won’t be until Thursday, so no car for a few days.
Me “I will have to take the wheel in on Thursday for you”
Her “isn’t it getting delivered straight to the garage”
Me “Well yes the tyre is, but I will have to take the wheel in”
Her “But it’s go a puncture, can’t you just collect the new one?”
Me “They need to fit the new one to the wheel, so I have to take the wheel to them. I will just put it in my boot”
Her “ But it’s got a puncture, and the new one will already be there. Can’t you just collect it and bin the old one?”
Apparently by then going on to explain the difference between a wheel and a tyre I was “Rudeand patronising”
I then pointed out that patronising is quite a big word for someone who doesn’t know what a wheel is, and went to the pub ??
Lol I had a similar thing with the wife a week or so back.A screw in one of the brand new Michelin Pilot Soort 5’s on her car. Right on the edge as well so not repairable and of course the stupid car doesn’t have a spare.
Sunday afternoon so online to order a replacement and book fitting which won’t be until Thursday, so no car for a few days.
Me “I will have to take the wheel in on Thursday for you”
Her “isn’t it getting delivered straight to the garage”
Me “Well yes the tyre is, but I will have to take the wheel in”
Her “But it’s go a puncture, can’t you just collect the new one?”
Me “They need to fit the new one to the wheel, so I have to take the wheel to them. I will just put it in my boot”
Her “ But it’s got a puncture, and the new one will already be there. Can’t you just collect it and bin the old one?”
Apparently by then going on to explain the difference between a wheel and a tyre I was “Rudeand patronising”
I then pointed out that patronising is quite a big word for someone who doesn’t know what a wheel is, and went to the pub ??
She had a slow puncture, I work for a car dealer, I said I'd take the car in and get the tyre done, I did that got home and she said "oh Jane said she was surprised you couldn't change the wheel and had to take the car into work to do it, she said Rick would have done it"
FFS now her frends think I'm unable to change a wheel, I am more than capable!
HTP99 said:
Lol I had a similar thing with the wife a week or so back.
She had a slow puncture, I work for a car dealer, I said I'd take the car in and get the tyre done, I did that got home and she said "oh Jane said she was surprised you couldn't change the wheel and had to take the car into work to do it, she said Rick would have done it"
FFS now her frends think I'm unable to change a wheel, I am more than capable!
Every cloud and all that.She had a slow puncture, I work for a car dealer, I said I'd take the car in and get the tyre done, I did that got home and she said "oh Jane said she was surprised you couldn't change the wheel and had to take the car into work to do it, she said Rick would have done it"
FFS now her frends think I'm unable to change a wheel, I am more than capable!
Every morning, the same question, “What’s the weather like”. Considering 80% of the front of the house is glass, a quick peek out the window might be in order, but no asking me is easier.
This morning;
“What’s the weather like?”
“Clear and dry -7”
“Oh, not cold then”
Yesterday was -3 and she was dressed like an Inuit seal clubber.
This morning;
“What’s the weather like?”
“Clear and dry -7”
“Oh, not cold then”
Yesterday was -3 and she was dressed like an Inuit seal clubber.
skilly1 said:
Hoovers broken, apparently water just started pouring out of it and she’s no idea why.
I’ve quizzed her what was happening at the time of hoovering, but apparently nothing unusual and the hoover must be faulty.
Gremlins. It's never the fault of the operator/last person to use the device.I’ve quizzed her what was happening at the time of hoovering, but apparently nothing unusual and the hoover must be faulty.
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