Sex after having kids

[Muzzer79]

CraigNewmarket said:

We've been through this before I said to her if I cleaned the house top to bottom would you want sex. Guess what the answer was

So now you're trying to trade chores for sex.

As if she's some kind of housework we who can be paid in the currency of vacuuming the house.

Guess why that didn't work.....

[deckster]

ChocolateFrog said:

deckster said:

If you need your partners to "let you" have sex with them then you're doing something wrong.

There's no fking way you've got kids.

You're embarrassingly wrong, but thank you for the concern.

[RabidGranny]

CraigNewmarket said:

PinkHouse said:

RabidGranny said:

Brutal. but you are probably right.

OP this has probably been a rather chastening experience, but hopefully you'll realize that alot on here are in the same boat and we worked out what we know now as regards post natal sex a long time ago.

So tips

1. do some heavy lifting around the house
2. dial into the porn
3. look into booking a weekend away somewhere posh, sans the kids. It'll be something for you both to look forward to.

Ask any woman how high up the list watching porn and housework rank on the list of things they find attractive in men. I assume the majority would have those at the bottom of their list. Porn isn't the answer and won't make you happier, it's fleeting at best and relying on it constantly would leave you even more tired/letrargic/depressed after.

Taking her out for a nice weekend away and planning other nice things is a good idea but doing those in isolation isn't likely to change much

I just think why would she ever change if she's happy the way things are now as it stands today she would be happy if we never had sex again

this is fleeting and will not be the case long term i can guarantee you, it will all revert to form, you just need to give her time and space, help out with the chores etc as its a partnership and a team sport, drop the requests for sex in the interim and in a couple of months she'll jump you on the couch one evening when you are watching match of the day. Just give it time.

[Muzzer79]

CraigNewmarket said:

I just think why would she ever change if she's happy the way things are now as it stands today she would be happy if we never had sex again

As it stands today, I don't fancy a beer with dinner.

I'm happy with not wanting beer today but it doesn't mean that I'd be happy if I never had beer again.

A facetious point, but the point remains - this doesn't have to be forever.

[Don Roque]

CraigNewmarket said:

We've been through this before I said to her if I cleaned the house top to bottom would you want sex. Guess what the answer was

Don't embarrass yourself like this by offering to trade chores for sex. You'll look a mug and then you're just rewarding her for allowing this situation to continue. Either bomb her out and move on with your life or get another bird on the side. Life is for living and you only get one shot at it, and it sounds like you're standing on the deck of a sinking ship.

[Caddyshack]

Give it a bit more time, young kids can be very exhausting, often (not always) Mums do a lot more work, they often end up as designated driver whilst hubby gets drunk and thinks his dribbling waffle is sexy.

Once they are a bit older you can get back to more normal life, dirty weekends away and you can actually be romantic…remember that the lady may need a little bit more warming up than “fancy a shag?”

Try some date nights with the kids at a sleepover and let her be the one to initiate if she wants.

[768]

Muzzer79 said:

CraigNewmarket said:

We've been through this before I said to her if I cleaned the house top to bottom would you want sex. Guess what the answer was

So now you're trying to trade chores for sex.

As if she's some kind of housework we who can be paid in the currency of vacuuming the house.

Guess why that didn't work.....

Maybe he just brought this up randomly and completely out of the blue. But it's not unknown that when a man asks why they're not having sex anymore the answer is because the housework needs doing.

[dai1983]

You're 42 with 2 kids so I'd consider the snip and defo get her off the pill even if you have to use condoms. See how that goes as the pill dampens their drive so I'd never have my gf use hormonal contraceptives as it's been eye opening with her how different she is through the month.

Ultimately you've got a 1 year old which is nothing compared to how some deal with this. Give it a while to see how it goes but you need to have a serious chat. My ex didn't want to chat or seek help so I left when our son was 8 and seems like it was a medical condition that was affecting her but it was too late for us.

The issue with weekends or holidays away is that you into it expecting sex and she goes into it with the pressure of putting out.

[ferret50]

CraigNewmarket said:

I just think why would she ever change if she's happy the way things are now as it stands today she would be happy if we never had sex again

Then, assuming that all other aspects of the relationship work, buy your sex elsewhere!

Simples....

[Jamescrs]

Caddyshack said:

remember that the lady may need a little bit more warming up than “fancy a shag?”

I was going to.mention that earlier in the thread. The OP said his other half complained it hurt last time, there could be a number of reasons for that but all the house work in the world isn't going to help if for whatever reason she now finds intercourse painful so is put off.

[AllyM]

Grindr.

[57Ford]

AllyM said:

Grindr.

Yeah, good plan. At least if she finds out, she’ll not be quite so angry because it’s not something she could’ve done for you.

[lord trumpton]

OP imagine you've just got home from a 5 course meal - absolutely stuffed full...

Now imagine the thought of more food - it's the last thing on your mind right?

That's your wife.

The difference is you'll get your appetite back after a while, the wife will always be full from now on.

What? nobody told you this?

Console yourself with years of fun caring for those kids whilst you have a bit of time on your hands:

Years of restricted financial choices
Buying cars that fit with family requirements - ie estates and SUVs
Having family friends over (with their kids) and being in charge of the BBQ
Weekends booked up for months in advance with birthday parties and play days for the kids
Going on holiday to fun family places mixing with other families with kids.
Going out for meals to family friendly pubs etc - with the kids
All conversations are infiltrated by kid st, family st etc
TV - Kid st
Food/meal times - you guessed it
Any thought of spontaneity - forget it as the kids will scupper it
Years of coughs, colds, bugs etc all brought home by the kids

Life will never ever be the same again and the number one thing in her life will always be the kids.
You son, are now surplus to requirements so get used to it, get the dad suit on and start pretending to enjoy it
Saying things like 'my kids mean everything to me and I love every aspect of family life' can help in your recalibration of life and you may even start to believe it.

Edited by lord trumpton on Wednesday 30th August 00:41

[Sheepshanks]

lord trumpton said:

You son, are now surplus to requirements so get used to it,……

I’ve got two daughters who have each been married for a few years and have a couple of kids and it wouldn’t bother them if their husbands ceased to exist. Both wife and I have raised it with them and they think their husbands are of no help to them whatsoever, if anything, they are literally worse than useless as they create extra hassle.

The only saving grace, which probably annoys our daughters even more, is their kids do think their dads are marvellous.

[globaltraveller]

Hondashark said:

Half the people on this thread are telling you that if you work extra hard and treat her like a princess then she might, just might at some point in the future let you have sex with her.

fk that, if I wanted a good relationship with no sex I'd start living with my best mate.

I agree. I’m really not an alpha type but I wouldn’t go down the route being advocated in a million years. And neither would my wife.

Of course be understanding and work through things, but it has its limits.

Maybe whether it’s acceptable comes down to how highly you personally rate sex. I rate it highly, and fortunately for me I still get plenty whilst the thread seems filled with people content with a birthday shag. Whatever makes people happy.

Edited by globaltraveller on Wednesday 30th August 06:54

[fridaypassion]

Sounds harsh but has to be said I'd be doing a bit of snooping to be sure she's not getting it somewhere else. Sounds like a good time to install a Ring doorbell.

They are all different as it's blokes are but in the main they all need some dinkle time.

[GT3Manthey]

fridaypassion said:

Sounds harsh but has to be said I'd be doing a bit of snooping to be sure she's not getting it somewhere else. Sounds like a good time to install a Ring doorbell.

They are all different as it's blokes are but in the main they all need some dinkle time.

With a 1 & 4 year old in tow I can’t see that’s happening as the 1yr old won’t be off at nursery just yet .

[Puzzles]

Sheepshanks said:

I’ve got two daughters who have each been married for a few years and have a couple of kids and it wouldn’t bother them if their husbands ceased to exist. Both wife and I have raised it with them and they think their husbands are of no help to them whatsoever, if anything, they are literally worse than useless as they create extra hassle.

The only saving grace, which probably annoys our daughters even more, is their kids do think their dads are marvellous.

Wow that’s a depressing thought.

[fridaypassion]

GT3Manthey said:

With a 1 & 4 year old in tow I can’t see that’s happening as the 1yr old won’t be off at nursery just yet .

I've read many many worse things on here from poor sods it's happened to. They all have the capacity.

[Drl22]

Sheepshanks said:

lord trumpton said:

You son, are now surplus to requirements so get used to it,……

I’ve got two daughters who have each been married for a few years and have a couple of kids and it wouldn’t bother them if their husbands ceased to exist. Both wife and I have raised it with them and they think their husbands are of no help to them whatsoever, if anything, they are literally worse than useless as they create extra hassle.

The only saving grace, which probably annoys our daughters even more, is their kids do think their dads are marvellous.

I wonder what the husbands say to their mothers/fathers about your daughters. All sounds very toxic.