That was a sh*t day!
Discussion
Well here we are. Did not sleep well last night and not eaten yet today. Jack very normal and outwardly taking it all in his stride. Said he slept well and ate a good breakfast.
Sitting and waiting for our appointment now.
For me this is frigging horrific! Trying to keep chipper for him though.
Sitting and waiting for our appointment now.
For me this is frigging horrific! Trying to keep chipper for him though.
Nothing could have prepared me for the news my child has Hodgkin Lymphoma. Although we have been building up to this, I have maintained an inner belief that this was nothing more than a lump. Naïve? Probably - but I doubt any parent can prepare for the news your child has cancer. And nothing can prepare you for watching the bottom fall out of your childs world when they are trying to compute that information.
The doctor and specialist nurse were awesome though - and everything was pitched at the right level. He was very agitated - and as my Mrs said later - he was in effect grieving. Basically we have been told after Xmas, everything with halt for him - college needs to be put on the back burner so am going to see if they can hold his place for 12 months. Chemo for about six months, starting in the new year.
So say we are devastated is a bit of an understatement. But, he is strong and so down to earth he will take this in his stride and beat it.
I want to thank everyone for the words of support. It means so much, and with a communal love of cars, will tap into that regularly. (Even driving back today, having been through that news, he spotted a GT3 RS on the M27 and remarked how I owe him a quid!!).
Chris - the offer is amazing, thank you. He will love this, something to focus on outside of all this will be so important.
The doctor and specialist nurse were awesome though - and everything was pitched at the right level. He was very agitated - and as my Mrs said later - he was in effect grieving. Basically we have been told after Xmas, everything with halt for him - college needs to be put on the back burner so am going to see if they can hold his place for 12 months. Chemo for about six months, starting in the new year.
So say we are devastated is a bit of an understatement. But, he is strong and so down to earth he will take this in his stride and beat it.
I want to thank everyone for the words of support. It means so much, and with a communal love of cars, will tap into that regularly. (Even driving back today, having been through that news, he spotted a GT3 RS on the M27 and remarked how I owe him a quid!!).
Chris - the offer is amazing, thank you. He will love this, something to focus on outside of all this will be so important.
I will say again a big thank you for all the messages wishing us well. Jack ate dinner ok tonight, but has withdrawn to his room for the evening. I want to get him out, let him know we are there to support him and not to face this alone, but also know he needs to process this properly now. He is going to college tomorrow to keep normal - I am going in to see them to make sure they keep his place open for when he returns.
For me, I am ok when I am with others. However when left alone I feel pretty broken. Helpless. I know its an old saying but if I could swap places I would. Any father would. When we see our kids struggling we interject and assist, even take over. Except I can't with this.
I will be strong though - not just for him, but my wife, my other two children and even my ex wife - his mum.
My daughter is devastated - she is only 10 and sees cancer as death - and is pretty difficult to convince otherwise. If I am truly honest, death has not entered my mind until she said it - I see this as fully recoverable and curable. The pain for me is knowing only too well the pain he is going to go through in the next few months. The thing is, he is not ill - well not visibly anyway - he has no visible symptoms apart from the lump.
Luckily we have time to process this properly and set up the best treatment regime for him. We even talked about the dangers to fertility today - he was typically 16 and embarrassed when we talked about storing his "stuff"!!
My wife has been amazing today. Supportive enough, not too much - recognising when I wanted to be alone. She is a nurse so knows about this sort of stuff and is ready to guide us. She has a great relationship with Jack - but understandably he wants his mum. His mum wants him too, obviously. I want him to document his feelings in some kind of journal but he is reluctant at present.
Tomorrow is the start in beating this f
ker. I hope we wake fresh and determined - focussed to tackle what lies ahead. Which incidentally will start by telling other family at the weekend.
In answer to the Q about the M27 - we were at Portsmouth QA Hospital.
For me, I am ok when I am with others. However when left alone I feel pretty broken. Helpless. I know its an old saying but if I could swap places I would. Any father would. When we see our kids struggling we interject and assist, even take over. Except I can't with this.
I will be strong though - not just for him, but my wife, my other two children and even my ex wife - his mum.
My daughter is devastated - she is only 10 and sees cancer as death - and is pretty difficult to convince otherwise. If I am truly honest, death has not entered my mind until she said it - I see this as fully recoverable and curable. The pain for me is knowing only too well the pain he is going to go through in the next few months. The thing is, he is not ill - well not visibly anyway - he has no visible symptoms apart from the lump.
Luckily we have time to process this properly and set up the best treatment regime for him. We even talked about the dangers to fertility today - he was typically 16 and embarrassed when we talked about storing his "stuff"!!
My wife has been amazing today. Supportive enough, not too much - recognising when I wanted to be alone. She is a nurse so knows about this sort of stuff and is ready to guide us. She has a great relationship with Jack - but understandably he wants his mum. His mum wants him too, obviously. I want him to document his feelings in some kind of journal but he is reluctant at present.
Tomorrow is the start in beating this f
ker. I hope we wake fresh and determined - focussed to tackle what lies ahead. Which incidentally will start by telling other family at the weekend.In answer to the Q about the M27 - we were at Portsmouth QA Hospital.
I had a really good planning day yesterday. College seem to be doing the right thing, in assuring us they will keep Jack as fully engaged over the next few months as he wants to be. We have been advised by the Med staff that continuing college is probably not a good idea .... performance will drop off because of the chemo ..... and therefore will not be doing himself justice especially as it is such a fun and exciting course. Hopefully he will be ok to go to the Autosport Show at the NEC in January.
Also we are visiting Southampton Young Adult Centre on Monday, and seeing the senior Lymphoma consultant .... this will get the prelims done ready for when Jack starts the chemo. Whether that is before or after Xmas is still being discussed. It might be late next week.... only because they can, not because they need to, which was reassuring also.
Jack is quite down, and full in the midst of processing all this. He is withdrawn again understandably, and I am giving him space. I know teenagers don’t talk much anyway but I really wish he would open up more. Trying to reach the balance of involving him and organising him is proving difficult. I think the plan this weekend is to avoid too much discussion about it all, unless he instigates.
I have told him about VMax though and the kind offer from Chris. I don’t think he quite believes what is being offered..... we will watch Grand Tour together tonight and hopefully that will spark conversation about it. I have to say, looking at the videos on the VMax website it looks rather fun!
Thanks again for the support guys. I am pleased to report this works for me. Also, I feel able to discuss with the wife more, and even had a productive conversation with the ex wife yesterday too. This is helping my perspective hugely.
Also we are visiting Southampton Young Adult Centre on Monday, and seeing the senior Lymphoma consultant .... this will get the prelims done ready for when Jack starts the chemo. Whether that is before or after Xmas is still being discussed. It might be late next week.... only because they can, not because they need to, which was reassuring also.
Jack is quite down, and full in the midst of processing all this. He is withdrawn again understandably, and I am giving him space. I know teenagers don’t talk much anyway but I really wish he would open up more. Trying to reach the balance of involving him and organising him is proving difficult. I think the plan this weekend is to avoid too much discussion about it all, unless he instigates.
I have told him about VMax though and the kind offer from Chris. I don’t think he quite believes what is being offered..... we will watch Grand Tour together tonight and hopefully that will spark conversation about it. I have to say, looking at the videos on the VMax website it looks rather fun!
Thanks again for the support guys. I am pleased to report this works for me. Also, I feel able to discuss with the wife more, and even had a productive conversation with the ex wife yesterday too. This is helping my perspective hugely.
Hi all.
Apologies for breaking off comms for a few days but things have progressed quite quickly. We are currently in Southampton Genera in the TYA. Chemo starts this afternoon .... Jack is still the most positive and focussed person I have ever met... determined fully to just get this done as quickly as possible.
The nurse arrived ten minutes ago to fit the first cannular ready for the treatment.... and all of a sudden I broke down.... completely unexpected asmspirits so far have been positive and high. I guess the enormity of it all and sudden realisation of the reality..... I feel a bit of a tt not keeping not together but Christ this is hard enough for me...... for Jack it must be unbearable.
All family told at the weekend, and that went better than expected. My sister was obviously devastated and Jack has now received a barrage of texts and messages wishing him well.
Anyway we start today on the six month road.....
Apologies for breaking off comms for a few days but things have progressed quite quickly. We are currently in Southampton Genera in the TYA. Chemo starts this afternoon .... Jack is still the most positive and focussed person I have ever met... determined fully to just get this done as quickly as possible.
The nurse arrived ten minutes ago to fit the first cannular ready for the treatment.... and all of a sudden I broke down.... completely unexpected asmspirits so far have been positive and high. I guess the enormity of it all and sudden realisation of the reality..... I feel a bit of a t
t not keeping not together but Christ this is hard enough for me...... for Jack it must be unbearable.All family told at the weekend, and that went better than expected. My sister was obviously devastated and Jack has now received a barrage of texts and messages wishing him well.
Anyway we start today on the six month road.....
Robscim said:
Matt,
My heart goes out to you - having had a poorly (now recovered!) child I know something of how hard it can be.
Just a thought, but if your lad is into motorsport, I'm the FD at a Formula E team and when he's feeling better, I could organise for him to have a look around our offices and workshop (with cars) if he's interested. I can get him a go in the simulator too, so long as I don't tell everyone!!!
Drop me a PM if you feel its of interest and when he's up to it I can sort something out.
In the meantime, keep up the fight!
Cheers
Rob
RobMy heart goes out to you - having had a poorly (now recovered!) child I know something of how hard it can be.
Just a thought, but if your lad is into motorsport, I'm the FD at a Formula E team and when he's feeling better, I could organise for him to have a look around our offices and workshop (with cars) if he's interested. I can get him a go in the simulator too, so long as I don't tell everyone!!!
Drop me a PM if you feel its of interest and when he's up to it I can sort something out.
In the meantime, keep up the fight!
Cheers
Rob
He will absolutely love this. Thank you so so much for that offer. I will email you tonight. Awesome.
Matt
FocusRS3 said:
Never apologies for your emotions its totally normal and i think in a way helpful.
Shortly after my son was born he had a bowel problem and was taken from our local hospital to Whitechapel in London by Ambulance after they told us he needed an emergency operation and pulled myself and my wife into a room and said they could not guarantee the outcome.
I'd never ever imagined myself being in a room and being given this kind of news by a doctor who looked at us with such a grave face. Its what you see on the TV right?
We did our best to follow the ambulance to London and the pair of us understandably were blubbering wrecks.
By the time we got there we had cried all our tears and went into the hospital with a positive attitude.
As they wheeled him in (he was 4 months old) they told us he had poo'd on the way which was the most unbelievable news.
he spent a week in a single room recovering from what turned out to be Roto Virus whuch totally dehydrates the body.
I'll never forget the look on his face that week, poor lad was totally drained.
He fortunately made a full recovery and now at 15.5 is playing american football, doing his mocks and looking forward to taking his bike test on his 16th.
Keep positive matey is all i can say.
Thoughts with you all
I can relate to those feelings.... and the rush to hospital. My daughter was born with a hole in the heart and rushed from Truro to Bristol. She is as lively now 10 years later as any 10 yo. Shortly after my son was born he had a bowel problem and was taken from our local hospital to Whitechapel in London by Ambulance after they told us he needed an emergency operation and pulled myself and my wife into a room and said they could not guarantee the outcome.
I'd never ever imagined myself being in a room and being given this kind of news by a doctor who looked at us with such a grave face. Its what you see on the TV right?
We did our best to follow the ambulance to London and the pair of us understandably were blubbering wrecks.
By the time we got there we had cried all our tears and went into the hospital with a positive attitude.
As they wheeled him in (he was 4 months old) they told us he had poo'd on the way which was the most unbelievable news.
he spent a week in a single room recovering from what turned out to be Roto Virus whuch totally dehydrates the body.
I'll never forget the look on his face that week, poor lad was totally drained.
He fortunately made a full recovery and now at 15.5 is playing american football, doing his mocks and looking forward to taking his bike test on his 16th.
Keep positive matey is all i can say.
Thoughts with you all
What still surprises me and this has taken me back is when I entered intensive care with my daughter, and visited the chemo wards here at Southampton and Portsmouth hospitals, is how jolly the places are. Places I would expect to be grim and really dark were vibrant and so positive. Shows to me even though with all the money issues the NHS are frigging awesome.
I am pleased you have a happy ending. It’s a warming story especially for me now, and this week for everyone. Thank you.
Legacywr said:
I'm glad it's gotten going so quickly, will he be an inpatient?
As I said on the last page, you're in the best place in the country
Also, my dad found it much harder than I did... the tears in his eyes when the consultant told us, was the hardest thing for me
I used your story in convincing him this was the best place so thank you for relating it . I also spoke to his boss in the pub where he works, and it turns out she was treated for cancer her too some years ago. As I said on the last page, you're in the best place in the country
Also, my dad found it much harder than I did... the tears in his eyes when the consultant told us, was the hardest thing for me
We had a choice of location you see..... suffice to say I am happy he is here. Current plan is fortnightly as a day patient.
Wednesday was a really st day. The chemo session took ages. Jack has opted initially to go with a cannula and because of nerves and a reluctance to drink, was dehydrated which in turn led to his vein collapsing. However the staff were again awesome and persevered... got the line in and all went well until the last bag which caused some irritation to his hand. This then meant a change of cannula, and additional issues like before.
We were in the hospital for about seven hours, but it was the first go and I have the mindset it will take as long as it takes. Jack was pretty threaders by the end.
Also it has battered him. He is not as sick as I was expecting, but is rather down and worn out, feeling generally ste. A lot of sleeping and not eating as normal. After Asda shopping, we went out for lunch yesterday and will go for a short walk later to get some fresh air. Hopefully tomorrow and on through Christmas he will be ok. He is off to Cornwall Thursday to spend some time with his mum. Next session 3 Jan.
Thursday morning I woke early, about 6AM. Emotion poured over me like a huge tidal wave and I broke down again. I woke the Mrs who again proved to be a massive strength to me. Trouble is I feel I need to hold us all together, and breaking down like that makes me feel inadequate. Daft I know as I know I have to let it out, but I must lead us through this. Natural feelings I assume. As mentioned earlier, probably won’t be the last.
Warming to read about Tumbler and his clear scan. This type of positive news is what we need.
t day. The chemo session took ages. Jack has opted initially to go with a cannula and because of nerves and a reluctance to drink, was dehydrated which in turn led to his vein collapsing. However the staff were again awesome and persevered... got the line in and all went well until the last bag which caused some irritation to his hand. This then meant a change of cannula, and additional issues like before. We were in the hospital for about seven hours, but it was the first go and I have the mindset it will take as long as it takes. Jack was pretty threaders by the end.
Also it has battered him. He is not as sick as I was expecting, but is rather down and worn out, feeling generally s
te. A lot of sleeping and not eating as normal. After Asda shopping, we went out for lunch yesterday and will go for a short walk later to get some fresh air. Hopefully tomorrow and on through Christmas he will be ok. He is off to Cornwall Thursday to spend some time with his mum. Next session 3 Jan.Thursday morning I woke early, about 6AM. Emotion poured over me like a huge tidal wave and I broke down again. I woke the Mrs who again proved to be a massive strength to me. Trouble is I feel I need to hold us all together, and breaking down like that makes me feel inadequate. Daft I know as I know I have to let it out, but I must lead us through this. Natural feelings I assume. As mentioned earlier, probably won’t be the last.
Warming to read about Tumbler and his clear scan. This type of positive news is what we need.
Thanks guys.
It has been an epic day, just the four of us, with the dog and tortoise. No visitors and no family to cater for, as we normally do. Mrs is an epic cook and often is left stressing...but today was just laid back and calm. The kids are now playing Operation, me and Rs drinking a rather large glass of Port.
Even though we have been to stress levels I never thought were possible, this has been one of the best Christmas days ever. We even had traditional turkey for dinner.
Great day!
It has been an epic day, just the four of us, with the dog and tortoise. No visitors and no family to cater for, as we normally do. Mrs is an epic cook and often is left stressing...but today was just laid back and calm. The kids are now playing Operation, me and Rs drinking a rather large glass of Port.
Even though we have been to stress levels I never thought were possible, this has been one of the best Christmas days ever. We even had traditional turkey for dinner.
Great day!
br d said:
Thank you. It's been sitting at Ascot for a month but I just haven't had time to get down and see it. A new car is always nice but not the most important thing in the grand scheme of things.
What part of the country are you in Matt?
In a very wet and windy Gosport, so we are reasonably close to Southampton.What part of the country are you in Matt?
Treatment 2 tomorrow.... had the clinic appt this afternoon. All good... the consultant was encouraged by the amount his “lump” has gone down. (The lads lump, I don’t know if the consultant has a lump)!
br d said:
Fantastic gesture by CFC!
Good luck with the ongoing treatment.
Gospot sounds like somewhere I should visit for a hoon when the weather breaks, I'm going to need a couple of locals to show me some decent routes though!
That was all due to a letter my Mrs wrote to the club. Keeps his focus ready for the Leicester game on 13th..... did I mention Jack and his brother have got me a ticket too? We will be sat right behind the bench.Good luck with the ongoing treatment.
Gospot sounds like somewhere I should visit for a hoon when the weather breaks, I'm going to need a couple of locals to show me some decent routes though!
Gosport town is mighty busy..... better roads around the new forest, we often nip down to Lyndhurst for lunch and a bit of supercar spotting. The Ferrari dealer there is great allowing us mortals to fawn over the stock!
We need to have a drive up toward Farnborough and Goodwood.... not had chance yet as we have only been here since August and life has been a bit busy!
Nearly Wednesday tea time and we are already back home. Today’s session went spectacularly well, still persevering with the cannula opposed to the recommended pic line. Jack is adamant he does not want the pic - he says it will make him realise he is ill and he does not want that. I do see his point.
Chatted to the mum of another patient today while the chemo was given. This is a lad, a little older than Jack, who is terminally ill. He is attending chemo every three weeks as maintenance. He has an outstanding outlook, and made me realise finally how lucky (in cancer terms) we are.
Two down, ten to go.
Chatted to the mum of another patient today while the chemo was given. This is a lad, a little older than Jack, who is terminally ill. He is attending chemo every three weeks as maintenance. He has an outstanding outlook, and made me realise finally how lucky (in cancer terms) we are.
Two down, ten to go.
Legacywr said:
If you're in the hospital full time, you need a PIC line,as you're constantly haveing meds etc, but, I had to have 5, as they come out easily. So, good choice!
I like to think you're confident about it all now?
I understand what you are saying about the line..... but like I say Jack is adamant. While we are going on a day case basis then I don’t think he will be converted. Another matter however if we don’t get a positive result at the PET scan in a few weeks.I like to think you're confident about it all now?
I am as confident as I dare to be. I am all too aware this may bite us in the arse any time!
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