Discussion
oobster said:
wiliferus, please ignore 277bhp, he's got previous on this thread for being less than supportive.
He obviously gets his kicks from berating people when they are down, best to ignore him.
Yes that's right, stroke his hair and tell him to ignore the bad man, that's what what he wants, it's the only posts he responds to, but it does no good. I get no kicks out of this whatsoever and have responded differently to him in the past, but to no avail.He obviously gets his kicks from berating people when they are down, best to ignore him.
wiliferus said:
Thanks for the advice. FWIW I’ve spent thousands on privately funded counselling, been on meds, and do everything I can do to try and move on.
Hey ho. My mistake for thinking this was a supportive thread. I sincerely hope mental ill health never gets a grip on you.
There has to come a time when someone cries enough is enough though.Hey ho. My mistake for thinking this was a supportive thread. I sincerely hope mental ill health never gets a grip on you.
I'm speaking from experience.
I have been that person.
I also wasted years. Years not realising what was wrong with me, An unknown amount of time suffering from self pity and finally then actively seeking help. I look back on that time as 'The wilderness years' and with mixed emotions. It was part of the process, but also a lot of precious time wasted and good people walking away from me because I didn't realise what I had drifted into.
I've learned how to ward it off, how to deal with it.
Do you not think that people might be walking away from you for a reason?
Why do you not respond to anyone offering pro-active advice and simply run to those who want to pat your head? Think about it.
You've never once spoken about spending 'thousands' on counselling. Maybe time to spend some more? It worked before.
Every post for years now is just an over exaggerated outpouring of grief, why do we never read 'Yes I tried that' Or 'Today I did so and so'?
You've openly admitted to being your own worst enemy, stopping medication suddenly, hitting the booze, you don't seem to learn, don't want to help yourself. That's what it does to you, can you not see it?
Go on Youtube and search out Stephen Fry's depression and self pity interviews and watch them. Then do something proactive towards getting yourself back on track, there has to be some balance, no-one wants to constantly read your exaggerated posts about being sick all day long, crying for weeks on end every few weeks. Do you really think I come onto a motoring forum to be treated to that? Lets have some balance, some 'I'm going to try a bit harder to get myself out of this' then do something about it and you'll get support for it.
227bhp said:
oobster said:
wiliferus, please ignore 277bhp, he's got previous on this thread for being less than supportive.
He obviously gets his kicks from berating people when they are down, best to ignore him.
Yes that's right, stroke his hair and tell him to ignore the bad man, that's what what he wants, it's the only posts he responds to, but it does no good. I get no kicks out of this whatsoever and have responded differently to him in the past, but to no avail.He obviously gets his kicks from berating people when they are down, best to ignore him.
wiliferus said:
Thanks for the advice. FWIW I’ve spent thousands on privately funded counselling, been on meds, and do everything I can do to try and move on.
Hey ho. My mistake for thinking this was a supportive thread. I sincerely hope mental ill health never gets a grip on you.
There has to come a time when someone cries enough is enough though.Hey ho. My mistake for thinking this was a supportive thread. I sincerely hope mental ill health never gets a grip on you.
I'm speaking from experience.
I have been that person.
I also wasted years. Years not realising what was wrong with me, An unknown amount of time suffering from self pity and finally then actively seeking help. I look back on that time as 'The wilderness years' and with mixed emotions. It was part of the process, but also a lot of precious time wasted and good people walking away from me because I didn't realise what I had drifted into.
I've learned how to ward it off, how to deal with it.
Do you not think that people might be walking away from you for a reason?
Why do you not respond to anyone offering pro-active advice and simply run to those who want to pat your head? Think about it.
You've never once spoken about spending 'thousands' on counselling. Maybe time to spend some more? It worked before.
Every post for years now is just an over exaggerated outpouring of grief, why do we never read 'Yes I tried that' Or 'Today I did so and so'?
You've openly admitted to being your own worst enemy, stopping medication suddenly, hitting the booze, you don't seem to learn, don't want to help yourself. That's what it does to you, can you not see it?
Go on Youtube and search out Stephen Fry's depression and self pity interviews and watch them. Then do something proactive towards getting yourself back on track, there has to be some balance, no-one wants to constantly read your exaggerated posts about being sick all day long, crying for weeks on end every few weeks. Do you really think I come onto a motoring forum to be treated to that? Lets have some balance, some 'I'm going to try a bit harder to get myself out of this' then do something about it and you'll get support for it.
k off. Ignore the thread and don’t click on it of you don’t want to be ‘treated to that’ in your words. Please don’t bother replying either. Your input isn’t required or welcome from the vast majority.
I second the thought that your posts are extremely unhelpful 227. This should be a safe thread, for people to not be judged or berated. If you can't buy in to that I would suggest you FRO. Likewise I'm not going to be drawn in to debate around it.
wiliferus, one suggestion. Walk, go for a walk every day, an hour or more. If you have a dog even better, take them (or even borrow a friends, they'll never turn down one)
A bit over ten years ago I lost a close friend in a car crash, it was the lowest point in my life. My Dad told me to do this, and it was one of the best bits of advice he's ever given me.
It didn't 'cure' me, but it really helped my sanity.
wiliferus, one suggestion. Walk, go for a walk every day, an hour or more. If you have a dog even better, take them (or even borrow a friends, they'll never turn down one)
A bit over ten years ago I lost a close friend in a car crash, it was the lowest point in my life. My Dad told me to do this, and it was one of the best bits of advice he's ever given me.
It didn't 'cure' me, but it really helped my sanity.
oobster said:
mcelliott said:
Haven’t contributed to the thread for a while, was just wondering if any of you have access to a manclub type thing, one was sat up locally to me last year, I started going in the summer and it’s helped my situation greatly.
Be interested to hear more about this!Everyone gather around a table, and it's headed up by the facilitator (chairman). He is in charge of something called the 'talking stick' which can be any object - in our case it's a didgeridoo. Don't ask me why! He will then go around the room asking if anyone wants to speak. If you're happy to take the stick, the floor is yours for as long as you want - you're free to talk about absolutely anything, and more importantly no-one is allowed to interrupt whilst you are holding the stick. If they do (and it rarely happens) the facilitator will intervene. Once you put the stick down, you can then, if you wish, invite feedback from people around the table. In the past I've simply gone there just to listen as I find this very therapeutic. It's also very rewarding to give feedback to other people's problems. The meetings are once a month at the moment but we're looking to increase the frequency. We get people from all walks of life coming through the doors.
Thanks mcelliott - sounds very interesting, a quick bit of googling seems to suggest there is a club in the west side of Glasgow which, whilst not exactly local, is the nearest one to me so might be something I look into.
How's everyone doing in the run up to Xmas? Winding down as (perhaps) work/life stresses ease off a bit, or anyone finding life tougher than usual?
I have been struggling the last few days, work is hell, my boss seems to be going out of his way to piss me off, co-workers are doing even less that usual while the work keeps piling up. My current employer is my main cause of depression, has been for over 3 years now, so just to try to get out of there I applied for and had an interview for a call-centre job earlier this month too, would have been a siginificant wage drop & would have involved shifts + possibly selling my current car but I didn't get it. Just seems like I am stuck there.
How's everyone doing in the run up to Xmas? Winding down as (perhaps) work/life stresses ease off a bit, or anyone finding life tougher than usual?
I have been struggling the last few days, work is hell, my boss seems to be going out of his way to piss me off, co-workers are doing even less that usual while the work keeps piling up. My current employer is my main cause of depression, has been for over 3 years now, so just to try to get out of there I applied for and had an interview for a call-centre job earlier this month too, would have been a siginificant wage drop & would have involved shifts + possibly selling my current car but I didn't get it. Just seems like I am stuck there.
oobster said:
How's everyone doing in the run up to Xmas? Winding down as (perhaps) work/life stresses ease off a bit, or anyone finding life tougher than usual?
Sadly things are challenging here. I was made redundant in September and whilst I've had ten interviews since then still with no offers. Finances are becoming an issue now and whilst my wife and friends are totally supportive and aware that the market is challenging, her parents (both card carrying right wing tories) have once again stuck their oar in collectively emailing me to tell me that I'm clearly lazy and a huge disappointment.
Very rare these days I see anything of a good day, very rare that I feel like anything other than a failure to my wife and son. Keeping going for the sake of them but some days its really hard.
My mum died suddenly nearly 2 weeks ago. My kids found her when they went to visit with my husband. She’d been getting the Christmas tree down from the attic whilst waiting for them to arrive.
She’d lost her best friend (my god mother) the week before.
My dad is mentally and physically unwell, has been for a v long time and I think he may follow her quite quickly. She had been his carer. He is not willing to seek medical assistance however. He’s not bad enough to override yet. We have to watch him like a hawk.
I am dealing with mum’s estate. Her affairs are a mess. My parents had fought over money for years and neither would take professional advice.
I am 3 hours away, with two v challenged kids to manage. It’s the 10 year anniversary of their mum’s death on Sunday.
I bloody miss her.
I am running on fumes.
The only consolation is that work have been excellent.
She’d lost her best friend (my god mother) the week before.
My dad is mentally and physically unwell, has been for a v long time and I think he may follow her quite quickly. She had been his carer. He is not willing to seek medical assistance however. He’s not bad enough to override yet. We have to watch him like a hawk.
I am dealing with mum’s estate. Her affairs are a mess. My parents had fought over money for years and neither would take professional advice.
I am 3 hours away, with two v challenged kids to manage. It’s the 10 year anniversary of their mum’s death on Sunday.
I bloody miss her.
I am running on fumes.
The only consolation is that work have been excellent.
oldbanger said:
My mum died suddenly nearly 2 weeks ago. My kids found her when they went to visit with my husband. She’d been getting the Christmas tree down from the attic whilst waiting for them to arrive.
She’d lost her best friend (my god mother) the week before.
My dad is mentally and physically unwell, has been for a v long time and I think he may follow her quite quickly. She had been his carer. He is not willing to seek medical assistance however. He’s not bad enough to override yet. We have to watch him like a hawk.
I am dealing with mum’s estate. Her affairs are a mess. My parents had fought over money for years and neither would take professional advice.
I am 3 hours away, with two v challenged kids to manage. It’s the 10 year anniversary of their mum’s death on Sunday.
I bloody miss her.
I am running on fumes.
The only consolation is that work have been excellent.
Sorry for your loss.She’d lost her best friend (my god mother) the week before.
My dad is mentally and physically unwell, has been for a v long time and I think he may follow her quite quickly. She had been his carer. He is not willing to seek medical assistance however. He’s not bad enough to override yet. We have to watch him like a hawk.
I am dealing with mum’s estate. Her affairs are a mess. My parents had fought over money for years and neither would take professional advice.
I am 3 hours away, with two v challenged kids to manage. It’s the 10 year anniversary of their mum’s death on Sunday.
I bloody miss her.
I am running on fumes.
The only consolation is that work have been excellent.
oldbanger said:
My mum died suddenly nearly 2 weeks ago. My kids found her when they went to visit with my husband. She’d been getting the Christmas tree down from the attic whilst waiting for them to arrive.
She’d lost her best friend (my god mother) the week before.
My dad is mentally and physically unwell, has been for a v long time and I think he may follow her quite quickly. She had been his carer. He is not willing to seek medical assistance however. He’s not bad enough to override yet. We have to watch him like a hawk.
I am dealing with mum’s estate. Her affairs are a mess. My parents had fought over money for years and neither would take professional advice.
I am 3 hours away, with two v challenged kids to manage. It’s the 10 year anniversary of their mum’s death on Sunday.
I bloody miss her.
I am running on fumes.
The only consolation is that work have been excellent.
So sorry for your loss.She’d lost her best friend (my god mother) the week before.
My dad is mentally and physically unwell, has been for a v long time and I think he may follow her quite quickly. She had been his carer. He is not willing to seek medical assistance however. He’s not bad enough to override yet. We have to watch him like a hawk.
I am dealing with mum’s estate. Her affairs are a mess. My parents had fought over money for years and neither would take professional advice.
I am 3 hours away, with two v challenged kids to manage. It’s the 10 year anniversary of their mum’s death on Sunday.
I bloody miss her.
I am running on fumes.
The only consolation is that work have been excellent.
mcelliott said:
Manclub was set up by a couple of guys with the aim simply to get men who were having a tough time to open up about their problems. They wanted to create a place where someone could come and talk in a safe, and totally confidential environment and without judgement. The meetings go something like this:
Everyone gather around a table, and it's headed up by the facilitator (chairman). He is in charge of something called the 'talking stick' which can be any object - in our case it's a didgeridoo. Don't ask me why! He will then go around the room asking if anyone wants to speak. If you're happy to take the stick, the floor is yours for as long as you want - you're free to talk about absolutely anything, and more importantly no-one is allowed to interrupt whilst you are holding the stick. If they do (and it rarely happens) the facilitator will intervene. Once you put the stick down, you can then, if you wish, invite feedback from people around the table. In the past I've simply gone there just to listen as I find this very therapeutic. It's also very rewarding to give feedback to other people's problems. The meetings are once a month at the moment but we're looking to increase the frequency. We get people from all walks of life coming through the doors.
This used to be either the pub or the workplace, wonder why that doesnt really happen anymore.Everyone gather around a table, and it's headed up by the facilitator (chairman). He is in charge of something called the 'talking stick' which can be any object - in our case it's a didgeridoo. Don't ask me why! He will then go around the room asking if anyone wants to speak. If you're happy to take the stick, the floor is yours for as long as you want - you're free to talk about absolutely anything, and more importantly no-one is allowed to interrupt whilst you are holding the stick. If they do (and it rarely happens) the facilitator will intervene. Once you put the stick down, you can then, if you wish, invite feedback from people around the table. In the past I've simply gone there just to listen as I find this very therapeutic. It's also very rewarding to give feedback to other people's problems. The meetings are once a month at the moment but we're looking to increase the frequency. We get people from all walks of life coming through the doors.
Been a while since I posted in this thread. Have really been struggling since about November. Can't concentrate at work, no motivation, can't make decisions and get easily frustrated and annoyed by most aspects of modern life. It's affecting my relationship with my g/f, family and people at work.
I know I'm definitely my own biggest critic, though I still can't help feeling that I'm a failure or not as good/mentally resilient as other people.
I still don't really know what the cause of my low mood is but recently work and the stress of selling my house have not been helping.
Small positives: The days are getting longer and milder, so I should be able to get back out on my bike soon (pedal & motor varieties). In less than 2 weeks the sale on my house will have completed and I'll have a lot of money in the bank (but then I have the difficult decision of what to do with it...).
I know I'm definitely my own biggest critic, though I still can't help feeling that I'm a failure or not as good/mentally resilient as other people.
I still don't really know what the cause of my low mood is but recently work and the stress of selling my house have not been helping.
Small positives: The days are getting longer and milder, so I should be able to get back out on my bike soon (pedal & motor varieties). In less than 2 weeks the sale on my house will have completed and I'll have a lot of money in the bank (but then I have the difficult decision of what to do with it...).
half_throttle said:
...and get easily frustrated and annoyed by most aspects of modern life.
To be fair, a lot of people do. The trick is in taking the deep breath and trying to ride past it.half_throttle said:
...though I still can't help feeling that I'm a failure or not as good/mentally resilient as other people.
I still don't really know what the cause of my low mood is but recently work and the stress of selling my house have not been helping.
1) Unlikely. I know I'm pretty resilient, but I've been resilient for most of the last 4-5 years, and it wears you down...to the point that you feel those things. They're untrue, but it's become tough to tell yourself they're untrue.I still don't really know what the cause of my low mood is but recently work and the stress of selling my house have not been helping.
2) That's probably a fair chunk of it.
A couple of months after my mum’s death and I am not coping with the aftermath. I have been having anxiety / panic attacks ever since, I have lost more than a stone and struggle to sleep.
Work sorted me 6 weeks of crisis counselling which has just ended, but I have been getting worse so thought I better see the doc. They have offered me citalopram which I am giving a go.
I am still working but am contemplating doing a full handover of everything in the next couple of weeks in case I need to be signed off for a bit.
The only thing that seems to help is meditation so I am doing this as much as I can.
Work sorted me 6 weeks of crisis counselling which has just ended, but I have been getting worse so thought I better see the doc. They have offered me citalopram which I am giving a go.
I am still working but am contemplating doing a full handover of everything in the next couple of weeks in case I need to be signed off for a bit.
The only thing that seems to help is meditation so I am doing this as much as I can.
oldbanger said:
A couple of months after my mum’s death and I am not coping with the aftermath. I have been having anxiety / panic attacks ever since, I have lost more than a stone and struggle to sleep.
Work sorted me 6 weeks of crisis counselling which has just ended, but I have been getting worse so thought I better see the doc. They have offered me citalopram which I am giving a go.
I am still working but am contemplating doing a full handover of everything in the next couple of weeks in case I need to be signed off for a bit.
The only thing that seems to help is meditation so I am doing this as much as I can.
Citalopram will take a month to kick in. I'm on Escitalopram which i assume isn't too different. been on it for last 6 years - probably saved my business and my marriage and i feel like i can deal with whatever the world throws at me most days,Work sorted me 6 weeks of crisis counselling which has just ended, but I have been getting worse so thought I better see the doc. They have offered me citalopram which I am giving a go.
I am still working but am contemplating doing a full handover of everything in the next couple of weeks in case I need to be signed off for a bit.
The only thing that seems to help is meditation so I am doing this as much as I can.
convinced I have an chemical imbalance as i've been depressed/anxious since i can remember (min 20 years).
no intention of coming off the pills - friends ask me about long term side effects. i respond with "i'd rather live 10 years less and be relatively happy than 10 years longer and be miserable".
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