Sex after having kids

[Berger 3rd]

I agree about the having kids thing, I think so many people do it because they feel they have to without really stopping to think, do I actually want to?

I think the issue is obviously once the kids arrive, people can’t then imagine not having them or being without them and rightly and understandably wouldn’t want to be without them.. But if you never have them in the first place then who is to say you wouldn’t be far happier?

I’ve not completely ruled out having kids, but I’ve never felt compelled to do it. All my mates have kids and all had them at the same time, like it was a box ticking exercise, no doubt they love them but I’ve got to carry on doing exactly what I want when I want, and they haven’t. I do so much more stuff for me, rather than for someone else.

Ultimately once you have kids, you introduce something your partner will love more than you, and will always put before you. That is always going to put a strain on any relationship.

Edited by Berger 3rd on Friday 17th November 07:58

[GilletteFan]

^ Having kids most definitely has a profound effect on people. I can spot a parent from a non-parent immediately. The fake smile is the easiest giveaway.

[M4cruiser]

Howitzer said:

I pay all the bills and make sure the cars are safe and ready to use at all times. ... So when I get home I expect the kids to be clean and they’re washing ready, they’ve had good quality food and sensible bedtimes and schoolwork done etc. I don’t expect a pristine house and a baked cake when I return, although I’ve had a few and it was a nice bonus

^ ^ I've found this is the bit that my other half didn't get. She really doesn't know how difficult it can be to earn enough to pay the bills, She really didn't have a clue how to make sure the cars are safe and legal. And to be fair, perhaps I don't know how to do the other things in that list.
We both get it wrong sometimes.

[CrgT16]

The key is being in tune not just for sex but in general. Recipe for a long happy marriage. Also as the years advance nothing wrong with evolving the relationship as we change both physically and mentally.

On another note I don’t understand the need for patronising comments about people that decide to have children. I don’t care if one is not paternal and doesn’t want to “ruin his life” with kids.

My experience is different… children are one of the best things in my life as a dad. I don’t go about making snide comments about childless couples, each one to their own. My son has definitely not ruin our life at all!!

[Jambo85]

CrgT16 said:

On another note I don’t understand the need for patronising comments about people that decide to have children. I don’t care if one is not paternal and doesn’t want to “ruin his life” with kids.

Yes - there are plenty of other threads for debating the merits of having kids, I'd suggest we don't let this become another one, it's less than helpful input for the topic being discussed.

[dai1983]

My fave is "we aren't having kids because they cost too much and limit what you can do. We are having dogs instead"

Same thing but worse you fools

[Monkeylegend]

dai1983 said:

My fave is "we aren't having kids because they cost too much and limit what you can do. We are having dogs instead"

Same thing but worse you fools

Not the same, dogs don't live as long as kids.

[PinkHouse]

Monkeylegend said:

dai1983 said:

My fave is "we aren't having kids because they cost too much and limit what you can do. We are having dogs instead"

Same thing but worse you fools

Not the same, dogs don't live as long as kids.

Kids eventually gain autonomy through a process known as "growing up". But with dogs you'll still be hiring sitters and picking up poop right until the very end

[Hugo Stiglitz]

My bug bear is the 'I've just woken up from slumber, quick lets get it on before'.... ah st.


Or listening out for footsteps on the stairs....

[otolith]

PinkHouse said:

Monkeylegend said:

dai1983 said:

My fave is "we aren't having kids because they cost too much and limit what you can do. We are having dogs instead"

Same thing but worse you fools

Not the same, dogs don't live as long as kids.

Kids eventually gain autonomy through a process known as "growing up". But with dogs you'll still be hiring sitters and picking up poop right until the very end

A dog is a far less onerous responsibility than a kid.

[Berger 3rd]

You can leave dogs at home on their own, or with other people who can also leave them at home on their own. They cost about £100 a month to insure on average across their life and less than that per month on food. They don’t need shoes and clothing every five minutes, a room full of expensive toys, birthday parties, private education, school trips, friends birthdays. You don’t have to remain sober around them, be carful what you say on them etc. etc. etc.

A very bewildering comparison to say the least, let alone suggesting the cost more and take more care than kids do.

[Jamescrs]

Berger 3rd said:

You can leave dogs at home on their own, or with other people who can also leave them at home on their own. They cost about £100 a month to insure on average across their life and less than that per month on food. They don’t need shoes and clothing every five minutes, a room full of expensive toys, birthday parties, private education, school trips, friends birthdays. You don’t have to remain sober around them, be carful what you say on them etc. etc. etc.

A very bewildering comparison to say the least, let alone suggesting the cost more and take more care than kids do.

I have a female colleague who is 50ish now with no partner and no children but has two cats, yes she fits the stereotype everyone is probably imagining, she will argue until she is blue in the face that her two cats are just as demanding as raising two children. She will also argue that she is no better off financially than those of us in the office with pre teen children and we have all got her wrong.

It baffles me every time it comes up, usually when she raises it.

[anonymous-user]

GilletteFan said:

^ Having kids most definitely has a profound effect on people. I can spot a parent from a non-parent immediately. The fake smile is the easiest giveaway.

My favourite is when you see the family out and about, Mum, Dad and the two children. You can tell straight away the parents stopped interacting with each other years ago, you know the last time he had sex (with her anyway) was when she got pregnant with the second one.

They will be in a restaurant eating lunch, he will be on his phone uninterested while the wife deals with the children.

As they walk around the shopping centre he will have that thousand yard stare, you can instinctively tell he is thinking "How the fk did this happen".

Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 17th November 15:03

[Monkeylegend]

Joey Deacon said:

As they walk around the shopping centre he will have that thousand yard stare, you can instinctively tell he is thinking "How the fk did this happen".

Edited by Joey Deacon on Friday 17th November 15:03

No, that's because she has just bought a cheap second hand car that doesn't work.

[Bloxxcreative]

Crikey this has taken a dive into stereotype city.

[Muzzer79]

Bloxxcreative said:

Crikey this has taken a dive into stereotype city.

Hadn’t you realised?

This thread was taken over by the actual Inbetweeners pages ago….

[Howitzer]

My dogs cost more than my kids a month by a long way at the minute. The price is worth it as my dogs have never not wanted to give me some attention, they always love me, always want a walk and always want to be in the same room.

I have at times though seemingly annoyed everyone else in the house and they all think I’m a dick.

Dogs are like a comfort blanket for adults but they fart.

Dave!

[Sheets Tabuer]

Howitzer said:

My dogs cost more than my kids a month by a long way at the minute. The price is worth it as my dogs have never not wanted to give me some attention, they always love me, always want a walk and always want to be in the same room.

I have at times though seemingly annoyed everyone else in the house and they all think I’m a dick.

Dogs are like a comfort blanket for adults but they fart.

Dave!

Is that because you're very needy?

[xeny]

trackdemon said:

budgie smuggler said:

The section about it being "entirely normal to never feel spontaneous sexual desire in a long term relationship" blew my mind a bit. No wonder really that so many people get divorced/have affairs.

I also think that's horsest. Why should it be that way? Do you suddenly stop fancying your partner? (In which case I'd question how much you fancied them in the first place). Sex (intimacy) is pretty high on maslow's hierarchy of needs so for that to disappear from a relationship.... well you're no longer in a relationship are you? IME it's simply not true anyway, although I suppose it depends how you define long term - nearly 7 years in my case

Could it be that ancestors who got bored with one partner after a few years and had sex with another partner ended up with genetically more diverse offspring so had a better chance of passing their genes on?

[RabidGranny]

xeny said:

trackdemon said:

budgie smuggler said:

The section about it being "entirely normal to never feel spontaneous sexual desire in a long term relationship" blew my mind a bit. No wonder really that so many people get divorced/have affairs.

I also think that's horsest. Why should it be that way? Do you suddenly stop fancying your partner? (In which case I'd question how much you fancied them in the first place). Sex (intimacy) is pretty high on maslow's hierarchy of needs so for that to disappear from a relationship.... well you're no longer in a relationship are you? IME it's simply not true anyway, although I suppose it depends how you define long term - nearly 7 years in my case

Could it be that ancestors who got bored with one partner after a few years and had sex with another partner ended up with genetically more diverse offspring so had a better chance of passing their genes on?

could be right... they wouldnt have had to deal with paying for them either.