Weed and the Mind
Discussion
Deliberately posted here rather than in the lounge, as I'm after more facts than the opinions that you might get in the lounge.
Step-son is 15, and on occasions can be hard work. He's had a tough life in some ways, and while his dad is his mate, he is a d
head, and step-son I think, is beginning to realise this. It's hit a bit hard I suspect.
Moving on, he's always pushed boundaries, usually in the first term of the school year. It's a repeated pattern that we've never managed to get to the bottom of. He has boundaries and pushes them constantly. Can't really trust him, and for example we left him to it for an evening having agreed acceptable behaviour to find a greater number of teenagers around, slaughtered from our booze. He's crap at covering up after himself.
Over the past 6 months he's taken up the booze (perhaps normal for a 15 year old, although our view differ on how much is acceptable), and smoking. Very pissed off at the latter, his allowance was stopped and he's on minimal income.
It now transpires that he's smoking weed. This has been coming on for a few weeks, but today has reached blow-up at school.
At home he's not too different, but more lethargic perhaps. At school the teachers are saying that he is completely unpredictable, one minute will be calm the next frustrated and losing it. Some of them are now scared of him. He's struggling to concentrate, can't remember.
The teachers are saying that he comes right into their face. He denies this, but having seen him losing it today, I'm not sure that he's all there when this goes on. He certainly could not remember a conversation seconds before.
My partner was called to pick him up today from school, and went in to see the head. Step-son was called in and she had never seen him like this. Eyes bulging, and heavy panting trying to control himself. They would not let her go until he had calmed down as they were so worried.
So is this the weed or are there other issues at work?
Should add that the school are working with us, and he's been down to the GP today, but it's early doors...
I appreciate that Internet guesses are just that, but a discussion would be helpful.
Step-son is 15, and on occasions can be hard work. He's had a tough life in some ways, and while his dad is his mate, he is a d
head, and step-son I think, is beginning to realise this. It's hit a bit hard I suspect.Moving on, he's always pushed boundaries, usually in the first term of the school year. It's a repeated pattern that we've never managed to get to the bottom of. He has boundaries and pushes them constantly. Can't really trust him, and for example we left him to it for an evening having agreed acceptable behaviour to find a greater number of teenagers around, slaughtered from our booze. He's crap at covering up after himself.
Over the past 6 months he's taken up the booze (perhaps normal for a 15 year old, although our view differ on how much is acceptable), and smoking. Very pissed off at the latter, his allowance was stopped and he's on minimal income.
It now transpires that he's smoking weed. This has been coming on for a few weeks, but today has reached blow-up at school.
At home he's not too different, but more lethargic perhaps. At school the teachers are saying that he is completely unpredictable, one minute will be calm the next frustrated and losing it. Some of them are now scared of him. He's struggling to concentrate, can't remember.
The teachers are saying that he comes right into their face. He denies this, but having seen him losing it today, I'm not sure that he's all there when this goes on. He certainly could not remember a conversation seconds before.
My partner was called to pick him up today from school, and went in to see the head. Step-son was called in and she had never seen him like this. Eyes bulging, and heavy panting trying to control himself. They would not let her go until he had calmed down as they were so worried.
So is this the weed or are there other issues at work?
Should add that the school are working with us, and he's been down to the GP today, but it's early doors...
I appreciate that Internet guesses are just that, but a discussion would be helpful.
He's not into much at the moment. Used to play football but that went by the wayside.
I am looking at the replies, and taking it in, so thanks to people who are contributing.
My partner and has dad split when he was one, so in itself should not be an issue. However they have fought on and off for years after this, which has not helped.
I am looking at the replies, and taking it in, so thanks to people who are contributing.
My partner and has dad split when he was one, so in itself should not be an issue. However they have fought on and off for years after this, which has not helped.
Thanks chaps. Don't want to start an argument, and all of your observations are noted. Lad is away at his Dad's (hopefully with some supervision for change) this weekend.
I've just spent 30 minutes typing a response to delete it as it is too detailed for a format such as this.
I've known him since he was 5, and enough has happened over the years that it is quite possible that he has issues. I'm disappointed that he touched drugs, as his best friends brother is into these, and he has seen the effects.
I've just spent 30 minutes typing a response to delete it as it is too detailed for a format such as this.
I've known him since he was 5, and enough has happened over the years that it is quite possible that he has issues. I'm disappointed that he touched drugs, as his best friends brother is into these, and he has seen the effects.
An update:
It's been an interesting few weeks. He seems to be off the weed as far as we can tell. He's accepted that it's not doing good things for him, and the fact that it's obvious seems to have helped. It took a couple of weeks to come out of the system, and we have seen no major blowups since.
His best friend is not very happy, as I did speak to his parents. This lad was sharing, which I obviously wanted to stop, and thought that they needed to know anyway. THe lad took the phone off the hook to stop me calling them, clearly not expecting the obvious next step, a knock on the door.
The school have been very supportive, and changed their initial 'hostile' suspension, to an informal week off. He has a counsellor who has been speaking to him. Doctors were useless and only input was to tell my partner that they would have to inform Social Services. Heard nothing more, and an informal chat from someone I know has told me that given we are dealing with it they would have no interest, that the school does have some issues, and are inexperienced in this area.
What's more frightening on speaking to him, is just how many kids are trying this stuff together with the very adult ways of getting it. They are very much older, and I cannot hide my loathing for this scum praying on lead-able teenagers.
It's been an interesting few weeks. He seems to be off the weed as far as we can tell. He's accepted that it's not doing good things for him, and the fact that it's obvious seems to have helped. It took a couple of weeks to come out of the system, and we have seen no major blowups since.
His best friend is not very happy, as I did speak to his parents. This lad was sharing, which I obviously wanted to stop, and thought that they needed to know anyway. THe lad took the phone off the hook to stop me calling them, clearly not expecting the obvious next step, a knock on the door.
The school have been very supportive, and changed their initial 'hostile' suspension, to an informal week off. He has a counsellor who has been speaking to him. Doctors were useless and only input was to tell my partner that they would have to inform Social Services. Heard nothing more, and an informal chat from someone I know has told me that given we are dealing with it they would have no interest, that the school does have some issues, and are inexperienced in this area.
What's more frightening on speaking to him, is just how many kids are trying this stuff together with the very adult ways of getting it. They are very much older, and I cannot hide my loathing for this scum praying on lead-able teenagers.
279 said:
Blaming weed usage for his attitude and mood is full bore, both barrel stupid in my humble opinion. He like nearly every single person who has done weed, coke, heroin or even alcohol picked up that spliff to get away from/find something. At his age I suspect it was to find something to do with a bit of piss poor parenting. I'm not sure if it's you, your partner, his father or his partner to blame but cannabis is nearly always a symptom not a cause of problems. And a damn find symptom at that.
Start looking at yourselves before you start blaming the weed or his friends.
Gladly I have read all of the posts on this thread with interest. Some of these people have clearly experienced far worse than I have, and it seems that you have just kicked myself, and them in the teeth. While you may have a point, (not much of one I feel from my now understanding), there are ways of putting it across.Start looking at yourselves before you start blaming the weed or his friends.
I congratulate you on your maturity, and thank you for your informative and insightful post.
279 said:
I'd like to hear your personal experience that makes my opinion more of a 'crock of st' than the "Weed and weed alone fked my little Johnny up' stories that you get in this type of thread?
Anyway, It is exactly this type of parenting, the type that where drug/alcohol usage/friends become the only and only cause of behavior/attitude problems and therefore absolves the parents of any wrong doing whatsosever is what causes fked up children from other wise 'well off' backgrounds 9 times out of 10.
Perhaps you should go back to the lounge?t' than the "Weed and weed alone fked my little Johnny up' stories that you get in this type of thread?Anyway, It is exactly this type of parenting, the type that where drug/alcohol usage/friends become the only and only cause of behavior/attitude problems and therefore absolves the parents of any wrong doing whatsosever is what causes f
ked up children from other wise 'well off' backgrounds 9 times out of 10.279 said:
Perhaps you should pull your head out of your backside and appreciate that perhaps the split between his mother and father (and the inevitable fall out from that) hit him far harder and far deeper than you (or even he can consciously) comprehend? Or perhaps some other reason that you're either ignoring or looking over that is making your step son act this way. Don't dismiss it, think about it.
I've known some pretty angry people to smoke cannabis. Not once have I ever seen one of those people struggle to control their breathing in rage because of it. That is not a normal side effect by any stretch.
You do to be honest have a way about you that gets up my nose. You would not be so insulting (I hope) to my face, so why does a keyboard grant you the right to be quite so unpleasant?I've known some pretty angry people to smoke cannabis. Not once have I ever seen one of those people struggle to control their breathing in rage because of it. That is not a normal side effect by any stretch.
I do not and will not accept that the split has caused any issue to the lad - he was one! I do accept that there have been issues between his mum and dad that have not helped over the years, not least being two different styles of parenting. We are very much more 'strict' in that there are boundaries, whereas there are none at his dads. He accepts this, and is intending to go to College 'up north' with us, of his own choice, rather than run riot at his dads.
Although the side affect is not normal, having taken advice and also through independent reading, it was believed to have been very much one. Some people are affected in different ways. The proof is in the pudding, and these 'mood attacks' have now stopped.
He tells us that he has useful discussions with his counsellor. That's his business, and we are hear to listen if he needs or wants it.
279 said:
and if his dad is as laid back as you say, it isn't going to be the house you live in, regardless of what college dreams he has.
Lets see if I have buggered the quote system up!His dad is anything, but laid back. Ultimately he's happy being the best mate and does not appear to care. Whatever goes and his fix is to sort the lad out with a girl... Lad is not daft, and really does appear to appreciate some boundaries (with teenager rebellion built in obviously) and really does intend I believe to stay up here.
There are other issues at work with regards to his dad, which I know have upset him, but ultimately are only in his dads control. That's a difficult one to work around as my partner really is not going to get involved (it would only lead to a row in any case), and neither am I - it simply is not worth the agro. We've had years of abuse over the phone, together with about of violence before we moved away. His troubles are just that, but when they link to the lad, it gets more complicated....
Hmm.
An update. Well he's just left school (booked into College though), and still smokes Weed, apparently daily.
He's currently a little st, with no energy or will power, and has just in an outburst when I pushed him a little laughed when I blamed the weed - saying I don't know anything and it's Methodrone.
Really not liking the way this is going.
Bloody idiot does not realise how obvious it is either when he does this stuff.
An update. Well he's just left school (booked into College though), and still smokes Weed, apparently daily.
He's currently a little s
t, with no energy or will power, and has just in an outburst when I pushed him a little laughed when I blamed the weed - saying I don't know anything and it's Methodrone.Really not liking the way this is going.
Bloody idiot does not realise how obvious it is either when he does this stuff.
The money is an issue.
We've cracked down hard on him, and he claims his mates share.
His dad's pretty pissed off now, and while a round table discussion is not likely to happen he and my partner are communicating.
I'm plenty pissed off. I've tried being nice, and the problems getting worse. So I'm going to be mean.
He's been issued with a series of ultimatums (including getting a job). If I catch him doing drugs again he's off to his dad's. I'm not having our daughter around this crap.
He does not want that, as he has a much easier life here, and his dad runs a contract cleaning company = early start! We shall see.
We've cracked down hard on him, and he claims his mates share.
His dad's pretty pissed off now, and while a round table discussion is not likely to happen he and my partner are communicating.
I'm plenty pissed off. I've tried being nice, and the problems getting worse. So I'm going to be mean.
He's been issued with a series of ultimatums (including getting a job). If I catch him doing drugs again he's off to his dad's. I'm not having our daughter around this crap.
He does not want that, as he has a much easier life here, and his dad runs a contract cleaning company = early start! We shall see.
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