What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
Vaud said:
Breadvan72 said:
Back on topic, my friend absent mindedly left a half eaten apple in the passenger footwell
My friend has a young daughter who often eats apples and bananas in the back seat. The lifeforms created by the remnants have evolved, demanded statehood and 2 of them are serious candidates to replace Jeremy Corbyn as leader of the Labour Party.
My friend is fairly sure from some telltale signs that there is a mouse living in the boot of his ancient and crusty Jag. This is sort of OK, as it's a bit parky out, and the critter needs somewhere to kip, but the wiring in the Jag is way over complex and there are lots of annoying electrical widgets in the boot, so now my friend is worrying that the mouse will nom all the wires and make the car go FOOM.
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If you've seen the typical approach to parking in parts of Romania, you'd understand why he was worried. It's a bit like French parking (nudge the cars out of the way to make your space), but more extreme 
Ha, if you look at the picture below you'll see the Belmont daiwoo thing in front of my hilux, in about an hours time there will be cars all along the road in front of the parked cars, they will all have their handbrakes off so you can push them around to make spaces!
The parking is absolutely shocking pretty much everywhere and the majority of cars have scratches and key marks on them.
DavidJG said:
irocfan said:
Breadvan72 said:
Serves the precious GTR t
t right for being a precious GTR tt. It's only a car, FFS. Anyway, the cat can look at the Queen, as my old
what's wrong with wanting to keep your nice car err nice?t right for being a precious GTR tt. It's only a car, FFS. Anyway, the cat can look at the Queen, as my old The parking is absolutely shocking pretty much everywhere and the majority of cars have scratches and key marks on them.
My friend owns a not very valuable but quite rare and moderately interesting car from the early 1980s. That car has been driving itself around, in the circumstances explained below.
My friend lives in a house with a large gravelled parking area that has a slight incline. My friend, distracted by the unexpected arrival of a cousin, did not, as he usually does, park his 80s car in gear when he returned from a trip. He also failed to haul the handbrake lever high enough. My friend then had to get up the next morning at 4 AM because of a work faff. He was curious to see from his kitchen window an unexpected yellow numberplate on the far side of his parking area, and wondered who his nocturnal visitor might be. Then he realised that his Rover had gone a roving.
The heap had rolled to a halt where the ground levels out, and had not hit anything on the way. It was partly blocking the gateway to my friend's place, and a large fuel oil lorry was due in at 0730 to fill up the heating oil tank. My friend hopped in to the viking car but could not get it to start, probably because in his flustery and pre-coffee 4.15 AM state he flooded it (it has autochoke carbs), or whatever. He was also conscious of the fact that the car was now close by two of the neighbouring cottages, and my friend hates to ps off his neighbours. He looked for a tow rope, but realised that both his tow ropes were in his Landy, which was not at home at the time (there is a story about that as well).
After a pause and some coffee, my friend was able to start the car by engaging reverse gear and bump starting it to life, and drive it back to a parking space.
My friend is lucky that the wandering car didn't hit any of his other cars or anything else solid while on its midnight frolic. He dodged a second bullet when bump starting the car, as his modern (ish) car was positioned close to the escaped vehicle with lights on to illuminate the rescue efforts, and my idiot friend almost reversed into the modern car, but stopped just short.
Verdict: utter spamhead.
My friend lives in a house with a large gravelled parking area that has a slight incline. My friend, distracted by the unexpected arrival of a cousin, did not, as he usually does, park his 80s car in gear when he returned from a trip. He also failed to haul the handbrake lever high enough. My friend then had to get up the next morning at 4 AM because of a work faff. He was curious to see from his kitchen window an unexpected yellow numberplate on the far side of his parking area, and wondered who his nocturnal visitor might be. Then he realised that his Rover had gone a roving.
The heap had rolled to a halt where the ground levels out, and had not hit anything on the way. It was partly blocking the gateway to my friend's place, and a large fuel oil lorry was due in at 0730 to fill up the heating oil tank. My friend hopped in to the viking car but could not get it to start, probably because in his flustery and pre-coffee 4.15 AM state he flooded it (it has autochoke carbs), or whatever. He was also conscious of the fact that the car was now close by two of the neighbouring cottages, and my friend hates to p
s off his neighbours. He looked for a tow rope, but realised that both his tow ropes were in his Landy, which was not at home at the time (there is a story about that as well).After a pause and some coffee, my friend was able to start the car by engaging reverse gear and bump starting it to life, and drive it back to a parking space.
My friend is lucky that the wandering car didn't hit any of his other cars or anything else solid while on its midnight frolic. He dodged a second bullet when bump starting the car, as his modern (ish) car was positioned close to the escaped vehicle with lights on to illuminate the rescue efforts, and my idiot friend almost reversed into the modern car, but stopped just short.
Verdict: utter spamhead.
Edited by anonymous-user on Thursday 4th February 15:37
Breadvan72 said:
He dodged a second bullet when bump starting the car, as his modern (ish) car was positioned close to the escaped vehicle with lights on to illuminate the rescue efforts, and my idiot friend almost reversed into the modern car, but stopped just short.
I thought your friend defined cars as only those vehicles with carbs? Surely his/her modern car is a computer on wheels? My friend prefers the definition that, to be a car, a vehicle must have a distributor. Coil on plug ignition and so on is, he thinks, the work of Beelzebub and all his fiery fiends. My friend's modern (ish) car is almost a computer on wheels, but it is 14 years old and is of a type that was was designed in the early 90s. This means that it is almost a car. It also cost my friend exactly zero pounds to acquire.
He says, citing Groucho Marx: "These, sir, are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."
He says, citing Groucho Marx: "These, sir, are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others."
I had a friend long ago who, upon being asked to turn right at the roundabout (so - 270 degrees round the roudabout, on the 3rd exit), turned right. Into the wrong lane. The wrong way round the roundabout - 90 degrees.
I suppose at least he ended up on the correct bit of tarmac after the roundabout was done and I'd stopped screaming at him from the passenger seat.
Happily there was nothing coming in the other direction, as I'm not sure a 750cc Panda 4x4 would fare well against anything heavier than a lycra-clad cyclist.
I suppose at least he ended up on the correct bit of tarmac after the roundabout was done and I'd stopped screaming at him from the passenger seat.
Happily there was nothing coming in the other direction, as I'm not sure a 750cc Panda 4x4 would fare well against anything heavier than a lycra-clad cyclist.
Breadvan72 said:
Unless your "friend" has very long arms and steers from an unusual seating position, it may be worth mentioning that this thread is for stories about your "friend". It is not for stories about your friend. HTH!
I completely understand. I understood when you posted the same thing twice before.I just didn't comply. Capiche?
Earlier today I was thinking back to the days when my friend's fastest transport was a bicycle. He and another were out for an adventure early on a Saturday morning, cruising along a minor A road.
Approacing a small r'about and guided by the stupidity for which my friend has become well known, he decided to navigate the obstacle in the manner of our European cousins. He couldn't hear anything coming so swerved right onto the r'about.
At that point, after its silent approach, a Rolls Royce hove into view from the right and had some braking and swerving to do to avoid flattening my friend.
Toot toot indeed.
This r'about we approached from this direction, just to add colour.
https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@51.1189558,-1.74670...
Approacing a small r'about and guided by the stupidity for which my friend has become well known, he decided to navigate the obstacle in the manner of our European cousins. He couldn't hear anything coming so swerved right onto the r'about.
At that point, after its silent approach, a Rolls Royce hove into view from the right and had some braking and swerving to do to avoid flattening my friend.
Toot toot indeed.
This r'about we approached from this direction, just to add colour.
https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@51.1189558,-1.74670...
The joy of roundabouts. Many years ago, my friend had his first experience using non-UK roads when riding a motorbike to Germany. It was all going so well until several hundred miles into the journey he encountered his first roundabout. A quick check that there's no traffic, and he enters the roundabout clockwise. It's a shame our Continental cousins prefer to navigate them anti-clockwise.
CraigyMc said:
I had a friend long ago who, upon being asked to turn right at the roundabout (so - 270 degrees round the roudabout, on the 3rd exit), turned right. Into the wrong lane. The wrong way round the roundabout - 90 degrees.
I have a friend who did that shortly after passing his test, while driving a car-full of mates to the coast (on completely unfamiliar roads while being guided by the chap in the passenger seat who went "ooh, turn right here" at the last minute...so naturally my mate did...).Thankfully the roundabout was empty, and thankfully said mates only took the p out of him for a couple of days...
Breadvan72 said:
My friend had gone down to six points but is now back up to nine and has to drive like his Nan until at least February. He is a tt.
This has just happened to my friend again. He went from nine points down to six. The very next day, he hooned too much and got another three pointer. On each occasion, and entirely without planning this, three of his points expired the day before he got himself in the frame for three more. So that is twice in one year that my idiot friend has escaped a totting up ban by one day. He says that he really has learned his lesson and will hoon less. Verdict: tt.t.V6Pushfit said:
On Saturday my friend witnessed appalling reversing into a parking bay of an expensive Merc in a DIY centre car park and then the tatted chav driver got out with his equally tatted chavette mol and walked around the car to check it was ok and not too near anything remotely likely to touch it. My friend then ended up in an altercation with said chav just for smiling.
Apparently smiling at the scene of reversing is an offence in Chavworld.
Well I never. Your friend should be reported to the police. There's a chance that he looked at chavette mol's rear end. Apparently smiling at the scene of reversing is an offence in Chavworld.
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