What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
CanoeSniffer said:
My friend was lucky enough recently to acquire his dream motor, a TVR Chimaera. Having seen some years and a little door droop, the doors of his car were best encouraged shut with a firm shove and checked to ensure they'd definitely latched.
His missus had got the train to Swindon to visit him the one weekend, and after having a lovely time, it only made sense to take the P&J back to the station to drop her off. Anyone who has been to Swindon station will understand the velocity of clusterf
k that occurs outside as cabbies jostle for space with the general public to acquire one of the coveted short stay spaces in front of the station.
My friend was fortunate enough on this day to acquire such a spot, and has to admit that it did his ego no harm to be helping his rather leggy and glamorous girlfriend get her bags out of his exotic and brutish British sports car amongst a typically busy crowd of commuters and shoppers outside the station.
Suddenly he hears a shout, and looks up to be confronted by a group of three lads, one of whom he very vaguely recognises as the brother of a former conquest at a time during which he'd been very drunk. Very, very drunk. The ensuing confrontation immediately confirmed his fears that said encounter had left a rather bitter taste in the mouth her end. His missus is now looking aghast as he pleads his innocence in vain with the three blokes (all of whom outsize him by a considerable margin and are appearing increasingly agitated).
Finally, his girlfriend barks at him that she's going to miss her train and so, panicked, he picks up her bags and rushes her into the station, apologising profusely and trying to find some explanation for the series of events that have just occurred. In his head the entire time he's terrified for the treatment that his P&J will receive at the hands of the furious gaggle outside whilst unattended. He successfully ushers his OH onto her platform and then rushes outside to find the three still stood menacingly by the car. He quickly scans his eyes across the TVR and concludes that no rash actions have been taken- these blokes only intend to damage my friend, not his motor. This comes as a huge relief.
He mumbles a hurried apology as he passes them fumbling his keys, hoping to be in the car in one piece a long way away ASAP. He hopes for the sake of his last shred of dignity that none of the immense crowd outside the station will have noticed the embarrassing confrontation. At this point he turns the key in the ignition and the big V8 roars into life, alerting the attention of nearly the entire crowd. The three aggressors make a point of heckling his hasty departure as he tries to shrink inside the cabin. As he rushes away from the station and turns immediately right, the passenger side door swings open and nearly clotheslines a row of pedestrians. My friend yelps in dismay and in blind panic, straddles the centreline of the road in an effort to avoid clouting any road scenery with the open door, weaving madly in an attempt to swing it shut. Finally the road swings left sharply enough that a vigorously taken turn encourages the door to slam shut and latch fully, by now my friend is as red as a fire truck and can't even begin to comprehend the scene that he's just created in full view of Swindon town centre.
It was not my friends finest episode. But his missus forgave him!
HUM - recently acquired TVR, yet the train station at Swindon has two drop off zones down the road now from the taxi area which is separate, has been for over 18 months or so...His missus had got the train to Swindon to visit him the one weekend, and after having a lovely time, it only made sense to take the P&J back to the station to drop her off. Anyone who has been to Swindon station will understand the velocity of clusterf
k that occurs outside as cabbies jostle for space with the general public to acquire one of the coveted short stay spaces in front of the station.My friend was fortunate enough on this day to acquire such a spot, and has to admit that it did his ego no harm to be helping his rather leggy and glamorous girlfriend get her bags out of his exotic and brutish British sports car amongst a typically busy crowd of commuters and shoppers outside the station.
Suddenly he hears a shout, and looks up to be confronted by a group of three lads, one of whom he very vaguely recognises as the brother of a former conquest at a time during which he'd been very drunk. Very, very drunk. The ensuing confrontation immediately confirmed his fears that said encounter had left a rather bitter taste in the mouth her end. His missus is now looking aghast as he pleads his innocence in vain with the three blokes (all of whom outsize him by a considerable margin and are appearing increasingly agitated).
Finally, his girlfriend barks at him that she's going to miss her train and so, panicked, he picks up her bags and rushes her into the station, apologising profusely and trying to find some explanation for the series of events that have just occurred. In his head the entire time he's terrified for the treatment that his P&J will receive at the hands of the furious gaggle outside whilst unattended. He successfully ushers his OH onto her platform and then rushes outside to find the three still stood menacingly by the car. He quickly scans his eyes across the TVR and concludes that no rash actions have been taken- these blokes only intend to damage my friend, not his motor. This comes as a huge relief.
He mumbles a hurried apology as he passes them fumbling his keys, hoping to be in the car in one piece a long way away ASAP. He hopes for the sake of his last shred of dignity that none of the immense crowd outside the station will have noticed the embarrassing confrontation. At this point he turns the key in the ignition and the big V8 roars into life, alerting the attention of nearly the entire crowd. The three aggressors make a point of heckling his hasty departure as he tries to shrink inside the cabin. As he rushes away from the station and turns immediately right, the passenger side door swings open and nearly clotheslines a row of pedestrians. My friend yelps in dismay and in blind panic, straddles the centreline of the road in an effort to avoid clouting any road scenery with the open door, weaving madly in an attempt to swing it shut. Finally the road swings left sharply enough that a vigorously taken turn encourages the door to slam shut and latch fully, by now my friend is as red as a fire truck and can't even begin to comprehend the scene that he's just created in full view of Swindon town centre.
It was not my friends finest episode. But his missus forgave him!
blearyeyedboy said:
^ My friend fell off his CG125 in Bristol, having put his foot down on a banana peel at a traffic light... yes, really.
Unlucky, as a 'banana skin' was an allegory for a horse turd in Victorian cartoon humour. Everyone knew that a banana skin was a turd, but it wasnt mentioned. 
GC8 said:
blearyeyedboy said:
^ My friend fell off his CG125 in Bristol, having put his foot down on a banana peel at a traffic light... yes, really.
Unlucky, as a 'banana skin' was an allegory for a horse turd in Victorian cartoon humour. Everyone knew that a banana skin was a turd, but it wasnt mentioned. Byker28i said:
HUM - recently acquired TVR, yet the train station at Swindon has two drop off zones down the road now from the taxi area which is separate, has been for over 18 months or so...
Ooh my first PH pedant.. How fun!!I am referring to the 'lay-by'-esque area on the left of the road in front of the retaining wall after you've just passed the station in the direction of traffic (as its a one-way road). If your complaint is that this is not the taxi rank, correct sir! If you are claiming that this means there cannot possibly be any taxis there, sadly incorrect. It's rammo with them pretty much *whenever the trains are on.
- edited due to generic phrase susceptible to pedantry
Edited by CanoeSniffer on Tuesday 2nd May 17:16
My friend went out with a group of his friends for a Ruby one Saturday night followed by a few beers in their local. At some stage during the evening it was decided that they would all go fishing the following morning. However my friend has zero interest in the joys of fishing, preferring motors and fornication thus missing out on this tale of woe :-
So the lads went fishing, complete with the usual weather..... (Heavy rain before you ask!) After a few hours of miserable fishing with nary a bite the one fellow, John, (name changed to protect the guilty) decided that last nights curry and beer had travelled far enough south that he had to go...... A quick dash into the bushes, peel off his all-in-ones, squat down, do the business, pull the all-in-ones back up, dash back to his fishing gear and no one would be any the wiser......
If only! Unfortunately as he dropped his all-in-ones the hood landed in the perfect position to catch last nights curry, and as he pulled it back over his head guess where it all went......?
Thirty years later he has never even come close to throwing off the nickname "Sthead!"
So the lads went fishing, complete with the usual weather..... (Heavy rain before you ask!) After a few hours of miserable fishing with nary a bite the one fellow, John, (name changed to protect the guilty) decided that last nights curry and beer had travelled far enough south that he had to go...... A quick dash into the bushes, peel off his all-in-ones, squat down, do the business, pull the all-in-ones back up, dash back to his fishing gear and no one would be any the wiser......
If only! Unfortunately as he dropped his all-in-ones the hood landed in the perfect position to catch last nights curry, and as he pulled it back over his head guess where it all went......?
Thirty years later he has never even come close to throwing off the nickname "S
thead!" Breadvan72 said:
GC8 said:
blearyeyedboy said:
^ My friend fell off his CG125 in Bristol, having put his foot down on a banana peel at a traffic light... yes, really.
Unlucky, as a 'banana skin' was an allegory for a horse turd in Victorian cartoon humour. Everyone knew that a banana skin was a turd, but it wasnt mentioned. My friend recommends Professor John Sutherland's entertaining books of Eng Lit conundra "Is Heathcliffe a Murderer?", and "Can Jane Eyre be Happy?". These include an essay on what the starveling child London crossing sweeper in "Bleak House" is sweeping. It ain't dust. It ain't banana skins either.
My friend turned into a Heroin addict and took the piss right out of his family and friends for over a decade.
Luckily he's been clean for over 18months now and is slowly rebuilding his life.
Doesn't excuse his actions but when he shaves he thinks the guy that looks back is an alright dude.
Luckily he's been clean for over 18months now and is slowly rebuilding his life.
Doesn't excuse his actions but when he shaves he thinks the guy that looks back is an alright dude.
They're right you know. Ex addicts are a real buzz kill.
I hope your friend continues in recovery and does something funny soon.
Friend of mine when younger and just starting to learn spannering tried to fix the leaking exhaust on his Renault 5. Something went wrong whilst trying to get it up on ramps and the ramps shot out from under the front wheels and lodged under the front sills. He spent several minutes flummoxed by the apparently impossible situation he'd got himself into. Driven on by his fathers helpful comments along the lines of "you've driven off the end of the ramps". He managed to lever up each side of the car in turn with a scaffold plank and get the ramps under instead of behind the wheels. Thank heavens for the R5's lightness and toughness. Friend has invested in a couple of F off big jacks and never driven up ramps since.
I hope your friend continues in recovery and does something funny soon.
Friend of mine when younger and just starting to learn spannering tried to fix the leaking exhaust on his Renault 5. Something went wrong whilst trying to get it up on ramps and the ramps shot out from under the front wheels and lodged under the front sills. He spent several minutes flummoxed by the apparently impossible situation he'd got himself into. Driven on by his fathers helpful comments along the lines of "you've driven off the end of the ramps". He managed to lever up each side of the car in turn with a scaffold plank and get the ramps under instead of behind the wheels. Thank heavens for the R5's lightness and toughness. Friend has invested in a couple of F off big jacks and never driven up ramps since.
Roscco said:
My friend turned into a Heroin addict and took the piss right out of his family and friends for over a decade.
Luckily he's been clean for over 18months now and is slowly rebuilding his life.
Doesn't excuse his actions but when he shaves he thinks the guy that looks back is an alright dude.
Your friend obtains kudos for fessing up about that painful stuff on here. Much of PH derides any confession of weakness, but this thread is mostly free of the shouty company director types that infest much of the Forum. Shouty company director types would never admit to having the sort of friend that people on this thread admit to having, that being a friend who cocks everything up spectacularly almost all of the time, but those friends are OK friends to have.Luckily he's been clean for over 18months now and is slowly rebuilding his life.
Doesn't excuse his actions but when he shaves he thinks the guy that looks back is an alright dude.
CanoeSniffer said:
Byker28i said:
HUM - recently acquired TVR, yet the train station at Swindon has two drop off zones down the road now from the taxi area which is separate, has been for over 18 months or so...
Ooh my first PH pedant.. How fun!!I am referring to the 'lay-by'-esque area on the left of the road in front of the retaining wall after you've just passed the station in the direction of traffic (as its a one-way road). If your complaint is that this is not the taxi rank, correct sir! If you are claiming that this means there cannot possibly be any taxis there, sadly incorrect. It's rammo with them pretty much *whenever the trains are on.
- edited due to generic phrase susceptible to pedantry
Edited by CanoeSniffer on Tuesday 2nd May 17:16
Could be worse though, your friend could be called Dave
Breadvan72 said:
My friend thought that he would be in mahoosive trouble when he bought an old motorcycle, but it turned out that his charming wife liked it.
Anyway, here is the, er, ride.
My friend would love a ride on that beauty. Anyway, here is the, er, ride.
It reminds him of his old Honda that got written off by a milk float at the end of filton runway.
My friend says she does nothing for him, although he did quite enjoy a Thai rental that was a similar size.
It was his first experience of bikes and was a while ago. More recently he has been proudly presented with the keys to a friend's new restricted (natch) CB500 and decided that a busy M32 was a good place to explore its "performance".
It was his first experience of bikes and was a while ago. More recently he has been proudly presented with the keys to a friend's new restricted (natch) CB500 and decided that a busy M32 was a good place to explore its "performance".
PH XKR said:
Breadvan72 said:
My friend thought that he would be in mahoosive trouble when he bought an old motorcycle, but it turned out that his charming wife liked it.
Anyway, here is the, er, ride.
My friend would love a ride on that beauty. Anyway, here is the, er, ride.
It reminds him of his old Honda that got written off by a milk float at the end of filton runway.
M3ax said:
My friend thinks your friend seems quite pleased with himself 
He has recently come to his senses after he mistakenly thought that he'd found a (slightly) younger and better (European) model, but that one, although fast and stylish, was also quite unreliable and dangerous, and turned out not to be an upgrade after all. My friend fell off rather spectacularly, and was quite badly hurt for a while, and his older model was cruelly damaged also. My friend has now been to the hospital and the repair shop, and returned to the slightly older but more reliable, actually faster, better handling, less expensive and ultimately safer classic model. My friend's friends all tell him that he has dodged a bullet. My friend quotes Voltaire a lot:- "Better is the enemy of good".
Edited by anonymous-user on Friday 5th May 10:05
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