Diary of a Country Lad - VW V6 4Motion & Citroen C4

[Whatty]

sprouting said:

Don't worry, the wheelbarrow mans it up a bit.

Thanks Mr. Sprouting.
I take comfort in the fact the wellies were just on loan.

Meanwhile I can finally work some real car content into the thread.

Busy weekend.

Quick trip yesterday. Out to see my first small steps on the property ladder.
1996 saw me acquire this small pile of clay lump bricks.
Enter through front door inset into red brick wall.



I wouldn't say it was small but anyone over 6' couldn't pee standing up.
In 2001 I extended it. Well I bought next door with a view to knocking through.



Which of course never happened....
Sold both, buggered off a la the Real Whatty.
He went East in '33, I went West in '99 & again in '03.

Anyway, back on my borrowed driveway.
The Mongrel FoMo is showing the first stages of the pox.



And hard track and country lane miles have resulted in brake squeal.
Could do with a wash as well.



And Ms. Whatty has a dold in her dose.
Ditto Master Whatty.

Excellent news all round.
Too cold to owt about anything.
Apart from wipe noses.
Yuk.

Time to retire to sofa & old dvd collection.
Aah. Le Mans.
Excellent period and staged footage.
st continuity.



(Image c/o Solar Productions 1971)

Thin script for Mr. McQueen.
Normally I nod off just before the scene when it starts raining.

Bored bored bored.
Shuffle through laptop archive.

Hey, an original Whatty film production!
Almost as mind numbing as 'Le Mans' but much much shorter.



(Image c/o Pigs Breakfast Productions 2009)


Never released as the title keeps changing.

'25 Seconds of American Morris Motoring.'
'Gone in 25 seconds'
'Here comes Krusty the Klown'

Starring a then not very svelte 'Whatty' & the '69 Morris.



I'm not sure the road movie adaptation of my first chapter really works.
It does have a refueling scene but the ending like the headgasket needed changing.

Rough cut.
http://youtu.be/KEuwmoxwEI4
Copyright: RacingGreen.Media 2014

I bet the critics will hate me.
The crowds stay away in droves.

Cheers
Whatty.

Edited by Whatty on Sunday 7th December 23:03

[Whatty]

C7 JFW said:

I might have to investigate the cam chain issue.

I'm not losing any sleep over that point Mr C7.

You listen to one bloke, you get one opinion.
Too much information can take all the fun out of a car.

Taking the FoMo off the road on December 31st for some work.
Too nice as a daily B-road burner to let it deteriorate.


What tyres did you get?

[Whatty]

C7 JFW said:

You
These cars are absolutely superb for day to day, leaving the toys for finer days & climates.

I got a set of Goodyear Eagle F1 Asymmetric's.

RE: Goodyears - What size? Standard 205/55/R16s on mine.

Don't talk about toys....
I'm actively shopping for my next Spring season party.
John Lewis currently has a sale on electrical appliances

[Whatty]

ecotec said:

Hi whatty, just thought I pass thanks for your various threads - great reads all of them, interesting to see the progress of the golf and that so much fun from so little cash. Once I get some more driveway I might well follow suit,

Anyhow seasons greetings from a fellow norfolk dweller,

Hi Mr.ecotec

Thanks for your kind neighbourly words.
The Golf is indeed 'value'. In fact it might be up for grabs in the not too distant future.
Meanwhile........

Thursday December 18th
South Norfolk.
Early morning.



So with the festive season nearly upon us, a potential new star for our 'new' (but still not quite our's) old shed I'm off in search of a Wise Man for advice.
Because where words like 'car', 'track' and 'quick' are concerned I know enough to know I don't know enough.

So before any money changes hands in the New Year I'd like a second opinion on potential upgrades to what might be my third car.

CURRENT candidate. Its lightweight.




Don't ask, it’s a surprise. Or it might change shape. Or colour.
It's non road going. Which reminds me.



Ms. Whatty's Citroen C4 with 1600cc and slushomatic 4 speed is not going to pull a trailer.
So there might be something up for sale rather sooner than I expected. Probably not the C4, it's just too good a daily to part with currently.

Enough mental garage shuffling. Must do some work while waiting for the arrival of the Wise Man.

Sheds to buy, things to do. New ventures in the UK to launch.
Working in the fresh air, love it.



Working while surrounded by old cars? Yes please.
Old Quattro's? Pleasssse.......

Must resist. But look - its all so wonderfully '80's.
What are those teeny rims? Ronals?
But its really the arches wot get me. Everytime.



Right, Wise Man now here.
Finding the right guy to work with after my 15 year stint abroad: Tricky.
Working with the right guy once found: Nice. Knows his stuff.

Builds and sells his own stuff. MX5 with V6.
Apologies for the bad picture.
It was the vibration from the six banger causing lens oscillation.



Chassis dynamics, engine, handling. Plenty of food for thought.
It's a two way street. I came bearing gifts. Tis the season.
Novelty gingerbread strippers.




No amount of time conducting Google searches, forum trawling or general fanny-ing around is going to provide me with the depth of knowledge that this guy has absorbed in a career that encompasses building a fleet of these.



Or a 'company' car such as this.
All singing and dancing Kawasaki powered Mazda.

'Mazawaki' - catchy name. Worth a ©.



Time for more tea....
PG Tips plus some sound technical ones.
A 10/10 for Customer service.



Always judge a good workman by his tool station.



And his self built office.
A Ninja track weapon might tick the boxes if my Plan 'A' comes to nought.



What else is going on?
Yo! Neun Elfers.

Sickly Supersports bodied Targa.



Clearly any future car of mine will be in safe hands.
And when not building very cool things they can get stuck into Le Citroen and my 4Motion.... if its still with me.

Time to go. I'll be back.
Hopefully dropping off something other than baked goods.

Oh look, they're firing up the.....



With thanks to Darren & The Little Car Clinic folk.
Attleborough, Norfolk.

Cheers, Whatty

PS. if you're a super star technician with stellar communication AND spanner skills, they're busy and they're hiring.

[Whatty]

coopedup said:

Please keep the updates coming Whatty, I love your writing style and they always bring a smile to my face, which I need at the moment with bloody flu!!!
Anyway all the best to you and yours for the hols...

Hey, Mr Coopedup. Good to hear from you.
Seasonal Greetings to you too.

Sorry to hear you're down with the flu. I enjoyed a bit of the old hack and wheeze a week back.
Back in the States I used to save up my winter flu allowance for the 24/25/26 of December in order to share it with my Out-laws.


Saturday December 20th.

Whatty Jr has trashed my old 2CV.
Took a good look at the damage.
Sad to say its had it.




Shame. Back in 1991 my real one got me to parts of France that 602cc really shouldn't have.
Sadly no pics of me on the Massif Central in the heat of summer driving like a maniac to make a Calais ferry crossing.
Nor one of me refitting the two molten spark plugs thats had worked themselves free from expanding cylinder heads.
Foot down and flat out for 8 hours in 90f heat will do that I guess.




In truth the 1:18th version was better built than the 1:1 but its not child proof. What is?

Whatty Jr. might still be a toddler but he has to learn such behaviour will not be tolerated.
Sent him packing to think about about things.
Spare the rod and all that.....



And before you, Mr Coopedup, or anyone else thinks that I'd let my son wander off alone up our long driveway, relax.

We still don't have a driveway. Yet to unpack a thing.
Home Sweet Home.




Still could be worse.
Better here.





Than there.







Not that my old neighbour Mike would deck his hall in such a fashion.
Too busy fighting for the People's Front for Judea. The Naughty Boy.


Cheers, Whatty.

[Whatty]

mwstewart said:

I was half expecting a ticking off from a PH Bloke or Hay Marketeer.

Have another laugh.....
Recently discovered in my previously lost picture archive - my 2005 US Spec LHD Golf GTi 1.8T





NOTE: NOT my current 2000 UK spec RHD non-sunroof 4Motion.

[Whatty]

ecotec said:

Hi Watty
I saw that picture and thought you'd had an unfortunate xmas incident, good to see its not the mongrel!

Fortunately not my current ride Mr Ecotec.
Some nut in New Jersey rammed my Brazilian assembled lemon.

Hated that car, always in the shop.
Or getting me into trouble.

If memory serves me correctly. On I-287 North. Nr Wanaque.
Bit over the 65 limit. By about 53%



UK Driving Licence for the Monopoly Stay out of Court WIN.....

Wish I could find the one from Vermont ......
Statute of limitations and all that.

Cheers, Whatty.

Edited by Whatty on Tuesday 23 December 08:59

[Whatty]

Christmas Eve. 2014
Norfolk.

Dear Whatty Jr.

Well here we are, the night before Christmas.
I'm here.



Well, looking over there at least.

And you're somewhere down there.
Directly below the new World Trade Center. NYC
And bit over to the right. Small town New Jersey.




The reason you're there and I'm here is very simple.
Logistics and Work.

(Sorry folks - its not a wailing paternal weep fest type post. Better luck over at Mumsnet or your local CSA office)

Back in July with boxes packed and time to kill I embarked on writing up 10 years worth of American motoring for future reading. Just in case........

A bit of nonsense that amused some and kept me busy while we prepared to ship out to the UK. Well back to the UK in my case.

I wrote it under the alias 'Whatty' The nickname of your long since departed paternal Great Grandfather - E.C.W

E.C.W or the original 'Whatty' was a bit of PH'er in his own right. Actually make that a proper pioneer PH'er.

'Whatty' Back row centre. Nice tan.
Somewhere in Iran.





A Motor Engineer by trade he left dear old Blighty in the early 30's to become transport manager for the Anglo-Persian Oil Company.

He enjoyed living in luxurious surroundings such as this....
:Note sunflower thief:




While ensuring that these local boys......
(Bloke in centre. Nice socks!)




Kept these doggies rolling.
Up hill and down dale.




Superleggera? Stelvio?
Jog on Mr. Clarkson. Easy life.




Obviously being 'Management' the company car fleet was also under his supervision.
Any dusty black colour you like and no diesels.





But it wasn't all work and no play.
Come 1939 he promptly nipped home to join up.
And get hitched. Before shipping out again.

Presumably had some leave in 1940.
But missed out being present at your Grandpop's arrival in March, 1941.

C/o of the Royal Army Service Corps he saw quite a lot of Egypt and North Africa.
And fixed a load of badly built Fiat trucks so that some bloke called 'Monty' could go fox hunting in the desert.

By all accounts he was pretty handy with the spanners.
Got a 'Thank You' card from Monty's boss.




And he then promptly enjoyed a bit more spannering in khaki while out in India.
Come 1945 and he's back in the oil fields with the now re-titled Anglo-Iranian Oil Company.

Iran now looking a bit more 'industrial'.



And when not hard at work 'Whatty' found time for a bit of fun motoring.
Well, what else do you do at the weekend when you live in the arse end of nowhere?




Shame, no pictures of his Buicks or Chevrolets came to light while I rummaged in the attic.

Found this bit of light reading.
Catchy title.




Published in 1949. Lots of technical stuff.
2nd edition.

No 3rd edition. 1951
Iran gets a bit shirty with its Western 'guests'.
Whatty's bosses in London pull the plug.
Refinery closed. Oil tankers push off.

Evacuate staff. Except Whatty & 20 co-workers.

Who volunteer to coughsabotagecough the company assets.
Much pulling of sump plugs while plugging of well heads.

In typical British Colonial fashion, lips are stiffened.
And bags packed. Exit Whatty & Co. stage left. Sharpish.

Tankards engraved to celebrate the Sixty Six pounders.





Time flies.
Turkey to stuff.

[Whatty]

Right, turkey stuffed.
An hour to fill before appointment with pub.

Back to the continuing adventures of Whatty.

1953.
Another decade, another oil company.
Iraq Petroleum Company.

Kirkuk, Iraq.
All's well that ends well?



Company accommodation provided.
Multiple addresses. Kirkuk, Tikrit, Basrah, Baghdad



And in addition to nice digs, the social life isn't bad either.
Well hello there.



Thats a long way to travel only to get knocked out in the first round.



Assume the courts were clay not grass.
My granny would have been in Maroon I s'pose.





A golden age for air travel.
Tikrit International Airport.
195X?





And if the non existent air traffic control system was to break down.
You can always take the Nairn Desert bus.



Baghdad - Damascus - Beirut.
Obv. read Right to Left.
In Arabic.

And if you were holidaying at 'home'
You could nip down to the local baths in Baghdad.
No running or jumping kids.



The Baba Club. Baghdad.
Saddams local lido.




Still there according to son of 'Whatty' and Google Earth.
No time for a pic. The Feathers are calling. Possibly the Green Dragon.

And the original Mr. & Mrs. 'Whatty' also saw a bit of time in Syria.
That posting was a bit hairy as well.
What goes around comes around eh?



Come the late 60's with a supply of adventure stories for me, his first newly arrived grandson, he retired.
From the Corporate World.
D'Arcy Exploration, AIOC, IPC, BP.

Early Christmas presents for my little man.

These old Persian boys. Been traveling for the last 60 years.
Hauled from the Middle East to the U.K to the Eastern U.S Seaboard and then home to East Anglia.



And the original Whatty's journal.



'Whatty's Rules to Work By.'

1. Learn your trade.
2. Work hard. Play nicely.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Try and fk off when the shooting starts.
5. Don't whine or complain. We've got it easy.

Cheers, Whatty

PS. Apologies to any passing PHer's for the lack of car content.

PPS. Happy Christmas to you all.

[Whatty]

coopedup said:

Have a good one mate, still feeling like st here!!

Sorry to hear that Mr.CoopedUp.
I'd recommend a double measure of Port & Brandy.

Don't do what Whatty Dog did last night.
Had waaaaaay too much Adnams Bitter.

I did warn him. He didn't listen.
Ruined his Xmas Morning.

[Whatty]

ManOpener said:

Merry Christmas Whatty.
One of my favourite threads on here, the blend of cars, history and humour is riveting.

Edited by ManOpener on Thursday 25th December 23:24

Boxing Day ( December 26th to those not normally from round here )

Norfolk

Thank you very much for your kind words Mr (Ms?) ManOpener.

I do question the value of my ramblings amidst other posts here compared to those of a more practical leaning.

And as you brought up the topic of riveting.

My current Pro-Am tool du jour is .... well fked really.




But being as this is PH, we don't just rush out and splash the cash on a new digital whip in the Curry's Sales.
Half an hour, some improvisation and a tin of white satin paint later....





Phew.. back in the user generated content business.

Which is good news, cos an afternoon with these guys wears thin, pretty quickly.




Not that I don't like a bit of a Carry On slapstick.
Or a bit of visual humour.


Car content alert.
Mk 2 Jaguar.
And comedy boobage.




c/o VIZ™


Nifty penmanship in mono not your thing?
You can't beat a bit of the old 4 colour razzle dazzle.

Especially when it pushes the boundaries of taste.....





A very PH feel to it as well......










Being a genuine and often vocal Daughter of the American Revolution Ms. Whatty will also appreciate this one.










c/o VIZ™



'I say!"




Sorry Charles (H.R.H not Hawtrey) but your daughter-in-law is a neighbour and thus fair game.



Right, back to looking at pressies from the past.
I do like a good old Old Car book.

G.Hill smokin' a Fezza at Goodwood.




c/o Spidermans Brother & Haynes Publishing™

And this year some other lucky bro' got a penholder c/o RR/Bentley.
V. apt for the little mofo.





Its V8 and all.
BRG I was and no mistake Guv'nor.


Time check:
17:15 hours.

Right I'm orf.
Better the back bar at the Queen Vic than the rear seat of a Crown Vic.
Or cold turkey.



Cheers, Whatty.

[Whatty]

Sunday December 28th
Norfolk

Dear Ms. Whatty

Thanks for your email.
Tried to call, left a voicemail.
Bloody time difference. Sunday Brunch time I guess?
Glad to hear you're both on the mend.

Feeling a bit odd myself. Skin complaint.
Might be itchy car key syndrome.
I know, I know.
"No new old cars prior to new old shed move in"


As per your instructions I walked Whatty dog early.
He does love the hedgerow urinals here.




Put a bit of creative effort into my breakfast.



Avoided the classified car ads in the Sunday papers.

Check out these vanity plate prices. I mean really?





Bookmarked future reading.
Hmmm... R32, Z3M,





Having walked one dog I decided the other one needed a bath.
Cold showers & old cars: great for curing new car desire.






Went to church. Bad idea.
In the sin bin. Forgot lack of parking.





V6 warble not appreciated by local parishioners.
Have you heard the one about the agnostic dyslexic?


Scouted locations for that other gig I mentioned.
Used the Mongrel as a stand in.
This won't work.





Light industrial?
Better. But still not quite the thing.





Semi-rustic.
Barn-to run
Sorry Boss.




Getting there?
AWD was a good thing.





Client might have ingress/egress issues.
Colours will work.
Not liking borrowed Leica.




Private Road.
Resisted the temptation.
Well it is Sunday.






Went to the Old Volks home.
Love thy neighbour and all that.




And home again.
One day that comedy plate will be mine.




Brother Breadvan tried to lead me into temptation.
Before leaving to go out on the piste. ( I ran out of helmet gags)


White Pork: you know its my weak spot.
No little piggies for me. This year.





Teatime: Thanks for the XXXXXX & the YYYYYY.
These were very tasty as well.




Catch you later.
Forget Skype. Norfolk, the land Verizon FiOS forgot.


Whatty xx

PS.

Just what do I do with this lil' rascal?
12 months MOT, FSH, 127K miles
Silver Mark IVs everywhere.




Edited to add PPS.

Scotty Whatty Dog gone missing.
Don't panic I'm sure he'll turn up.

Edited by Whatty on Monday 29th December 07:11

[Whatty]

coopedup said:

Scotty Whatty dog missing is he back yet...

Regret to say he is still MIA Mr.Coopedup.
Feeling better?

Been out and about looking for him.
Whatty Dog #1 is not a happy bunny.




No lunch for me today MWStewart.
This is serious

Has anyone seen this dog?



Scottish Terrier
Age 4. Likes Bagels and De Niro movies.
Yank accent.
Last seen in the NR18 area.

Edited to post the right dog pic.
Sorry. Bit emotional.

Edited by Whatty on Monday 29th December 12:33

[Whatty]

mwstewart said:

I hope he turns up, Rob.

Thanks. I have a lead to follow up.

[Whatty]

mwstewart said:

I hope he turns up, Rob.

Success.
Little b*gger.

Can do without this sort of thing.

The only 'foreign' clue I had to go on.
Stranger in town and on the driveway.





Enjoyed a night out did you?
My little black back o' the van man....




Lunchtime, finally.

[Whatty]

BenWRXSEi said:

Ah, great to see you found him! Where was he?

Just read through both of your threads on a very quiet day at work (holiday cover, boo. Time off in lieu, woo) - really enjoyable. Thanks

Good afternoon Mr. BenWRXSEI

Scotty Whatty (or the little %#$@ as he is now known) was languishing here.




My brother -in-law's dedicated carp angling van.
Note C.A.R.P. not crap.

Little %#$@ now confined to quarters.
I'm now off to do something more productive.

Got to see a man about his drowned Moggy.
Plus 4 not pussy.

Bloody animals.

Cheers Whatty.

[Whatty]

Tuesday December 30th.

Busy day ahead.
Need to drop off the FoMo Mongrel at the poodle parlour for some TLC.

Excellent start.




Plan B.
Read Papers.

Mr. Branson is not having a good PR year.




'Whatty's' is a going a bit better.

TheJimi said:

This thread is genius.

Missing Whatty dog had me worried though, but relieved he's safe and well!

A belated Merry Christmas, Whatty

Thats very kind of you Mr.Jimi
Have a ......




Not sure about the genius bit though.


Took me a while to get here.

About 23 years. A dull tale of playing Cowboys & Indians, here and there.


Mr. Branson did take good of care me though.




Where as to get here. Took me about 5 minutes.

In a secluded salon for the discerning in deepest Norfolk.

Wash and brush up for this Transporter.





Barn find Italian Starlet X19
Former property of a Lady.
70k original miles.
New dye job needed.







WOW!








EVA BRAUN'S OLD COMPANY CAR FOUND ALIVE IN NORFOLK!



In slightly better nick than the driver.





The full Monty Makeover for this old Geisha Girl.
Only 2 in the UK apparently.
Deadline. March 2015. Crikey.





Compared to that trio of lovelies fixing my old slapper will be a walk in the park.
Previous Botox treatment c/o some hack.





So there you go Mr. H.
She's all yours. Take your time. No rush as we discussed.
If you do walk her she'll zoom about a bit but won't wag her tail.

Do take care of my little be'atch and free to put it your window.
Go Pro etc.
I'm sure we'd all like to follow her progress. No pressure.





Quick brush up needed before todays next appointment with a paying punter.
Bit clandestine.
Undercover stuff and everything.
Trojan Horse approach needed.


Cheers, Whatty

[Whatty]

Norfolk.
December 30th 2014

Just after dinner.


This will probably be the last appearance of 'Whatty' for some time. As Old Year Night is nearly upon us it seems appropriate to let this thread slide gracefully into the past.

The eclectic postings I wrote all started back in July as a distraction from a very mundane logistical exercise.

That of moving one long suffering Yankette, an Anglo-Yank toddler, two terriers, 50 boxes, assorted furniture from the New Jersey 'burbs to the heart of the Norfolk countryside.

Oh, and me - a Norfolk boy with an insatiable appetite for quick-ish cars and roads with bends. And shotguns. And woodpigeons.

On January 1st it seemed like Mission Impossible. For the most part, 364 -/+ days later, its mission accomplished.

I was going to do another light hearted but non-technical diary entry about my Tuesday, but I do really question its relevance here.


Unlike these guys, I think its time to call a halt.





Shame really. Today had all the right original ingredients for a proper Bond/Bourne action thriller.
Norfolk Style.


Great script.



Copyright: Whatty.


A not v. Q. Q. Car.






A nattily dressed heroine in stringbacks.







A car chase through the Norfolk Alps.







Which involved a very near miss.







An amphibious Star Car.







Followed by sunset and slow fade out.







And then I thought bks to that. Leave it to the pros.



Back in the old days it was so much easier to make a pound/buck/euro producing these old things.







Cheers, Whatty.

[Whatty]

ecopia said:

Are you smoking crack?

Céad míle fáilte Mr. ecopia

Are you selling any?

Cheers Whatty.

[Whatty]

mwstewart said:

Please don't stop posting, Whatty!

Hi Mark

I might have FoMoCo engine related technical Q. for you next week.

Will you be about?

Cheers, Whatty