B5 in Heroic Rompenkreig
Discussion
Holy Mother.
I may be wrong here but that thing is searingly, monumentally rapid.
For obvious reasons I can't go into sepcifics but for those involved, speculation is now at hand theorising as to the realities of Alpina's stated outputs.
In my mind's eye, there is a strict regimen of performance parameters into which various motors receive a pidgeon hole.
Obviously at the summit, exists the divine trinity: Veyron with lieutenancy supplied c/o Koeniggsegg & Pagani.
Lurking just below are the uber variants from Ferrari and Porsche: Enzo, F50, CGT and GT1, all of which are undeniably enmoistening specialties, no less expensive but somehow overegged trinkets of the Octane movement, of which about 50 people globally exist but sycophantic editors indulge as normal in some painful exercise in willfull, socio-economic self denial.
Then, the real meat of variously achievable fantasy: topped ito sheer performance by RUF (and please, no arguments) and then, frankly, it gets a bit messy...
For in reality, there now exist quite a few wretched hun with the temerity to crash the traditional order. I speak not just of the subject of this piece, nor the M Div kit but also the stuff in particular from AMG, though predominantly the twice blown V12 beasties.
What the B5 brings to the table is an ability to smooch way too far into this Twiglet Zone using Thor's very hammer, albeit damped in a celestial vat of Valhallic motoring honey with a scarcely credible effortlessness.
Now, this isn't an invitation to 'yeah but no involement' treat because that would be disingenuous: there's a glorious whine come scream like 500 galley slaves ramming Mesopotamia, present at all levels of blitzkreig but it doesn't come remotely close to sweaty palmed and for this brief, that's perfect.
That it's speed piles exponentially, is an ongoing voyage of delight, as is the sensation of parity with the non fettled ranks of factory spec, water chilled Oink Turbos: everything, in particular the horizon, melds into one lungedacious mound of dead, French annexation and as the landscape risies and falls, so the desire to go ever faster seeps, like a never ending lap dance by Heather Locklear, over your swooning psyche.
Is it quicker than an unshackled Munchen V10? Well it's certainly more accessible but once up to the realms reserves for the flying craft of Roswell, you genuinely wonder if BMW want this one downplaying, just a tad.
493bhp? If so, then to parapilfer the RUF verbage, perhaps there are horses... and then there are princely, Arabian thoroughbreds...
What it does clarify and justify the rationale underpinning even greater power for if Audi can deliver a controlled 600 from the upcoming RS6, we really must get down and thank our collective automotive totem poles because just occasionally, the grunt is exploitable.
And even if it's fraught with all sorts of inconvenient reality checks, my God, it's the stuff which keeps my pick axe swinging at the seam...
{Slow burner, a characteristic many great cars possess but fickle journalism cannot and does not accredit and thus, cars like this pass entirely by, straight under the radar...}
I may be wrong here but that thing is searingly, monumentally rapid.
For obvious reasons I can't go into sepcifics but for those involved, speculation is now at hand theorising as to the realities of Alpina's stated outputs.
In my mind's eye, there is a strict regimen of performance parameters into which various motors receive a pidgeon hole.
Obviously at the summit, exists the divine trinity: Veyron with lieutenancy supplied c/o Koeniggsegg & Pagani.
Lurking just below are the uber variants from Ferrari and Porsche: Enzo, F50, CGT and GT1, all of which are undeniably enmoistening specialties, no less expensive but somehow overegged trinkets of the Octane movement, of which about 50 people globally exist but sycophantic editors indulge as normal in some painful exercise in willfull, socio-economic self denial.
Then, the real meat of variously achievable fantasy: topped ito sheer performance by RUF (and please, no arguments) and then, frankly, it gets a bit messy...
For in reality, there now exist quite a few wretched hun with the temerity to crash the traditional order. I speak not just of the subject of this piece, nor the M Div kit but also the stuff in particular from AMG, though predominantly the twice blown V12 beasties.
What the B5 brings to the table is an ability to smooch way too far into this Twiglet Zone using Thor's very hammer, albeit damped in a celestial vat of Valhallic motoring honey with a scarcely credible effortlessness.
Now, this isn't an invitation to 'yeah but no involement' treat because that would be disingenuous: there's a glorious whine come scream like 500 galley slaves ramming Mesopotamia, present at all levels of blitzkreig but it doesn't come remotely close to sweaty palmed and for this brief, that's perfect.
That it's speed piles exponentially, is an ongoing voyage of delight, as is the sensation of parity with the non fettled ranks of factory spec, water chilled Oink Turbos: everything, in particular the horizon, melds into one lungedacious mound of dead, French annexation and as the landscape risies and falls, so the desire to go ever faster seeps, like a never ending lap dance by Heather Locklear, over your swooning psyche.
Is it quicker than an unshackled Munchen V10? Well it's certainly more accessible but once up to the realms reserves for the flying craft of Roswell, you genuinely wonder if BMW want this one downplaying, just a tad.
493bhp? If so, then to parapilfer the RUF verbage, perhaps there are horses... and then there are princely, Arabian thoroughbreds...
What it does clarify and justify the rationale underpinning even greater power for if Audi can deliver a controlled 600 from the upcoming RS6, we really must get down and thank our collective automotive totem poles because just occasionally, the grunt is exploitable.
And even if it's fraught with all sorts of inconvenient reality checks, my God, it's the stuff which keeps my pick axe swinging at the seam...
{Slow burner, a characteristic many great cars possess but fickle journalism cannot and does not accredit and thus, cars like this pass entirely by, straight under the radar...}
Edited by derestrictor on Wednesday 12th September 12:07
Guyr said:
DeR,
Love your eloquent prose, just beautiful to read as always
I've always admired the B5 and have an Alpina bond from still owning a B10 Touring as my everyday wagen, so I finally relented and bought a B5 today to join this little club. Car is black, naturally.........
Guy
Guy, the only word appropriate in response is vindication.Love your eloquent prose, just beautiful to read as always
I've always admired the B5 and have an Alpina bond from still owning a B10 Touring as my everyday wagen, so I finally relented and bought a B5 today to join this little club. Car is black, naturally.........
Guy
To quote from the original Hugo (Drax), "Mr Bovenseipen, your B5 appears with the (far from) tedious, inevitability of a much loved season."
Don't be unsettled by the initial damping which can feel less than M calibre (much less 911 cum RUF std) - push on and the secondary ride holds the sway within parameters which allow for saloon car defying schnelligkeit.
I was going to get rid of mine after 4 weeks. 12 weeks later and I reckon it's the best compromise car on the planet.
Mate, you cannot possibly rate it so after one, solitary drive, unless it involved The Bottrop Pass or your chauffeur bore more than a passing similarity to a hirsute character from a Tolkein tome with little to no care for the parlous state of their licence.
You have my unmitigated assurance that it is truly intoxicating and yes, diametrically polar in delivery to the screamschleife c/o das V10.
It is absolutely not even remotely trying to dynamicise the romp in the manner of us Ms.
Airee?
Mate, you cannot possibly rate it so after one, solitary drive, unless it involved The Bottrop Pass or your chauffeur bore more than a passing similarity to a hirsute character from a Tolkein tome with little to no care for the parlous state of their licence.
You have my unmitigated assurance that it is truly intoxicating and yes, diametrically polar in delivery to the screamschleife c/o das V10.
It is absolutely not even remotely trying to dynamicise the romp in the manner of us Ms.
Airee?
Dunk, you need a dose of Bottorpinium, cunningly administered at such a time and in such a place as you can retain your liberty and I assure you, faith restoration is assured.
Things move on and the very latest o/burners do raise some awkward contemplations. Issues which evaporate quite demonstrably beyond about, well, you can imagine..
Trust me, I could be a doctor.
DeR, MSChnell, DipHimmel, LLbuglefuglestrasse.
Things move on and the very latest o/burners do raise some awkward contemplations. Issues which evaporate quite demonstrably beyond about, well, you can imagine..
Trust me, I could be a doctor.
DeR, MSChnell, DipHimmel, LLbuglefuglestrasse.
That sounds great, Al, I really admire the approach you're taking, it will a fabulous beast when it's done - what colour was it? If it's anything other than silver, I'd love my deatiling guy to spend 2 or 3 days with it (www.offyourmarks.com) a finishing touch to round off what sounds like a stunning semi restoration project.
Cannot wait to see this car!
Lancscum.
Cannot wait to see this car!
Lancscum.
Heroic schnelling can be a fickle mistress.
Been in the B5 all week, rolled out the M6 for it's Samedi workout.
Holy Toledo, it's fabulous in a completely different way: so solid, direct, underscored by a fabulous engine/exhaust bark and punctuatable via the blipfest of SMGness with which, once one is familiar, allows the uncorking of much playful merriment.
The uncomfortable reality is that the delivery - ito everything - peformance, involvement, comfort and refinement, does beg questions of the far less dynamic Alpina.
It's one of those realities, M-ness which, rather like forgetting the sublime attributes of a 911 helm, once reacquainted with, does present a rather stark contemplation.
How ever good I thought the B5 might have been over that moorland jaunt just now, in the merciless illumination of the M6's repertoire, it's basic understeeriness was suddenly an issue.
An issue prompting questions not unlike those being asked by our man, Von Dunkenspurter.
The lsd can't come soon enough, that's for sure. I should be better able to contain these doubts but the sheer brilliance of the other car is a brutal impediment to objective appraisal.
Been in the B5 all week, rolled out the M6 for it's Samedi workout.
Holy Toledo, it's fabulous in a completely different way: so solid, direct, underscored by a fabulous engine/exhaust bark and punctuatable via the blipfest of SMGness with which, once one is familiar, allows the uncorking of much playful merriment.
The uncomfortable reality is that the delivery - ito everything - peformance, involvement, comfort and refinement, does beg questions of the far less dynamic Alpina.
It's one of those realities, M-ness which, rather like forgetting the sublime attributes of a 911 helm, once reacquainted with, does present a rather stark contemplation.
How ever good I thought the B5 might have been over that moorland jaunt just now, in the merciless illumination of the M6's repertoire, it's basic understeeriness was suddenly an issue.
An issue prompting questions not unlike those being asked by our man, Von Dunkenspurter.
The lsd can't come soon enough, that's for sure. I should be better able to contain these doubts but the sheer brilliance of the other car is a brutal impediment to objective appraisal.
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