Match.com (Volume 6)
Discussion
Well, for those complaining about lack of success - at least on Bumble - get some decent photos. I know I look ok, but I also know that I'm as photogenic as Quasimodo - but I do have a couple of decent pics now.
I created the profile last night and by the end of the night had chatted online to 5 ladies. Mostly to Ally who made it clear she wants a date - will agree when later today.
I didn't really intend to date anybody yet, it's way too soon after the end of my last relationship. I only really joined up last night to see what it's like (and partly because my home internet wasn't working so I was bored!). But surprisingly I think Bumble suits me. If I get chatting to people on other sites I generally get a date if I want one - so a site where they start chatting to me, and I've already decided they're attractive seems to work.
I still don't think I'm ready to date - but I did enjoy the conversation last night and she definitely looks good in the pics so who knows.
I created the profile last night and by the end of the night had chatted online to 5 ladies. Mostly to Ally who made it clear she wants a date - will agree when later today.
I didn't really intend to date anybody yet, it's way too soon after the end of my last relationship. I only really joined up last night to see what it's like (and partly because my home internet wasn't working so I was bored!). But surprisingly I think Bumble suits me. If I get chatting to people on other sites I generally get a date if I want one - so a site where they start chatting to me, and I've already decided they're attractive seems to work.
I still don't think I'm ready to date - but I did enjoy the conversation last night and she definitely looks good in the pics so who knows.
Photos for blokes are often difficult I think. When I started scouring my phone it was all pictures with my ex, or with mates, or pulling what I thought was a smile but ended up being a scowl/gurn. And I hate having my photo taken.
I tried selfies that didn't work, in the end took photos of myself in the large mirror in the lounge from numerous different angles and settled on 3, including one where the dog attacked me mid picture session. Ladies seem to like that one!
Joined the apps just over a week ago, dates tonight, Fri & Sat, with another 3 decent messaging sessions going on, and a bunch of likes and meet me's that I haven't looked at yet. Not bragging, just saying it can work. Mind you they might all be mingers with personality disorders, I'll let you know.
My point? Keep the faith! Tweek your profile and your photos and be proactive. Oh and whilst there's nothing wrong with being picky (I am) don't go punching way above your weight!
But if the whole thing is pissing you off, have a break from it.
I tried selfies that didn't work, in the end took photos of myself in the large mirror in the lounge from numerous different angles and settled on 3, including one where the dog attacked me mid picture session. Ladies seem to like that one!
Joined the apps just over a week ago, dates tonight, Fri & Sat, with another 3 decent messaging sessions going on, and a bunch of likes and meet me's that I haven't looked at yet. Not bragging, just saying it can work. Mind you they might all be mingers with personality disorders, I'll let you know.
My point? Keep the faith! Tweek your profile and your photos and be proactive. Oh and whilst there's nothing wrong with being picky (I am) don't go punching way above your weight!
But if the whole thing is pissing you off, have a break from it.
CountZero23 said:
Thanks for all the feedback. I've updated my profile based on some of the feedback on here, probably inadvisably 
Updated the text (thanks Gretchen) to be more honest, polarising and after a couple of beers post date. Maybe too honest? Let me know!
hyphen - got rid of the photos you suggested apart from the one with my old housemate. See what you mean but only one of me smiling and fairly recent so will keep until I can find a better one. Got a decent phone with a camera recently and will keep on trying for some better shots!
https://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=14...
Sooo, date tonight wasn't exactly a disaster but fairly close. Looked slightly worse than her worst picture, after two pints she was looking a bit better but was essentially autistic and the opposite to me on pretty much every life metric.
Still, messaged back a match I'd got back up in Kent (Jac). Few years older (42 to my 38). Looks utterly stunning from photos through my last gf was 45 and rather enjoy the honesty and straightforwardness you get from slightly older women.
Gave her a call and ended up chatting for over an hour on the phone. Arranged a date for a Monday the 8th of May down in Brighton. Just got to book the day off work - has a couple of kids so need to work around that but sounds like a lovely lass.
Got to talking about online stuff, and like allot of attractive women on there - doesn't take it seriously and has a daft amount of 'Hi', 'Hi Gorgeous' messages every day. Put a bit of effort into your first message guys¬
As you can see I'm not the best looking guy out there and am certain better-looking guys have done worse due to crap lines.
Hold the phone, the fUpdated the text (thanks Gretchen) to be more honest, polarising and after a couple of beers post date. Maybe too honest? Let me know!
hyphen - got rid of the photos you suggested apart from the one with my old housemate. See what you mean but only one of me smiling and fairly recent so will keep until I can find a better one. Got a decent phone with a camera recently and will keep on trying for some better shots!
https://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=14...
Sooo, date tonight wasn't exactly a disaster but fairly close. Looked slightly worse than her worst picture, after two pints she was looking a bit better but was essentially autistic and the opposite to me on pretty much every life metric.
Still, messaged back a match I'd got back up in Kent (Jac). Few years older (42 to my 38). Looks utterly stunning from photos through my last gf was 45 and rather enjoy the honesty and straightforwardness you get from slightly older women.
Gave her a call and ended up chatting for over an hour on the phone. Arranged a date for a Monday the 8th of May down in Brighton. Just got to book the day off work - has a couple of kids so need to work around that but sounds like a lovely lass.
Got to talking about online stuff, and like allot of attractive women on there - doesn't take it seriously and has a daft amount of 'Hi', 'Hi Gorgeous' messages every day. Put a bit of effort into your first message guys¬
As you can see I'm not the best looking guy out there and am certain better-looking guys have done worse due to crap lines.
Edited by CountZero23 on Wednesday 27th March 00:44
king 8th of May.....this is nearly as confusing as to wtf a life metric is. hyphen said:
moanthebairns said:
Hold the phone, the fking 8th of May.....this is nearly as confusing as to wtf a life metric is.
king 8th of May.....this is nearly as confusing as to wtf a life metric is. Edit to add that was me having a wee look at your profile from Scotland
So I've recently started this online dating thing. Never done it before. Was kind of lucky that the girl I've been speaking to was my first swipe left. Looks like she had already swiped left on me as when I did it we matched. Strange as this all happened 60 mins after opening the account.
Been texting her through the app for past day. I wasn't getting much back from her at the start but she has started asking questions back now. I thought it was going to be one way traffic on my part, that would have been hard work! Anyway, we seem to have some large gaps between replies. Are girls generally like this response wise, are they pretty sporadic? Sometimes I reply after a couple of hours but am in work, she isn't apparently. TLDR do girls like to drag out conversations over text?
Been texting her through the app for past day. I wasn't getting much back from her at the start but she has started asking questions back now. I thought it was going to be one way traffic on my part, that would have been hard work! Anyway, we seem to have some large gaps between replies. Are girls generally like this response wise, are they pretty sporadic? Sometimes I reply after a couple of hours but am in work, she isn't apparently. TLDR do girls like to drag out conversations over text?
Talking to one of the girls at work, apparently plenty of women are working to a set of online dating rules, one of which is don't look too available/desperate/lonely ie. wait a bit before texting back.
Or she's talking to half a dozen people simultaneously, and you're queuing behind 5 before you get a reply
Or actually she's just doing stuff round the house and looking at her phone periodically. Naively I like to think the best of people and assume they're not playing games. I'm probably not built for this, and will just get spat out the other side an emotional wreck!
Or she's talking to half a dozen people simultaneously, and you're queuing behind 5 before you get a reply
Or actually she's just doing stuff round the house and looking at her phone periodically. Naively I like to think the best of people and assume they're not playing games. I'm probably not built for this, and will just get spat out the other side an emotional wreck!
Vyse said:
So I've recently started this online dating thing. Never done it before. Was kind of lucky that the girl I've been speaking to was my first swipe left. Looks like she had already swiped left on me as when I did it we matched. Strange as this all happened 60 mins after opening the account.
Been texting her through the app for past day. I wasn't getting much back from her at the start but she has started asking questions back now. I thought it was going to be one way traffic on my part, that would have been hard work! Anyway, we seem to have some large gaps between replies. Are girls generally like this response wise, are they pretty sporadic? Sometimes I reply after a couple of hours but am in work, she isn't apparently. TLDR do girls like to drag out conversations over text?
I think it varies - and I think that until they decide they're properly interested in you, they have better things to do - and maybe better people to chat to.Been texting her through the app for past day. I wasn't getting much back from her at the start but she has started asking questions back now. I thought it was going to be one way traffic on my part, that would have been hard work! Anyway, we seem to have some large gaps between replies. Are girls generally like this response wise, are they pretty sporadic? Sometimes I reply after a couple of hours but am in work, she isn't apparently. TLDR do girls like to drag out conversations over text?
The girl I started chatting to last night initially exchanged a couple of messages and then disappeared - my last message was answering how long I'd been single, and I assumed "a couple of weeks" was a red flag.
But then she appeared again a few hours later, and we chatted until midnight - and again today, and it will result in a date.
As long as it's two way, I wouldn't worry - she just needs to decide you're worth talking to and then it will probably be more regular - find something to say that gets her interest!
Vyse said:
So I've recently started this online dating thing. Never done it before. Was kind of lucky that the girl I've been speaking to was my first swipe left. Looks like she had already swiped left on me as when I did it we matched. Strange as this all happened 60 mins after opening the account.
Been texting her through the app for past day. I wasn't getting much back from her at the start but she has started asking questions back now. I thought it was going to be one way traffic on my part, that would have been hard work! Anyway, we seem to have some large gaps between replies. Are girls generally like this response wise, are they pretty sporadic? Sometimes I reply after a couple of hours but am in work, she isn't apparently. TLDR do girls like to drag out conversations over text?
I've been out of the game for quite some considerable time (7 years), however I doubt it has changed much - in fact, with the advent of Tinder, it has become much more magnified. 2 female friends of mine a year or two ago were both on Tinder (one met someone on Tinder, the other is still looking).Been texting her through the app for past day. I wasn't getting much back from her at the start but she has started asking questions back now. I thought it was going to be one way traffic on my part, that would have been hard work! Anyway, we seem to have some large gaps between replies. Are girls generally like this response wise, are they pretty sporadic? Sometimes I reply after a couple of hours but am in work, she isn't apparently. TLDR do girls like to drag out conversations over text?
Late 20s friend: 900 matches (300 from whom, she received at least 1 message)
Early 40s friend: 300 matches
If you are female and are vaguely attractive, you will barely have time to swipe left / right due to the infux of messages.
Societal norms become warped in the internet dating sphere - even back when I delved into dating websites (pre-Tinder), I would say a high % of people would 'disappear' i.e. ghost you. All of a sudden, communication would cease. No replies, no nothing.
Internet dating never really worked out for me. I met my partner (and previous partners) on Gumtree (or equivalent - met one on the Chinese equivalent in my local Chinese city when I was living in China for 6 months). That said, a few general tips:
- do not fall for a profile
- keep messages short until you meet
- first-date is only for assessing whether to exercise '15 minute rule' i.e. whether you want to spend more than 15 minutes with them, or immediately cut to "Thanks, but no thanks" - if profile picture is dramatically different and/or they display odd behaviour then cut your losses and walk.
- second-date is the real first-date
- no matter how well things are progressing, keep your options open
- trust your spider-senses i.e. if you are receiving bad vibes / red-flags, walk away
Am pretty bad at small talk, that I can admit. We've chatted about our backgrounds a little. But not sure what else I can ask her, any tips. She text me last night but I didn't reply back as it was late. It's almost like she is mirroring the times it takes me to reply.
davek_964 said:
I think it varies - and I think that until they decide they're properly interested in you, they have better things to do - and maybe better people to chat to.
The girl I started chatting to last night initially exchanged a couple of messages and then disappeared - my last message was answering how long I'd been single, and I assumed "a couple of weeks" was a red flag.
But then she appeared again a few hours later, and we chatted until midnight - and again today, and it will result in a date.
As long as it's two way, I wouldn't worry - she just needs to decide you're worth talking to and then it will probably be more regular - find something to say that gets her interest!
The girl I started chatting to last night initially exchanged a couple of messages and then disappeared - my last message was answering how long I'd been single, and I assumed "a couple of weeks" was a red flag.
But then she appeared again a few hours later, and we chatted until midnight - and again today, and it will result in a date.
As long as it's two way, I wouldn't worry - she just needs to decide you're worth talking to and then it will probably be more regular - find something to say that gets her interest!
Vyse said:
Am pretty bad at small talk, that I can admit. We've chatted about our backgrounds a little. But not sure what else I can ask her, any tips. She text me last night but I didn't reply back as it was late. It's almost like she is mirroring the times it takes me to reply.
Seen anything good on netflix......Have you watched abducted in plain site......I know wtf. I knoooooow.davek_964 said:
I think it varies - and I think that until they decide they're properly interested in you, they have better things to do - and maybe better people to chat to.
The girl I started chatting to last night initially exchanged a couple of messages and then disappeared - my last message was answering how long I'd been single, and I assumed "a couple of weeks" was a red flag.
But then she appeared again a few hours later, and we chatted until midnight - and again today, and it will result in a date.
As long as it's two way, I wouldn't worry - she just needs to decide you're worth talking to and then it will probably be more regular - find something to say that gets her interest!
The girl I started chatting to last night initially exchanged a couple of messages and then disappeared - my last message was answering how long I'd been single, and I assumed "a couple of weeks" was a red flag.
But then she appeared again a few hours later, and we chatted until midnight - and again today, and it will result in a date.
As long as it's two way, I wouldn't worry - she just needs to decide you're worth talking to and then it will probably be more regular - find something to say that gets her interest!
insert various other series/seasons, ask what she's watching, what did she think of it would she recommend it. Could you not watch one on the back of this, one she likes and chat to her about it.
Whats your favourite movie, music, holidays. Places you like going. It's kinda the same as meeting someone in a pub isn't it? I dunno I'm just trying to help.
Vyse said:
Am pretty bad at small talk, that I can admit. We've chatted about our backgrounds a little. But not sure what else I can ask her, any tips.
Don't ask questions.Seriously. I ask a bare minimum because it just gets into a tennis situation, back and forth. Functional but not much else. Unless it's a deal breaker as to whether you want to meet or not e.g. height, kids or whatever I'd forget the interview stuff and just let it flow. It'll all come out anyway.
You like the look of her, she likes the look of you. Whether she's been in her job 5 years or 10, or prefers swimming to running doesn't matter. At all. The conversation (imo) should be light hearted, fun, cheeky... it's about selling yourself (as in being a normal human being capable of banter/chat/smalltalk) rather than going all forensic on her.
I had one do the while interview question routine with me and it was pretty off-putting. She was also the one that cut me zero slack for not messaging the week my dad died so I think my senses were right.
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