Sad day at work yesterday
Discussion
A friend was telling me about one of her team members who committed suicide straight after she gave him an appraisal he was disappointed by. Apparently the appraisal wasn't 'look for another job' bad, but based on my friends boss's opinion more than hers he was advised to forget about promotion. That was on the Friday, he seemed disproportionately upset, and didn't come in on Monday.
Bad idea to give that kind of news on Friday IMHO, people brood over the weekend and stress out about Monday morning.
Bad idea to give that kind of news on Friday IMHO, people brood over the weekend and stress out about Monday morning.
Dr Jekyll said:
A friend was telling me about one of her team members who committed suicide straight after she gave him an appraisal he was disappointed by. Apparently the appraisal wasn't 'look for another job' bad, but based on my friends boss's opinion more than hers he was advised to forget about promotion. That was on the Friday, he seemed disproportionately upset, and didn't come in on Monday.
Bad idea to give that kind of news on Friday IMHO, people brood over the weekend and stress out about Monday morning.
No need to make an excuse he probably did it for many other reasons. To top yourself after an appraisal is unlikely unless you’re otherwise disturbed Bad idea to give that kind of news on Friday IMHO, people brood over the weekend and stress out about Monday morning.
In a previous job, I worked with a guy who was huge. I mean massive; he must have been well north of 25 stone, and heavily built. People tell me I have big hands but his were like bear paws. He was about late 40s, smoked, don't know whether he drank. Apparently divorced but had kids. He lived on his own and it was said that he was quite distant from his family. Amiable sort of guy, you could take him to task over non-delivery of tasks and he would suck it all up and explain how he was going to sort it.
Anyway, he didn't turn in one Monday. His boss called him but got no answer. Left it til the Tuesday and tried again, still no answer. After a few more days asking around the office, his boss decided to call in on him on his way home. Car on the drive but couldn't get an answer at the door so eventually called the police and they put the door in.
Turned out he'd been dead since (estimated) the previous weekend. The poor guy from work who called the police went in there to ID him, said it was a rather grim scene.
Seems incredible that someone can lay in their house dead for several days without anyone realising, but I guess that's the reality of a single, somewhat estranged life.
Sorry you're having a hard time over this, OP.
Anyway, he didn't turn in one Monday. His boss called him but got no answer. Left it til the Tuesday and tried again, still no answer. After a few more days asking around the office, his boss decided to call in on him on his way home. Car on the drive but couldn't get an answer at the door so eventually called the police and they put the door in.
Turned out he'd been dead since (estimated) the previous weekend. The poor guy from work who called the police went in there to ID him, said it was a rather grim scene.
Seems incredible that someone can lay in their house dead for several days without anyone realising, but I guess that's the reality of a single, somewhat estranged life.
Sorry you're having a hard time over this, OP.
Geoffrey 321 said:
OP, reading your posts on this thread you come across as a caring and decent chap 
Thank you.Its Rob's funeral Thursday next week.
I was checking my phone for a photo only 5 minutes ago and the first one on the screen was of Rob's head popping up over the top of his monitor.
Made me smile. Shall miss him.
The feedback we had was that the Autopsy was inconclusive and that they are waiting for toxicology results?
His desk is still untouched which is now a little 'incorrect' in my eyes.
It no-longer affects me and had become less so over the days and I moved desk this morning. However, there are quite a few personal items that should be packed up and returned to his family.
I've had this before. The project manager on our big company project, been with us for years, great guy, loved all round, do anything for anyone etc.
Left work on may bank holiday 2013, happy as you like, he was off out that night to a posh steakhouse (he wasn't a poor man). Dropped head with a heart attack sunday night...
In we all com on tuesday, and my boss always gets in before me. I sat down to do the usual conversation and I could tell something was wrong as he told me roll a fag (we both smoke). Why? JUST ROLL A FAG. Turns out only he knew as the PM's sister had called his number knowing who he was, so had to break the news to everyone. The whole project team were home by mid morning and I just sort of sat there all day being very sad.
Then at the funeral we all rock up feeling very out of place and his bloody sister strolls up to us and asks when the final invoice would be paid as it formed part of the estate, they hadn't even turned the crematorium oven on yet! How our director whi had been in tears since the news broke didn't knock her to the floor I don't know.
Now, every year the 3 of us who are still at the company go to the pub on the same tuesday lunchtime and have a guinness, with one sat on the table 'for Mike' (which gets very odd looks as we then finish up and leave with it still sat there...)
It gets easier, don't worry. Now we imagine him up there shouting in disbelief at how things are run now, frequently asking ourselves 'what would mike do' when something needs sorting and generally sorting it. The man taught me a lot, taught my boss even more, he is now a business analyst and I'm a trainee software tester. Mike plucked both of us from the CS team way back when because we had common sense and looked like we knew what we were doing and the rest is history
Left work on may bank holiday 2013, happy as you like, he was off out that night to a posh steakhouse (he wasn't a poor man). Dropped head with a heart attack sunday night...
In we all com on tuesday, and my boss always gets in before me. I sat down to do the usual conversation and I could tell something was wrong as he told me roll a fag (we both smoke). Why? JUST ROLL A FAG. Turns out only he knew as the PM's sister had called his number knowing who he was, so had to break the news to everyone. The whole project team were home by mid morning and I just sort of sat there all day being very sad.
Then at the funeral we all rock up feeling very out of place and his bloody sister strolls up to us and asks when the final invoice would be paid as it formed part of the estate, they hadn't even turned the crematorium oven on yet! How our director whi had been in tears since the news broke didn't knock her to the floor I don't know.
Now, every year the 3 of us who are still at the company go to the pub on the same tuesday lunchtime and have a guinness, with one sat on the table 'for Mike' (which gets very odd looks as we then finish up and leave with it still sat there...)
It gets easier, don't worry. Now we imagine him up there shouting in disbelief at how things are run now, frequently asking ourselves 'what would mike do' when something needs sorting and generally sorting it. The man taught me a lot, taught my boss even more, he is now a business analyst and I'm a trainee software tester. Mike plucked both of us from the CS team way back when because we had common sense and looked like we knew what we were doing and the rest is history
OP you sound like a good guy.
It's a strange thing dealing with things like this. We had a custody Sgt that didn't turn up to work one night about 7 years ago. A really great guy, a mountain of a bloke that looked after me when I first started in the police and I was bringing in awkward customers. Always friendly, always gave us a brew when we were in the cells, always looked out for us and had a good laugh with the prisoners. An absolute pleasure to be around at work.
One evening he didn't turn up for nights and people got worried, we were sent around to knock his door but got no answer. Looked through the letter box and saw him laying on the floor. Hoofed the door in and he was dead, he'd had stomach ulcers that had burst caused by being a raging alcoholic. No one knew but after his wife left him he turned to the drink. Horrific, absolutely broke me at the time as I really looked up to him. I was gutted he felt he couldn't tell anyone about his addiction. Big tough guy though so probably felt he couldn't.
A good friend died about 18 months ago leaving 2 kids and a wife behind. Still upsets me now as we did a lot together over the years and it's still hard accepting that he's gone. His funeral absolutely broke me, I miss him loads.
I've seen a lot of death over the years, really brutal stuff that's never caused me any bother but as soon as I can relate to that person....boom.
It's a strange thing dealing with things like this. We had a custody Sgt that didn't turn up to work one night about 7 years ago. A really great guy, a mountain of a bloke that looked after me when I first started in the police and I was bringing in awkward customers. Always friendly, always gave us a brew when we were in the cells, always looked out for us and had a good laugh with the prisoners. An absolute pleasure to be around at work.
One evening he didn't turn up for nights and people got worried, we were sent around to knock his door but got no answer. Looked through the letter box and saw him laying on the floor. Hoofed the door in and he was dead, he'd had stomach ulcers that had burst caused by being a raging alcoholic. No one knew but after his wife left him he turned to the drink. Horrific, absolutely broke me at the time as I really looked up to him. I was gutted he felt he couldn't tell anyone about his addiction. Big tough guy though so probably felt he couldn't.
A good friend died about 18 months ago leaving 2 kids and a wife behind. Still upsets me now as we did a lot together over the years and it's still hard accepting that he's gone. His funeral absolutely broke me, I miss him loads.
I've seen a lot of death over the years, really brutal stuff that's never caused me any bother but as soon as I can relate to that person....boom.
Going through some documents at work last week and found a slip of paper mixed in with them.
It was a short list of jokes Rob had told the week before he died.
All really stupid ones like;
'How do you through Welsh cheese?'
.......................................................................................Carefully.
'Man through a block of butter at me in the supermarket today'
.......................................................................................How dare he.
etc., etc.
The latest I heard on what had happened was that his parents found him in the bath.
I recall him saying that he had Epilepsy.
I've not heard the official cause but assume he drowned.
How sad for the parents.
My daughter has Epilepsy which is why there are only showers in our home.
It was a short list of jokes Rob had told the week before he died.
All really stupid ones like;
'How do you through Welsh cheese?'
.......................................................................................Carefully.
'Man through a block of butter at me in the supermarket today'
.......................................................................................How dare he.
etc., etc.
The latest I heard on what had happened was that his parents found him in the bath.
I recall him saying that he had Epilepsy.
I've not heard the official cause but assume he drowned.
How sad for the parents.
My daughter has Epilepsy which is why there are only showers in our home.
certain irony in this thread that some of the posters negative attitudes towards the idea of counselling for OP and other affected people are the same sorts of attitudes that contribute in some way to male suicide rates in the first place. "pull yerself together lad", "boys don't cry" etc.
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