Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)
Discussion
littleowl said:
Teddy Lop said:
Abbott said:
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Fastchas said:
Nicknames for work colleagues;
"Wheelbarrow” - only works when pushed
"Wicket keeper" - puts on gloves and stands back
"Sensor light" - only works if someone walks past
"Blister" - appears when the hard work is done
"Seaweed" - floats around all day and stinks
"Lantern" - not very bright, and has to be carried
"Deck chair" - always folds under pressure
"G-spot" - you can never find him
"2-stroke" - hard to get started, and always smokes
Anyone got any more?
"Wheelbarrow” - only works when pushed
"Wicket keeper" - puts on gloves and stands back
"Sensor light" - only works if someone walks past
"Blister" - appears when the hard work is done
"Seaweed" - floats around all day and stinks
"Lantern" - not very bright, and has to be carried
"Deck chair" - always folds under pressure
"G-spot" - you can never find him
"2-stroke" - hard to get started, and always smokes
Anyone got any more?
Some good ones in there.
Definitely worked with a few "Wicket keepers"
'Salmon day' - work hard all day just to find yourself in the same place as when you started
'Captain creosote' - sits on the fence about everything
t" - Only works the three middle days of the weekCaptain f
kFlaps - a most inefficient manager.The Time Burglar - someone who would waste your time talking crap when you were trying to get on with stuff.
Sir Bob - (as in Geldof). A bloke who didn't want to work on Mondays.
Sid the Sloth - accurate, as he resembled the Ice Age character in appearance & had the same worth ethic as an actual sloth.
Bungee-Knickers - a rather promiscuious young lady. Also known as 'Margarine Legs', ie: spreads easily.
An Arab sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, he had a very rare blood type and the local blood bank had none, some was required in case he needed it during the operation.
As the sheikh had a rare type of blood, and couldn't be found locally, a call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and a cheque for £100,000.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you'd be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money...but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins!
As the sheikh had a rare type of blood, and couldn't be found locally, a call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and a cheque for £100,000.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you'd be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money...but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins!
URGENT: looking for reliable tenants for a beautiful building with office on ground floor and a recently decorated flat above.
Having real issues with this property, last two tenants left before their fixed term ended, police always at the door, current tenants constantly hosting parties.
Can offer fixed term tenancy of 4 years, any interest let me know, RENT IS NEGOTIABLE the address is:
10 Downing Street
Having real issues with this property, last two tenants left before their fixed term ended, police always at the door, current tenants constantly hosting parties.
Can offer fixed term tenancy of 4 years, any interest let me know, RENT IS NEGOTIABLE the address is:
10 Downing Street
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