Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 10ish)

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AstonZagato

11,897 posts

200 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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littleowl said:
Teddy Lop said:
Abbott said:
nc107 said:
Onelastattempt said:
Pixelpeep 135 said:
Blatter said:
Fastchas said:
Nicknames for work colleagues;

"Wheelbarrow” - only works when pushed
"Wicket keeper" - puts on gloves and stands back
"Sensor light" - only works if someone walks past
"Blister" - appears when the hard work is done
"Seaweed" - floats around all day and stinks
"Lantern" - not very bright, and has to be carried
"Deck chair" - always folds under pressure
"G-spot" - you can never find him
"2-stroke" - hard to get started, and always smokes

Anyone got any more?
biggrinbiggrinbiggrin

Some good ones in there.

Definitely worked with a few "Wicket keepers"
'seagull manager' - flies in, craps over everything and flies off.
'Salmon day' - work hard all day just to find yourself in the same place as when you started
'Captain creosote' - sits on the fence about everything
'Helicopter ' - hovers around all day.
Brad, short for bradawl - small boring tool
"tt" - Only works the three middle days of the week
"Amstrad" - brain like a computer - you have to punch information in.
Alison Moyet - a boss we never saw : 'Invsible'
Captain fkFlaps - a most inefficient manager.
The Time Burglar - someone who would waste your time talking crap when you were trying to get on with stuff.
Sir Bob - (as in Geldof). A bloke who didn't want to work on Mondays.
Sid the Sloth - accurate, as he resembled the Ice Age character in appearance & had the same worth ethic as an actual sloth.
Bungee-Knickers - a rather promiscuious young lady. Also known as 'Margarine Legs', ie: spreads easily.
There is someone in the automotive PR industry called Wayne Bruce. His nickname is Manbat.

vaud

47,834 posts

145 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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AstonZagato said:
There is someone in the automotive PR industry called Wayne Bruce. His nickname is Manbat.


I thought you were joking but...

anonymous-user

44 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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vaud said:
AstonZagato said:
There is someone in the automotive PR industry called Wayne Bruce. His nickname is Manbat.


I thought you were joking but...
Wayne Bruce the 3rd ? Either he’s American or he’s Royalty.

vaud

47,834 posts

145 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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V6 Pushfit said:
Wayne Bruce the 3rd ? Either he’s American or he’s Royalty.
3rd indicates that he isn't a direct or secondary contact from my linkedin connections.

anonymous-user

44 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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vaud said:
V6 Pushfit said:
Wayne Bruce the 3rd ? Either he’s American or he’s Royalty.
3rd indicates that he isn't a direct or secondary contact from my linkedin connections.
Don’t ruin it.

He looks like an American.

vaud

47,834 posts

145 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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"Brad, short for bradawl - small boring tool"

Love this one.

Jasandjules

68,884 posts

219 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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We used to call a guy POD> Profit of Doom.

glenrobbo

33,127 posts

140 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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Jasandjules said:
We used to call a guy POD> Profit of Doom.
Do you mean like the Wages of Sin? biggrin

Jasandjules

68,884 posts

219 months

Friday 4th February 2022
quotequote all
glenrobbo said:
Jasandjules said:
We used to call a guy POD> Profit of Doom.
Do you mean like the Wages of Sin? biggrin
Sadly nothing so interesting.

Doofus

24,183 posts

163 months

Friday 4th February 2022
quotequote all
Jasandjules said:
glenrobbo said:
Jasandjules said:
We used to call a guy POD> Profit of Doom.
Do you mean like the Wages of Sin? biggrin
Sadly nothing so interesting.
Prophet?

Jasandjules

68,884 posts

219 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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Doofus said:
Prophet?
Well, insofar as he predicted everything would fail, go wrong etc then yes I suppose.... I should add this was in a bank so it was "funny" to write "Profit" of Doom in messages etc....

sly fox

2,122 posts

209 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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Mastiff said:
Deserved a clap
Am sure that was a Dave Allen joke? Superb nonetheless.

silverfoxcc

7,478 posts

135 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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We called our bosss's boss The Angel of Death

Her only came into our main office when someone had died. As soon as he walked in the door we did a head count on who wasn't at their desk

Vipers

31,855 posts

218 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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An Arab sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, he had a very rare blood type and the local blood bank had none, some was required in case he needed it during the operation.

As the sheikh had a rare type of blood, and couldn't be found locally, a call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and a cheque for £100,000.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you'd be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money...but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins!

Ultra Sound Guy

28,510 posts

184 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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URGENT: looking for reliable tenants for a beautiful building with office on ground floor and a recently decorated flat above.
Having real issues with this property, last two tenants left before their fixed term ended, police always at the door, current tenants constantly hosting parties.
Can offer fixed term tenancy of 4 years, any interest let me know, RENT IS NEGOTIABLE the address is:
10 Downing Street

Trenchard

303 posts

18 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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Trenchard

303 posts

18 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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Archaeologists have finally unearthed documents that verify who led the Pedants Revolt in 1381...

Which Tyler.

Edited by Trenchard on Friday 4th February 20:32

motco

15,248 posts

236 months

Friday 4th February 2022
quotequote all
Whom Tyler surely?

Caddyshack

8,373 posts

196 months

Friday 4th February 2022
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Trenchard said:
Archaeologists have finally unearhed documents that verify who led the Pedants Revolt in 1381...

Which Tyler.
Unearhed?

Doofus

24,183 posts

163 months

Friday 4th February 2022
quotequote all
Caddyshack said:
Trenchard said:
Archaeologists have finally unearhed documents that verify who led the Pedants Revolt in 1381...

Which Tyler.
Unearhed?
Wat?
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