Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)
Discussion
Master Of Puppets said:
When Admiral Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue in London is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.
Pedantry corner: Nelson was apparently 5 ft 7 in (67") tall. His column in Trafalgar Square is 169 ft 3 in or 2031".
So that's Horatio of 30.3134328358 to 1. Approximately.
Pitre said:
Master Of Puppets said:
When Admiral Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue in London is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.
Pedantry corner: Nelson was apparently 5 ft 7 in (67") tall. His column in Trafalgar Square is 169 ft 3 in or 2031".
So that's Horatio of 30.3134328358 to 1. Approximately.
- so roughly 6 ft tall, vs roughly 18 feet tall = ...?MarkwG said:
Pitre said:
Master Of Puppets said:
When Admiral Lord Nelson died he was 5 feet tall. His statue in London is 15 feet tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.
Pedantry corner: Nelson was apparently 5 ft 7 in (67") tall. His column in Trafalgar Square is 169 ft 3 in or 2031".
So that's Horatio of 30.3134328358 to 1. Approximately.
- so roughly 6 ft tall, vs roughly 18 feet tall = ...?
LordGrover said:
StevieBee said:
Anyone see Dragons Den the other night? There was this bloke who'd invented an Air Freshener that's controlled by the power of thought!
Sounds daft but makes sense when you think about it.
Sounds daft but makes sense when you think about it.
That's proper dedication and commitment.
Edited by glenrobbo on Thursday 16th March 12:31
A hopeful chap joined an online dating site. He was dismayed to find himself kicked out of it within minutes of
completing his profile. He couldn't understand it. He'd answered all the questions with great care and was as truthful as he could possibly be.
When asked to describe the kind of partner he'd like best, he simply wrote, 'I like striking women.'
completing his profile. He couldn't understand it. He'd answered all the questions with great care and was as truthful as he could possibly be.
When asked to describe the kind of partner he'd like best, he simply wrote, 'I like striking women.'
Jonquil said:
Master Of Puppets said:
Say what you like about the NHS, but at least they removed that mole from my arse. Unlike the RSPCA who said they'd prosecute me if I did it again.
Shades of Ragot, the legendary rocket powered hamster.One of the stories about Raggot :
Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
rayny said:
One of the stories about Raggot :
Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
And what of poor Raggot? Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
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