Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[LordGrover]

Blib said:

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore, looking like an idiot.

[havoc]

LordGrover said:

Blib said:

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore, looking like an idiot.

[Pixelpeep Electric]

went to a very expensive cannibal restaurant last night - it was £50 a head!

[Pixelpeep Electric]

1st woman: Stop it, you know i'm straight.
2nd woman: Yes, but so is spaghetti until it gets wet.

[808 Estate]

[leigh1050]

808 Estate said:

That isn't a joke! It's true!

[Master Of Puppets]

Pulled a cracking bird the other night and when we got back to her place she revealed she was a virgin and wanted her first time to be magical, so I shagged her and then disappeared.

[Wacky Racer]

Master Of Puppets said:

Pulled a cracking bird the other night and when we got back to her place she revealed she was a virgin and wanted her first time to be magical, so I shagged her and then disappeared.

[andym1603]

808 Estate said:

Looks like an advert for the Met.

[Ponpiman]

One for the folk in Alabama

How do you know when your sister is on her period?

When your dad's willy tastes like blood

I'll ban myself

[silverfoxcc]

My friend Iain has just come back from the opticians. they told him he has one eye bigger than the ither

Edited by silverfoxcc on Saturday 25th March 07:46

[Nigel_O]

silverfoxcc said:

My fruend Iain has just come back from the opticians. they told him he has one eye bigger than the ither

He’s also missing one and got an extra one… ;-)

[silverfoxcc]

nigel, apparently you do not know that ither is scots for other..... but thanks for pointing it out

[Nigel_O]

silverfoxcc said:

nigel, apparently you do not know that ither is scots for other..... but thanks for pointing it out

No problem - all part of the service…. ;-) Had to check you weren’t setting me up for a whoosh parrot, but you’re absolutely right. Every day’s a school day!

[Dr Interceptor]

Ponpiman said:

One for the folk in Alabama

How do you know when your sister is on her period?

When your dad's willy tastes like blood

I'll ban myself

[ArmaghMan]

Ponpiman said:

One for the folk in Alabama

How do you know when your sister is on her period?

When your dad's willy tastes like blood

I'll ban myself

As they say in Alabama

You can divorce me if you want but you'll always be my sister

[Voldemort]

I first read the 'sister' joke in a rag mag that also contained this jem:


How do you castrate an Italian?

Kick his brother in the back of the head.

[Morningside]

Pixelpeep Electric said:

went to a very expensive cannibal restaurant last night - it was £50 a head!

Tell me about it, cost an arm and a leg!

[lord trumpton]

Ponpiman said:

One for the folk in Alabama

How do you know when your sister is on her period?

When your dad's willy tastes like blood

I'll ban myself

That's just vulgar mate - not in the slightest bit funny.

[john2443]

Last year I joined a support group for anti-social people.

We haven't met yet.