Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Roofless Toothless]

PomBstard said:

Stealthracer said:

thegreenhell said:

DoctorX said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.

Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.

That's going to get you nowhere man.

On the contrary, I think I need that in my life.

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Did you hear about Sir Lancelot? He was a tough old bird, never beaten in the jousts. But one day the inevitable happened and he was knocked off his horse and ended up unconscious on the grass. He was a hard dazed knight.

[paua]

Roofless Toothless said:

PomBstard said:

Stealthracer said:

thegreenhell said:

DoctorX said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.

Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.

That's going to get you nowhere man.

On the contrary, I think I need that in my life.

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Did you hear about Sir Lancelot? He was a tough old bird, never beaten in the jousts. But one day the inevitable happened and he was knocked off his horse and ended up unconscious on the grass. He was a hard dazed knight.

Time to get a train home - it'll be the One after 9. 09

[Countdown]

Earth, Wind & Fire are an American band whose music spans the genres of jazz, R&B, soul, funk, disco, pop, Latin, and Afro-popThey are among the best-selling bands of all time, with sales of over 90 million records worldwide.

A little-know fact about them is that their stage costumes were so expensive that they had to take out a special insurance policy to cover them. It was known as "Earth, Wind, Fire and Theft".

[Ultra Sound Guy]

paua said:

Roofless Toothless said:

PomBstard said:

Stealthracer said:

thegreenhell said:

DoctorX said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.

Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.

That's going to get you nowhere man.

On the contrary, I think I need that in my life.

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Did you hear about Sir Lancelot? He was a tough old bird, never beaten in the jousts. But one day the inevitable happened and he was knocked off his horse and ended up unconscious on the grass. He was a hard dazed knight.

Time to get a train home - it'll be the One after 9. 09

I’m driving home down a ‘B’ road!

[paua]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

paua said:

Roofless Toothless said:

PomBstard said:

Stealthracer said:

thegreenhell said:

DoctorX said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.

Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.

That's going to get you nowhere man.

On the contrary, I think I need that in my life.

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Did you hear about Sir Lancelot? He was a tough old bird, never beaten in the jousts. But one day the inevitable happened and he was knocked off his horse and ended up unconscious on the grass. He was a hard dazed knight.

Time to get a train home - it'll be the One after 9. 09

I’m driving home down a ‘B’ road!

It'll be a long & winding road, Iroc man.

[CanAm]

PomBstard said:

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Borderline.

[Rayny]

CanAm said:

PomBstard said:

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Borderline.

That wasn't The Beatles, it was Madonna,

[LimmerickLad]

Rayny said:

That wasn't The Beatles, it was Madonna,

I've never liked him since he did that handball in the1986 World cup.

[Catweazle]

Rayny said:

CanAm said:

PomBstard said:

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Borderline.

That wasn't The Beatles, it was Madonna,

The lady Madonna?

[TriumphStag3.0V8]

paua said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

paua said:

Roofless Toothless said:

PomBstard said:

Stealthracer said:

thegreenhell said:

DoctorX said:

Ultra Sound Guy said:

Read a book last night on how to end sentences with Beatles song titles.

That's two hours of my life I won't get back.

Yeah, I read that Yesterday. Now I need Help.

That's going to get you nowhere man.

On the contrary, I think I need that in my life.

Yeah, I read that whilst cross-country skiing, like a Norwegian would…

Did you hear about Sir Lancelot? He was a tough old bird, never beaten in the jousts. But one day the inevitable happened and he was knocked off his horse and ended up unconscious on the grass. He was a hard dazed knight.

Time to get a train home - it'll be the One after 9. 09

I’m driving home down a ‘B’ road!

It'll be a long & winding road, Iroc man.

I read that whilst walking down Penny Lane

[Super Sonic]

paua said:

Time to get a train home - it'll be the One after 9. 09

Last train to London?

[Super Sonic]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

I’m driving home down a ‘B’ road!

The road to hell?

[Rayny]

LimmerickLad said:

Rayny said:

That wasn't The Beatles, it was Madonna,

I've never liked him since he did that handball in the1986 World cup.

If you can remember that, then you are due for a username update to LimmerickOldGeezer...

[LimmerickLad]

Rayny said:

LimmerickLad said:

Rayny said:

That wasn't The Beatles, it was Madonna,

I've never liked him since he did that handball in the1986 World cup.

If you can remember that, then you are due for a username update to LimmerickOldGeezer...

[Skyedriver]

Catweazle said:

The lady Madonna?

No, the fallen one with the big boobies
(Hello Hello)

[tvrolet]

Skyedriver said:

Catweazle said:

The lady Madonna?

No, the fallen one with the big boobies
(Hello Hello)

To keep the Beatles theme going, shouldn’t that be Hello Goodbye?

…or do you mean ‘allo ‘allo?

[WrekinCrew]

I'll attempt a hat-trick:

A diesel tanker has overturned on the Snake Pass. Police have warned motorcyclists to watch out for (all together now) the fuel on the hill.

The End.

[Laurel Green]

[GeneralBanter]

WrekinCrew said:

I'll attempt a hat-trick:

A diesel tanker has overturned on the Snake Pass. Police have warned motorcyclists to watch out for (all together now) the fuel on the hill.

The End.

An elephant has done a ton on the M1. Motorists are advised to treat it as a roundabout.

etc

[Rayny]

Laurel Green said: