Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

Author
Discussion

Rayny

1,500 posts

211 months

Thursday 5th December 2024
quotequote all
vaud said:
My sewing instructor said that I’m the worst student she has ever seen…
..Oops. Wrong thread!
I think that she was just needling you...

vaud

53,185 posts

165 months

Thursday 5th December 2024
quotequote all
Rayny said:
vaud said:
My sewing instructor said that I’m the worst student she has ever seen…
..Oops. Wrong thread!
I think that she was just needling you...
Thanks for being straight to the point.

GloverMart

12,502 posts

225 months

Thursday 5th December 2024
quotequote all
vaud said:
Rayny said:
vaud said:
My sewing instructor said that I’m the worst student she has ever seen…
..Oops. Wrong thread!
I think that she was just needling you...
Thanks for being straight to the point.
The OP has been stitched up.

Hol

8,885 posts

210 months

Thursday 5th December 2024
quotequote all

Legacywr

13,009 posts

198 months

Thursday 5th December 2024
quotequote all
GloverMart said:
vaud said:
Rayny said:
vaud said:
My sewing instructor said that I’m the worst student she has ever seen…
..Oops. Wrong thread!
I think that she was just needling you...
Thanks for being straight to the point.
The OP has been stitched up.
I see a pattern forming…

daqinggregg

3,727 posts

139 months

Friday 6th December 2024
quotequote all
Hol said:
I'm going to join you in hell.

daqinggregg

3,727 posts

139 months

Friday 6th December 2024
quotequote all
A redneck with three sons, remarries.

The boys have never had a step mother before. So they spend 19 hours researching pornhub, to learn how step mother/son relationships work.

When their father goes to work the next day, the first son ‘Ryan’ starts frantically pleasuring himself, with his bedroom door wide open. His new mother sees him, screams, and runs away. He chases after her yelling: "You're making this weird!"

She runs into the kitchen, where the second son ‘Noah’ is installing a new sink, he stands up just as she enters, and rips off his overalls. The step mom screams and runs out, now having two of the boys chasing her.

Then the door bell rings, there is the third son Isaac, holding a pizza box, “you’ve guessed the rest.” The mother runs again, and manages to fight off all the boys, trapping them in the bathroom.

When the dad gets home, he asks his new wife ‘Crystal’how her day was? She says: "Terrible, I had to beat off all your sons!". He pauses, and asks in a confused voice: "All three of them broke their arms? How thoughtful of you!”


Skyedriver

19,618 posts

292 months

Friday 6th December 2024
quotequote all
Master Of Puppets said:
In the train toilet yesterday when some bloke knocked on the door.

He said, "Can I see your ticket please?"

"Not right now" I shouted, "I'm having a ste!"

He said, "I don't believe you, can you pass it under the door?"

"No problem" I said, sliding it under, "The yellow bits are sweetcorn."
deserves a requote

Bubbas Grill

298 posts

39 months

Friday 6th December 2024
quotequote all

Skyedriver

19,618 posts

292 months

Friday 6th December 2024
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Bubbas Grill said:
Hell is that way, second door on the left, just follow the signs..

Frimley111R

16,290 posts

244 months

Friday 6th December 2024
quotequote all
Skyedriver said:
Bubbas Grill said:
Hell is that way, second door on the left, just follow the signs..
hehe

Bubbas Grill

298 posts

39 months

Friday 6th December 2024
quotequote all
Frimley111R said:
Skyedriver said:
Bubbas Grill said:
Hell is that way, second door on the left, just follow the signs..
hehe
Noted. hehe

Laurel Green

30,888 posts

242 months

Friday 6th December 2024
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MartG

21,447 posts

214 months

Saturday 7th December 2024
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Vipers

33,175 posts

238 months

Saturday 7th December 2024
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When you think there's no hope left, remember the lobsters in the tank in the resturant on the Titanic .

Turn7

24,352 posts

231 months

Saturday 7th December 2024
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Blatter said:
Neil1300r said:


Massive away win for the little bear
biggrin
Have another...

biggrin

MartG

21,447 posts

214 months

Saturday 7th December 2024
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I hear they have made the first mind control air freshener…

It makes scents when you think about it!

MartG

21,447 posts

214 months

Saturday 7th December 2024
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What goes “Ho, ho, ho, CLONK!”

Santa laughing his head off.

Edited by MartG on Sunday 8th December 10:07

Master Of Puppets

3,570 posts

72 months

Sunday 8th December 2024
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My wife passed me a roll of bubble wrap, she said just pop that in the corner, it took me 2 hours.

Tabs

1,014 posts

282 months

Sunday 8th December 2024
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I collect bubble wrap and make shoes out of it. Handy for popping to the shop.