Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Still Mulling]

S6PNJ said:

...Denephew

[Sporky]

Or the twins, Jamal and Juan.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal.

[havoc]

Sporky said:

Or the twins, Jamal and Juan.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal.

[K87]

True Story

Before Council Tax there was the Poll Tax, a tax on the person instead of the property, this was trialled in Scotland and a reporter was sent to interview young couples on the big increase in cost. he spoke to a young couple in Glasgow

Reporter: Are you aware of the big increase in cost for couples as part of Poll Tax?

Couple, girl speaking: We are not married, does it apply to us?

Reporter: It also applies to cohabiting couples

Girl: Do you still have to pay if you don't come?

[Stealthracer]

I've just been to the library to ask for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's Cat.

The librarian said it rang a bell but didn't know if it was there or not.

[Wacky Racer]

[motco]

Wacky Racer said:

That's a cobbled up poster! That model predates decimal currency and isn't a U1036 either. (ex Hoover employee).

[GeneralBanter]

motco said:

Wacky Racer said:

That's a cobbled up poster! That model predates decimal currency and isn't a U1036 either. (ex Hoover employee).

Can you fix it?

[GeneralBanter]

[Legacywr]

GeneralBanter said:

motco said:

Wacky Racer said:

That's a cobbled up poster! That model predates decimal currency and isn't a U1036 either. (ex Hoover employee).

Can you fix it?

[Legacywr]

[motco]

GeneralBanter said:

motco said:

Wacky Racer said:

That's a cobbled up poster! That model predates decimal currency and isn't a U1036 either. (ex Hoover employee).

Can you fix it?

Not a chance! They finally screwed themselves with the infamous free flights offer in the 1990s, but in reality they were complacent about the threat from the Rolls Razor and John Bloom's ultra cheap trashy washing machine that started the rot in the white goods market back in 1962.
Who'd have thought the mighty Hoover name that was subsumed into the language as the definitive cleaner brand like Thermos for vacuum flasks would fall so far and so fast.

[bobtail4x4]

my mum had a rolls washer,

when my dad mentioned it,I thought we were getting a new posh car,

[Master Of Puppets]

What do you call a forum for people in debt?

Tick Talk.

[Stealthracer]

If a Scotsman had a pet wildebeest, would he call it Hawkeye?

[Master Of Puppets]

Stealthracer said:

If a Scotsman had a pet wildebeest, would he call it Hawkeye?

Or maybe Hawkeye Gnu.

[phazed]

bobtail4x4 said:

my mum had a rolls washer,

when my dad mentioned it,I thought we were getting a new posh car,

That would be the Rolls Canardly. Roles down hills and can ‘ardly get up the other side…

[lancslad58]

[Skyedriver]

"Flea"
Think that one was in The Perishers" cartoons about 50 year ago.

Reminds me of Baby Grumpling's Teddy bear called "Gladly". It was cross eyed.....

[GeneralBanter]