Divorce help!

[theboss]

wiggy001 said:

Collectingbrass said:

Sheepshanks said:

theboss said:

Everything assumes in divorce that they will have some grand day in court where a judge takes account of both their stories in detail and hands down a judgement. In reality if you need a judge to make decisions that can’t be made directly between the warring parties then you’ve failed and burned a boat load of marital capital in the process. I appreciate in some cases it’s unavoidable where one party is reasonable and the other is impossible, but generally speaking most people can and do reach an agreement.

Even if the split is agreed, it still has to be signed off by the Court as being fair doesn’t it?

Our friends ex-husband is prepared to walk away with a modest cash settlement - her solicitor thinks it’s unlikely she’ll be able to keep her pension intact which she’s banking on as she hasn’t got long before she can retire.

It gets read and stamped by the magistrate, but its not the grand Hollywood moment most bitter revenge seeking people hope for. The sooner you realise getting out with something is the best you're going to get and that the process is NOT going to heal any hurt you feel the better you will be. If you need to mourn the loss of the life you had and express the hurt you feel, lawyers make for very expensive counsellors.

Completely agree with these posts, however there are some principles that should be retained in my opinion. It cost me a small fortune fight my ex through the courts (around a year's take-home salary) but she was trying to have me removed from my children's lives and leave me homeless, jobless and with people that know me thinking I am something I'm not. I had to fight her on all of those points in order to be able to move on with my life.

It cost me a lot financially but I am in a great place now. This week my final matter with my solicitor was closed, 18 months and over £60k since I first met my solicitor again. And I can honestly say I would do it all again in a heartbeat to maintain my excellent relationship with my children if nothing else.

I completely agree hence adding the caveat in my post to say that sometimes its just unavoidable. But people seem to think it's the default rather than the exception as if all divorce settlements are the subject of an extensive court hearing and much consideration of both side's stories. WIth few exceptions it just doesn't and shouldn't need to go that far, if it has then somebody is spending a fortune.

I didn't go 'all the way' in my own divorce proceedings, we had three hearings and then settled at FDR for the financial order. Combined costs about £50k to get that far and I was told to expect the same again if it went to final hearing. Not really very good value when the outcome was no different to anything we could have accomplished ourselves by email. We literally paid £12k just for the FDR, to rent a small room each for a few hours and have messages proxied via our solicitors having chats in the corridor. But as you know too well yourself, sometimes one party makes it absolutely necessary even when the other wants to negotiate reasonably in and good faith.

Edited by theboss on Friday 21st March 19:29