Help with elderly relatives - Parkinson's + Dementia issues?
Discussion
Oh, my..."behaved inappropriately"?! At their age?! Hope it's not too serious, Mexican?
Popped in to see the fossils earlier. They were both asleep in the lounge when we got there. FIL hasn't been shaved in days, so I'll do a wet shave for him tomorrow. It makes him look like a poor down and out as he's so frail, bless him.
Local, erm, "collectors" popped in today and asked if they could take metal from the skip. Yep, as long as you leave it tidy, as I've more to go in there. They did.
Cleared out much of the wardrobes today, and tonnes of paperbacks, all gone to the Cancer Research charity shop in Romsey. More to go later this week! Anyone need about 50 packs of incontinence pants? No idea why my MIL bought sooo many! There's about a year's supply there, FFS. Hopefully the new facility will be able to use them for him as they'll be wasted otherwise, I don't suppose they're cheap, either!
Mrs RC1807 sorted out bank stuff today in person, so the top-up we owed to the care home has now been paid. That'll keep their Accounts person off our back now the folks are moving on Thursday. We can pay Hants SS later for the larger amounts.
Tomorrow: house valuation!
Popped in to see the fossils earlier. They were both asleep in the lounge when we got there. FIL hasn't been shaved in days, so I'll do a wet shave for him tomorrow. It makes him look like a poor down and out as he's so frail, bless him.
Local, erm, "collectors" popped in today and asked if they could take metal from the skip. Yep, as long as you leave it tidy, as I've more to go in there. They did.
Cleared out much of the wardrobes today, and tonnes of paperbacks, all gone to the Cancer Research charity shop in Romsey. More to go later this week! Anyone need about 50 packs of incontinence pants? No idea why my MIL bought sooo many! There's about a year's supply there, FFS. Hopefully the new facility will be able to use them for him as they'll be wasted otherwise, I don't suppose they're cheap, either!
Mrs RC1807 sorted out bank stuff today in person, so the top-up we owed to the care home has now been paid. That'll keep their Accounts person off our back now the folks are moving on Thursday. We can pay Hants SS later for the larger amounts.
Tomorrow: house valuation!
FIL didn't want to be shaved yesterday. He wasn't having a 100% day, confused as to why we are moving them both today - which of course has been explained, over the past weeks, and everyday from Sat to Wed so it wasn't a surprise, however, it is what it is....
Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5! The home manager suggested we stay for lunch with the outlaws today to help them settle in, and to make sure we are comfortable with their new environment too.
Please, wish us luck!
Went to visit the new facility yesterday. Wow! What a home! Brand new, purpose built, á la carte menus - 5 hot choices at breakfast, plus cereals, toast, drinks, etc., 3 choices for lunch, 3 for dinner... Such a lovely environment, and, only 200 yards from where I used to live when I was about 5!
The home manager suggested we stay for lunch with the outlaws today to help them settle in, and to make sure we are comfortable with their new environment too. Please, wish us luck!
Thank you all!
AstonZ: we still need to sort the attendance allowance... £85/week ea. will go some way to helping the costs. FIL also qualifies for another subsidy that's about £120/week too, so combined, that will cover 1 week's care cost for one of them each month....~£1200 of the monthly £10k!
FIL had sort of shaved this morning, so he looked better. Carers in Romsey were genuinely sad they were leaving, but nursing care is needed. So, off to Sunny Bournemouth we went. Such a lovely welcome there, too!
Unloaded, unpacked, sorted their respective immense amount of toiletries....MIL always bought Boots 3 for 2 offers, but probably once a month....6 Listerine each, 5 Colgate each, numerous shower gels, shampoos, etc., so not much needed for the next 6-8 months!
Care home organised so my wife and I could join for lunch, The others had pasta, I had gammon with parsley sauce - really very good food.
Staff are more than happy that MIL can make a cuppa whenever she wants. There's also cakes and biscuits galore available to residents and guests, so no one is ever hungry.
Only left them about 4pm as my FIL needed a good sleep, and MIL was sewing name labels in their clothes - like "back to school", so their laundry doesn't go astray. Made some notes of things they still need, so will get that stuff over to them tomorrow. No phone calls tonight - oh, they don't have a direct dial phone yet.
Fingers and toes crossed!
We go to bed tonight very tired, but also very relieved.
AstonZ: we still need to sort the attendance allowance... £85/week ea. will go some way to helping the costs. FIL also qualifies for another subsidy that's about £120/week too, so combined, that will cover 1 week's care cost for one of them each month....~£1200 of the monthly £10k!
FIL had sort of shaved this morning, so he looked better. Carers in Romsey were genuinely sad they were leaving, but nursing care is needed. So, off to Sunny Bournemouth we went. Such a lovely welcome there, too!
Unloaded, unpacked, sorted their respective immense amount of toiletries....MIL always bought Boots 3 for 2 offers, but probably once a month....6 Listerine each, 5 Colgate each, numerous shower gels, shampoos, etc., so not much needed for the next 6-8 months!
Care home organised so my wife and I could join for lunch, The others had pasta, I had gammon with parsley sauce - really very good food.
Staff are more than happy that MIL can make a cuppa whenever she wants. There's also cakes and biscuits galore available to residents and guests, so no one is ever hungry.
Only left them about 4pm as my FIL needed a good sleep, and MIL was sewing name labels in their clothes - like "back to school", so their laundry doesn't go astray. Made some notes of things they still need, so will get that stuff over to them tomorrow. No phone calls tonight - oh, they don't have a direct dial phone yet.
Fingers and toes crossed!
We go to bed tonight very tired, but also very relieved.
TooMany: Well done on the packing up! I think my wife will come back in the coming weeks to pack up glass and china stuff to go in storage, along with *some furniture*
For your Dad, settling in and being more involved is the most important thing in care homes, we found. I'm sure he will over time,
At the last home, my MIL only got involved with activities on the occasion my FIL was hospitalised, then stopped when he was back, out of guilt - thinking she should be with him all the time. Then she moaned about being bored! FIL told her yesterday to get involved.
The way the new home is laid out means they have access to a dining room that has an open plan kitchen in it, and they can help themselves to tea, coffee, soft drinks, cakes, biccies, etc., whenever they want. The carers already said if my MIL wants to help them, to be more active, they really wouldn't mind - of course!
I couldn't understand a lot of my FILs speech yesterday, but the nurse explained they'd had the paramedics in during the night as my FIL was found on the floor! He has sensor mats next to his bed so they know if he gets up, but he was flat of the floor. Seems he was ok and was going to the toilet, but crawling, as he has in the past, then slumped over. He's now had rails fitted to his bed and will have an alarm pendant so he can buzz for assistance. MIL didn't know anything about the commotion as she's now in a separate room, so at last she could sleep, and not interfere.
Will go and see the fossils again later.
450 mile drive home tomorrow, then back to work for a "rest" next week!!
For your Dad, settling in and being more involved is the most important thing in care homes, we found. I'm sure he will over time,
At the last home, my MIL only got involved with activities on the occasion my FIL was hospitalised, then stopped when he was back, out of guilt - thinking she should be with him all the time. Then she moaned about being bored! FIL told her yesterday to get involved.
The way the new home is laid out means they have access to a dining room that has an open plan kitchen in it, and they can help themselves to tea, coffee, soft drinks, cakes, biccies, etc., whenever they want. The carers already said if my MIL wants to help them, to be more active, they really wouldn't mind - of course!
I couldn't understand a lot of my FILs speech yesterday, but the nurse explained they'd had the paramedics in during the night as my FIL was found on the floor! He has sensor mats next to his bed so they know if he gets up, but he was flat of the floor. Seems he was ok and was going to the toilet, but crawling, as he has in the past, then slumped over. He's now had rails fitted to his bed and will have an alarm pendant so he can buzz for assistance. MIL didn't know anything about the commotion as she's now in a separate room, so at last she could sleep, and not interfere.
Will go and see the fossils again later.
450 mile drive home tomorrow, then back to work for a "rest" next week!!
Saturday afternoon's visit: MIL had moved half her s
t into her husband's room, turning it into a fking mess in the meantime (!!) and packed the rest up in her room. She couldn't remember doing any of it, including leaving bundles of her pantliners (clean!) laying around his room. WTF?! We had to sort everything again whilst we were there.
Carers told us she'd packed on Fri evening too, then they unpacked everything. Same occurrences, different home. Ho, hum....
Still, the carers think my FIL's good fun - complaining about his now deaf Mrs (her hearing aid's not working! ) as she's wheeling him around, and he doesn't want to be moved anywhere! He's not lost his SoH.
He allowed me to wet shave him on Sat too, so he no longer has a long "neck beard" that he cant' shave himself. Looked tons better afterwards.
Oh, and useless BIL called to speak with my wife whilst we were in the UK. He thanked his suster for all the effort she's made and acknowledged he was rather daunted at the prospect, and "woudln't have an effing clue where to begin". Still, at least he's not in control of their £ as it'd be spent on other things, me thinks.
Anywhooo, fingers and toes crossed for the coming weeks, since the MIL doesn't have a direct dial phone, on purpose!
t into her husband's room, turning it into a fking mess in the meantime (!!) and packed the rest up in her room. She couldn't remember doing any of it, including leaving bundles of her pantliners (clean!) laying around his room. WTF?! We had to sort everything again whilst we were there. Carers told us she'd packed on Fri evening too, then they unpacked everything. Same occurrences, different home. Ho, hum....
Still, the carers think my FIL's good fun - complaining about his now deaf Mrs (her hearing aid's not working!
) as she's wheeling him around, and he doesn't want to be moved anywhere! He's not lost his SoH. He allowed me to wet shave him on Sat too, so he no longer has a long "neck beard" that he cant' shave himself. Looked tons better afterwards.
Oh, and useless BIL called to speak with my wife whilst we were in the UK. He thanked his suster for all the effort she's made and acknowledged he was rather daunted at the prospect, and "woudln't have an effing clue where to begin". Still, at least he's not in control of their £ as it'd be spent on other things, me thinks.
Anywhooo, fingers and toes crossed for the coming weeks, since the MIL doesn't have a direct dial phone, on purpose!
We learned that my MIL *is* becoming involved in activities now, and leaving her husband alone a bit. Why?
Oh, he's in hospital.
He has a another chest infection and the home wanted to be sure he's checked out throughly so the home's nurses have the best info available to them locally (Royal Bournemouth now, vs. University Hospital Southampton before). The home's nurses suspect some food may have gone in his windpipe, which is a risk in older people, I'm told.
Wife's staying on top of that with the hospital and the home. DNR was in place from Soton earlier this year, and the home have that paperwork too. Let's see.
Oh, he's in hospital.
He has a another chest infection and the home wanted to be sure he's checked out throughly so the home's nurses have the best info available to them locally (Royal Bournemouth now, vs. University Hospital Southampton before). The home's nurses suspect some food may have gone in his windpipe, which is a risk in older people, I'm told.
Wife's staying on top of that with the hospital and the home. DNR was in place from Soton earlier this year, and the home have that paperwork too. Let's see.
Edited by RC1807 on Wednesday 8th November 11:07
Thanks, aeropilot - and yes, my wife & I both agree
The hospital was asked if this was possible: yes
Nurse at nursing home: yes
We will see what happens over the next day
Hospital specialist said chest infection caused by 'aspiration' - food/drink went into his windpipe when he choked on it
Since FIL is so frail, he doesn't have the strength to either cough it back up or fight off the infection created. It will likely cause pneumonia
The hospital was asked if this was possible: yes
Nurse at nursing home: yes
We will see what happens over the next day
Hospital specialist said chest infection caused by 'aspiration' - food/drink went into his windpipe when he choked on it
Since FIL is so frail, he doesn't have the strength to either cough it back up or fight off the infection created. It will likely cause pneumonia
Sadly we didn't get the chance to move my father in law back to the nursing home. My wife's dad died this morning at Royal Bournemouth Hopsital.
My wife's remarkably calm and already packed and on her way to Calais to get back to her Mum, who is, understandably, absolutely beside herself at this morning's news.
Rest in peace, John
1/6/37 - 12/11/17
My wife's remarkably calm and already packed and on her way to Calais to get back to her Mum, who is, understandably, absolutely beside herself at this morning's news.
Rest in peace, John
1/6/37 - 12/11/17
Thank you all.
My wife whizzed, safely, back to Bournemouth yesterday to comfort her Mum. Funeral arrangements start today.
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
My wife whizzed, safely, back to Bournemouth yesterday to comfort her Mum. Funeral arrangements start today.
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
TooMany2cvs said:
RC1807 said:
Family solicitor never did get my FIL's financial LPA resolved. I recall someone previoauly commenting that any cash will anyway go straight to my MIL, so that *should* be ok.
His death means any LPA would have ceased immediately anyway. His financial affairs are now the problem of his executor.If he had a will, it'll eventually be disbursed according to that.
If not, then intestacy laws apply - and the most likely, from what you've said, is...
https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-w...
The house hasn't been sold yet, so it's still part of his estate - how was it owned? Joint tenants, tenants-in-common, or just his name?
Understood re LPA, just that FIL had an untapped pension pot my wife wished to start drawing an annuity on, so it would continue paying then to her Mum after his death. Need to see with the IFA how that works now.
My wife's the executor of the Will.
House is only in MIL's name, so existing LPA for MIL enables my wife to pursue its sale.
I'm sorry it upset you. Thank you for your kind words too.
My wife's had to explain to her Mum twice (so far) today that her husband's dead. It's news to her each time. That's very tough for Mrs RC1807.
RBH still haven't issued the Death Certificate. Dr's are too busy to get to sign it!
Well, we can't have him moved until....and there are many things to get sorted this working week.
Thank you for your kind words too. My wife's had to explain to her Mum twice (so far) today that her husband's dead. It's news to her each time. That's very tough for Mrs RC1807.
RBH still haven't issued the Death Certificate. Dr's are too busy to get to sign it!
Well, we can't have him moved until....and there are many things to get sorted this working week.
Thanks, we still have the ongoing Alzheimer's issue with my MIL. My wife had to explain to her 4 times yesterday, in the end, that her husband had died. News to her each time.
RBH now have a signed death certificate, which my wife's collecting today, then off to the registrar to register the death. Solicitor advised there's an online site to notify many govt depts together, so that will also be utilised. First trip to the funeral director today, too, and since MIL will be with my wife, and out of the home, then to the solicitor so the Will can be (officially) read.
I hope my MIL can cope with today's tasks. Yesterday she was talking about going back home. That clearly can't happen without a full-time support network around her. We don't have that luxury.
RBH now have a signed death certificate, which my wife's collecting today, then off to the registrar to register the death. Solicitor advised there's an online site to notify many govt depts together, so that will also be utilised. First trip to the funeral director today, too, and since MIL will be with my wife, and out of the home, then to the solicitor so the Will can be (officially) read.
I hope my MIL can cope with today's tasks. Yesterday she was talking about going back home. That clearly can't happen without a full-time support network around her. We don't have that luxury.
We are not under any illusions that this will get any easier, but today wasn't so bad, I'm told.
MIL felt she needed to do something to be involved, and since they were together 62 years, Alzheimer's aside, she understood today what was happening.
My Mum joined them at the FD's for moral support, and she keeps a very calm attitude and demeanour in these situations, which helped enormously.
Bournemouth Crem is booked for Fri 1st.
MIL felt she needed to do something to be involved, and since they were together 62 years, Alzheimer's aside, she understood today what was happening.
My Mum joined them at the FD's for moral support, and she keeps a very calm attitude and demeanour in these situations, which helped enormously.
Bournemouth Crem is booked for Fri 1st.
Funeral's all sorted.
Wife's home for 1 week as I've a L/H business trip tomorrow, back at the weekend.
Royal Bormuff Hospital admin called my wife today to let her know they found my FIL's Omega watch which wasn't recorded on his belongings list when he was admitted - so that's ONE good thing now. We thought someone was trying to yoink it for themselves by not recording it. It's in my FIL's Will to go to his son.
MIL's being cared for extremely well by the home, and the home will call my wife every day with an update on her, since my MIL no longer has a direct dial phone.
Wife heads back to the UK next Monday to pack more at the house, and sort her Mum ready for Friday's funeral. The 3 of us arrive later on Thu night by air.
NOT looking forward to trying to keep myself together at the funeral whilst looking after my wife and her Mum.
Also will be tricky at the Funeral as my BIL's not seen his sons for more than 15 years (pretty much abandoned them), and they'll both be there, aged 24 (6'5") and aged 23 (6'7"), together with their Mum, my BIL's 1st wife.
Oof!
As I say at work, "NMFP!"
I'm looking after my wife, MIL and daughters.
Wife's home for 1 week as I've a L/H business trip tomorrow, back at the weekend.
Royal Bormuff Hospital admin called my wife today to let her know they found my FIL's Omega watch which wasn't recorded on his belongings list when he was admitted - so that's ONE good thing now. We thought someone was trying to yoink it for themselves by not recording it. It's in my FIL's Will to go to his son.
MIL's being cared for extremely well by the home, and the home will call my wife every day with an update on her, since my MIL no longer has a direct dial phone.
Wife heads back to the UK next Monday to pack more at the house, and sort her Mum ready for Friday's funeral. The 3 of us arrive later on Thu night by air.
NOT looking forward to trying to keep myself together at the funeral whilst looking after my wife and her Mum.
Also will be tricky at the Funeral as my BIL's not seen his sons for more than 15 years (pretty much abandoned them), and they'll both be there, aged 24 (6'5") and aged 23 (6'7"), together with their Mum, my BIL's 1st wife.
Oof!
As I say at work, "NMFP!"
I'm looking after my wife, MIL and daughters.
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