One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4

One single thing that makes you think "knob" Vol 4

Author
Discussion

Dr Murdoch

2,642 posts

84 months

Sunday 29th December 2019
quotequote all
bluezedd said:
Just out of curiosity, can someone explain what giving the coffee beans means?

thanks smile
You alright Dave?

Gerradi

616 posts

69 months

Sunday 29th December 2019
quotequote all
S1KRR said:
Alright Corbyn calm yourself!

We know your Russian hacker friends want you to try and get rid of NATO so they can invade the old Russian states.

I appreciate this may not be obvious to you. But NATO people are generally a target for terrorists. Hence the blue lights

Would you rather they took the Train?
Ah volunteer full jacket 'el knobbo...

jagnet

3,069 posts

151 months

Monday 30th December 2019
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Blown2CV said:
bluezedd said:
S1KRR said:
gives it all the coffee beans too.
Just out of curiosity, can someone explain what giving the coffee beans means? Was it a pistonheads thing like hammering frozen sausages into a lawn like a big art attack, and dominating the landing?

I obviously have a fair idea what it means, but I'm not sure if it has a pistonheads origin, or the finer details.

thanks smile
it's origins I'll posit are pre-Internet and it does indeed mean "you wker"
I think it originates from the Nescafe adverts of the late 70s with Gareth Hunt and his often used flick of the wrist whilst holding coffee beans

Example ad:
https://www.hatads.org.uk/catalogue/record/dcb527a...

JimbobVFR

2,214 posts

93 months

Monday 30th December 2019
quotequote all
bluezedd said:
Just out of curiosity, can someone explain what giving the coffee beans means? Was it a pistonheads thing like hammering frozen sausages into a lawn like a big art attack, and dominating the landing?

I obviously have a fair idea what it means, but I'm not sure if it has a pistonheads origin, or the finer details.

thanks smile
I seem to remember a TV advert, may have been for Nescafé Gold Blend where there was a hand shaking gesture as a sort of trademark. Ostensibly supposed to be shaking coffee but reminiscent of a wker gesture.

In a somewhat ironic coincidence it might have even been the adverts with Gareth Hunt in them I think.

Edit to add, what Jagnet said, I didn't see that post before I made mine.

Edited by JimbobVFR on Monday 30th December 09:14

donkmeister

1,973 posts

49 months

Monday 30th December 2019
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TLDR: someone who was unable to overtake despite me trying to make it easy for them, because they have a slow car and weren't prepared to use all the revs, then got grumpy with me and leaned on his horn in a built-up area at night (just re-read my post and it is a bit tedious).

The knob who, last night, got radgy because he lacked the ability and horsepower to overtake me on the northbound stretch of this road .

I wasn't straightlining the roundabouts because I thought he might be trying to get past so didn't want to put myself where he was planning to drive. I wasn't hooning, I was simply going up to the 40mph limit on the straights and then coasting down again before each roundabout. Each time we got to a straight bit he'd move out to the righthand lane as if to overtake me but I was putting distance between us, then before each roundabout he was back to the lefthand lane and slowing right down with me. On the following 30mph stretch he was driving up my backside and leaning on the horn. Long, flat, dead straight road with no traffic apart from us, so if he was in a desperate hurry to get somewhere he could have easily overtaken. I was doing bang-on 30mph, some on here could have overtaken me on a pushbike!

When we parted ways I noticed it was one of those sub-Corsa sized Vauxhalls that probably needs wringing to get any decent power. The 17 year old me would have been ragging that to the redline and got past, but Mr (or Ms.) Impotent-rage behind me presumably thought I was deliberately holding him up as his mighty 1-litre didn't have the power to take me when shifting up at 2k rpm to save petrol.

Edited by donkmeister on Monday 30th December 18:51

Hol

5,295 posts

149 months

Monday 30th December 2019
quotequote all
jagnet said:
Blown2CV said:
bluezedd said:
S1KRR said:
gives it all the coffee beans too.
Just out of curiosity, can someone explain what giving the coffee beans means? Was it a pistonheads thing like hammering frozen sausages into a lawn like a big art attack, and dominating the landing?

I obviously have a fair idea what it means, but I'm not sure if it has a pistonheads origin, or the finer details.

thanks smile
it's origins I'll posit are pre-Internet and it does indeed mean "you wker"
I think it originates from the Nescafe adverts of the late 70s with Gareth Hunt and his often used flick of the wrist whilst holding coffee beans

Example ad:
https://www.hatads.org.uk/catalogue/record/dcb527a...
Yup, that’s the origins.

WarrenB

690 posts

67 months

Saturday 4th January
quotequote all
The whale of a woman who 'parked' at the pump of a relatively busy petrol station, despite there being free parking spaces in front of the building, who then waddled off into Subway, ordered a sandwich and then waddled back and ate it in her car. At the pump.

InitialDave

5,999 posts

68 months

Saturday 4th January
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Every person over the course of a month to whom I tried to sell an actually-quite-good car at a bargain price because I just needed it moved on. Timewasting dicks with no ability to come and collect the car, never mind the money to buy it should they actually turn up.

I put the price up 30% and sold it the same day to someone I'd actually classify as human, who seemed more than happy with the deal he got.

Monkeylegend

17,144 posts

180 months

Sunday 5th January
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InitialDave said:
Every person over the course of a month to whom I tried to sell an actually-quite-good car at a bargain price because I just needed it moved on. Timewasting dicks with no ability to come and collect the car, never mind the money to buy it should they actually turn up.

I put the price up 30% and sold it the same day to someone I'd actually classify as human, who seemed more than happy with the deal he got.
There's a message there somewhere smile

Liquid Knight

15,532 posts

132 months

Sunday 5th January
quotequote all
My first Sunday off since October and I had forgotten to take a route into my village that avoids the church. I hope all the feckless dolts are praying to their imaginary friend for forgiveness. Greed is one of the seven deadly sins and the way they park is nothing but selfishness incarnate. Still if they are stupid enough to believe in a bearded puppet master sat on cloud number ten than parking a vehicle safely would be beyond their limited capabilities.

bluezedd

546 posts

31 months

Sunday 5th January
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Driving round a single lane one way system in a car park (going in the correct direction). I see a fiesta S driving up the wrong way towards me so I stopped. The fiesta drives up to the front of my car honking its horn for me to move in a confrontational way and waits for me to move. Then points to the side to drive on the pedestrian bit.

I ended up having to move onto the pedestrianised part of the road and let them past to continue in the wrong direction after I pointed out it was a 1 way.

Tbh the truth is, the person in the fiesta has driven up the wrong way of the 1 way and missed the huge arrows (as wide as the lane) that point in the opposite direction they were going. They have seen me stopped as they will be the sort to look 1 foot in front of their bumper only, and not realised I was forced to stop because they were driving up the wrong way, and thought I was just sitting stationary on the "wrong" side of the road.

Think they realised they were wrong as after I let them past he put both his thumbs up and looked a bit sheepish.

EDIT: also thanks for everyone who solved the coffee beans mystery for me. It's nice to know where it started smile

yellowjack

12,502 posts

115 months

Monday 6th January
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Miserablegit said:
The lifted “warrior” thing today on m6 with massive tyres but standard arches. 4” + of tyre each side was outside the arches. Lovely for hurling detritus at other vehicles.
And illegal too.

yellowjack

12,502 posts

115 months

Monday 6th January
quotequote all
Christchurch. Saturday afternoon. I'm walking along a Footway (pavement) when a car driver (Audi A3) decides he needs to cross said footway to access premises the other side of it. As I was already part way across the vehicle gap (it was NOT a junction, and the footway did not drop with a kerb, nor was there any tactile paving to signify it being a road junction, it was level with a dropped kerb for vehicles instead) this dribbling shaved ape decides to aim his car at me. He was turning right, so had a really good view of me, and other pedestrians, already using the footway, and he was grinning as he aimed the car at me. So obviously, as I like the concept of self preservation, I stepped back to avoid being hit.

Unfortunately (perhaps?) my shopping bag was still swinging, and sadly it hit the rear quarter of his car. "Ooooh! This could be interesting." He stopped. I stopped. An orchestra somewhere struck up Ennio Morricone's 'The Ecstasy of Gold'. He was "staring me down" in his mirror, but no - nothing. No move to get out of the car and debate the rights and wrongs of his poor attitude. He just drove away. Complete anticlimax.

I was hoping for another "Vince moment" to be honest. The one where an errant driver gets all shirty at me when their car gets a slap, then threatens me with police action. And Vince was a man of his word. He stopped a police car (one that I'd just ridden past) and sure enough a while later I was invited to pull over. After asking a few questions, though, to establish the basic facts of the incident, the nice police woman was keen to get me on my way, and then took Vince for a chat in the back of her car. You see, Vince is a throbber of the highest order. While I was cycling in the centre of the right turn lane approaching a roundabout, he placed his Nissan Micra on my offside, with it's left turn indicator flashing, and tried to force me to move left. Having no horn to warn him off, he got a whack on the nearside door. Then, after the roundabout he drove alongside me yelling through an open window. When I invited him to leave swiftly, he took off to fetch the officer who'd been parked at the side of the road when I passed her.

Vince was a diamond. Comedy gold, in fact. As thick as mince and with barely the wit to remember his own name, let alone lie to cover his stinking attitude to another road user. All he could focus on was the "damage" (clue: there was plenty of damage to his car, but none that was of my doing) I'd inflicted by "punching" his beloved Micra. So he was happy to admit that I'd been signalling right in a straight over/right turn lane, and happy to admit that he put his car on the "wrong" side of the road to try to overtake me, and even to admit that he was trying to force me to the left because he was running out of road due to the upcoming traffic island. Vince even plucked at his hi-vis body-warmer and stated that "I'm a security guard" as if this somehow lent gravitas to his version of events. He went on to state that "he's a bloody cyclist, I've been driving 20 years". Wow? That long, huh, Vince? You must be truly awesome.

Well, by this time the lovely officer had worked out what was going on. Every time Vince's mouth opened it functioned as a shovel to dig himself deeper into trouble. But fair play to him for sticking to the truth, really. It was evident that he thought it his civic duty to push cyclists to the left of the lane, and that he saw nothing wrong in what he'd done. But I pointed out to the WPC that no bicycle bell was ever going to be enough to warn a driver off, hence the slap on his door. I also pointed out Hampshire Police's 1.5 metre clearance campaign. She was a Dorset Police officer, but it had the desired effect, especially when I pointed out that my maximum reach was 0.9 metre, and that to slap his door with an open hand he had to have been within 0.5 metre of me. Vince, of course, was getting pretty revved up at this point, encroaching all the time into the space between me and the officer. So she asked us our names, and then firmly told Vince to back off. Then she looked at me with a conciliatory expression, and asked me to cycle away so that she could deal with Vince by means of an educational chat and then get about more important business. I was happy to, and cycled around the block (had to, it was one way) and when I got back to my original route Vince's car was still there, blocked in by hers. I can only add that I was very pleasantly surprised by the way she handled the situation, really.

As a bonus, have the knobs who continually insist on turning right out of a street that has a 'No Right Turn' prohibition. Bridle Crescent, Bournemouth, where it joins Castle Lane East... https://www.google.com/maps/@50.7408032,-1.8103818... ...This despite the fact that the roundabout to turn around is only 150 yards to the left. And you can add in the imbecilic wkspangles who facilitate their fkwittery by letting them out THE WRONG WAY!!! The last three times I've passed that turn ( that traffic has been waiting to come out of Bridle Crescent) 100% of traffic coming from it has gone the wrong way, or been signalling to go the wrong way. Tcensoredtwaffles, one and all.

Liquid Knight

15,532 posts

132 months

Monday 6th January
quotequote all
Just a followup from a previous rant.

No festive cups at McDonald's or Costa (Tesco petrol station) Saturday (4th January). Today is the 6th or the twelve night. Marking the end of the festive period.

So it's okay to have festive cups a month before the season starts but removed before the period ends? scratchchin

This year I'll call it what it is; Consumermas.

Solocle

1,186 posts

33 months

Monday 6th January
quotequote all
yellowjack said:
Christchurch. Saturday afternoon. I'm walking along a Footway (pavement) when a car driver (Audi A3) decides he needs to cross said footway to access premises the other side of it. As I was already part way across the vehicle gap (it was NOT a junction, and the footway did not drop with a kerb, nor was there any tactile paving to signify it being a road junction, it was level with a dropped kerb for vehicles instead) this dribbling shaved ape decides to aim his car at me. He was turning right, so had a really good view of me, and other pedestrians, already using the footway, and he was grinning as he aimed the car at me. So obviously, as I like the concept of self preservation, I stepped back to avoid being hit.

Unfortunately (perhaps?) my shopping bag was still swinging, and sadly it hit the rear quarter of his car. "Ooooh! This could be interesting." He stopped. I stopped. An orchestra somewhere struck up Ennio Morricone's 'The Ecstasy of Gold'. He was "staring me down" in his mirror, but no - nothing. No move to get out of the car and debate the rights and wrongs of his poor attitude. He just drove away. Complete anticlimax.

I was hoping for another "Vince moment" to be honest. The one where an errant driver gets all shirty at me when their car gets a slap, then threatens me with police action. And Vince was a man of his word. He stopped a police car (one that I'd just ridden past) and sure enough a while later I was invited to pull over. After asking a few questions, though, to establish the basic facts of the incident, the nice police woman was keen to get me on my way, and then took Vince for a chat in the back of her car. You see, Vince is a throbber of the highest order. While I was cycling in the centre of the right turn lane approaching a roundabout, he placed his Nissan Micra on my offside, with it's left turn indicator flashing, and tried to force me to move left. Having no horn to warn him off, he got a whack on the nearside door. Then, after the roundabout he drove alongside me yelling through an open window. When I invited him to leave swiftly, he took off to fetch the officer who'd been parked at the side of the road when I passed her.

Vince was a diamond. Comedy gold, in fact. As thick as mince and with barely the wit to remember his own name, let alone lie to cover his stinking attitude to another road user. All he could focus on was the "damage" (clue: there was plenty of damage to his car, but none that was of my doing) I'd inflicted by "punching" his beloved Micra. So he was happy to admit that I'd been signalling right in a straight over/right turn lane, and happy to admit that he put his car on the "wrong" side of the road to try to overtake me, and even to admit that he was trying to force me to the left because he was running out of road due to the upcoming traffic island. Vince even plucked at his hi-vis body-warmer and stated that "I'm a security guard" as if this somehow lent gravitas to his version of events. He went on to state that "he's a bloody cyclist, I've been driving 20 years". Wow? That long, huh, Vince? You must be truly awesome.

Well, by this time the lovely officer had worked out what was going on. Every time Vince's mouth opened it functioned as a shovel to dig himself deeper into trouble. But fair play to him for sticking to the truth, really. It was evident that he thought it his civic duty to push cyclists to the left of the lane, and that he saw nothing wrong in what he'd done. But I pointed out to the WPC that no bicycle bell was ever going to be enough to warn a driver off, hence the slap on his door. I also pointed out Hampshire Police's 1.5 metre clearance campaign. She was a Dorset Police officer, but it had the desired effect, especially when I pointed out that my maximum reach was 0.9 metre, and that to slap his door with an open hand he had to have been within 0.5 metre of me. Vince, of course, was getting pretty revved up at this point, encroaching all the time into the space between me and the officer. So she asked us our names, and then firmly told Vince to back off. Then she looked at me with a conciliatory expression, and asked me to cycle away so that she could deal with Vince by means of an educational chat and then get about more important business. I was happy to, and cycled around the block (had to, it was one way) and when I got back to my original route Vince's car was still there, blocked in by hers. I can only add that I was very pleasantly surprised by the way she handled the situation, really.

As a bonus, have the knobs who continually insist on turning right out of a street that has a 'No Right Turn' prohibition. Bridle Crescent, Bournemouth, where it joins Castle Lane East... https://www.google.com/maps/@50.7408032,-1.8103818... ...This despite the fact that the roundabout to turn around is only 150 yards to the left. And you can add in the imbecilic wkspangles who facilitate their fkwittery by letting them out THE WRONG WAY!!! The last three times I've passed that turn ( that traffic has been waiting to come out of Bridle Crescent) 100% of traffic coming from it has gone the wrong way, or been signalling to go the wrong way. Tcensoredtwaffles, one and all.
Out of interest, the Vince incident would have been one of the A30/A350 roundabouts in Shaftesbury, wouldn't it? If I had to bet, I'd say the Gillingham one.

yellowjack

12,502 posts

115 months

Tuesday 7th January
quotequote all
Solocle said:
Out of interest, the Vince incident would have been one of the A30/A350 roundabouts in Shaftesbury, wouldn't it? If I had to bet, I'd say the Gillingham one.
Nope. Far smaller than those, and less busy at the time I came through. It was the 3-way roundabout on West Cliff Road where it meets Durley Road South (near the Durley Dean Hotel). I was eastbound from Poole (I'd crossed on the chain ferry from Purbeck) heading into Bournemouth to pass the BIC and head up onto the overcliff behind the Royal Bath...



...I was (correctly) positioned in the right hand lane signalling to turn right and aligned roughly with the left hand edge of the arrow. Vince had accelerated to place his car to my right, in the hatched area, moving toward me to try (or so it appeared to me at least) to force me into the left turn lane. The incident took place at 2004 hrs. Three and a half minutes later the police car drew alongside me on Bath Road and bade me pull over into Westover Road. By 2008 hrs I was talking to the officer, and that took all of three minutes before she told me to ride away again. My speed approaching the roundabout was about 8 mph, the usual "looking to go, planning to stop" mantra, and I'd managed to avoid Vince and also avoid putting a foot down. I had to slow (but not stop) for a pedestrian crossing on West Cliff Road, and because of heavy traffic on Bath Road I was limited to a peak speed of 25 mph down the hill to the pier. Detailed GPS info here... https://www.strava.com/activities/2961137259/analy... ...and you can see the detour I took onto Westover Road past the Pavillion theatre where the 'stop' took place. Link added specifically to head off the inevitable suggestion from the PH 'usual suspects' that I'm somehow making the story up, and that it "never happened"...

...and yes, naysaying PHers, that most definitely WAS a 125 mile, 11 hour bicycle ride through some of the most picturesque
(and hilly) parts of Dorset, including going up Gold Hill (the one from the old Hovis ad) on greasy cobbles in incessant drizzle. All while fully complying with all relevant sections of RVLRs and Construction & Use laws, obeying all statutory traffic signs and signals, and wearing a hi-vis white jacket with reflective trim and wearing a helmet. tongue out

Countdown

25,166 posts

145 months

Tuesday 7th January
quotequote all
People who slow to 30mph as they approach a junction on the motorway, because they’re not sure if they need to come off.

carlove

5,407 posts

116 months

Tuesday 7th January
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A Citroen DS3 I see each morning on my way to work and normally on the way home too who has some snazzy LED foglights, this, of course, means he drives on the dark A1079 with his sidelights and foglights on, probably thinks he looks really cool, he looks like a tit and very likely doesn't get particularly good visibility.

There's also a Kia Sportage that does the same, that doesn't even have snazzy LED foglights to show off, so doesn't look like a cool tit, just a tit.

flashbang

318 posts

23 months

Tuesday 7th January
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Every knob on the M27 who thinks it's a single carriageway, middle lane only. Anyone who does it is clearly a Joey Deacon.

donkmeister

1,973 posts

49 months

Wednesday 8th January
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flashbang said:
Every knob on the M27 who thinks it's a single carriageway, middle lane only. Anyone who does it is clearly a Joey Deacon.
Bit tasteless, and I say that as someone with a subscription to Viz and an account on Sickipedia.