Feeling a bit stressed and unhappy in newish job

Feeling a bit stressed and unhappy in newish job

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redrabbit29

Original Poster:

1,388 posts

134 months

Tuesday 13th June 2023
quotequote all
Hi All,

Job: Consultant
Role: Cyber Incident Response
Location: WFH
Started: January 2023

There are three main issues I am having with this role and they've become increasingly more difficult:

1) It's a global job, so my team is spread across the world. However, I am the only one based in Europe. They are looking at getting two new people - but one will be based in Asia to save money. I often feel completely isolated as all European work always comes to me.

2) Related to this is the timezone issues. My main colleagues are American based. There are 4 of them and they come online about 2pm onwards. I often find myself getting bombarded with new work or questions or requests as the day closes or after. Other colleagues are online in Asia during the early morning.

3) Related again to this is the stress. I find myself unable to switch off. I know there's my colleagues working at 7/8/9pm or in the early hours at 5/6am and probably messages which relate to me or involve something I am working on. If I don't look I will come online the next day to loads of things to catch-up on. Not always but it's the constant itching that I am struggling with, particularly as I'm on my own with it all. I feel unable to switch off.

Similarly if I need help or want support, I always have to wait until 2-3pm for help. That's obviously not ideal and just adds to me feeling stressed. I often FEEL overworked. I emphasise that as sometimes I am not, it's just the feeling I have as I am on my own, I am getting client requests, I have deadlines, I have non-urgent work. Sometimes I just feel like I'm overwhelmed by it. It often reduces as soon as I get a big thing dealt with.

...

I always knew consultancy work was a bit like this - hence the reason I am probably paid more than I would be in another in-house role. I've been doing it 5 months and starting to feel isolated, overworked as I said, and just a bit down about it all. I'm sick of being the only UK/Europe person and everything on this side being down to me.

I'm not unhappy but I am starting to feel a bit down about it all. I would also add my colleagues are brilliant people. There are about 4-5 that I work closely with and they're very nice, supportive, intelligent, hard working, etc. so I am lucky in that respect.

Not sure what I expect here but just venting and maybe to see if others have encountered similar things.

Thanks

Edited by redrabbit29 on Tuesday 13th June 18:47

cliffords

1,403 posts

24 months

Tuesday 13th June 2023
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When I worked in Banking and had exactly the same Asia and US pressures as you described , I did a really simple thing that made a difference. I originally thought it was a bit trite but it made a difference to me .

In my e mail signature I wrote in large text that I worked UK timezone and that replies would be made in my time zone and not always that of the original e mail. I worded it better than that but you get the jist .

timetex

654 posts

149 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
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I've been working where I am for over 8 years now, in a niche role for a company where, when I started, there were just 3 or 4 people in the EMEA region, and I was the only one in a post-sales role.

The company was based in Melbourne, so any technical questions I had (like you) I had to wait til others came online - which was generally outside of working hours for me entirely!

The rest of my 'team' was US and ANZ-based too, so I've been through similar things.

Firstly, having work waiting for you when you start in the morning - that's completely normal. The fact that others around the world have been involved outside of your working hours shouldn't be an issue. The main issues tend to arise when everyone has 'real-time' conversations (email, Slack, etc.) out of yours hours, which you aren't involved in - but if that doesn't actually impact the work that you need to do (i.e. you don't need to be part of that conversation process) then just make sure their handover is on point and you're good to go.

If you SHOULD be involved in that conversation process, then maybe process needs to reflect that - but that isn't solved by extending your own day to 7/8/9pm.

It sounds like you feel you need to be part of their working day and involved in the work as it is ongoing - but what would happen if you DID switch off? Would you not have the right information at 9am when you started work the next day? If not, that's the part that needs to be worked on.

The main thing here is to consider what outcome(s) are needed in order for everyone to perform their own role properly.

For me, I quickly realised that I couldn't work at the same time as my ANZ colleagues to get the answers I needed as I gained experience - so I took a different tack, and worked out the most efficient way to ask the questions I needed. By documenting the exact problem I needed to resolve, as well as the steps I'd already taken (and things I'd already ruled out), and asking for specific pointers, I was able to present a much clearer picture to my colleagues, so instead of them having to ask "have you tried XYZ?" (something really basic) I made sure my question included that sort of thing within it. And I would specifically ask for the next 'x' things to check / look-at. Instead of batting things backwards and forwards in a long conversation, this reduced the comms to a couple of steps - and was therefore something that could be done in 1 night rather than take 2-3 goes. Plus, documenting things like that helps get them straight in your own head so you learn quicker.

The fundamental question here, though, is why you feel you need to be involved at 7/8/9pm. What could they be doing at this time to make your 9am (the next day) go better. What could you be doing at 5pm to make sure your 9am went better?

cliffords' point about adding your timezones into your email signature (or status on any real-time messaging that you use) can make a real difference as well.

Likewise, you can set a similar baseline (if you're emailing or messaging your overseas colleagues at 9am your time) by adding "I'm not expecting an answer until your working day starts" or words to that effect, which makes it easier to get things working both ways.

Establishing good comms process / protocol will definitely help you out here. Setting parameters and expectations around response times are absolutely necessary. Arranging meetings at appropriate times (appropriate for all, not just your US colleges) helps, as does ensuring there's good process around work handover. Asynchronous comms are key - but getting those right isn't a given.

Finally, if you really need to be involved in a conversation about *some* things, you can then make exceptions (if you want to / if its appropriate) OR you can politely request that your colleagues wait til the next working day for your input. If your input is vital, they'll wait - but these need to be exceptions, not the rule.

redrabbit29

Original Poster:

1,388 posts

134 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
quotequote all
Thanks both for your replies, both really well thought out and helpful.

I have added a bit on my email signature to state I am UK based and replies are unlikely outside of the business hours.

Timetex - The simple answer is I don't need to be involved after hours 90% of the time. When I do it's a client meeting or something which is a one off and I don't mind that.

I think where I am struggling is my mindset, as I feel isolated. I also feel slightly overwhelmed with work and have no one to vent to. I am continually being invited to more client meetings as new work comes in - and of course they all say "we want to move quickly on this". It may be more associated to WFH than the timezone although I think that's not helping.

I have come to realise that I am susceptible to feeling stressed. So I'll be working away trying to finish something and get 3 teams messages, then another 2 invites to more meetings, etc. then some home stuff in the way and I'm suddenly feeling drained and sick of it all.

The stupid thing is I know the answer to most of this - I turn Outlook off, I turn Teams off and I finish the task I am trying to do. I just need to be more disciplined I suppose.

I think if I had 6 other colleagues in the UK or at least Europe, I would feel far less isolated. It just feels it's all on me.

timetex

654 posts

149 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
quotequote all
redrabbit29 said:
Thanks both for your replies, both really well thought out and helpful.

I have added a bit on my email signature to state I am UK based and replies are unlikely outside of the business hours.

Timetex - The simple answer is I don't need to be involved after hours 90% of the time. When I do it's a client meeting or something which is a one off and I don't mind that.

I think where I am struggling is my mindset, as I feel isolated. I also feel slightly overwhelmed with work and have no one to vent to. I am continually being invited to more client meetings as new work comes in - and of course they all say "we want to move quickly on this". It may be more associated to WFH than the timezone although I think that's not helping.

I have come to realise that I am susceptible to feeling stressed. So I'll be working away trying to finish something and get 3 teams messages, then another 2 invites to more meetings, etc. then some home stuff in the way and I'm suddenly feeling drained and sick of it all.

The stupid thing is I know the answer to most of this - I turn Outlook off, I turn Teams off and I finish the task I am trying to do. I just need to be more disciplined I suppose.

I think if I had 6 other colleagues in the UK or at least Europe, I would feel far less isolated. It just feels it's all on me.
Ah ok... well if you 90% don't need to be involved, then you're involving yourself perhaps unnecessarily... wink Maybe with good intentions, but it's not helping you.

A couple of strategies:

1. have you considered aligning your working hours more to match your global colleagues? Start later in the day and have more overlap. You'd then still work the 'right' number of hours, but with more potential for teamwork.

2. Change some of your WFH behaviours - for example, I now rent an office rather than working from home, but you could equally go work in a shared space, coffee shop, library, etc. I hadn't realised how isolating WFH was (I've been doing it 10+ years) but now I rarely get my laptop out 'at home' and instead work is always 'out of the house'. Perhaps that's a different extreme, but even doing that one or two days a week will reduce the isolation.

3. when you can, make sure you build in 'teambuilding' type calls (voice / video) rather than relying entirely on email / messaging. It builds trust, teamwork and promotes healthy working practices.

4. put a break in your day. Call it lunch or whatever, but block the time out daily in your calendar and step away from work / take time for yourself. Go for a walk, do whatever reboots you. 8 hours WFH 5 days a week can be mind-numbing. That's why I'm so enjoying #2 - my commute is a <5 minute walk via a lovely coffee shop, my dogs come with me, I get to say hello to people, then I get out again over lunch to reset, interact with more 'strangers', walk back and switch off when the day's done. Separation, activity / exercise and interaction with others, all in one fell swoop!

It sounds like they're bringing someone else on in EMEA, is that right?


bmwmike

7,005 posts

109 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
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Similar here. US company, cyber security, quiet mornings. Make it work for you smile

I don't work past six as a rule. I may answer emails after that but I may not. Been there 8 years, no issues. Best job I've ever had.

Make use of your calendar to show out of office hours and busy time too. I block out huge chunks of time.

nebpor

3,753 posts

236 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
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Booming job sector, move to a UK company where you can feel part of a team and have a workload that fits a healthy, normal social life aligned around the rest of the UK population.

I work globally. I completely understand what is bugging you. But I work in a big enough firm that I'm never isolated. I also very rarely work outside UK office hours unless it's something that they can convince me is really, really important, otherwise it gets shifted to a sane time.

worsy

5,834 posts

176 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
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"I work in the UK timezone (GMT & GMT+1 Summertime) and therefore you may receive this message outside of your timezone. Please do not feel it necessary to reply outside of your working hours"

Or something to that effect. Bit of reverse psychology.

DaveE87

1,144 posts

136 months

Wednesday 14th June 2023
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You need to set boundaries and stick to them.

I've been where you're at before, colleagues in different time zones, not having a spare minute to myself, working some crazy hours and constantly fighting fires. You'll burn out eventually. I did, twice. You need to speak to your line manager, or whoever you report in to. If resources aren't being properly managed, or there's not enough resource, and nothing is being doing to change it, you might to move on.

I ended up changing careers. Would I have done better doing the same job elsewhere? Probably. But I let it go on for too long and finally had enough.

redrabbit29

Original Poster:

1,388 posts

134 months

Monday 19th June 2023
quotequote all
Just an update for you all and thank you too for the helpful advice.

Things are marginally better, I've done a few things which have helped:

1) I have updated my email signature saying that I am UK based after 1730 I am unlikely to respond

2) I actually deleted Outlook and Teams from my phone Friday night and re-installed this morning. Made a big difference. I routinely open apps and just scroll through them. It's a habit I hate and why I also deleted some social media apps a while back. Anyway, it helped as I obvioiusly couldn't check emails or teams - either through reflex or thought out actions.

3) I've added a "Lunch" break to my calendar everyday at 1pm. I don't get that many meetings to be fair but for me it mentally just makes me think, "I need to go for a proper break".

...

I don't want to change my working hours as I like my evenings.

Long term it's still going to affect me I think. As I said before, I just feel isolated - not just because I am WFH, but due to being the only European based person doing my job. I'm not overworked but feel exposed and a bit undersupported. I fully appreciate this may be just my own interpretation as I came from a job where I was surrounded by tons of people and there was non-stop support.

This is my 5th month - a big move so maybe I just need more time to relax and feel settled

Thanks again



nebpor

3,753 posts

236 months

Monday 19th June 2023
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Good man - I delete all the work apps when I go on holiday, but I do turn my email off around 6pm normally and don't look at anything else

buymeabar

165 posts

190 months

Monday 19th June 2023
quotequote all
We've had a couple of candidates who started with us and moved on just because the work approach didn't suit. They weren't bad employees at all, great in fact - but they just struggled to carve out work life balance that suited them and ended up in a bit of a spiral of overworking themselves (despite leadership and coaching to the contrary).

Both have now moved on to roles in a proper hybrid environment and finding it much easier. The much maligned commute into work helps get them focused, and the fact that it physically burns some time before putting fingers on keyboards helps as well.

I know people joke about this - but being remote is hard. It's like you almost over motivate yourself and end up thinking of getting stuck into work when in a prior life you'd be on the train, commuting in to the office for a day of face to face.

Remote isn't for everyone. Took me a long while to get used to it, not overwork and not feel guilty when I wasn't actually working away at my laptop.

timetex

654 posts

149 months

Tuesday 20th June 2023
quotequote all
redrabbit29 said:
Just an update for you all and thank you too for the helpful advice.

Things are marginally better, I've done a few things which have helped:

1) I have updated my email signature saying that I am UK based after 1730 I am unlikely to respond

2) I actually deleted Outlook and Teams from my phone Friday night and re-installed this morning. Made a big difference. I routinely open apps and just scroll through them. It's a habit I hate and why I also deleted some social media apps a while back. Anyway, it helped as I obvioiusly couldn't check emails or teams - either through reflex or thought out actions.

3) I've added a "Lunch" break to my calendar everyday at 1pm. I don't get that many meetings to be fair but for me it mentally just makes me think, "I need to go for a proper break".

...

I don't want to change my working hours as I like my evenings.

Long term it's still going to affect me I think. As I said before, I just feel isolated - not just because I am WFH, but due to being the only European based person doing my job. I'm not overworked but feel exposed and a bit undersupported. I fully appreciate this may be just my own interpretation as I came from a job where I was surrounded by tons of people and there was non-stop support.

This is my 5th month - a big move so maybe I just need more time to relax and feel settled

Thanks again
Great! I hope that buys you enough time to give it a decent shot - and if it still isn't for you, at least you'll have tried to adapt to it.

I wonder if you can setup a specific set of custom notifications so that you don't have to fully uninstall those apps but that you don't get any dings, banner messages or other audible / visual alerts from Friday PM into Monday AM. I'm sure it would be possible!

x5tuu

11,965 posts

188 months

Tuesday 20th June 2023
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I did a Chinese program for the PRC, a Malaysian developer and a few Singaporean organisations a few years ago. I was mainly the only western based partner in the work.

I totally recognise the timezone challenges and the overwork side of things.

What I ended up doing was flipping my day to essentially work closer to the Chinese working day which sorted a lot of the issues out.

Thankfully it was only short term - 12/16mths end to end. Subsequently I looked at billing vs worked and I was roughly 180hours or roughly 5weeks/1month under paid through long-day working. I shared the detail of this and they paid the additional which they didn't have to but was a good gesture to recognise the situation.

redrabbit29

Original Poster:

1,388 posts

134 months

Wednesday 21st June 2023
quotequote all
Thanks all - interesting to hear your experiences here.

I really liked deleting the apps as it mentally just made me feel like I was "off duty". Flipping the work day is an idea but not one I'd want to do at the moment. It's not that I'm working late nights, or early mornings - it's more just feeling isolated.

Yesterday I was out of the office, at a physical site with 2 colleagues from another team. I had the best day I've had for months (not that I've been miserable). I just really enjoyed being out, being around people, not typing into Teams or responding to emails, or demanding clients who I've never even met.

It made me realise that long term (say in 12 months or so), I will definitely want to move on, probably to a British or European based company with a good hybrid working model and more in-house rather than consultancy work.

redrabbit29

Original Poster:

1,388 posts

134 months

Thursday 22nd June 2023
quotequote all
On a team call today.

Big boss says: an announcement for you all is that yesterday was Barbara's last day (she is the manager in Asia)

Lots of surprise ...

Me: oh, do you know where she's gone or which company out of interest?

Boss: Its hard to explain but let's just say there's been some restructuring

...

It's a bit confusing really as she's been clearly chopped. But we're still recruiting a UK manager - an offer has been made to the applicant. No doubt he is on way more money than Asia manager.

The Asia manager was also well thought of and very good

Made me a bit concerned. I don't think I should be as others have been with the company years and years. But it does make me a bit paranoid and WFH means it's hard to gauge the tone and atmosphere in general

Big boss said it was no reflection on team who are doing well. Even more confusing

ChocolateFrog

25,749 posts

174 months

Friday 23rd June 2023
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Unless the money is spectacular just move to a UK based company.

Life is too short.