Paris Hilton enters climate change debate
Discussion
Have just read this on www.Hayibo.com and pissed myself
Paris Hilton enters climate change debate, accepts blame for 'global hotness'
LOS ANGELES. Heiress Paris Hilton says climate change is real and has blamed herself for what she calls "global hotness". Describing the planet as "so totally hot right now", Hilton said that global hotness was decimating the wild Chihuahuas of central Mexico. However she said that foot shortages caused by climate change could "help poor people look totally hot".
Hilton said she had been made acutely aware of the climate crisis at a pool party in Beverley Hills last week.
"My friends were like, 'Oh it's going to totally be like cold or whatever, so wear something with sleeves', and I was like, 'Cool, okay, whatever'," said Hilton.
"But when I got to the party, my friends were like, 'Oh my God, Paris, we are totally like tripping because it's really really hot right now', and it was true. They were totally tripping because it was really really hot right then.
"I was sweating into my fur panties and everything."
She said since then she had noticed that wherever she went she felt "so totally hot right now".
"At first I was like, 'Oh my God, maybe it's because I wear fur underpants', but then I was like, 'No, it's not, because I'm so skinny and hot, and skinny hot people who totally eat less than like five calories a day normally feel cold, so it can't be that'.
"I realised that it must be me, making the weather totally hot."
She said she was deeply concerned about global hotness's impact on "the fauna".
"Fauna is like the science word for lots of fawns, which are awesome little creatures that have the torso of like a hot guy with the legs of a goat," she said.
"I saw it in a documentary called The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I think it was that movie Al Gore made. Basically the planet is getting hotter, and it's because of a snow-witch, and we need lions, because, um, lions are hot."
However she said that the plight of fawns was dwarfed by the "total wipeout" facing the wild Chihuahuas of central Mexico.
"These noble animals roam free in large packs in the highlands of Mexico, like totally stealing and eating Mexican babies," she said.
She would neither confirm nor deny that her own Chihuahua had once stolen and eaten the child of one of her Mexican servants, but said that Chihuahuas could eat up to fourteen times their body weight in human flesh.
"But because of global hotness they just sit around panting with their eyes bugging out," she said.
"And who wants a dog that looks like that? If we don't stop global hotness, no hot people will want a Chihuahua, and if nobody wants Chihuahuas their self-esteem will fall and they'll start cutting themselves and boning totally random guys and it will just be so random and not hot."
However she said all was not lost.
"There's totally an up side to global hotness, which is like poor people don't have any food. That's totally the break many young aspiring models in the slums have been waiting for.
"It's so hot being malnourished because you don't even need to throw up, and if you do it's like only a grain of rice that you throw up, so you can just do it anywhere - on set, in your limo, whatever."
Paris Hilton enters climate change debate, accepts blame for 'global hotness'
LOS ANGELES. Heiress Paris Hilton says climate change is real and has blamed herself for what she calls "global hotness". Describing the planet as "so totally hot right now", Hilton said that global hotness was decimating the wild Chihuahuas of central Mexico. However she said that foot shortages caused by climate change could "help poor people look totally hot".
Hilton said she had been made acutely aware of the climate crisis at a pool party in Beverley Hills last week.
"My friends were like, 'Oh it's going to totally be like cold or whatever, so wear something with sleeves', and I was like, 'Cool, okay, whatever'," said Hilton.
"But when I got to the party, my friends were like, 'Oh my God, Paris, we are totally like tripping because it's really really hot right now', and it was true. They were totally tripping because it was really really hot right then.
"I was sweating into my fur panties and everything."
She said since then she had noticed that wherever she went she felt "so totally hot right now".
"At first I was like, 'Oh my God, maybe it's because I wear fur underpants', but then I was like, 'No, it's not, because I'm so skinny and hot, and skinny hot people who totally eat less than like five calories a day normally feel cold, so it can't be that'.
"I realised that it must be me, making the weather totally hot."
She said she was deeply concerned about global hotness's impact on "the fauna".
"Fauna is like the science word for lots of fawns, which are awesome little creatures that have the torso of like a hot guy with the legs of a goat," she said.
"I saw it in a documentary called The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I think it was that movie Al Gore made. Basically the planet is getting hotter, and it's because of a snow-witch, and we need lions, because, um, lions are hot."
However she said that the plight of fawns was dwarfed by the "total wipeout" facing the wild Chihuahuas of central Mexico.
"These noble animals roam free in large packs in the highlands of Mexico, like totally stealing and eating Mexican babies," she said.
She would neither confirm nor deny that her own Chihuahua had once stolen and eaten the child of one of her Mexican servants, but said that Chihuahuas could eat up to fourteen times their body weight in human flesh.
"But because of global hotness they just sit around panting with their eyes bugging out," she said.
"And who wants a dog that looks like that? If we don't stop global hotness, no hot people will want a Chihuahua, and if nobody wants Chihuahuas their self-esteem will fall and they'll start cutting themselves and boning totally random guys and it will just be so random and not hot."
However she said all was not lost.
"There's totally an up side to global hotness, which is like poor people don't have any food. That's totally the break many young aspiring models in the slums have been waiting for.
"It's so hot being malnourished because you don't even need to throw up, and if you do it's like only a grain of rice that you throw up, so you can just do it anywhere - on set, in your limo, whatever."
Edited by AndySA on Saturday 16th January 08:41
I think you saw it on http://hayibo.com on this page
Very funny.
Very funny.
Edited by Tycho on Saturday 16th January 08:11
ts on the whole.
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