Shed of the Week: Renault Clio

We've all seen where classic Renault 5 values have gone, so could the same soon be true for Clios?

Mrs Shed is a dog lover. Unfortunately, Shed isn't, but that doesn't stop her dragging him and her accursed mutt into the car every day and heading off to the local copse, where she will tell Shed that it's time to let her whippet out.

The trouble with taking dogs on walks is that they invariably come back covered in dirt, used condoms and many other unpleasant items. If Shed forgets to cover every inch of the car's interior with plastic sheeting, he knows he's in for a world of pain trying to restore the upholstery to a state that doesn't resemble the aftermath of some horrific regional mud wrestling championship.

None of this would be an issue with this week's Shed, a Mk1 Renault Clio proudly sporting a classic example of the hallucinogenic seat patterning that routinely passed for car upholstery design in the 1990s. Our Matt has said that under no circumstances whatsoever should it be divulged to the PH massive that he 'quite likes it'. You can bet that Renault bossmen of the age 'quite liked it' too, if only for the fact that it made warranty claims impossible. After all, who was going to be able to complain about a flaw in the fabric when the whole fabric was one giant flaw?

If you can get past the 'oh dear, I appear to have spilt blue dye everywhere' look, you will discover the squishy and by no means uncomfortable French seats that are so typical of this era. You will also discover a wonderfully syrupy gearshift and the decent speed - all right, not speed, but nicely relaxed progress - that can be coaxed from a torquey little 80hp 1,390cc petrol engine in a car weighing less than 900kg. And anyone under 40 may be surprised to find out what sort of handling a simple McPherson strut front, wishbone/torsion bar rear can serve up in this sort of package.

Haters will hate the number of doors, the lack of Renaultsport badging and the one other glaringly obvious feature which we won't even bother to mention. Shed will counter with the fact that it's a top of the range RT; that it's only got 62K miles on the clock, plus a pretty new cambelt; that the MOT history is worry-free; that it has no apparent rust; and that it's a Mk1.

This is the clincher as far as Shed is concerned. Solid Mk1s are disappearing fast (a bit like the un-solid ones) and therefore starting to attract the attention of collectors. Shed knows this to be true because one of them was round his yard only last week happily relieving him of an old Five. This chap may have been mad, but he didn't look it. He already had a couple of Renault 11s, a Nine, a Four and a Fuego (you wouldn't believe how much they're going for these days) and was eagerly on the lookout for an early Clio just like this one.

Clio-specific problems may or may not include coolant temperature sensors, MAP sensors, crankshaft position sensors, coolant leakages, head gaskets, heater matrices, dizzy caps and rear arch rot. Frankly though there's not a lot of point in banging on about what might go wrong with a 21-year-old Clio because you can probably work most of it out for yourself. Perishing generally (hoses etc) will certainly play its part somewhere along the line. It comes to all of us in the end.

If you haven't worked out what that obvious unmentionable feature is yet, it could be because you (like Matt) harbour a secret and equally unmentionable yearning for it. Or them, should we say. Talking about, er, Them, seems wrong somehow. Instead, let us rejoice in the knowledge that a picture is worth a thousand words. Or a thousand curses, if it's of Mrs Shed.

Talking of whom, Mrs S welcomes any dog training advice from anyone other than the strange widowed gentleman in the village who has already expressed an interest in giving her the odd tip.

Here's the ad.

Renault Clio 1.4 RT 5 door, original and genuine classic. MOT March 2018, cambelt changed at 49k, Metallic burgundy Above average condition for year inside and outside currently on 62k mileage, drives smooth and faultless, new Exide battery, Toyo tyres, pioneer Bluetooth stereo, sunroof, front fogs, power steering and front electric windows, comfortable seats with no rips and has been well maintained.

Rare classic in good condition

£795.00 no offers