I hate families!

[ClaphamGT3]

Jasandjules said:

TheDrBrian said:

I think your salary might be a bit a above average.

IIRC born into wealth, nanny etc growing up...

And yes, let's face it, having money does make having children a lot easier. But I've seen plenty of people with not much money very very happy all because of their kids (though I've also seen plenty miserable because of kids and money)...

[skinnyman]

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

[Timmy40]

Schmed said:

Ok. So I hit a particular age, 30s age group, and now everybody I know is now familied up; a particular age I know but whatever happened to Friday nights in the pub with after dinner drinks? Or Sunday lunch? Or Brunch ? Dining out late in the pub generally? Am I being over sensitive or have the families taken over? Late night drinks in the pub? Child free flights ? All the friends with young children I know haven’t slept in weeks. So I wonder why? Just why have they chosen this route? Fair play to all & all that but why wreck your lives in this way ? Sacrifice lie ins and 11am croissants for kids, wtf ?

I don’t really hate families btw. Just trying to understand their motivation. Because they (the parents) all look knackered. Any clarification gratefully received.

You are Bridget Jones. AICMFP

[S100HP]

Schmed said:

Ok. So I hit a particular age, 30s age group, and now everybody I know is now familied up; a particular age I know but whatever happened to Friday nights in the pub with after dinner drinks? Or Sunday lunch? Or Brunch ? Dining out late in the pub generally? Am I being over sensitive or have the families taken over? Late night drinks in the pub? Child free flights ? All the friends with young children I know haven’t slept in weeks. So I wonder why? Just why have they chosen this route? Fair play to all & all that but why wreck your lives in this way ? Sacrifice lie ins and 11am croissants for kids, wtf ?

I don’t really hate families btw. Just trying to understand their motivation. Because they (the parents) all look knackered. Any clarification gratefully received.

Lie ins are so over-rated. I'm awake most days around 6am, 7am if having a lazy morning. Can't stand the thought of wasting the day staying in bed till 11am. Kids or no kids, I'd still be getting up. Best part of the day.

[Teebs]

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

[Timmy40]

Teebs said:

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

How is playing in the garden with the kids, and doing them a Bar-B-Q swanning around? I spent the last 3 days doing pretty much that. I built them a treehouse, we had the paddling pool out, did a water slide for them, had a Bar-b-q each day. The wifes been away. Don't see it as shirking to have fun.

[Teebs]

Timmy40 said:

Teebs said:

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

How is playing in the garden with the kids, and doing them a Bar-B-Q swanning around? I spent the last 3 days doing pretty much that. I built them a treehouse, we had the paddling pool out, did a water slide for them, had a Bar-b-q each day. The wifes been away. Don't see it as shirking to have fun.

I wasn't taking to you.

[Timmy40]

Teebs said:

Timmy40 said:

Teebs said:

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

How is playing in the garden with the kids, and doing them a Bar-B-Q swanning around? I spent the last 3 days doing pretty much that. I built them a treehouse, we had the paddling pool out, did a water slide for them, had a Bar-b-q each day. The wifes been away. Don't see it as shirking to have fun.

I wasn't taking to you.

Sorry mate, this is a forum. If you want a private conversation only with the OP then PM him.

[skinnyman]

Teebs said:

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

You seem to be confusing 'childcare' with 'being a parent'. My wife, despite what some people may think, enjoys spending time with her children. They went to the zoo on Saturday, and spent the day in her parents rather large garden on Sunday, where I was home by 5pm, for a family BBQ. I'm sorry if some people's partners insist on the 'childcare' being 50/50 100% of the time, but that's not how our family dynamic works.

[JohneeBoy]

Part of the problem this country has is that the only people who can afford children without a serious financially driven lifestyle change are either the poor, who already have nothing and will rely on handouts, and the rich who will just pay their way through it, get a nanny, etc..

For a large number of people who have worked hard and been reasonably successful, having children means a significant change in lifestyle. They might feel they are too busy, don't have the support around them from family, and/or don't want to be stuck at home for 18 years. Sadly, these are the people who make up a large portion of the population and are arguably the ones we don't want to lose from the gene pool.

I don't have children and probably won't, but I still believe that the government should support young families more than it does. Child care should be free from birth and meals should be provided by schools. If the cost wasn't ruinous more people would do it. We would then breed a generation of kids that grow up around working professional families.

[ReallyReallyGood]

Timmy40 said:

Teebs said:

Timmy40 said:

Teebs said:

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

How is playing in the garden with the kids, and doing them a Bar-B-Q swanning around? I spent the last 3 days doing pretty much that. I built them a treehouse, we had the paddling pool out, did a water slide for them, had a Bar-b-q each day. The wifes been away. Don't see it as shirking to have fun.

I wasn't taking to you.

Sorry mate, this is a forum. If you want a private conversation only with the OP then PM him.

Teebs point is a valid one on the face of it, day at the races is the best part of Saturday, football and beers will be the best part of a Sunday, a few hours dicking about in the garden doesn't really equate. Sounds like the wife is very accommodating.

[Timmy40]

ReallyReallyGood said:

Timmy40 said:

Teebs said:

Timmy40 said:

Teebs said:

skinnyman said:

I'm 32, I have a beautiful wife, and 2 amazing children, aged 4 & 1. Having kids is hands down the best thing I've ever done in my life.

Sorry about that OP.

For what it's worth, I spent Saturday at Uttoxeter races with my cousin & his mates, Sunday I went to the footy and for a few beers with my mates, and yesterday I played in the garden with the kids and had a BBQ, so yes, you can balance things out. It doesn't have to be 100% sat in a pub or 100% sat in a paddling pool, you can do both.

That's not a balance I'm afraid, it's letting your wife do all the childcare whilst you swan around.

How is playing in the garden with the kids, and doing them a Bar-B-Q swanning around? I spent the last 3 days doing pretty much that. I built them a treehouse, we had the paddling pool out, did a water slide for them, had a Bar-b-q each day. The wifes been away. Don't see it as shirking to have fun.

I wasn't taking to you.

Sorry mate, this is a forum. If you want a private conversation only with the OP then PM him.

Teebs point is a valid one on the face of it, day at the races is the best part of Saturday, football and beers will be the best part of a Sunday, a few hours dicking about in the garden doesn't really equate. Sounds like the wife is very accommodating.

Regardless it's a bit odd to think that when posting on a public forum you will only get responses from the person whom you have posted to. Hence the facility to PM someone if you want a peer to peer private conversation.

[skinnyman]

ReallyReallyGood said:

Teebs point is a valid one on the face of it, day at the races is the best part of Saturday, football and beers will be the best part of a Sunday, a few hours dicking about in the garden doesn't really equate. Sounds like the wife is very accommodating.

Unfortunately I couldn't dictate the days of my cousin's stag do and the last game of the footy season. Please note, this isn't a weekly occurrence, I obviously don't bugger off with my mates every Sat/Sun, it was merely to prove a point that having children doesn't mean you can't go out with your mates as well. My wife is going out with her mates tonight & Thursday. Friday I'm back out again for the footy (play-offs), but then 100% of my weekend will be spent with my family.

[StevieBee]

El stovey said:

85Carrera said:

keirik said:

All our friends with kids seem to have no life and have to convince themselves that their kids are the best thing they ever did - well they aren't convincing me.so they must be trying to convince themselves.

Ha ha - this is spot on; once people have had them they are unable to admit how st it is/how they regret losing their previous lifestyle so bang on about how great it is instead.

Doesn't convince me either.

Both these comments are actually very unlikely to be true.

They are untrue....and absurd. But I don't pass judgement or criticism on either poster as it's an easy assumption to make.

The simple fact is that as a parent, your overriding focus is the well being and care and love for your family. You really couldn't give a toss about other people's choices or opinion on the matter.

It's entirely wrong to say that parents have no life. They have a different life and one that the vast majority find more appealing at that time in their life to what they were doing / able to do pre-kids. Rarely is their any regret.

I've long thought one of the most unedifying, unpleasant and often grim example of this is the middle-age stag do. Blokes in their late 30s or 40s out on a bender trying desperately to convince themselves and others that they're still 18 or 21 whilst trying to visually suppress any sign of a preference for a nice meal and a few beers with mates before calling it a night.

[Vaud]

StevieBee said:

I've long thought one of the most unedifying, unpleasant and often grim example of this is the middle-age stag do. Blokes in their late 30s or 40s out on a bender trying desperately to convince themselves and others that they're still 18 or 21 whilst trying to visually suppress any sign of a preference for a nice meal and a few beers with mates before calling it a night.

My stag do (aged 35) was 10 friends - watched the local rugby match, a very nice Italian meal and a few cocktails in a very nice bar. Tucked up in bed for 1am.

[coldel]

Quite a few forums I am on have posts like this, usually started by someone who is childless and usually showing some sort of hostility towards the 'mates that don't socialise as frequently as they did before' and see their group breaking up (usually a drinking group).

I have had one child and decided to stick on that :-) you cannot lie having a child does take up your time but its so important that you and your partner work together through this whole new experience and make sure you both still make time for yourselves to do what you want to do.

I still do friday night beers with my mates, football weds night, my wife does yoga thursdays, we share drop off picks ups at school etc. Hell I am off on a weeks road trip to Italy with mates in August :-) Wife is doing a retreat later in the year. Where we do not spend anywhere near the amount of money on eating/drinking out we spend on treats to ourselves and family stuff - as others have said, I used to go out a lot, but really don't fancy doing that any more and have other interests to spend money on such as cars ;-)

I guess in answer to the OP, in my humble view having kid(s) is one of many big decisions you make in life and its up to you to do that, no one else - you cannot question their motivation any more than they can question your choices in life.

[Porridge GTI]

Being skint would spoil parenthood. A lot of it is tedious so the smart money says you outsource the grunt work where possible. Then you can be a chilled loving parent.

A point often missed in discussions of whether money can buy happiness. Of course it can.

[Timmy40]

Porridge GTI said:

Being skint would spoil parenthood. A lot of it is tedious so the smart money says you outsource the grunt work where possible. Then you can be a chilled loving parent.

A point often missed in discussions of whether money can buy happiness. Of course it can.

Indeed. Best thing is to pack em off to a boarding school at 5 years old, but really, really love them when they're home in the holidays. Brings up superbly well adjusted young people.

[coldel]

Porridge GTI said:

Being skint would spoil parenthood. A lot of it is tedious so the smart money says you outsource the grunt work where possible. Then you can be a chilled loving parent.

A point often missed in discussions of whether money can buy happiness. Of course it can.

My longest friend (who I have known for nearly 40 years, we met at nursery arguing over who got to go on the tyre swing) she had a child at 20 - she was pretty skint but she had a network of support made sure she looked after - she was always full of life and enjoyed being a parent. She was an absolute legend growing up and it was only until I became a parent 6 years ago that I fully understood just how resilient she is.

Money? A lack of money can make you miserable, but neither does it guarantee happiness.

[Claret Badger]

Vaud said:

StevieBee said:

I've long thought one of the most unedifying, unpleasant and often grim example of this is the middle-age stag do. Blokes in their late 30s or 40s out on a bender trying desperately to convince themselves and others that they're still 18 or 21 whilst trying to visually suppress any sign of a preference for a nice meal and a few beers with mates before calling it a night.

My stag do (aged 35) was 10 friends - watched the local rugby match, a very nice Italian meal and a few cocktails in a very nice bar. Tucked up in bed for 1am.

Had my stag do at 43; stayed up all night, drank too much etc but the suggestion that I was trying to convince myself I was 18 etc is ridiculous. I know Im 43 and Im happy with that thanks. I just enjoy going out etc. No idea what my age has to do with anything.

The middle aged people out on benders who DO seem to be an embarrassment tend to be parents who have been let out or given a 'pass' for a night. They seem to act and drink like they're 16 again. Maybe everyone on the stags you've seen StevieBee are all new parents!

In my experience, as has been said before, kids don't have to change your life, but having money must help this. And certainly the boring parents may well have been boring before procreating. There is however no doubt that in my circle of friends, some really have gone from being totally cool fun loving and social people to suddenly becoming utter bores with only one topic of conversation. Friends tend to just disappear too when kids come along which is sad. London house prices and schools can be blamed for a lot of that though.