| Be aware of the new speed cameras which are being
erected the complete length of the country. They are recognised by red
and white poles and a small aerial pole next to it. Usually outside
of barbers' shops, this is a cunning new plan by the DETR to catch
unwary motorists speeding in built up areas. We may have a possible stay
of execution, due to the fact that each unit has to be turned on
individually and the bloke who's doing it on holiday until the end of
next week.
SPEEDCHECK SVVD or SPECS went on-line last week-end on
the M1, netting 4.3 million offenders in a single day. The New Forest is
to be chopped down to provide more paper for the tickets that are being
issued. The system does not use instantaneous speed like the cameras
we're all familiar with, instead measuring the average speed of every
vehicle over a distance of about a mile. How?
By reading your license plates and matching them up
camera-to-camera. The information is then beamed via satellite to India
where the calculations are done by lepers and sent back to London to be
rekeyed into Scotland Yard's computers as part of the Government's 'New
Deal' for the unemployed. Kent and Leicestershire police are so
impressed with it that systems are being erected within their offices to
catch officers running in the corridors. This is the new system which
has now entered service after successful trials on the M1, M20 and an
aisle in Tescos in Swindon.
SPEEDCHECK SVDD (Surely Vehicles Don't Dawdle) is a
system similar in concept to the GATSO, but with a new twist. SVDD
deploys cameras at either end of a measured baseline, (up to 500 metres)
to monitor vehicles 24 hours a day. Using Venezuelan street urchins
equipped with telescopes, vehicle number plates are read, and the
precise time of each observation recorded and as a vehicle passes the
urchin, the number plates are yelled out along the sewers by the
communications team and the average speed for the vehicle is guessed. If
this is above the trigger speed, then a picture of the driver is taken
and posted onto the FBI's 'Most Wanted' website.
It is also flashed up on a huge illuminated sign
further down the road to embarrass the driver into slowing down. If the
driver fails to slow after that sign then a police Armed Response
Vehicle is called and the driver assumed to be a suicide bomber. When
triggered, this detection technology records the date, precise time,
location and speed of the offending vehicle, along with a detailed image
of the front of the vehicle, which clearly records the number plate,
make, model, who is driving the vehicle and who the passengers are. The
photograph is then sent to the driver's home in a birthday card style
envelope marked 'With love from Angela'.
There's five overriding reasons for the habitual
speeder to be afraid, be very afraid of this system.
- It works 24 hours a day
- Needs no film!
- Uses no flash!
- Uses no radar!
- It's been proven to be over 99% accurate in almost
all weather conditions, including plagues of locusts
It doesn't do spot-speed checking. A GATSO can only
check the speed of a vehicle within a certain range, so the tactic most
drivers use now is to slow down for the camera and then speed up again
once past it or to have a shed load of beers and spray paint the lens.
SPEEDCHECK measures average speed over a known
distance. So if you do 60mph under each camera and then speed up to 80
mph in between, your average speed is likely to be near 70mph - 10 over
the limit imposed - get yer trousers on you're nicked. SVDD say this
means that the system can impose a far smoother flow of traffic
eliminating slow-fast driving and acts of vandalism that the GATSO
cameras provoke.
Because it's automated, the system is entirely
self-sufficient. It's hooked up to the DVLA computers, and can
automatically process the fines and send out notices in the post, email,
fax, even in Braille for blind drivers.
Please pass this one on to everyone you know. There
are 60 new urchins to be installed on the M25 gantries on Monday 14 June
2001. These are between the A3 and M40. They are dirty and efficient and
use no film or flashgun. They can deal with 60,000 tickets EVERY HOUR,
and they can play the pan-pipes. It must be true - I read it on
PistonHeads.com. |
